Chapter 1: Searching For the Pigments of Your Self Portrait

August 27th - December 17th, 1989

I awoke in my bed alone, the old ache in my heart making its presence felt as I got up and got dressed without a purpose to my life.

After having spent a week in Atlanta with Eric and his family, I came home just in time to help Suzi move into her apartment in Kenton county and to see Joey’s new house. I spent another week with them, having promised them a chance to show me how much fun it would be if I went to Central state with them.

And a lot of fun I was. I had the separation sickness that Kain had warned us about after I had been bonded to Eric. I tried my best to keep it from interfering with the things Joey and Suzi had wanted to do while I was there, but in the end, I just wasn’t capable of having fun. It didn’t help they also had classes that week.

But just being with them ... I would have been a thousand times more miserable if I had stayed home that week. Joey and Suzi provided the distractions and support I needed to keep my emotions from switching off in what I believed to be some sort of self-protection mechanism I had no control over.

I suppose I should go over the details of the bond between me and Eric. How do you describe the feelings which go with having a twin brother who knew how you felt, liked what you liked, thought like you thought. Even Joey and I never got so close that we could predict what the other was going to say. Well, sometimes I guess we could, but not like Eric could with me those few precious weeks.

The bonding between Eric and I was on the emotional level, and this produced an incredibly powerful need in me to be with him. That first week following Gladius’s death, I couldn’t bear to leave him even though I knew that he was using his newly supersensitized empathic senses to absorb my personality into his own. And in a week’s time, Eric was my twin. Or at least his personality was the twin to mine as much as it could be.

Despite what you might think, there was absolutely no sexual activity between me and Eric. I mean, I’m not sexually attracted to myself. Sure, masturbation isn’t beyond me, but neither of us were interested in getting off with everything else that was going on.

After the first week where the initial effects of the bonding drug had subsided, Eric and I began exploring his memories in the hope of restoring his own personality that way. But it wasn’t until we were back in Atlanta that I realized that he could never begin the transition back to his own separate persona while I was around him. Once he was comfortable being back with his family, we said our goodbyes, both knowing we wouldn’t be seeing or hearing each other for a while.

So I was feeling pretty lonely as I rode the elevator down to get some breakfast. I wanted to talk to Eric so badly about Her. Eric was the only person who understood what I felt for Jennifer, so he was the only one I could really open up to about anything concerning her.

And the only two people who were capable of making me forget about Eric for a while were Joey and Suzi. This resulted in I having second doubts about my decision not to join Joey and Suzi at college, but if I did that, I might miss my only chance of Her attempting to contact me. I felt trapped in a paradox of loneliness with no way out.

I was a mess. I realized that while I was with Eric or Joey and Suzi, the hole in my heart left by Jennifer wasn’t as intense. Add the hole being separated from Eric, the even older hole for Joey and Suzi from our threesome, and finally the hole of Joey’s companionship for most of my life, you might start to finally appreciate the void I felt inside my soul. The wipe had helped distance those last two to where they hadn’t affected me, but now that I had recovered my memories and had spent time with them both, that distance had partially evaporated.

I went to the mall after breakfast, hoping to find something to inspire me, motivate me, anything but the struggle not to think about Her. I wouldn’t allow myself to think her name or imagine her face, not that it didn’t pop up once in a while despite my best efforts to prevent it.

The mall is such a depressing place. Tired mothers with crying or screaming children, gangs of roving teens bored out of their minds as the first day of school approached, casting its restricting shadow over their free summer fun. Boyfriends and girlfriends walking hand in hand in the glow of first love. Old couples who had been together for so long that their arguments were so well-rehearsed they were to the point of being a ritual. Like I said. Depressing.

Every once in a while, an uncommitted girl would walk by, either with her mother or in a group of other girls and guys her age, and I would perk up for a few moments as I felt out their minds and emotions with my senses. I was always disappointed when they fell short of Her purity of heart, Her innocence, Her inner beauty and life. Nevertheless, I spent the whole day there and returned the very next day with the hope of finding another Her.

