Chapter 30

During the flight, Eddie changed seats with Cheryl to sit with Joe, putting her beside Rachel. Though things had thawed greatly compared to their cold and fractious relationship before, the two women still hadn’t got all that close. And when Rachel joined her in the large bed, they no longer made love directly. Even so, both intelligent women, they managed to enjoy their travelling together, often amusing each other with an anecdote or a memory.

“What’s up?” Joe asked Eddie.

“You’re still at it, aren’t you?” Eddie said blandly.

“What do you mean?”

“Taunting me with girls. Offering them and withdrawing the offer.”

“I hope you’re kidding.”

“Chandi. Cynthia.”

Joe laughed. “I don’t own them any more than I own Shawna.”

“You own them with your love.”

“Jesus. Okay, first off, I’d have to say, Chandi was at most borrowed. Or more exactly, you two got horny, from the orgy you watched and Chandi’s incredibly sexy dancing. Resulting in the inevitable. But Chandi and I have bonded, as have she and Moira, so no, it probably won’t be more than a night.

“And second, I seem to recall Cynthia joining you and Rachel quite often. More than she was with us.”

“But not since we got back from Barbados.”

“Really? She didn’t sleep with us.”

“I saw her after your writing sessions. And the way she looks at you and especially Cheryl.”

“I really had no idea. I saw her walk off with Rachel at the end of the night.”

“Okay. One night with her.”

“And the others when you were with Trevor.”

“Maybe. But I have a feeling that she’s one of yours now.”

“Like I keep telling you. We’re talking about remarkable women. They aren’t mine.”

“Whatever.”

“And I seem to recall you being exclusive with other women. Women I didn’t poach from you as you seem to think I still do. Anna...”

“As if you’d want her.”

“She’s a sexy woman, Eddie. You obviously think so.”

“It actually surprised me. I didn’t think she was my type either. But her enthusiasm was quite seductive.”

“And she liked being with the boys with you.”

“Yeah.”

“And Julia.”

“I wasn’t her first choice. She was hurt by that.”

“Cheryl,” Joe said. “I’d have welcomed her if Cheryl had. Reluctantly I admit, because being with her little slaves hadn’t been all that comfortable.”

“Mostly Leonard.”

“Yeah. I actually really like Juanita. But that’s sort of the point. Especially for Cheryl.”

“What do you mean?”

“She’s turned a corner. She’s not interested in casual relationships anymore.”

“Not the slut.”

“Nope.”

Eddie studied Joe. “That doesn’t bother you, calling her a slut.”

Joe laughed. “She’d be the first to call herself that. You’re not going to bait me. It’s not like you haven’t been one.”

“Or you.”

“Yeah. I think it’s different for me, but that probably sounds like an excuse. Either way, I don’t really care what people think. The double standard bothers me, but it never bothered Cheryl. She embraced her sluttiness. Until she didn’t. Quite recently actually. Her interest in casual sex ended. She only wants to be with who she loves.”

“And that includes Cyn?”

“It does actually. We figured that out the day after we got back to New York. So if you had time with Cynthia, she obviously hasn’t ended it with you.”

“Yet.”

“Again, like I said, it’s up to her.”

“She’s staying with you at Joanne’s,” Eddie pointed out.

“I think that’s more to do with Cheryl than me. I’ll be with Joanne most nights, and you know Joanne’s pretty restrictive, or I should say she’s specifically comfortable about who shares her bed. But more important is the collaborations. Cynthia needs to be with me and with Cheryl. We’re both working with her.”

“How convenient.”

“Kind of the point. We’re borrowing her from Johan. Who knows when he desperately calls her, needing her?

“What’s going on Eddie? I thought we were trying to get back to being best friends. It’s great working with you, but it seems like that’s all we are. Working partners. I thought it might be like a reverse of our friendship. It started dissolving the moment we began your band ten years ago. I thought maybe working together again would eventually renew our friendship. It doesn’t feel like that. In fact it feels an awful lot like the same old shit.”

“There’s someone else you’ve been poaching from me, as you so interestingly called it.”

“I called it that because you seemed to think it’s about that. It isn’t. Who are you talking about?”

“Charlie.”

“What!” Joe exclaimed.

