Chapter 18: We Need A Bigger Boat

After a rousing game of tag, we all took our places around the kitchen table and broke out the bowls and Blossom’s chicken dumpling soup. We were talking about the events of the day when Margaret asked the big question.

“Daddy, why did the lady today want to know if I touched your penis?”

I looked at my wives and carefully chose my words.

“Because baby, there are some daddies who let their little girls touch them and it’s wrong when they do that. The lady today said someone told her that your moms and I were doing things like that to you. If we had been doing those things, the lady would have taken you, and your sisters and your brother, away from us.”

“Really?” Margaret said with a tinge of concern in her voice.

“Yes, my little love. But we would never do that to you, and you know I don’t want you to touch me like that.” I said. “And Margaret, someday when your brothers get older, you can get in trouble for touching them, and they can get in trouble for touching you.”

“But mother, why would I want to touch my brother’s penis?” Margaret asked.

“Margaret, when girls and boys get older there are parts of their bodies that feel really good when they are touched.” I explained.

“Like a daddy’s penis?” She asked an important question.

“Yes, baby, like a daddy’s penis.”

“But it would be bad to do that?” She asked another important question.

“Yes, it would be bad because that kind of touching is only for your moms and your dad.” I answered.

“OK.” She said. I could see the gears spinning in her head. “Mother?”

I looked at Erin and she could read my mind.

“Your father is right.” Erin Mom is so smart. “Only a mom gets to touch a daddy’s penis.”

It was a little too early for Margaret to need to have the whole conversation, but she got her answers and was happy. Simple answers to simple questions. But by our expressions we both knew that the day was fast approaching when the next twenty questions would be “Why?” and we would have to answer them. Thank goodness today was not that day.

“Is everyone full? Anybody leave room for dessert?”

“I don’t know. Daddy.”

We all looked at Penelope like she had two heads. Penelope had NEVER turned down ice cream before.

“Are you ok, Penelope Erin?” I asked my daughter.

“Yes.” She answered sweetly.

“You don’t know if you want ice cream?” I asked, confused.

“No, I don’t know if I’m full. I can always eat ice cream.”

We all laughed at that. Note to self. Ask one question at a time.

“Let me try this again. Is everyone full?”

“No!” The moms and girls all shook their heads.

“OK, who would like ice cream for dessert?”

“ME!” Everyone raised their hands and shouted.

I went to our big freezer and pulled out the 5-gallon bucket of vanilla ice cream. Lynn and Erin got out the bowls and Blossom set out the spoons, the big water bowl and the ice cream scoop.

Margaret had retrieved the caramel and chocolate sauces. Penelope got the sprinkles. Paula got the crushed nuts. I began dishing out the scoops of ice cream and after each scoop I asked, “Another?”, and the recipient either said yes or no. Finally, we all had our ice cream and the decorating began.

Everyone did their thing with their ice cream and we finished our meal with smiles and messy faces and a couple of impressive burps by Margaret, and Paula of all people. Quiet little Paula really ripped one and then she proudly looked at Penelope, her twin.

“I’ve been practicing.” She said proudly.

Her mother covered her mouth in surprise, and everyone laughed, but Blossom and Lynn laughed the loudest. It was the perfect ending to a day that had a great start and a crazy middle. We proceeded to clean up the kitchen and do the dishes. When everything was put away, we retired to the family room for cuddles and Scrabble.

The girls were getting good at Scrabble since we had begun not just reading to them, but giving them their own copies of the books so they could follow along and see the words. It was a really fun way to work on their reading and their vocabulary.

The moms nursed the infants while they read to them, and the older girls took turns cuddling with me as we played Scrabble. It was a very typical O’Dell evening. When it was bedtime, the moms took the babies up and changed them and put them in their beds.

The girls raced up to get a good spot at the sink for brushing their teeth. Then it was into the shower for each of them, then drying off and into bed. The moms and I kissed each of the girls goodnight and told them that we loved them, before turning out the lights and closing their door. They were always very good about going to bed and when the lights went out, the moms and I could do other stuff, uninterrupted. Sometimes it involved making love and sometimes it was family or bar business.

Tonight, it was family business.

“Erin, my darling, full-figured, Sweetie, I am now prepared to admit that you are psychic. We need a vehicle to haul around the now and future Herd. We’ll still need the SUV, and maybe a second one, but we need something big enough to haul the whole family. Especially if we are going to go and see my brother around Christmas and my son in Kansas City, and my daughter and the grandkids in St. Louis in July.”