By the following week, I had started visiting other malls, but with school starting up everywhere, I soon gave up looking at the malls and considered checking out the high school cafeterias at lunchtime. I decided instead I should start looking at the older girls and started visiting Barnhoff College and a community college near Marlfield where I was staying with my parents.

Okay, okay, I admit I was getting pretty bored of all the looking and no touching. A few times, I indulged myself in having them strip themselves down in the bathroom while I watched, but I never touched them or altered them beyond giving them the urge to do the little strip show for me.

By the beginning of September, I had given up on finding another Jennifer, but I did discover someone who was even more innocent and perhaps more loving than she was.

Richie was only fifteen months old, but he knew at least a hundred and thirty words, was walking like an eighteen-month-old, and we were in the process of potty training him. My mom told me I had been potty trained at sixteen months, and we all were attempting to beat that family record without actually having said so.

One weekend in mid-September, my mom and dad took a trip to Washington D.C. and left Richie in my care. I admit that by Sunday night when they stopped by to pick the brat up, I was glad to get rid of him. But by Tuesday, I was missing him something awful, and it broke my heart when my mom called and told me he was crying for me to come and play.

My mom and I had slept together for years when I was little, and we had slept nude together in more recent years without any problem. Now that Richie was old enough to get around on his own, he had been sleeping with my parents for about a month, and he was the only one who wore anything to bed, for we couldn’t trust him to stay dry overnight just yet.

What I’m leading up to is, that Thursday night, Richie was being a brat again and wasn’t going to go to bed unless we all went with him. Never in my life had I shared a bed with my father, and yet I don’t know why we were so apprehensive about it. Once Richie was curled up between my mom and dad like he had every night, he whined and whimpered until I did the same. Only then was he happy enough that he relaxed and was out like a light when he finally closed his eyes.

I admit I found it kind of nice lying there with my head against my mother’s chest as the three of us watched him sleeping for a few minutes. We were a family sharing one of those special moments you never forget. After that, I wasn’t a bit hesitant to sleep with my parents, or at least sleep with them while Richie was there too.

I became as close to Richie as my parents were, and after two weeks of running home to Hamilton for a change of clothes or something else, I packed my things and moved into the Marlfield mansion to be with my family.

For a while, I was somewhat content with my life, having found someone to spend time with and teach, have fun with and take places. But by the middle of October, my contentedness decayed into dullness, and even though I still loved the time with my family, I was starting to strongly yearn for something more.

It was all Joey’s fault. We as a family traveled to Kenton County and with Suzi’s parents celebrated Joey’s birthday at his house. Joey’s nephew Tommy was there, but Joey’s sister Sarah wasn’t, nor were any of the voices Joey had befriended at Central State. The twins occupied Joey, so I spent a lot of time with Suzi. Not that Joey didn’t spend some time with me, but even then, it was mostly Suzi talking.

I was so conflicted with emotion by the time we left, I was relieved to get out of there. Joey and Suzi were obviously happy with their new life. While I enjoyed hearing them talk about college life and a few very sparse details of what they did for the Harrison Group, there was this resistance inside me wanting nothing to do with it, and on the flip side, I could tell they were purposely holding back on what they told me.

I never regained that contented feeling after that visit. I felt even more alone seeing how they had moved on without me despite that was exactly what another part of me had wanted.

I started having trouble sleeping through the night, my tossing and turning disturbed the others, and once I even accidentally rolled on top of Richie and made him cry. So I started sleeping in my own bed at night, and on the third night of being alone in my own bed, I rediscovered the nightly jerk off and slept soundly for the first time in a week.

At first, I felt guilty about jerking off like that every night, but since I simply couldn’t fall asleep easily any other way, I convinced myself it was a necessary evil and didn’t think much about it after a couple days.