“I know you encouraged his relationship with your other hot new girlfriend, Vic. Not the best idea. He’s a fucking kid.”

“I agree it might have been a mistake.”

“You think? She broke the kid’s heart.”

“That was the mistake, but they resolved it.”

“By you fucking him?”

“What!”

“I saw you going off with them after rehearsal.”

“Then you missed Liang joining us.”

“So?”

“So nothing. I’d never fuck Charlie and you know it.”

“Then what happened?”

“Talk to Charlie.”

“I did. Or he talked to me. Asked me about the mechanics of man on man sex. I asked about Vic, and he said he really liked her. Liked sleeping with her. But thought he might be interested in men as well. I asked if might was the right word, and he said he was pretty sure of his interest. Pretty sure. Like maybe he had a taste of it.

“Then he really threw a bombshell. Told me he wanted to be with me. That he loved me. But he wanted to wait. Until he was older, more of a man so I might feel the same about him.”

“And what did you tell him?”

“That to me, he was my brilliant pupil. The boy I saw grow up, but was still a boy. That I didn’t know if I’d ever see him as a man without seeing that boy. Like a parent I suppose. Like incest in a way.”

“He doesn’t know...”

“No. Or he wouldn’t have shown me that sly smile and said, ‘We’ll see.’”

“Like Essie and me all over again.”

They laughed.

“Are you at all tempted?” Joe asked Eddie.

“No. Were you when Essie first brought up her intent?”

“No. She didn’t look like a woman yet.”

“And she was impossible to resist when she did?”

“Pretty much.”

“I don’t know, Joe,” Eddie said. “He’s a beautiful boy. He’ll become a beautiful man. And I do love him. But not like that. It’s a mentor relationship, in which a teacher takes great pride in his best and favorite pupil. But it’s also paternal. Like you were with Essie until things changed.”

“Did that bother you that I succumbed to Esther’s temptation?”

“You know it did. I was even cruel about it with Joanne. Although that seemed to have the reverse consequences.”

“It did. Joanne gave me permission.”

“Which surprised the fuck out of me, though I guess it shouldn’t. The way you dominate Joanne.”

“I think I honestly left it up to her.”

“Bullshit.”

“It’s true, Eddie. Our relationship is pretty complex. We switch roles pretty easily when appropriate. When she’s my agent for instance. And regarding her flesh and blood. If she’d said no, I would have kept my hands off of Esther.”

“As if that was possible.”

“It wouldn’t have been easy. For both Esther and me. But we would have had to.”

“Then why did Joanne agree?”

“For that very reason. Wanting each other and not having each other would have made things uncomfortable. Something we never had, even with all her teasing. There would have been a rift between us that would inevitably expand.”

“Or Essie would have gotten over her desire for you.”

“Maybe. But we’re talking about Esther. Developing a plan over years to overwhelm me. You know how tenacious she is about winning.”

“Or maybe she would have just grown up.”

“Again we’re talking about Esther.”

“Fifteen going on thirty. That’s her genius mind, not her sexual maturity. You once presumed I had a prurient interest in Charlie. Like I’m a fucking pederast. Maybe you should have looked in the mirror instead.”

Joe pressed back into his seat as if kicked in the chest. He took a breath. And thought about Essie. The beautiful girl. The woman. Remembering her sensibility. Her choices, unlike those of him and especially Cheryl, of being with those she actually wanted to be with, whom she loved. Excluding herself from orgies when she wouldn’t be. Understanding her limited enjoyment of women, which seemed to only include those Joe loved, as if that was the only permission she needed to want to be with them. And maybe it was. They were all lovely, loving, remarkable, brilliant women. Love. Was it transferable? Did Essie prove that? That she loved his wives because he did? Embracing them because he embraced them? Welcoming them because he welcomed them? Like a deep empathy that only love could reach. Enough to change her mind and her taste buds and her very sexuality. In order to be with him in his bed, she needed to be with the women who shared it. But not once, after her tentative first moment with Moe, did he see any objection or resistance to being with them. As far as he could tell, and he was pretty sure he would be able to, not once did she feel coerced into sex with his wives and lovers in order to sustain her relationship with him. It didn’t even make sense. All she would have had to do was choose to be with him exclusively. Like her mother.