I looked around the table and all were nodding in agreement.

“You three will be around five months pregnant at Christmas and you know you won’t want to sit in an SUV and drive seven to eight hours. And in July, the babies will be here, and we will need room for the twelve kids and the five or more new babies. So, what do we get?”

“I always said we would need a bus.” Erin pushed out her chest to show her pride in that statement.

“Ok, smarty tits, a bus. An RV kind of bus or a school kind of bus or a tour kind of bus?” I asked.

“It is going to have to be customized any way we look at it. There will need to be room for car seats and safe beds for naps while we’re moving. The seats could be the kind that fully recline and turn into beds like the first-class seats in airplanes.”

“Lynn, that makes a huge amount of sense. What about open family room and sleeping arrangements for us?” Blossom asked.

“Have you seen the big RVs that have portions that extend out a couple of feet on the side? If we can get one that has extensions on each side, there will be room, like a family room, for all of us when we stop. We can eat, watch movies, and play Scrabble. But I don’t know how we can fit a bed for the four of us.” Lynn said.

“Paul! I’ve got it. We just make the extensions on the rear portion of the bus go out to the sides and the bed can be in two pieces and fall into place to take up the entire back room.” Blossom explained.

“So, the bed folds up on hinges in the middle, and falls flat when the two sides expand out? For a trip that lasts a week or two, I think we can live with that.” I said.

Everyone nodded in agreement on that point, so I moved on.

“Do we need a kitchen? Blossom, you are the master cook, for these trips can we cook for everyone in an RV kitchen?”

“I don’t think so, Baby. I think we should just plan ahead and eat in restaurants. But we should have a cooler or refrigerator for our milk and to keep fresh fruit and drinks and snacks.” Blossom said thoughtfully.

“Ok. Seats that recline fully to beds for the eight girls. A good-sized refrigerator or cooler. Some sort of rig for the car seats for all of the babies. An extension in back for our folding bed for us. Make it heavy duty to hold up under all the sex we will be having.” I read off my compiled list.

“Paul! How are we going to be able to make love with all the children in the bus?” Lynn asked.

“Quietly?” I said.

That really broke up Blossom and Erin. When we all calmed down, I looked at the outline of the features we wanted before continuing the meeting.

“The next thing is that we are going to need to get our drivers licenses upgraded to CDLs.”

“What is a CDL?” Blossom asked.

“A Commercial Driver’s License, Baby. Driving an RV is a lot different than a car. But I don’t know if you need one.” Erin said.

“Why, Erin?” Blossom asked her blonde wife.

“Your legs are too short to reach the pedals!” Erin said with a chuckle.

Blossom stuck her tongue out at her big wife. Erin leaned over to kiss her tongue and Blossom turned her head. Erin stuck her tongue in Blossom’s ear causing a scream that split our ears.

“Blossom! You’re going to wake the kids.” Lynn chided her little wife.

“She frenched my ear!”

“I can see how this road trip is going to go. I better work on my mom voice.” Lynn just smiled and shook her head.

“Ok, one more thing.” I regained control of the meeting. “Electronics. We will need a navigation system and access to the internet. An antenna for digital TV channels so we can get local weather and news. There should be plenty of storage under the bus for luggage. What about laundry?”

“We’ll need to find places to do laundry on the road. I’m sure that we can do laundry at Mike’s or Beth’s house when we go there.” Erin said.

“Then we should bring our own soap and stuff, just to be polite. That only gives us two days going and two days coming back to worry about when we visit your kids. Unless we want to take side trips.” Lynn said.

“How much laundry do we keep in our hamper here before we do wash?” I asked.

“That kind of depends. If we don’t have guests, not much because everyone is naked. The kids sheets get changed and the clothes washed in a three- or four-day rotation. Our sheets get changed everyday thanks to Paul and his magic shooting dick.” Erin added.

“Hey, I shoot where you aim it! It is not my fault if you leak or spit, or if you miss your face or tits.”

“Paul! Now who is getting off topic?” Lynn asked in her mom voice. “And who spits?”

That made all the wives laugh.

“Sorry Lynn Mom.” I smiled.

“The kids will be wearing clothes every day, so we will need a place to store clean clothes and a hamper to keep the laundry. We can have bins or cabinets in the overhead for each of the children and refill them from the luggage under the bus on the long trips.” Lynn said.