Then Richie caught me doing it one night. He had sneaked out of bed after my parents had fallen asleep to come sleep with me, and I didn’t notice he was there until after shooting off and catching his eyes as I tasted the load on my belly, a bad habit I had picked up somewhere.

I held my breath until Richie smiled coyly and toddled up to the side of my bed and waited to be lifted up. I quickly wiped what was left of my spunk off while attempting to analyze what was happening in his sixteen-month-old mind. After lifting him up and helping him get comfortable under the sheets with me, I sighed with relief when I concluded what he had seen hadn’t concerned him in the least, and with that, I fell asleep with my little brother curled up against me like the baby he really was.

Did I say baby? I should have said little rat, for the next morning, he blurted out what he had seen at the breakfast table, then all day kept taking his pants off to demonstrate that he was just like his big brother. Oh man, was that ever embarrassing. My dad even took me aside and tried to talk me into providing some of his girls with their routine loving.

By that evening though, Richie had gotten tired of doing his hand hump, and I thought the subject was going to be forgotten.

Oh, was I ever wrong. After politely turning down I don’t know how many offers by the staff for sex, then witnessing Richie’s temper tantrum about having to sleep with my mom and dad which they firmly insisted on, I was met in my room by the twins who were not going to take no for an answer.

That was the first time since bringing them home from Gladius’s keep that they had shown any self-determination whatsoever with me. We argued for hours before they tried triggering Timmy the Toy-boy, and that’s when I blew up at them, physically forced them out of my room, and locked my door.

Well, at least by the time I calmed down, I didn’t need to jerk off to fall asleep from the anxiety and stress of the day catching up with me. But early that next morning I woke up with a guilty conscience, and then felt even worse when I discovered the twins had slept right outside my door.

I ended up unlocking my door and carrying them in one by one. When they didn’t push the suck thing after I climbed in bed, I gave them both a kiss as a sign that I forgave them and went back to sleep in between their very soft and curvy bods.

I have to admit I was very tempted to give in to my lust when I woke up later that morning surrounded by those two gorgeous sexpots. And they naturally did all they could to help my temptation, but after they finished their licks and kisses of my chest, I managed to wiggle out and run for the bathroom to take a very cold shower for a while.

I love those two like sisters, you know. While I was showering without any hot water on (in the middle of October that can be kind of cold), I realized I could help them become more independent like before just by spending more time with them.

I got out, got dressed, hunted them down, and suggested they help me with Richie that day.

I figured what could be more fun than spending a day with your little brother and your empathic sisters? And it was fun for the first couple of hours. But then Richie wanted to play with his finger paints, and I had a heck of a time convincing the twins to come and join in.

Okay. Picture this. A spoiled sixteen-month-old boy with finger paints. Do I really need to go any further as to the state of his clothes and face after the first half-hour? No? Good.

Anyway, after Richie got some in his eye, I gave up on trying to suggest something to the twins to paint and just left them there as I took the colorful crybaby to the nearest bathtub. But I told them if they hadn’t painted something by the time I got back, I wasn’t going to take them shopping after dinner like I had planned.

Richie can be so sweet after he gets upset. He clung to me, whimpering softly as I started the water, then limply let me undress him before he smeared more of the gunk on my face with a kiss and hug.

But I didn’t care. When he didn’t let go right away, I gave him a big hug back, then held him like the precious thing he was to me: My little brother. He was my little brother. I was probably glowing right then as I kept thinking that to myself.

I ended up getting in the tub with him since I was nearly as messy as he was by then. After we had cleaned ourselves up, I refilled the tub, grabbed a few toys and just played in the water with him a while.

When he did his little hand hump thing teasingly in front of me, I couldn’t help but grin at him and then replicate his motion with my dick and hand. It was one of those bonding moments, I guess: my little brother showing me how he humps his hand. Heh. That might seem kind of funny or strange now, but it became our little secret handshake in a sense, and one of us would always do it and make the other laugh when we were alone and naked together.