And then a sliver of doubt intruded. Maybe she had to prove she wasn’t like her mother. That their relationship couldn’t be compared. She had to grin and bear bearing down on his wives with her mouth in order to proclaim her difference. An immature choice when all she needed to do to avoid the unpleasant was to communicate. He couldn’t imagine it to be likely. She would have to be quite the actress, and sustain the performance for quite some time. But the sliver remained. Enough that he would ask her. Over the phone was his only choice at the moment. But face to face would be better.

It was enough of a sliver for Joe to say, “Maybe you’re right,” but added, “But I think you’re wrong. In fact I think she may be most mature of all of us.”

“Of course you’d say that. You’re not always right Joe, nor are you as righteous as you think you are.”

“None of us are,” Joe chuckled. “But I do believe I was right about Esther being ready. I’m not so sure about being righteous about it.”

“What’s the difference?”

“What is the difference? It’s happened. Can’t unhappen. But it’s had its consequences. At least one of those didn’t happen. Joanne’s fine with my relationship with her daughter. I know what you’ll say, but I’m certain of it. But it seems less likely that what both her mother and I hopes happen, that she’ll find some other man to fall in love with, will happen. Someone closer to her age and at least somewhat close to her intelligence. She’s always been determined to be my wife. A long time before she equated that with sex. That doesn’t seem to have changed. And demanding she at least give it a try might have dire consequences.”

“No longer sleeping with her? You think that would happen?”

“It’s the agreement we made. And I think she’ll be okay with it. For a time. Then, when she doesn’t find that someone, having proved that she at least tried, we’ll end up back together. I don’t want that to happen, but, at least at this point, I don’t see it not happening.”

“You don’t want to continue sleeping with one of the most beautiful and intelligent women in the world? Why do I have a hard time believing you?”

“Believe whatever you want Eddie. You always do.”

“As do you.”

“As do people.”

“And Charlie, Mr. Right and Righteous?” Eddie asked.

“I agree he was too young, but I think he ended up showing his maturity.”

“Trying to excuse yourself?”

“Maybe. But if you want my excuses, let me tell you.”

“Go ahead.”

“I know it’s new to him, having struck puberty not all that long ago, but I think it confused him profoundly.”

“Who isn’t confused profoundly?”

“Fair enough. Especially for you.”

“Fuck you.”

“No. It’s important you understand the confusion as being one you can completely understand, however traumatic yours came to be. You don’t think Charlie, the beautiful boy, a pederast’s dream, hasn’t had that trauma at least suggested? You remember that director at Children’s Theater getting fired because of accusations about pederasty?”

“I remember. I wanted to kill that motherfucker or child-fucker. Because...”

“Because he directed Charlie.”

“Charlie didn’t seem like the guy made an advance at him. I didn’t see him changed by something like that.”

“I think Charlie was too young, even for that asshole. But you don’t think the director had eyes for him? And others, later, both men and women? And maybe they tried to have more than just eyes?”

“Fuck.”

“Charlie figured it out, Eddie. Eventually. He’s also able to defend himself specifically against sexual assault. The point is, his beauty has put him on the defensive. He can’t help feeling every man and woman and every boy and girl wanting to get close to him has only one thing in mind. It’s like a billionaire and golddiggers, only worse. Having a chance at this beautiful, amazingly talented, graceful boy is like a terrible temptation. I went through this with Esther. Basically helped train her to deal with it. Unfortunately, to my great regret, I didn’t do the same with Charlie, except the physical defense.”

“I should have.”

“I doubt that would have been available to you.”

“Until I dealt with my demons. Literally.”

“Exactly. Even if I couldn’t empathize with Esther, I could see the danger. And...”

“I empathized too much.”

“Yeah. I don’t know why I didn’t step up for Charlie.”

“I was closer to him than you. Like you were closer to Essie than me.”

“I suppose. There really wasn’t that bond like I had with Esther. We were always a little distant.”

“Maybe you were afraid of your attraction.”

“Fuck you, Eddie. If anything, asshole, it was the opposite. I didn’t understand the attraction, not having it in the least.”

“But you did with Essie.”

“I could at least understand it, her being female. It didn’t sink in that Charlie’s situation could be worse.”

“Being a boy with a man.”

