Chapter 24: Not Good at Feeling

Was he really ready for a visit? Aron wasn’t a stranger, but that didn’t mean he should receive him wearing pajamas. There was too much mess lying around, too. Mumbling to himself, he began tidying up the small living room, which now, after staying at Aron’s house for a while, seemed unqualified for the ‘living’ part of the phrase.

It wasn’t like he could not afford something more expensive. He just didn’t want anything else. For him, the little shoe box, as his mom had called his apartment at one point, frustrated with his refusal of getting something more decent, or what she considered more decent, was more than enough.

Used to. Now, he could only think of how Aron was going to feel in that cramped space. Probably not too comfortable. Funny, he had never thought of this before, when Aron and he had been nothing but best friends. Aron had often visited and he hadn’t told Carter once that he needed a bigger apartment. But then was then and now was now. And ever since their ... relationship had evolved into...

Maybe he was just going to talk to Aron in the door. But what if Aron wanted to come in, after all?

Hmm, Aron was a guest, and a guest had to be treated properly. Decided that he was going to play the obliging host part, he marched into the kitchen and began exploring the contents of his fridge and the few cabinets he had in there.

A lonely beer watched him from the shelves of the refrigerator. His mom had brought plenty of food, but she had been stern about alcoholic beverages since he was still medicated. His father had said nothing, just nodding gravely. Aron’s mom had also sent food for an entire army, but it was basically just the kind of food to feed a sick person, and not someone paying a social call.

With a shrug, he took out the beer bottle, and then he began scouting the cabinets for some chips. He could still vaguely recall buying some at a discount. Were they expired? No, no, no, he wasn’t going to get his best friend in the hospital with food poisoning just because he was an idiot.

Finally, he managed to find one bag. He stared at the expiration date, trying hard to make sense of it. But it seems like half his brain, if not all of it, was busy with anything else but trying to read what was written on the label. Running away from his own thoughts had never been this hard.

Hard. Like Aron’s big, beautiful...

Stop thinking of Aron that way!

What way?

Don’t play the innocent, you bastard!

Ah, like I want us to hump him the moment he’s at the door?

Be serious, that would scandalize the neighbors. And seriously, aren’t you supposed to be my most rational part of the body? Are you playing the other head’s part now?

C’mon, you know I serve as a stand-in for any part of the body you feel like having a conversation with.

Yeah, he was a hot mess. All right, the chips weren’t expired. They had to do, along with the lousy beer.

But what the hell was he going to do with the way he looked? He jumped into the shower, almost managing to sprain an ankle. How long was Aron going to take? Well, he did say after work, but...

What time was it? Frantically, he rinsed his hair and sprayed water everywhere, hoping that he was going to come out clean and smelling like a normal person, not a homeless. Not that he usually had a problem with personal hygiene, but compared to Alex, he was practically the embodied image of a hobo. He didn’t have a closet the size of an apartment and one thousand nice smelling bottles.

Ah, there was still time. Okay, now he needed some proper clothes. What was he going to wear? With brusque moves, he opened wide his closet, where his perfunctory plain attires lay neatly, arranged by his very doting mother.

Ah, why hadn’t he thought about getting some new clothes? Really, Aron was going to think that...

He stopped in front of the closet and began laughing like a madman. Seriously, when had it mattered to Aron what he wore? Obviously, a few days spent as a local fashion icon and he was going crazy over having nothing to wear. He was definitely, undoubtedly, going slightly mad.

With a sigh, he put on a pair of slacks and a t-shirt. Really, he had no idea what he was expecting from seeing Aron.

Maybe for you to drop to your knees and take him into your...

What the fuck, dude? Guy’s married.

To a douche.

It doesn’t matter, he doesn’t know it.

All right, he thought. In Aron’s reality, THE reality, they hadn’t seen each other in two years. Well, Aron had seen him, lying there, in the hospital...

Had Alex been there all that time? The thought was giving him the willies. He had been plenty of freaked out and he hadn’t been stuck in a hospital bed, without being able to move, or speak, or anything.

No wonder Alex had behaved like a hysterical person the moment they had changed back. He could almost feel for the guy. Yeah, he really could sympathize. The guy must have been through hell.

He opened the door, trying to seem as nonchalant as possible.

“Hey,” he called, forcing a smile.

His best friend was standing there, looking as handsome as Carter could still remember from just a few nights ago. But he wasn’t looking at him with the same eyes. He was just smiling, and he did look happy, but that was totally different from how Aron had looked at him, when he had thought Carter was his husband.

Ah, damn, he had barely spoken a word and he could feel the world spinning. He wanted for time to just stop, so he could look and look at Aron for all eternity. But time had the bad habit of running, second after second, at the same tic-tac speed as always, from the beginning of ... itself.