That day was special for two reasons, the first being the hand hump thing with Richie. The second was discovering an outlet to express myself in a safe and creative way.

When we returned to the “painter’s room” to see if the twins wanted to eat lunch with us, they were gone but left something behind that changed our lives for a while.

I almost entirely missed the two sheets of paper lying beside each other on the table, but the wetness of the paints caught my eye. Once I saw their work I was totally amazed.

At first, the two pictures appeared to be mirror copies of the other. An open mouth licking the side of a surging cock, only one side of the cock showing with the other being beyond the edge of the page.

It was obvious that the two pictures went together, yet when I butted the two against each other to join the left and right halves of the cock together, the subtle differences in the scenes sprang out.

One picture portrayed a cock being licked and teased towards orgasm, while the other was the immediate aftermath where the tongue was cleaning up the mess they had made. I feel I must remind you that they had painted this using finger paints and their fingers, and it was totally amazing to me that they could put so much detail in such a crude painting as it was.

I got very excited over the possibilities of what this could mean. I managed to pawn feeding Richie his lunch off onto our mom, then found the twins taking turns sucking my dad while he talked on the phone with a business associate.

Since I hadn’t gone by my room to get some fresh clothes, there was nothing to hide the instant boner I got seeing their butts sticking up between my dad’s legs. Even if I had clothes on, though, they would have sensed it anyway.

Joy got up and came over to me while I stood there hesitating, and it was like suddenly our sexual needs fell into sync. I just couldn’t resist her lips as they slipped down my cock and her throat swallowed my head.

I don’t care how many times you’ve been sucked off by a twin, you’re literally helpless once your dick is in their mouth. Joy worked me up until she knew I was aroused beyond my possibly resisting her mouth, then confidently led me over to the mattresses and had me lay down.

I had never witnessed the twins doing anything other than sucking my dad before, but ever since he had come home from Venezuela, he was a different man when it came to the twins. My dad had retained part of the knowledge which Gladius had passed on to him in his late teens, and it gave him a much clearer understanding of the twins, or at least that’s how he put it to me. I suspected there was something more to it than that, but he still had very strong paternal protective feelings for Joy and Honey, and I had always relied on that fact about him.

Anyway, as Joy slid up my body to mount my hard staff, Honey was doing the same with my dad, and I can’t remember precisely what he sighed at that instant, but it was something like, “This is how it should have been with my dad.”

Once the twins had worked us up, they willingly let us roll them onto their backs and submitted to our aggressive humping of their cunts. I knew I was going to regret it later, but I couldn’t stop myself from fucking Joy as best I knew how and managed to pull out and blow most of my load all over her before aiming the last squirt at her rose to help lube it up.

My mom said I had never resembled my dad so much as while I was humping Joy’s ass with slow and steady pumps. Oh God, did it ever feel good too. The whole time I was fucking her, I wanted it never to end. When it did, I wasn’t too upset since it was probably one of the best climatic orgasms I had had since that first time with Lee. Heh, and my mom said I sent shivers up and down her body from the moan I made.

I was gently licking Joy’s neck after having collapsed on top of her when Honey teasingly ran her slickened finger up my crack. I nearly jumped off Joy in surprise, then saw my mom’s face twisted in her first passionate moan when I turned to see what was going on.

I later suspected that the four of them had planned this, but I was completely entranced by the sight of my dad fucking my mom’s ass while the twins did their best at providing me with erotic physical stimulus without being able to use their mouths on my cock after it having been in Joy’s butt.

It was at the point where I was watching my mom’s breasts rolling with my dad’s powerful thrusts that I snapped out of my motionless state and got up. I led the twins back into my bathroom, let them wash my cock and suck on it to their heart’s content in the new padded shower my dad had installed in the past month.

I didn’t even know it when Joy left, but when she returned holding out the bottle of drink, I suddenly came to my senses a moment and winced at my mistakes.