“Being in a profession where it might be more likely as that asshole director proved. But his chosen profession actually promoted our distance. The fact that I wrote plays. That I could feature him in them. He wanted to do it on his own.”

“He told you that?”

“Most profusely.”

“But Moe got him those ad gigs.”

“An opportunity he couldn’t ignore. He wanted that. Even appreciated it. Even when it led to local gigs, he actually appreciated hers went national. But let me get back to my reasoning.”

“Go ahead. Wait. If he avoided being in your plays...”

“I think he agreed for two reasons. I was creating a piece not only specifically designed for him, but featuring him. And this is my final Morpheus production.”

“Makes sense. Go on.”

“Before getting to his adolescent confusion, I need to make it clear how difficult Charlie has found it making friends. Sustaining those he’d known growing up, because of his work in theater and the training and so forth. And his beauty probably didn’t help that either. Like a girl on a whole other level, untouchable by us boys, he was the boy like that. Only at a younger age. He didn’t feel like that. At least I hope not. But his friends might have. And girls at his level ... he wasn’t interested. The girls reaching puberty first had an agenda, but he didn’t yet.

“So that left those he worked with in the theater. The precocious talent like him. His scene partners. Boys inclined towards boys, but mostly girls. It might have been worse for them, his rejection. Because they had gotten close. The scenes demanded it, and he’s the type of actor who can transform into his part. Who lives his part. And there’s this bond he manufactured. He loves the girl because the scene requires it. But when it’s done...”

“He’s no longer that character.”

Joe nodded. “He reverts back to Charlie. No longer interested in the girl. Or worse, suspecting her intention.”

“Another gold digger for his beauty.”

“Exactly. Which brings me to Victoria. I think if these girls, or any girls who might have been his life, had been interesting and completely unguarded and really cared about Charlie instead of fawning on his beauty and talent, they might have actually broken through his shell.”

“Vic broke through.”

“She did.”

“Not to mention she’s utterly gorgeous and has a killer body.”

“I can’t imagine that hurt, especially her body being almost masculine in its muscularity.”

“Rachel found us a couple bodybuilders over the years,” Eddie nodded.

“You liked it?”

“I did. I wanted them to fuck me,” Eddie said quietly. “On top of me. I wasn’t ready yet, but if Rachel wasn’t there, I might have. As it was, I had them ride me. I held their tight ass. Fantasizing.”

“It’s definitely different,” Joe nodded. “She’s so powerful. When we really go at it, it can get almost painful in our impacts. And we’ve tried things I don’t think any of my other ladies could have sustained which were pretty amazing. But in the end, maybe because of the contrast of hard muscles and the soft skin over them, but more the openness, the total exposure of feelings, her deep femininity makes making love to her an intense experience. No doubt she’s an amazing woman.

“But that openness was the key for Charlie. And for her. Honesty and caring. Being interested and interesting. Their beauty was part of their mutual attraction, but the closeness brought the trust needed to bring the physical into it. And I have to admit, I had a lot of responsibility for it.”

“How is that?”

“Esther. I wanted to make sure Victoria was mature enough to handle a physical relationship with me. She was a virgin.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. In a way, for similar reasons, she never found someone she could trust enough to be with. Who she could feel relaxed and open enough to let him inside her.”

“You. But I can’t imagine you not wanting to fuck her as much as the next guy.”

“Believe me I wanted her. And I told her that.”

“Honesty.”

“Yep. But also I could see her toughness and the vulnerability within it. Like everyone else, she needed to be loved but her protectiveness had held it back. It had to do with caring. It had to be a deeper interest in her. She sensed I offered her more than just my lust. I wanted to be with her beyond that. Before the lust would be sated and after. Luckily, she found me interesting, too.”

“It’s effective, I give you that.”

“What’s effective?”

“Your seductions. That tool you have. Your empathy.”

“It’s not about winning. To be rude, using the same idea, it’s playing the long game. I’m more interested in relationships that last. Otherwise, what’s the point?”

“And proved it with your wives. It seems like lately you’re gathering a lot more women in your bed.”

“I know. Stretching my capabilities to be a loving companion. To be fair to them. But it’s actually working itself out.”

“Because two of them are staying in Barbados.”

“Temporarily. But that’s not it.”

“You actually think you can manage that many in your bed?”

