Chapter 1

“Charlie, do you mind if I go swimming today?” I was standing at his back door, looking up at him from the patio. He’s tall.

“No, Francie. I was just on the way out there myself. I’d love some company if you don’t mind. I’ve been mowing all morning, and I need it. The pool. I need to jump in the pool.”

“Oh, gosh no, Charlie. I’d love you ... I’d love for you to be there. It’s your pool anyway. I’m the one that’s intruding.”

“Actually, sweetheart, you’re not intruding,” he told me. I hope he didn’t catch my grin. When he calls me things like that it makes my chest hurt. I think they’re called butterflies. He went on, “I invited you. You’ve had an open invitation to come through that gate I put in for you since you turned sixteen. You know that.”

“I know, but I feel like I’m intruding.”

“Don’t feel that way. I want you here. You’re good company.” He was leaning back. For a computer guy, he sure was buff. “When does school let out, hon?”

“May twenty-fourth. Thursday. A month, then one more year and I can start learning again.” I love it when he calls me Hon and things. It gives me goosebumps. They chase the butterflies around.

“Francie, why don’t you take those Advance Placement classes? I used to do that. I skipped a year of college taking those.”

“I do, Charlie. All of them I can. Next year as a senior I can take four. This year as a Junior only three. Last year was a waste because of the trial and I didn’t get credit for them. I’m lucky they let me test back into the eleventh grade. I’ll have 21 credits when I start. That’s something.”

“It certainly is,” I told her. “How about on-line courses? This college has those.”

“Aunt Susan can’t afford them for me and ... Never mind.”

“Don’t you ‘Never mind’ me, you little brat.” He laughed when he called me a brat. That always made me smile, but not this time. “I asked you a question,” he said. He must’ve seen me frown. “What’s wrong, Francie? I’ve told you that you can talk to me about anything. And, I do mean anything, by the way. You think we have secrets, but we don’t.” I wondered what he meant by that.

“You have to promise not to tell Aunt Susan I told you.” He nodded. “Charlie, she tries so hard, but, well, she can’t afford to replace my computer right now, so I’m stuck using the ones at the library after school.”

Oh, crapola. He got up, looking mad and went inside. Now I’m in trouble. Good. He’s coming back out and he didn’t have enough time to call anyone. What’s in the bag? No, he wouldn’t. No. Oh God, and I thought I loved him before!

“Punkin’, here. Take this home with you. It’s an old laptop of mine, and it’s already set up on the wireless over here. Just use it and don’t say a word. If Susan says anything, have her call me. I’ll tell her I have you looking stuff up for me.”

I got up, took the bag, set it on my chair, then went back and hugged him and kissed his cheek. “Charlie, I wasn’t begging, but I can do so much better now, and be home to do it. Thank you so much. I really owe you. I’ll do your dishes for you. How’s that?”

“You owe me nothing, sweetheart. You’ve paid me in sunshine and smiles for over three years. I probably owe you for all the times you’ve dug June bugs out of the pool. I’m going to do something else, too, but if you rat me out, we’ll both probably be in a lot of trouble. You’re just about to turn seventeen, so you can legally do it, but I’m letting you use this, as well, and I want you to sign up for an online college course. Just let me have it back after you get signed up. Finish the course, and come get it for another one. You’re already registered at the college from the advanced classes, right?”

I nodded. He handed me what looked like a credit card, but it was black with a gold border around it. “They’ll know you have it so there shouldn’t be an issue. I’ll call them in a bit.”

“Charlie, I can’t use your credit card. That wouldn’t be right.”

“OK, hon. Bottom line. Time for a talk. We have no secrets. OK?”

I told him, “OK,” but to be honest, I was scared. I was very, very afraid.

“Francie, honey. Relax. It is right. Very right. Listen. I know about the house, and how it was paid off with the insurance from your mother’s death. I know about your father being in jail for killing her, and I know why. I know your aunt lives here to help out after what her brother did. I know a lot. Your mother and I talked. We weren’t super close, but pretty much talked about everything. Your father never knew, until the trial. You weren’t there when I testified, because of your breakdown, but I did. I told them everything I knew, and...”

I started crying. He knew. HE KNEW. DAMN. I cried. I sobbed. I didn’t want to run. I loved him. I didn’t want to run. Could I face him?

