Chapter 53: Hard Decisions

Early Sept., 1986

Charlie POV:

Everyone who’d been at McCormack Place all reappeared one after the other in our parents’ great room. The night’s activities were the primary topic of discussion and as I looked around I realized that all of our family and extended family was present.

Well, all except two that is ... Greg and Sally. Even Diane and Bruce were here.

Despite the fact that it was nearly 4 o’clock in the morning it was obvious that the adrenaline rush hadn’t completely worn off yet. Many that were present were excitedly talking about everything that still had to be done concerning all those kids and the investigation.

Dad and TJ were talking with Rex, Jeremy, Willie and Bruce about how they could possibly help. I heard Dad mention that the three ‘big bosses’, Art Sloan, Alex Logan and Deputy Director Hodgkins were planning to get together tomorrow, after a good night’s sleep, to discuss that. They’d jumped on a private jet and flown in late last night.

When I looked around, I saw that Mom (Nancy) and Iris (Linda and Jessica’s mom) were cuddled together and asleep on a very large, comfortable-looking pit set in a corner of their huge living room. The babies were all asleep in a puppy pile in a giant padded playpen right next to them. Three-year-old Kelly, Bill and Sally’s daughter, was snuggled up in between Mom and Iris.

No one else seemed to notice.

Soon, the noise level, due to the various discussions, became loud enough to wake Mom, Iris and little Kelly. When Kelly saw her dad and Emmy she looked all around, then immediately ran to them asking, “Where’s Mommy, Daddy?”

Suddenly, everyone froze and you could have heard a pin drop.

Bill fell to his knees and embraced her in a desperate hug. He was choking back tears when he said, “Sweetheart, I’m afraid your mommy ... is never coming home to us again. And it’s all my fault!”

Emmy was now also on her knees and crying. She joined the hug, “It was not your daddy’s fault, Baby. Some bad men came over and they took your mommy away from us.”

Kelly’s eyes grew wide, “Can’t we try to find her, Mama Emmy? Maybe CJ can help?”

I was choking up; then I noticed that everyone else was also. How do you tell a three-year-old that her mother is dead in such a way that she might understand it? The next thing I knew, CJ had climbed out of the playpen and was standing behind Kelly with his little arms around her hips, joining in the hug.

Emmy looked at her sadly, “We know where she is Baby, but, her Spirit isn’t in her body any longer. She’s with God and the Angels now.”

Kelly started sobbing, “But, I never got to say goodbye,” she said while burrowing her head deeper into Emmy’s motherly embrace.

The rage, or at least part of it, that I felt all day was just explained by little Kelly’s last statement.

Bill and Emmy wept, “We didn’t either, Sweetie ... we didn’t get to say goodbye either.”

Now everyone was surrounding Bill and Emmy with tearful hugs and words of consolation. CJ was right by Kelly’s side and somehow Kelly could sense CJ’s understanding. CJ had guided her over by the pit set where they climbed up and were sitting side-by-side cuddled together.

I listened into them just long enough to realize that my little man was actually consoling Kelly! I had to wonder whether CJ himself even understood everything that happened. Knowing that he had been asleep for quite some time I guessed he may have had a conversation with his ‘Grey Grandpa’.

I was mightily impressed, irregardless.

Dad came over and suggested that Bob, Linda, Jamie, Sarah, Mary and I use his bedroom to sleep tonight. When I raised an eyebrow, wondering if all six of us would fit, he chuckled, “We’ve got two king-size beds fairly close to each other. The six of you shouldn’t have any problems!”

I gave a furled brow, wondering WHY he had two king-sized beds ... this must be their ‘playroom’? His look of ‘don’t ask’ nearly made me chuckle.

Then he told me that Willie, Bruce and their girls were joining Rex, Jeremy and their girls tonight. They were all headed over to Rex and Jeremy’s place. It appeared that everyone else was sleeping here tonight. He said that the ‘grandma’s’ would take care of the kids so we could all get some sleep without having to worry about them. He also said that Ed, Gracie, Bill and Emmy would be staying in the same rooms that they had picked out earlier.

By 4:30 AM, everyone headed to their respective places to try and get some sleep.

It had been a long day and tomorrow promised to be even longer.

I awoke somewhat disoriented. I had a fitful night that included a dream that seemed awfully, awfully real. I had Mary and Sarah cuddled so close to me that they were literally on top of me. I peeked over and noticed that Bob was similarly entwined with Linda and Jamie. All six of us had been so tired that we decided that cuddling was much preferred to any kind of a sexual encounter.

Mary woke up first and her smile warmed my soul. She whispered, “Good morning, Sugar Bear, that was a very interesting dream you had last night?”

Just then Sarah smiled and yawned, “What dream was that? Emmy and I were ‘talking’ last night and I must’ve missed it. Both she and Bill are still very broken up over losing Sally. I just wanted to be with Emmy for moral support.”

