Zindagi Ke Anubhav

y story starts from my teen age time when I was in tenth class at the High School, which was three kms away from our small town, off Kanpur- Delhi Highway, which was about 30 kms away from Kanpur, the major city in Uttar Pradesh.

We were a small, lower middle class, orthodox Brahmin family, consisting of my parents and we two sisters; i was the elder one, then 15-year-old, and Prabha was 13-year-old, studying in fifth class in the Primary School, which was a co- ed school, about half a mile away from our two- room house. There was no other school in the village.

My father was a lean guy with average height; he worked at a construction material shop in the city. He was 42 years, but mostly got sick because of the nature of work and shop environment. My frail mother had developed some retinal problem and was fast losing her vision, she already was having hearing problem since birth. They both were very worried about their two daughters’ marriage.

Unlike Prabha, I was introvert, very fair, beautiful, filling out faster, with perky 32” breasts, 29” waist, 34” round, soft, sensuous buttocks, and though I was popular among boys and staff, but I dared not mix up with anyone; on the other hand, Prabha was not as fair as me, but had beautiful features, budding lemon sized breasts, which looked prominent through her chemise, which she did not want to hide, so she had did not wear bra yet. She had proportionate buttocks, which swayed seductively. She mixed up more with boys and other male staff than girls her age.

After passing my sixth class I had moved to the high school and used to commute on bicycle bought by my parents, while Prabha would walk down.

One day when I returned home, I found an elderly rich couple sitting with my parents. I was introduced to them by my mother, who told me that the gentleman had slipped while getting out of the car they were travelling in and fell on his hips, which might have resulted in minor fracture. Since the pain was unbearable, my father had advised him to take rest in our house until he felt better. Prabha was also introduced when she came home in the evening. There was no doctor or a hospital in our town, so my father had called a Vaidya, who gave some Ayurvedic cream to apply on the injured area, and some oral medicine for pain. The couple were very appreciative of the help offered by my parents.

Fortunately, there was no fracture and the medicines were effective. By next evening, the rich gentleman wanted to continue their journey further, but, on my parents’ insistence, they agreed to postpone their departure to next evening. Before departing, the elderly guest wanted to exchange addresses etc. (we did not have a phone). My mother gave them home cooked food for their onward journey, which they accepted happily.

About a month later, there came a man carrying fruits, sweets, clothes for all four of us, and an envelope, containing a letter from the elderly couple thanking my parents for all that my family had done for them. But the main surprise was the photograph of a good-looking young man, Akhil, of around 25- 26 years. In the letter, the elderly gentleman had expressed his desire to take me as their daughter- in- law. My parents could not believe their fortune when they read that all the expenses for the marriage will be borne by them. In our social scenario, we Brahmin girls were married off before we turned eighteen. My parents consulting me for the match was a mere formality, my parents had already decided to accept the God sent offer. I too was happy to see the young man’s photograph and his family background.

My parents sent consent letter to the boy’s family, and in next few days my marriage was fixed barely twelve days after my exams. I was excited and anxious about inevitable sex with my soon- to- be hubby. For the first time I looked for girls in the school, who had experienced sex. There were quite a few, and I hesitatingly tried to know how it is really done, and how should I participate in it. Different girls gave their individual versions, but I understood a few things- it is the male who must initiate with loving and foreplay to make the girl comfortable, then encourage the girl to participate, telling the boy what would pleasure her and knowing from him what he would expect from her that would give him maximum enjoyment. I found these girls willing to share their experiences, once they learnt that I was getting married after exams. In certain cases, they did not disclose who they had sex with.

I started imagining about sex, and on some occasions, I masturbated even, but never penetrating my finger inside, because I wanted to give him the pleasure of deflowering me.

I was married off on the scheduled date and I cried leaving my family. I knew I was going to miss them all, especially my younger sister, Prabha, with whom I was very close but was shy to share some of my personal secrets. Unlike Prabha, I was a shy, timid and introvert; despite being younger to me, she was always there to rescue me in difficult situations. I owed her large numbers of favour done to me.

I could not believe my eyes when I reached my in-laws’ house; they were really very rich, and I had to learn their ways of living. I was dreaming of my life with the handsome man, who I had married. I developed goose bumps thinking about our first marital night, when I might lose virginity, if he was eager for going all the way. But if he gave me time to feel comfortable with him in the bed, he might make efforts by going slow.

