Chapter 10

Two months had passed since fall break. It was early winter now. Things were going really well between Ilse and me. Since fall break, I slept half a week in her apartment and the other half in my house. Whenever I spent the night at her house, I also tucked the children in bed, and told them a bedtime story about Prince Bram and Princess Naomi. Teddy and McQueen regularly had guest roles in these tales and the kids loved my imaginative stories. Lately, Ilse loved sitting in my lap while I told them those stories and we turned it into a fun family ritual.

Ilse continued to clean my house for an hour every week. Instead of giving her thirty Euros each time, I started paying ahead and transferred hundred-and-twenty Euros to her bank account at the start of a new month. It was much easier that way. Since I was at her place almost as often as I was at my own, Ilse took the kids with her on Saturdays. That way they could play in my house or watch a movie on my big television.

It also saved us a lot of trouble with getting a babysitter for those two hours. Lately, Kim had started to balk at the frequency that Ilse called upon her services and it was hard to find another babysitter that worked without pay. The kids really loved the big screen. It was easily four times larger than the television in Ilse’s apartment. It probably also helped that the graphics and sound were much better.

Naturally, it cut into our ability to make love after she finished her chores. We made up double for that in the evening after the children went to bed. Even the kids seemed to suspect that we did a more than just sleeping and kissing, but they didn’t let on to us. I guess it was hard to hide the sounds of our lovemaking. The walls in Ilse’s apartment weren’t exactly thick and Ilse was a passionate woman.

Luckily, my house didn’t have that problem. Somebody could scream in the master bedroom and all you would hear in the hallway was a muffled sound. The sound insulation of that room was top notch and one of the reasons that I had bought this house. I figured it’d help me get a good sleep without outside noise bothering me during the night.

It was funny how I had come to think of Bram and Naomi as ‘the kids’, rather than ‘Ilse’s kids’. I was actually looking forward to the day that I could call them ‘our kids’, however, getting custody of the children would probably not be easy.

Her ex-husband was a stubborn and jealous asshole. I figured we had to come prepared, if I wanted to stand a chance in court at becoming Bram and Naomi’s legal guardian. Lately, I started having thoughts of becoming more than their mom’s boyfriend. However, I didn’t see a way to solve that problem without spending a ton of money. I’d be up against a vicious family that could afford to pay the best lawyers available and I wasn’t looking forward to that.

We also visited Ilse’s parents every week, usually on Sunday midday, but occasionally on Saturdays, if I had other social commitments on Sunday. Next to the visiting her parents, we also regularly took the kids to a children’s farm, a large playground, a walk in the forest, or some other fun activity. Bram and Naomi loved every minute of it and I was their big hero. I never thought that having a car to take you to places could be this useful. Before I met Ilse, I mostly used my car to commute and to transport my groceries.

Ilse and I also enjoyed the Jacuzzi on a Friday evening while the kids were watching an animation downstairs. The Jacuzzi had turned out to be a lot of fun indeed, although I was ready to head to bed after our ‘fun’. That horny minx had completely worn me out.

It was a week later when Ilse got up on a fateful Saturday morning and ran to the bathroom. I heard noises consistent with throwing up moments later. When I glanced at the alarm clock, I saw that it was only 6:52 in the morning, but I was instantly awake. I didn’t feel sick myself, so I figured it wasn’t food poisoning. I was worried about her well-being and I followed her, asking her if she was all right.

She tried to answer, but before she could, she turned around and, while facing the toilet on her knees, she threw up again.

I started to panic and wondered if I should call an ambulance, or take her to the hospital. I handed her a warm, wet washcloth, to wipe her mouth clean when she stopped heaving up. She didn’t look too well; her hair was disheveled and she had a nauseous look on her face.

“What’s wrong? Should I call the doctor?” I asked with a trembling voice.

No one liked to see his or her loved ones in pain and I was no different. It was early, but the emergency room in the hospital was always open. The hospital itself was only three kilometers away and if you hit the traffic lights correctly, it was roughly a seven-minute drive by car.

She held up her hand and said, “No, it’s okay. I have something to tell you, but first, let me wash my mouth and brush my teeth.”

After the ordeal she just went through, I understood her wish for that all too well. Yet I was still worried about her and hoped she’d finish washing her mouth soon.

When she was finally done, she said, “We better go into the living room so you can sit down, before I tell you this.”

Confused, I replied, “What’s going on? Is something wrong with you?”

Since it was early, Bram and Naomi were still fast asleep. I was thankful for that, because I worried I’d be upsetting them else. I was distraught and I was sure that whatever bothered Ilse had to be very bad.

She refused to answer me right away, though, and said, “Let’s go to the living room first, please?”

I was even more worried now and thoughts of her having cancer, or some other lethal disease, flashed through my mind. I didn’t want to lose her.

We sat down on the couch, facing one another. With the nights getting colder, Ilse had taken a liking to wearing a nightshirt after our lovemaking, while I wore a t-shirt and boxer shorts. A shiver ran down my spine and goose bumps made their appearance on my legs and arms. I wasn’t sure if it was due to the temperature, or due to my concern for my sweetheart.