“Francie,” he came over to me and picked me up, setting me in his lap and just holding me while I cried. Oh, God, this was horrible. He knew, but he was still holding me. If he knew, why was he still holding me? “Please don’t cry, sweetie. It doesn’t change anything. Nothing at all. I still want you here. I always have, I do now, and I always will.”

Hi. My name is Francie. It’s pronounced Fransee as opposed to Frankie. I’m what some call a trans girl. Some call me a sissy. Some call me shit house trash. Depends on your life’s vectors, I guess. My birth certificate used to say Franklin Charles Cooper. Now it says Frances Charlotte, and I’m hoping I won’t be a Cooper very long. I’m just about to become a seventeen-year-old girl, and my neighbor is a thirty-five-year-old geek, and he’s the nicest, smartest, most wonderful man I’ve ever met. I’m in love with a nerd. My mom helped me through transition. She was wonderful. And understanding. She’s not with us now. My father killed her. Yeah, I know. My life is somewhat screwed up.

When I was nine, I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria. I was a girl. In a boy’s body. I wore bobby sox and played with dolls for God’s sake. School was terrible, but I got through it by studying hard, paying attention, being smart and staying to myself. The gay boy. The weird girl. It depended on which grade I was in at the time. Mom helped me. She got me into a program at the University Hospital. They were doing trials, a study, and they got my name from my psychiatrist. My pediatrician agreed. So did the lawyers. It cost nobody in my family a nickel, and yet, it cost them everything. When I was twelve, I was declared a girl and given a new birth certificate. At thirteen I had an orchiectomy and my Adam’s apple, what little there was at that age, was cut off. At fourteen I had real breasts. At fifteen, I could fill a bikini, and that’s what did it. After those few years, my father lost his marbles because his son was a girl. He blamed it on Mom, and me, I guess, and when I was spending the night at a sleepover with other girls, who didn’t care about my condition by the way, he waited ‘til she was in bed and confronted her. He wound up shooting her a whole bunch of times, then putting the gun to his own head and failing to kill himself. It cracked his skull, but the Ambulance guys kept him alive so he could go to jail for the next thirty years. What a mess. All because I didn’t want to play football. I wanted a football player. Sorry. Bad joke. Bad life, bad humor. Sue me.

So, here’s the love of my life, about to tell me he knows I’m really a boy and that he wants nothing to do with me and my life is shattered. But, Francie, I say to myself, look on the bright side. He’s giving you a computer and free internet access to keep you out of his hair. I bawled. Like a baby. I didn’t want to, but I wasn’t in control. I was just losing everything. Again.

“Francie, please stop. Please? Did you hear me?” I nodded, but ... I guess I didn’t.

“You know.” I was trying to catch my breath.

“Of course I know. I know you are different, but wonderful. I know you are beautiful. I know you are cute. I know you are smart, and I know I love you just the way you are. I do, Francie. I do. You don’t need to cry or be afraid of what I know. I know everything. No problem. I don’t think when your mother told me all this that she knew you’d like me as much as you do, but she knew I cared enough about you to invite you to use the pool and put the gate in, so she thought it was important that I know about your past. We were good friends, Francie. Your mom was a wonderful lady. She was only a year or two older than me, so we had a lot in common, too.”

“Did you two ever...” I stopped her.

“Oh, geez! No, baby, don’t go there. Please. Your mother was married to your father. I would never, ever, do anything like that. No. Never.” He called me Baby. It made me shiver and he thought I was crying again, so he pulled me into a hug. I just melted. I did not want to move. He knew. He still wanted me around.

“What did you mean about me liking you?”

“Francie, look, I might be wrong, but I think you might have a little crush on me, and to be honest, I have one on you, too. I love when you’re here. I love being around you and talking. Hell, girl, I love looking at you. You’re pretty, and smart, and, well, pretty smart!” He laughed. He’s not as funny as he thinks he is sometimes, but he can be humorous at times.

“Charlie, I’m just about to turn seventeen. I’m almost an adult, and with what I’ve been through compared to my classmates and friends, I’d say I know stuff. If I tell you something serious, will you promise not to laugh?”

“No, honey, but I’ll try very hard, if it’s really serious. I’ll try to be serious with you. Tell me. Please.”