Around mid- night he entered the room and politely asked me, if I had any problem in the house. I got off the bed and touching his feet, replied in negative. We sat on the bed but was not talking for a few minutes, while I shyly waited for him to make the next move. There was complete silence for more than ten minutes, and I realised it was his first time also, so he must be hesitating or trying to figure out how he should break the ice. He very sheepishly that a serious ailment in his teenage had resulted in irrecoverable impotency, which my parents were never aware, because the doctor had told me after some tests and examinations. It was a shattering news for me and I started crying; he tried to calm me down with his polite persuasions, but I was inconsolable because the news had ruined my life for ever. He confessed that he did not tell his parents about his situation and kept their suggestions for marriage on hold for all these years. Since parents were getting old and were not keeping well, they had insisted for his marriage at the earliest, and this time, they had given word to my parents leaving no option for him. He assured me that he would give me complete freedom to have an affair with any man of my choice, and if I bore children from the alliance, he would give them his name and will ensure that neither they will ever know that he was not their real father, nor they will ever feel not wanting in his fatherly love. He promised to give me all care, love and attention; and that he will ensure that all my needs are fulfilled. He paused for two minutes, then in a very low tone with helplessness on his face he merely said, ‘except the most important thing that you deserve’. “Arti, main tumhe dhoka dena nahin chahta tha, mere mata pita ko bhi meri kamjori ka pataa nahin hai; unki health bhi theek nahin rahti isliye wo meri shaadi ki jaldi karte rahe hain, jisase wo ‘meri santaan’ apni zindagi mein dekh lein. Mere paas koi aur tarika nahin tha unki bhavnaon ko poora nahin karne ka; tumhe dekha aur tumhare baare mein jitna suna to mujhe lagaa ki ye gareeb ghar ki ladki shayad meri madad karegi. Maine ye bhi nirnay le liya tha ki tumhari har ichcha poori karne ki koshish karunga aur tumhe har tarah kki freedom doonga, jisase meri kamjori ki bharpayi ho sake”(‘Arti, I did not want to cheat you, my parents also did not know about my impotency, they were not keeping good health, so they wanted to get me married soon, and get them to see my children. I had no option to fulfil their desire; when I saw you and learnt about your nature, I felt that you being from a poor family, you will understand and help me. I had decided to ensure that you I shall take care of all your needs, including your physical needs, I shall give you all the freedom, to compensate for my physical inability.) I could not believe my ears that a man could be so honest and understanding not only to allow his virgin wife to have sex with another man but promises to take care of her children from such alliance. I decided to observe his behaviour for a few days, until I found some other solution. I could neither tell nor go back to my poor parents. I told him that I did not want any affair and that I would not be comfortable having sex with any other man, but he persuaded me and convinced that it would be nice for our family to have children. I agreed with him and gave my consent thanking him for his magnanimity. Seven months passed without having sex but behaving like a normal happy couple. I did all my duties as a daughter-in-law of the family. This period confirmed me that he was a nice and honest man. Although he had given me all the freedom, I dared not start an affair, despite my desperation for sex, with a man in this small town where my husband’s family had high reputation.

My mother-in-law had been suffering from a chronic disease, which was getting worse. One day she expressed a desire to go on pilgrimage with a group, and my father-in-law too wanted to join her. I requested them to postpone the idea in view of her present condition, but it was argued that condition was likely to get worse only, so it was probably the right time for the pilgrimage with the group.

Finally, they left for the tour in the next week, which had been planned by a luxury bus. Unfortunately, only four days after there was a news that the driver was taking a nap while driving and he lost control of the bus, and there was head- on collision with a trailer coming on the wrong side. There were 13 causalities, and my father-in-law was one of them. Me and my husband rushed to the place to claim my father-in-law’s body and to pick up mother-in-law, who had been badly injured, losing her, already poor vision, to almost blindness. Her ear drums were damaged leaving her completely deaf. It was a very big shock to us all. My parents visited us after hearing about the incident to attend my father-in-law’s funeral.

At night, my husband talked to me in presence of my parents. He proposed to dispose of the family’s agricultural land and buy a piece of land at a little distance from my village, so that I could keep meeting my family, and take care of my parents and my younger sister, Prabha, who was less than 14 years then. I was happy that I shall be able to meet my family often, especially Prabha, who was very close to me. It was after about two months when my husband came and insisted that I go along with him to look up a few properties short listed by him a little distance away from my home town. I agreed and after two days we saw all those short-listed properties. I approved one of them, which was a single- storeyed old house on a huge plot of land, measuring around 2000 sq metres, in a new gated colony coming up nearly 35 kms from my parents’ house on the other side of the Kanpur- Lucknow Highway. Kanpur was almost 28 kms from our plot, but it was 30 kms from my parental house. The huge colony had very spares houses as yet; only three or four were under construction, but they too were far away from our plot. He said he would get it renovated completely at the earliest and then we shall shift there. He had rented a house about 200 yds from the plot, so that I too could keep a watch on the construction work and suggest changes to the contractor. The new house was going to be with a one bed- room independent unit on the terrace, where we could keep a tenant or a servant, if we desired. A car was also bought for me, so that I could visit my family as and when I wanted and even Kanpur, if I needed anything from there. He had arranged a middle- aged driver to teach me driving; the driver used to come for my training on a bike and five me three hours of lessons. It took me nearly two months to be able to drive independently, on highway as well.