“Yes. Because it’s not just about me. There’s actually permutations in relationships. A greater fondness between them. A sort of coupling up. With Moira and Chandi it’s obvious. But it’s similar between Liang and Esther. And them and Victoria. So a trio really.”

“The youngsters.”

“I suppose. But it actually comes out of what I was talking about earlier. About making sure Victoria would be okay with me taking her virginity.”

“Essie vetted her.”

“Yes. Got really honest with her. But not alone as it turned out. Liang was there.”

“And Charlie.”

“Yep.”

“And this gorgeous, hard-bodied young woman opened up to him.”

“They all did. Opened up.”

“And neither Vic nor Charlie had that experience.”

“Intensifying the attraction already there.”

“And neither Essie nor Liang would be available.”

Joe nodded. “Esther being his sister. And Liang being my wife. Although that became less of a distancing thing. Because Charlie became quite fond of Liang, as did Victoria. Liang has the knack of becoming friends, and being trusted, which was essential to the situation.”

“And her being incredibly cute, with a soft version of a killer body couldn’t hurt.”

“Which sort of brings me around to the final reason I thought it would be okay for Charlie and Victoria to be together. Although I had my doubts if it actually was a good idea, to which Esther warned me, although it was a bit belated. A kind of I told you so when I don’t remember her telling me so. Maybe she was curious to see how her brother reacted. Her scientific mind.”

“What happened?”

“Charlie got clingy. When it was not only not appropriate, but basically impossible for her to be able to cling to him.”

“Why not appropriate?”

“A couple reasons. Charlie’s too young to decide to treat his first lover as his final mate. And no, I’m not belittling his youth.”

“Sounds like it.”

“The point is he’s not ready to decide. If nothing else, his sexuality continues to confuse him. Victoria was, to some extent, a way to get some resolution. Whether the opposite sex was stimulating for him. That he would want to be thoroughly engulfed in it, so to speak. I think that was half answered.”

“His obsession with Vic?”

“I sicked Liang on him and he watched me and Victoria make love.”

“And he was okay with it?”

“Yes.”

Eddie nodded. “And he enjoyed Li?”

“He did.”

“So the hard body...”

“Didn’t matter. No doubt it helped that Liang is a caring and loving lover.”

“But ... Half answered?”

“When he went up to you.”

“He got fucked in the ass.”

“Liang again. And he also fucked Victoria’s ass.”

“Were you... ?”

“Yes.”

“That ... That’s pretty fucking intimate Joe.”

“I know. I have to admit I wasn’t completely comfortable with it. But it’s what Victoria wanted, and I think Charlie wanted the experience too.”

“Fucking and being fucked in the ass.”

“Yes.”

“And he liked both.”

“Yes.”

“You being uncomfortable...”

“It was about Vic, like it had about been Harriet that first time. Wasn’t it?”

“It was for you.”

“And you hoped it wasn’t.”

“Yes Joe. But of course I couldn’t tell you that.”

“Yeah. But I really think Charlie wasn’t focusing on me.”

“It probably helped that his ass was getting reamed.”

“Probably. I don’t think he’s attracted to me.”

“But you must know your proximity didn’t hurt his excitement.”

“I’d rather not know that, but I get your point. But I’ve never felt any interest for me on his part.”

“We’ve always been close as mentor and student. A lot of respect going both ways. And love. And we haven’t really spent much time since his puberty took hold, except when we’re working together on the musical, and there’s that focus he has. But I have to admit, when it wasn’t about that, when it was just us and the piano...”

“At Nigella’s wake.”

“Yep. I thought it was about him distracting me from my devastation, and maybe part of it was. But looking back at it, there was more intimacy. Like casual touches.”

“Like flirting.”

“Yeah. Maybe he was disappointed when I didn’t get it. Or maybe he was relieved. I would never have crossed that line, Joe.”

“I know.”

“But you were afraid I would.”

“I was being stupid and prejudiced.”

“You were. But your little experiment seems to have opened him up.”

“Not an experiment. I think he wanted to know who he was sexually, and couldn’t figure it out. I genuinely believe his confusion bothered him. And his other problem, of being comfortable with others, becoming friends. The two lined up with Victoria. Both wanting the other.”