“It’s not a crush, Charlie. I’m pretty sure I’m actually in love with you. It’s been three years, and you’re the only boy, or man, I even look at sideways. I’ve just been afraid. Of you knowing. And, I don’t want an operation, Charlie, so...”

“That’s fine, Francie. I didn’t laugh. We’re fine. I know who you are. And what you are. You’re a beautiful girl. We’re fine.” He hugged me really tight. I melted again.

I whispered, “Thank you, Charlie. I do love you. I really do. Would you kiss me?” He did. Oh God, did he! I don’t have a lot of experience with kissing. Karen and I have kissed, practicing. She’s a little ... A little aggressive, would be a good term for it. I thought at one point she would eat my face. I laugh inside remembering that night, but this. This is heaven. He kisses so soft. Oh, he licked my lips. Oh, my, that’s nice. If I do that, yes, he made a noise but didn’t move. Yes, I like that. Again. Touch his tongue with mine. Oh, God. My chest. STOP! I CAN’T BREATHE! Thank you, Lord. He stopped. I didn’t want him to, but I couldn’t breathe. Oh, my God. “Thank you, Charlie. You kiss nice.”

“So do you, sweetheart. Please make sure you know what you want, and what you’re doing, Francie. I could do this forever. There is a place in my heart for you, but I don’t want to hurt you. It scares me. I am really afraid for you. I want you to only have the best. For you. Not for me. For you.”

“I think this is it, Charlie. This is it. The best for me. Can I be your girlfriend now?”

“You have been for quite a while, baby, we just didn’t know it. I guess this means we’re dating? Will you go out to dinner with me? Tonight? El Conquistador? I could use a tamale to celebrate!”

“You’re a nut. Everyone else would have a steak and champagne, and you want a tamale and what, a beer or a margarita.”

“Definitely margarita. Big celebration. I have a girlfriend.” I laughed at him. Yep, sometimes he’s funny.

“OK. First date. Tonight. I’m sorry for crying, Charlie, I was so afraid...” He cut me off.

“Never, ever be afraid of me, sweetie. Ever. I’m on your side. Always. I’ll prove it, in time, if you’ll let me.” He says the sweetest things.

“OK. Take me swimming, boyfriend.” I stood and took off the oversized button up shirt I used for a coverup and kicked off my flip flops. He looked at me like a hungry wolf, then just picked me up and threw me in the pool. I screamed like a little girl. ‘This is going to be a fun fifty years,’ was the only thing I thought when I was coming back up to the surface.

I went to the edge, held up my hand, and when he had it, I planted my feet under the edge, held on tight, and pushed with my legs. Success. I pulled him in. Goosy gander. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, or in this case, gander goosy! I smiled at him when he broke the surface. “TRUCE!” I yelled.

“OK, but ... OK. No problem. Hug me and we’ll call a halt to the war for now.” I did. The feeling of being in his arms is like nothing else. We had a big bearskin rug a long time ago. It felt kind of like that, only better. Much better. Even in the pool. He played like he was going to throw me, but just moved me around a little and hugged me again. I squeezed his neck and kissed it. Then pushed away, out of his arms. I didn’t want to, but I didn’t want to be a needy little girl either. I swam around him and through his legs, him grabbing at me, catching one of my ankles now and again. He’s always firm, but gentle when he does that. Careful not to hurt me, but definitely letting me know he can do what he wants. I like that part. He’s a guy. All guy. Did I mention he was pretty buff? More than once, he grabbed my ankle, pulled me up and out of the water, upside down with a hand on my thigh. He’s pretty strong, even though I’m pretty little. I’m five four and weigh a little over a hundred and ten. He’s way over six foot and over two hundred, at least. Someday, I’d know more about that, but right now, I just wanted him to know more about me. Lots of me he hasn’t touched yet, and I want that to be very little before the day is over. Then ... Patience, Francie. Patience. Don’t scare him away.

We got out after getting a bit of exercise, him using me as a barbell, lifting me and all, and me playing coy and trying to keep away from him, very unsuccessfully, or very successfully failing, depending on how you look at games between two people wanting to know each other better. Anyway, we got out and lay on the lounges. “Can I put some oil on your back for you, Charlie?”

“Sure, sweetie, but I don’t want to put you out or anything.”