Ilse mulled over her thoughts for a moment and seemed to gather the courage to talk. It did nothing to soothe my mind. I studied her face for clues, but I couldn’t make anything out of her expression, other than that this was a very serious subject. I feared the worst. I did my best to give her a supportive look, but I probably failed miserably at it.

Finally, she let out a deep sigh and looked me in the eye, when she asked, “I have something important to tell you, Tom and I’m not sure how you’ll react to this. Please, tell me that you love me?”

Her eyes were begging me and I could see tears welling up in her eyes. I was becoming quite distraught and I really didn’t know how to handle this situation. I was glad that I was sitting down because I wasn’t sure if my legs would support me due to my nervousness.

“Of course I love you Ilse, you know that. What’s going on? Are you ill?”

“No, Tom, I’m not ill,” she reassured me, before she continued with a trembling voice, saying, “I-, I’m pregnant.”

To say that I was shocked would be an understatement; my mind was going blank at first before it received a sort of reboot. The feeling was hard to describe, but all I knew was that a dozen questions flashed through my mind.

“How, when?” were the first I managed to utter.

“I think it happened on the evening after we came back from the beach, we forgot to use a condom and it didn’t occur to me to use the morning-after pill either,” Ilse explained, obviously she had known about this a while longer.

“How long do you know this already?” I asked next.

“Only for two days. I took a pregnancy test Thursday, when I suspected something. I missed my period last month and I became nauseous for the first time that morning.”

“But aren’t you on birth control?” I asked surprised.

“I’m afraid not. My healthcare plan doesn’t cover it since I’m over eighteen years old. Since I wasn’t dating anybody for the past years, I didn’t see the need for it either. It saved a lot of money that way. Then, when we started making love, you were always considerate to use a condom, so I didn’t see a need to start either,” Ilse continued explaining.

She looked uncertain and studied my face for signs of how I took her explanation.

“Wow, this is quite some news,” I said, taken aback.

All this time I had been dodging bullets. We only got careless once and we immediately paid a heavy price.

“Tom, it’s not too late yet,” Ilse started with a quivering voice, “If you want, I can get an abortion. I know that you’re not ready to start a family and I don’t want to pressure you into this.”

It was clear to me that Ilse wanted to keep the baby, but she also didn’t want to lose me and she valued our relationship more. She had already decided to leave the choice to me and had prepared herself for the answer she knew would come...

Just like several months ago, I had to make a decision and once more, there were two options. Option one, was to keep the child and start a real family with Ilse. It would bring many responsibilities and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that. Option two, would be the safest route, abort the fetus, and continue our relationship as before. We could always make a baby later, when we knew I was ready.

So many emotions washed over me, doubt, wonder, love, sadness. I wasn’t sure what to make of it all. If I decided to keep the child my life would change forever. There was no turning back after that. If Ilse and I had a child together, I would have to marry her too. I’d be changing diapers, have restless nights with a crying baby waking me up, and I’d be running from left to right to take care of things for Ilse.

Additionally, my family would also be very upset with me, for impregnating a woman who was on welfare, who already had two kids, and who didn’t even hold a steady job. Next to that, I also considered the other social, financial, and emotional implications of having a child.

In short, my life would get very complicated. So many thoughts and emotions flooded me in such a short time, that the impact of Ilse’s suggestion overwhelmed me. It took me a moment before I reached a conclusion.

I held Ilse’s hands in my own and looked her in the eyes as a tear trickled down my cheek.

With a soft voice, I asked, “I’m going to be a daddy?”

I saw that my question shocked Ilse as much as her suggestion had shocked me. She hadn’t expected that I wanted to have a child with her.

“Yes, yes you are!” Ilse exclaimed in a surprised voice.

Seriously, did you honestly think I’d consider option number two as a valid one? So what if I’m not ready? I have seven months left to prepare and the hell with what everybody else thinks! This is my child we’re talking about and when it comes to my family I couldn’t care less about what anybody else thought. Financially things will get tighter, but heck, that is to be expected and the emotional impact on us would be a lot bigger if we decided to abort the child.

As tears freely streamed down my cheeks, I pulled Ilse in my lap, and gave her a loving kiss, as she hugged me close. Our happy cheers and laughter woke up Bram and Naomi, who came into the living room. Bram was yawning, while Naomi rubbed the sleep out of her eyes.

“What’s going on?” Bram asked inquisitively.

Ilse and I shared a look and I gave her a nod, to indicate that she should be the one to tell the kids.

“Bram and Naomi, come here,” Ilse exclaimed, opening her arm in an invitation for a hug.

They both ran to us and Ilse and I hugged them close.

“You’re getting a little brother or sister,” Ilse said, “I’m pregnant, Mommy is going to have a baby!”

“Oh wow!” Naomi exclaimed, followed by a loud squeal.

Bram was more subdued and I asked, “Aren’t you happy Bram?”