Chapter 34: An Unwanted Adventure

Exactly seven days after I popped back in at Eric’s house, I was back there again ready to go. I had no metal anywhere on my body, but I had three pairs of glass lenses I’d taken from cheap telescopes wrapped up in cloth in one pocket, and a large assortment of seeds in cotton bags in another. I still had no experience as a gardener, but I’d read gardening books and watched YouTube videos until my eyes hurt.

I’d gotten some hemp seeds from Canada, as it was illegal to plant hemp in the ‘free nation’ we lived in. If nothing else we could make ropes and paper from that. Everything I’d read indicated that it would grow well on its own almost anywhere humans could live, as long as it got water.

I’d also studied the history of chemistry and mining. I’d found some stories about time travel, people getting sent back to the middle ages or prehistoric times. “A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court” by Mark Twain was the classic, plus some others.

When the clock passed the time when I’d returned, I put my ring on and stepped through Eric’s mirror. I had no intention of ever going back to Earth again.

The woman who met me in the portal room introduced herself as Alyssa Greeter. She was a blonde hottie as beautiful as all the rest of the Cassandrans I’d met. She was there to help select my permanent Caretaker.

“And do you serve as my Caretaker until I have selected my own?”

“I have other duties, but if you have a need I will help you.”

Well, it wasn’t really a need, but I’d gotten pretty used to having an eager or at least willing woman in my bed every night, and for the last week I’d slept alone.

“How many children do you have, Alyssa?”

“None that still live. It is a great source of sorrow.”

“Oh. I’m sorry to hear that. I apologize for opening that wound. What I was getting at was that, until I have my own Caretaker, you are charged with acting as such. Would you like a child of your own?”

“I am not able to conceive.”

“Oh. Now, that IS a tragedy. Can the healing chamber not repair the issue?”

“Apparently not. It’s a genetic problem. Several of our genes are broken.”

I thought that was bullshit. Someone had the knowledge to create a bioweapon which could screw up their genes but not bad enough to kill them. If they had the technology to create those healing chambers then surely they could reverse the effects of that weapon.

“Well, I think you should try it and make sure. And, if nothing else, I think we would both enjoy practicing.”

“I believe I am permitted to help you practice until you choose a permanent Caretaker. But first, you must go into the healing chamber. If you are in good health, it will only be a few minutes.”

When I woke up again Alyssa was right there, saying “Okay, now I can take care of your needs.”

“Why don’t you get in the chamber, too. Maybe it can help you out some.”

I just sat around while Alyssa was in the chamber. I mean, I couldn’t order dinner or anything without her. I couldn’t even get some of the doors open. It wasn’t long.

“All better now?”

“Let me see the readouts. Yes, it fixed a few minor things. I still won’t have children but I will enjoy trying even more.”

“Let’s go practice.”

That’s the way it is supposed to be. I drive her crazy until she passes out, then take a nap on her until she wakes up. Do it again, maybe finish this time, take another nap while she’s out. Get some restoratives, start over at Step One.

By the time I asked if we could stop for dinner I’d made her pass out I think four times, and she was convinced that if I wasn’t the best lover ever, then all Earth men were wonderful. It was pretty good for my ego, but then she was beautiful and at least compliant if not exactly eager, and she was very skilled. She probably did exercises in case she ever met a willing man.

In the morning she started in on my Caretaker selection again. Not interested.

“Can I have you as my caretaker?”

“No. Unfortunately I am not eligible.”

“Why? Are you too young? Too beautiful? Too good in bed?”

“I am incapable of having children. Cassandran women who are likely to conceive with Earth men are allowed to enter the lottery to be Damsels in Distress on Chaos. Our women for whom it is possible, but not likely, are allowed to apply to be Caretakers. They will spend more time with their Hero and may eventually conceive. Since I cannot have children at all, I cannot be a Caretaker. But I thank you for allowing me to pretend for a night. That was wonderful, and I will always remember you.”

“Okay, can I assume that anyone who already IS a Caretaker is ALLOWED to be a Caretaker? I want Eve.”

“Eve is already a Caretaker for King Tom. We do not allow Caretakers to have two different Heros at once.”

“Can I be put on the list for when Tom dies? After he’s dead Eve should be available again. In fact, if I ever see him I may help him die.”

“Please give me a minute, I will see if this is possible.”

“If I can have a decent-sized cup of coffee I will wait patiently for as long as you need.”

I got my coffee immediately, and then she was gone maybe fifteen or twenty minutes.

“The Council is outraged at your suggestion, and questions your fitness as a Hero.”

“I’ve been saying that all along. Okay, go back and ask them how that is ANY DIFFERENT from sending me to Chaos to go kill some bozo who is minding his own business, screwing a Cassandran woman every night, so I can bring her back to my lair and do what I want with her. How would killing Tom so that I can have Eve be any different from that?”

This time she was gone for a good while. Not that I had a watch, or anything.

When she came back I pre-empted her with “They said ‘It’s just different’, didn’t they?”

Alyssa smiled. “Yes, they spoke for a good deal longer, but that is what it came down to. It’s just different and if you can’t see the difference you’re a barbarian.”

“If you read the old Iliad and the Odyssey, it’s a story of a prehistoric war between the Greeks and some people who, if you read between the lines, were so close as to be considered their cousins and equals. Both sides had their heros who were looked up to by their people, and the whole war was about stealing other people’s women and killing their men if that’s what it took. Whether I’m a Hero or a villain for killing Tom so I can have Eve is not a matter of right or wrong or good or bad, it’s simply a matter of viewpoint. If I succeed then I go down in history as a Hero who rescued Eve from a monster, and if I fail Tom gets remembered as a Hero who protected his woman from a monster. If it’s right for me to go kill some schmuck to rescue a Cassandran woman on Chaos, it’s right for me to go kill Tom to rescue Eve.”