“Victoria really wanted him?”

“She did. She said it first as a tease, but I could tell it was genuine.”

“So you think he’s like me?”

“Yeah. Maybe more towards the same sex, but with a woman he loves, I think he’ll go all in and not resist.”

“Literally.”

“Yep.”

“Better chances for a date on a Saturday night.”

“Like he’d ever have a problem.”

“I think he already does. Being at a higher league than the rest of us. Only ultra-confident assholes would come after him.”

“Or those of us that can look beyond his beauty.”

“Yeah. I don’t know if there will be point like there was with you and Essie. I’d have to see him as a man and not the boy he is.”

“That makes sense.”

“And with Essie?”

“I admit I had inappropriate thoughts when she was too young. Or more I reacted to her inappropriately.”

“You got hard in her presence but didn’t fantasize.”

“Yeah.”

“I actually understand. She’s vivacious, gorgeous, mature and charming.”

“But you never reacted that way.”

“No. But you’ve been around her a lot more than I have.”

“True.”

“And she was seducing you starting even younger than Charlie.”

“True.”

“I’m glad you waited.”

“Me too. And I think Esther would agree, despite herself.”

“It would have been a bad idea. Like it would for me to be with Charlie.”

“Equally bad?”

“I believe it would. I believe when they’re that young, it’s best to be with those going through the same sorts of things. Someone older, I can’t help feeling it would be predatory. Using their innocence against them.”

“Victoria...”

“She’s older, but you said she was a virgin.”

“She was. And they truly love each other. It reminds me of your relationship with Shawna. That deep friendship. In fact I had them talk with Shawna to give Charlie some perspective or another, more possible scenario.”

“But you know Shawna and I have been celibate.”

“I guess I mean a combination of you and her and me and her.”

“And Cheryl. Because you know Shawna’s attraction has as much to do with her as it does with you. Maybe more.”

“Of course.”

“So it could be something similar.”

“What do you mean?”

“Instead of two girls and a straight guy, two guys and a girl, all bi.”

“I don’t know, Eddie. We’re talking me and Cheryl in that threesome. There might not be the depth of friendship that you and Shawna share, but it’s a lot deeper than just sex.”

“And you’d never be part of the threesome with Charlie.”

“Of course not. Not just my complete lack of interest in same sex sex.”

“Right. The whole kid thing. Maybe since Charlie isn’t so closed off, he could actually find another boy.”

“Again you’re forgetting the depth of the relationships.”

“You have to admit if he found someone he could be that close with his age, that would be a good thing.”

“It would,” Joe nodded. “How is Shawna? I didn’t get a chance to talk with her much when she stayed over Friday night.”

“Not great. I think she’s struggling with postpartum depression. And some lingering doubts about her relationship with Hans and Heather with that whole Chinese bitch fiasco.”

“She looked better when she left Saturday than when she arrived.”

“It took some intense apologizing on my part for not being with her when she was going through that shit with that bitch. But she accepted it, and she trusted me to be the one who listened to her problems and helped her through them instead of the other way around like it’s been for a while.”

“I thought you worked all that out by now.”

“We hadn’t. She talked about it, but a lot more superficially than we were used to. I think she actually felt bad about being the needy one. With my whole intense trauma.”

“That’s stupid, but I guess it makes sense knowing Shawna.”

“Well it didn’t. And it finally came to a head Friday night. Not that I like seeing her hurting, but I’m glad it did.”

Joe smiled sadly. “Me too.”

“She told me she’s been feeling less amorous.”

“Understandable.”

“But she’d like to come visit. She’s taking a week off next month. She’d like to spend it with you and Cheryl.”

“Not the entire time.”

“With Rachel with me, probably most. I’m sure we’ll talk. We always do.”

“I take it will be without husband and wife.”

“Of course. Kind of the point actually.”

“And the baby?”

“Shawn trusts Heather with her. And Hans has proven to be a good father.”

“Good for Heather’s baby. How far along is she?”

“Six months.”

“And how is Hans reacting?”

“Better than he was with Shawn. Maybe he learned his lesson. Or having both women spurning him made him more attentive. And even though Shawn has become less amorous, she makes sure Heather knows she’s as beautiful as ever. I don’t even know if those two see her lingering misgivings about them.”