But with Honey mouth wrapped around my semi-hard tool, that moment faded, and then all I said was, “Oh, what the hell. I know I’ll regret it later, but ... Gimme that!” and I took the bottle and began drinking half of it down.

After watching them fight over my first drink enhanced cumming, my sex filled mind got this evil idea of breaking Gladius’s instilled resolution against girl-girl sex and commanded them both to share the rest of the contents of the bottle with me.

Being the sex slaves they had been brought up to be, they couldn’t refuse my order. I was pretty loaded with the stuff myself, so once they had finished draining the bottle, I helped myself to Joy’s snatch while Honey slipped hers over my dick.

Joey and I had worked out that however much of the drink you drank, depending on bottle, you’d ejaculate anywhere from a quarter to a third the volume before being sated. My dad later confirmed that but restated the importance of drinking additional fluids that had electrolytes in to fully compensate the drain on our bodies.

Now consider that a standard wine bottle holds 750 ml, and the average human ejaculate is 5 ml. A sip for a male is about 20 ml, and a gulp as Joey and I measured is around 36 ml. The ejaculate after the first cum wasn’t really ejaculate, and not just because it didn’t have any sperm in it. But nobody cares about that when your cock is spurting milky white goo like a garden sprinkler. Orgasms were usually the same unless you had more than a gulp, but the recharge time was minutes. Like three in some cases, but usually at least five.

When we started first using Essence of Life, we could only handle a couple of sips despite our youth being able to recover quicker. The older we got, the more we could handle, and at eighteen, I could drink 300 ml without causing any serious issues.

The effects on women are a little different. It still stimulates them, but they have to work it out of their systems through their excretions, vaginal and sweat being the greatest. Unlike in males, orgasms don’t significantly reduce the levels in their bodies. A woman excretes more through sweat than males do, and how it works on the human body is a mystery to this day. There is no scientific explanation why it arouses both sexes or how it gets excreted at a rate were generally both participants drinking the same amount relative to their AGE usually finishes close to the same time when having sex with each other.

You have never truly had mindlessly lusty sex until your cum is flowing down your cock and balls like a stream after filling the cunt still humping your pleasure stick. When Honey’s love box was full, I obliged Joy’s needy requests for the same, then after getting them both so worked up without them cumming themselves enough to satisfy their drink saturated brains, I gave them the ultimatum of either sucking my cum out of each other’s cunts or I leave them and finish myself off with one of the staff.

They didn’t like it when I said it, but no sooner had they gotten into position did they go after their sister’s innards with their tongues and sucking lips. Shit, just hearing them and watching them wiggle got me so worked up I just stuck my index finger in Honey’s ass before replacing it with my cock and fucking it full blast.

By the time the drink wore off, I was all fucked out and fighting to stay awake long enough to shut off the water with my pruned up foot. I don’t know who moved us out to my bed that evening, but I didn’t wake up until Honey’s mouth attached itself to my morning hardon the next day.

I was sore all over, and they were too, but not too sore for them to fight over what would be my last cum for a week.

It was while I was lying half asleep in my post-cum high that it all hit me. I had really really screwed up my pledge to myself to refrain from having sex until I was properly married.

I felt my body go ice cold from this realization, and the gasp of despair that followed caused the twins to turn right around from leaving to wake my dad and came back to my bed.

I hadn’t cried about losing Jennifer since before graduation, so they were clueless at first about what I was so sad about. They had never met Jennifer, something that I felt was an incredible shame as I knew they would have been instant friends. It took all morning to explain it to them, for the concept of abstinence was like a disease they felt duty bound to cure somehow.

But the emotions behind my wishes spoke louder than my words, and in an emotional teary exchange of kisses, they swore they would never tempt me towards having sex with them again without my express permission.

Sometimes I really wished those two could talk. I mean, I didn’t usually have any problems understanding them, but I believe their voices would be very soft and soothing if they could use them. Just like the rest of their physical traits.