I kissed Sarah warmly, “That’s okay sweetheart, please don’t take this personally, but you weren’t really in it.”

Mary climbed over me to give Sarah a sweet good morning kiss, “I think Charlie was putting himself in Bill’s current situation. Let’s just say, it was pretty emotional.”

I felt both bad yet relieved that Sarah hadn’t been in my head last night. Mary was definitely right in her assessment of my dream.

I was just about to start telling Sarah about it when she said, “Oh my God. I don’t even wanna think about what Charlie would be going through if something happened that he lost you, Mary. You two are like the ultimate soulmates in the truest sense of the word. I’m talking like one in a trillion. I believe in my heart, that if something ever happened to either one of you the other one would probably be lost. I’m certain that the entire time I’ve known the both of you I’ve never once heard you guys arguing about anything. It’s unreal!”

Mary and I just looked at each other with serene smiles on our faces. Sarah was exactly right, the only time I can remember Mary even raising her voice towards me was the night of Jessica’s initiation to sex in our backyard. Even then, her wink told me she wasn’t really serious. I definitely remember how my heart sank to my toes when I first thought she was upset with me. I’m also sure that I’ve never raised my voice at her in anger, either.

“So, how did Mary die?” Sarah asked. “Was she murdered like Sally?”

I shook my head, “No, at least I don’t think so. You have to understand, I was just thinking about Bill losing Sally and was trying to figure out what he must be going through. I thought of many scenarios where I might possibly lose Mary and the only thing I could come up with that made any sense was a car accident that happened so fast that she couldn’t react. I still can’t believe Sally didn’t think to put up her protective bubble when she saw those stooges standing on her front porch.”

“Emmy and I were wondering the same thing, Charlie. Sally is ... was, such a trusting soul that, the guy must’ve hit her with that pipe before she realized she was in danger. That’s the only thing we could figure.”

Mary was nodding, “I just can’t believe those coldhearted bastards could just kill her like that.” She sighed, “I was glad that Maggie relieved that son-of-a-bitch of his beans and frank the way she did! Excuse my French.”

“Okay, so where was I? Oh yes, at first I tried imagining that Sarah was still in my life. And I kept thinking how much I hated it when people that knew us would say, ‘Well, at least you still have Sarah, Charlie.’ No, dammit! Sarah is not just a consolation prize! I’m glad that I remembered that because I think we need to tell everyone not to ever say that to them. No matter how you interpret that statement it’s still infuriating. To say that to Bill would cheapen both Sally and Emmy. At least that’s how I feel about it, am I wrong?”

I could see both of them thinking it over for a minute before nodding their heads.

Sarah gasped loudly, “Charlie, you’re exactly right! Oh my God, I’m so glad you said that. I was thinking that very thought and would likely have said it, just trying to be upbeat.”

Mary hugged me, “You really did think that through last night, didn’t you Charlie? Most people would have said that or something to that effect, just trying to make them look at the bright side. So, getting back to your dream, you still had Sarah by your side?”

I was getting a little flustered, “I’m not sure, I was kicking different scenarios around before I actually fell asleep and the dream started. Since thoughts of her didn’t come up, I’m going to assume she must’ve been in the car with you.”

Sarah was now holding me on the other side, “That makes sense Charlie, Mary and I will shut up now and let’s just hear about that dream?”

“That sounds like a good idea, why don’t the two of you get in my head so I can just think it through without having to verbalize it. It seems like every time I try to talk about it, I start over analyzing it. So, make yourselves comfortable and I’ll recall my dream.”

Charlie’s dream.

The accident must’ve happened about five years or so from now. I don’t know where Bob and Linda were at the time, and none of the kids even came into the picture. Anyway, I was of course, devastated. Many years past and the kids must’ve all grown up and moved on with their lives.

I was so disconsolate that it’s like any thoughts of loving someone else just wasn’t possible. I started working again for Jeffries and Associates in their Tempe Arizona office. Greg was back working doing construction management.

I think I was living in the same house with Greg and Jamie, come to think of it, because the two of them had been on me for the longest time to get out and find myself someone to share my love with. I’d thrown myself into my work and that’s where I found a tiny bit of a respite from my self-imposed loneliness.

It must’ve been about 15 years after the accident when Greg and I were supposed to meet up in the bar that we always stopped at after work. Our favorite bartender was none other than Jennifer or Jen, Tom Gregory’s wife! In my dream, Tom must’ve given up being a cop as he was also working as a bartender that same night my dream happened.

Anyway, it was a Friday night and I was going to meet Greg around nine to check out the new DJ that the bar had hired. They were trying to go from goat roping music to more modern, disco style dance music. Somehow or another, Greg couldn’t make it. He probably got lost or something! Anyway, I found myself at the end of the bar talking to Jen. That’s when a 30 something, cute, strawberry blond lady came in and took a seat at the far end of the bar. She seemed to know Tom and the two of them were talking.