Aron almost pushed him inside his own apartment, coming at him fast and grabbing him in his strong arms.

“I missed you, buddy,” Aron said, and Carter wondered if it was okay to hug back.

He didn’t have time to decide as Aron pushed him back to stare at him.

“Well, given what you’ve been through, I’d say you look really good!” Aron spoke, his eyes shining and his face all a smile.

“Would you like to come in?” Carter spoke, saying each word separately, like he was a robot in a 60s SF movie, and gesturing amply towards the living room.

That didn’t seem to bother Aron at all. Oh, well, Aron was used to all his quirks, and that was nothing.

“Yeah, of course,” Aron replied, the smile never leaving his face.

“I have beer and chips,” he hurried to add, this time without the weird speech impediment.

“That’s great!” Aron patted his back and Carter finally let him step inside.

He pointed the sofa, and both sat down. Aron didn’t seem interested in the beer and chips, though.

“How are you feeling?” Aron questioned him, his kind dark eyes searching his face with a mix of longing and bewilderment, and also with a tinge of hope.

Ah, damn, now he needed to make conversation.

I’m missing you. So much.

I want to kiss you.

I want you to leave your husband, and then come live with me, like forever, and we can get a dog, and then a house, that if you don’t like that one you have, because I don’t, because Alex tormented that interior decorator and sent the poor man into therapy, and seriously, maybe this is not a sofa, but that thing ain’t either and...

“Hey, buddy, you here?” Aron called gently. “What are you thinking of? I can tell you’re thinking of something.”

“I was ... thinking of ... how I feel,” Carter spoke slowly.

Like what answer could be the right one. Obviously, not whatever was crossing his mind at the moment.

“It was quite a strange thing, that accident,” Aron shook his head.

“Alex says I pushed him,” Carter said directly, making Aron wince and hunch his shoulders like he was trying to make himself little in the sofa.

The smile was gone from Aron’s face, too, and the corners of his lips pulled down. Carter could sense the man’s pain. It wasn’t just embarrassment. He could not begin to fathom what had happened between Alex and Aron, the moment they got back home, Alex in his own body this time around. Could Alex have told Aron about the body swap? If that guy had one ounce of self-preservation in his supermodel body, he must have kept his mouth shut.

“I was so afraid he was going to take that ludicrous story to the press that I told your parents,” Aron said apologetically. “I didn’t want them or you to find out about such a thing from the newspapers, or the Internet. He did calm down, eventually, and I wish I didn’t say a thing. It was not the time, nor the place to make them upset over something like this.”

“So you don’t believe him,” Carter said. “Your husband,” he added with difficulty, the word heavy and unpleasant in his mouth.

“No, how can I believe such an outrageous thing?” Aron huffed. “In his name, I must apologize. He’s been through a lot ... well, definitely not as much as you, but he tends to take everything too much at...”

“He’s a screamer,” Carter shrugged.

Aron threw him an odd look. He also seemed a bit conflicted.

“Hey, listen, Carter,” Aron spoke, “could you please tell me what happened that day? For the love of all that is holy, I cannot believe what my husband tells me.”

Husband. Aron’s husband. Someone who wasn’t him. Husband wasn’t even a complicated word. It only had seven letters, and there was nothing weird about it.

Husband.

Huseband.

Hūsbōnda.

Hūsbōndi.

A householder.

Yeah, Alex was the best householder in the universe. Probably a housekeeper. In Zsa Zsa Gabor’s vision of what a housekeeper meant, not like a maid or something.

“You’re spacing out again, buddy,” Aron touched his shoulder.

He turned to look at his longtime friend. How come had he never looked at Aron like this before? How come had he never noticed how handsome the guy was? How come had he never realized he was...

What? Attracted to Aron? But that was something that he had only recently discovered. So, maybe, just maybe, the accident had happened for a reason. It had opened his eyes. It made him feel ... and he was not exactly good at feeling.

“Hey,” Aron chuckled. “Stop looking at me like I’m one of your girlfriends. You almost make me blush,” he joked. “By the way, any new conquests?”

“Like how? From the hospital bed?” Carter questioned, without a trace of irony.

“So, no hot nurses ready to give you a sponge bath?” Aron grinned.

It was obvious Aron was trying to make him feel at ease. That was how things had always been between them, Aron always doing something so that Carter could express what he wanted to say, without too many detours and delays.

“That thing is so overrated,” Carter stated. “It’s not as pleasant as people make it out to be. And I think that nurse who did give me a sponge bath was just in overdrive for some reason. I can take showers by myself. I just did. Took a shower.”

You’re babbling.

It’s not like I can help it. He’s so close, I only have to lean in and kiss him.

Don’t do it.

Ah, finally, you’re agreeing with me on this.