I forgot all about the paintings they had made until Richie wanted to finger paint the next week and it came back to me. I spent an hour trying to find their finger paintings to show my mom and dad before giving up and asking the twins to paint another set.

I watched them paint that time. I thought I had gotten used to their synchronized movements a long time ago, but watching them paint what at first appeared to be the same just mirrored scene just ticked me to death. And while they didn’t reproduce the exact same scene as the one a week earlier, they still had the subtle signs which only became apparent that it was a before and after thing.

They started to catch some of my enthusiasm about it after the third set of fellatio paintings, and after consulting with one of the guys on my dad’s payroll who painted professionally, the three of us started trying our luck with a brush and oil paints.

At first, I was only painting so the twins wouldn’t lose interest in the idea. But after about a week of practice, I started to seriously enjoy the process of painting out a scene.

Okay, so I had an unfair advantage over the twins. Once I had struggled with trying to learn the art on my own and my visions of creating beauty and life in my paintings ended up being smudgy blotches of ... paint, I gave in to the idea of lifting some tips off the painters my dad had. That was somewhat tedious as it wasn’t copying the knowledge directly like how I had before. I really missed the knowledge copy ability I had been gifted back in my freshman year. As best I could tell, my wipe had erased some critical part of how it worked.

But once the twins got over my cheating in our unspoken competition, I was able to pass on what I lifted to them by example before focusing myself on painting my first serious scene of Tobias the owl launching off my arm to fly into the sunrise.

One morning shortly after completing Free at Last, I awoke from a dream where I had been stroking Jennifer’s face with my fingers as she smiled at me. I moped around all morning and part of the afternoon in a really down and out mood, but then the twins came back from a little business trip with my dad and immediately led me to the room where our paints were set up and started ... instructing me in their wordless way on how THEY paint.

At first, I resisted their efforts to teach me anything, but then suddenly what they were trying to show me clicked in my head. I started FEELING out the emotion hidden beneath the canvas and revealing it to my eyes using the brush and pigments of the paints.

I cried when I recognized the face of my Sweetie appearing from beneath my brushstrokes. Painting her features almost felt as good as touching the real ones, and I spent days of nothing but eating, sleeping, and painting her bright smiling face. Oh. heh. And a few potty breaks in between too.

Over the next month and a half, I painted eleven portraits of Jennifer, and even though I put a lot of time into them, I still made myself spend some time with Richie and the others every single day.

Most of the paintings were based on special moments between us, three being from the Valentine’s dance. My favorite one of those has me looking lovingly at her face from the side while she smiles happily facing straight ahead but her eyes looking towards me.

Two of the paintings were partial nudes of her, and I started a third at one time with the intention of putting her into a seductive pose. I ended up painting clothes on her when it was starting to get a little too seductive, especially with her lips forming a pleasure-driven “O.”

Suzi’s parents went to Kenton County for Thanksgiving instead of Suzi and Jason coming home for the holiday week. They had been going out there every other weekend since late September and apparently enjoyed themselves. Joey was really upset with me for not tagging along. I had wanted to go too, but I didn’t. Shit, every weekend we spoke on the phone about everything and anything under the sun, but after I hung up, I always felt so lonely. I knew it would a hundred times worse if I went and saw them then had to go home without them.

So after I completed my seventh painting of Jennifer, I painted one of the three of us. Myself standing behind Suzi and leaning to the left to look at her, she’s looking up at Joey who’s above and behind us both, and he’s looking straight ahead, giving the viewer one of his most enchanting smiles. We were dressed in all white fancy dress clothes, and oh yeah ... I was leaning on a white cane, Joey was wearing a white dress hat tilted slightly that seemed to add to his smile, and Suzi ... Well, besides the white silky dress that accented her womanly curves, the shining diamond earrings and matching necklace, she wore the prettiest smile that just makes her shine like the star she was in my life.