Over the next half hour, she and I nervously flirted with each other from across the bar. She looked vaguely familiar yet I couldn’t place her. About that time these three scruffy looking clowns who reminded me of the Three Stooges that killed Sally, came in and sat down at a table not far from her. Shortly after that, the music started and the DJ welcomed everyone to the bar. I don’t know why it caught my eye, but, there was a bartending schedule behind the bar and the date was April 20!

It was the anniversary of our first date!

I remember just sitting there stunned when Jen started laughing and said, “Charlie, dammit, get your ass down there and asked that girl for a dance. You’ve been flirting with her for the last 40 minutes and besides, you already bought her a drink!”

That’s when I noticed the lady I had been flirting with held up a drink and mouthed the words, ‘thank you’. I gave Jen a bunch of shit, telling her that she knew I couldn’t dance for crap and that I was only going to embarrass myself. She just giggled and pushed me off my chair and I started heading down to meet my fate. Just as I got close to her one of those idiot stooges had already jumped up and was asking her for a dance.

I was crestfallen, figuring I missed my chance. Just as I turned around, however, I heard a beautiful voice saying, “This gentleman just bought me a drink and I think I owe him a dance, so if you’ll excuse me?”

When I spun around, she had the most adorable smile on her face and ran straight into my arms. She said, “Oh thank you for rescuing me from that moron! My name is Andie.”

I chuckled, “My name is Charlie and I’m probably the worst dancer on the face of the planet, but I could never leave a damsel in distress! I’ll try not step on your feet too much.”

She giggled adorably, “Not to worry, I don’t really dance much myself, I usually play music, so let’s just go for it, okay?”

Of course, I should’ve known not to even hope for a slow song, and sure enough, Mony, Mony started playing and I knew I was screwed. She didn’t seem to mind my ‘Choo-Choo Charlie’ style of dancing although she did giggle quite a bit. I felt a weird déjà vu, still not realizing who this was.

The more we danced, the closer I felt to her. Our eyes connected and I kept flashing back to the first time you and I saw each other in the cafeteria. She probably thought I was goofy the way I kept smiling at her. Just as I was starting to think that this was more than a coincidence, the song stopped. I was reluctantly walking her back to her seat when a nice slow song came on.

Andie turned around with a shy smile, “Can I have another dance, Charlie?”

My heart was doing flip-flops as I took her into my arms. I was going for a traditional dance style but she just put her arms around me and pulled me close to her. The weird part was, I told her this was my favorite song even though I had never heard it before. She told me it was hers also.

The weirdest thing though, was when the female singer started singing, Mary, it was your voice that I heard! I was completely overcome with emotion because it was like you were singing it to me!

Mary, these are the words you were singing, “What if I told you, it was all meant to be? Would you believe me? Would you agree? It’s almost that feeling we’ve met before. So tell me that you don’t think I’m crazy, when I tell you love has come here and now.”

I felt like a sniveling old fool, as I found myself crying on her shoulder. Then I realized that she was crying too. The words to the song seemed to be what both of us needed to hear. At this point, we were holding each other so tight, we could feel each other’s hearts beat. Mary, you even told me, in my head, that this was the ‘One’ for me!

When the song ended, she begged me for another dance. As far as I was concerned I’d give her every dance for the rest of my life and I told her so. During the next dance, which was a slow one thank God, I told her how my buddy Greg had stood me up and she told me that her girlfriend Cathy had done the same to her. All the while we just kept staring into each other’s eyes. I could sense that she wanted to kiss me. I’d no sooner started moving toward her lips when she opened her mouth, excepting me with all her heart. It was the most soulful kiss I’d had since you died. She was enjoying it too and seemed to be purring like a kitten.

I had to laugh when the next song started and it was “I’m Your Bogeyman”!

I could just hear Bob chortling, “And that’s not what I am!”

It was then that Andie kinda figured out who I was.

She was smiling widely, “Do you have a brother that always made fun of your dancing? I remember a long time ago some people were watching my friend Cathy and I play the piano and my mom was trying to teach somebody named Charlie how to dance! Was that you?”

I nearly passed out when I gasped, “Oh my God, Andie. That was me! Do you and Cathy still play together?”

We both laughed for a few seconds, reminiscing. Then she got serious and asked, “Are you and that Mary still together?”

I shook my head slowly as my eyes started to tear, “No, she died in a car accident about 15 years ago.”

That’s when she started getting misty-eyed, hugged me closer and whispered, “I’m sorry, Charlie. I know how you must feel, my husband died just a few years ago. This is the first day since he died that I’ve felt loved.”