“Don’t be silly. You’re my boyfriend now. I want to do this stuff. Anyway, I love you and don’t want you to burn.” I had fun for the next five minutes. I oiled everything I could reach, and a couple of places I probably shouldn’t have. I reached in, between his legs, even though it wasn’t really reachable. Yes, he was wearing one of those little tight things. A speedo? Not loose shorts, anyway. He made some kind of moaning noise, like when we kissed, so, maybe I did good. I want him to want me. I want him to think I’m sexy. I’m old enough for that. I think I am, anyway. All of my friends, well almost all of them anyway, are having sex and stuff, so I should be old enough to want to, too.

“Thank you, doll. You want me to do you, too?” he asked. He had that wolf looking grin again. Uh Oh!

“Would you? I’d love that.” And I did. His hands all over my back, my shoulders, my arms, my legs. He even did my feet. I was so horny. I was dribbling wet into my suit bottom. Thankfully, it was still wet, so he wouldn’t be able to tell if I stood up really quick or something. Then he really surprised me. After he got me all covered with oil, he straddled my seat, and with a little oil in each hand, he ran his hands up and down my sides then the sides of my thighs. If felt so, so, so good. Oh Jeez, I was melting. My chest again. Damn it felt good. I moaned. Oh, No. He giggled. He giggled at my moan. Then he stopped and went back to lie down.

“Thank you, Francie. That was fun.”

“You’re thanking me!?!? You just ran your hands all up and down my body and made me feel like a pampered princess, and YOU are thanking ME?!?!? Gosh, Charlie, I love you more now than I did ten minutes ago, and that was a lot!” I stood and looked up at him. “Kiss me again, boyfriend!” He did. We did. It was really nice, then we laid down and looked at each other. He closed his eyes, smiling. “What are you thinking about?”

“The way you felt with my hands all over you. Francie, you’re really pretty. You have a beautiful body. Your legs are long and wonderful. You are a very pretty girl. You sure you want to settle for a computer gonk like me when you could have most any boy out there?”

“You’re being silly. You’re handsome, have a nice house with a pool, a car AND a truck, and grill a mean hamburger. Yes, my darling boyfriend, I know you can cook more than that. You’ve been feeding me for a couple years now. Plus, you can fix my computer when it fizzles. What else is there? That’s everything a woman needs in a man. What about me, though? Am I going to be enough for you? That is the million-dollar question.”

‘Yes, I think you will be. We’ll see, but I think you will be. You have helped me cook, you cook well and can learn. You eat my cooking, so you are tolerant. You have the capacity to make millions at some fancy job, somewhere, and bring it home for me to spend on my selfish self. Again, you’re pretty and smart, and pretty smart. You have, like I said before, a beautiful body and legs to die for. You kiss like an angel. What else could a man want?”

I let it out. Had to do it again, just to make sure we were all on the same page, here. “What about kids, Charlie? I can’t have children.”

“Oh, honey, I know that, but we can waste all of our millions on ourselves, or we can adopt, or heck, there are other options. Surrogate mommies, all kinds of things. Not a problem for now, though, because my girlfriend is much too young to be tied down with babies and a family. She needs to learn a lot and find a job making millions so I can have a Lamborghini or a Ferrari, whichever gets the best gas mileage.” He smiled at me. I had to smile back. He wasn’t worried about kids. Good. That makes me feel a little safer.

“Charlie. I love you.” We laid there for a while, trading information back and forth. We’d been together off and on for almost three years, but this is the first time we wound up telling each other that we wanted to be a couple. To date. To be boyfriend and girlfriend. I don’t know exactly how it happened today, or why it happened today, but it did. And I was so, so happy about that. I’ve been wanting to say something for ages, but I was so afraid. He broke that fear today. He told me he knew and not to worry about it. He likes me anyway. He did say he loves me just the way I am. Someday maybe he’ll say ‘I love you’. I hope I don’t melt when he does. If he’s holding me I will. I’ll just melt into his arms like earlier when he kissed me. Geez, that was hot. And he didn’t try to eat my face. That was a good thing! Crazy girl, settle down.

“Oh, and Francie, baby, I love you, too. I have for a while. I was just afraid to say it. I thought maybe you were too young. I do. We’ll learn about each other. I want that. But, I love you, too.”

“Charlie, why haven’t you dated or been with other girls? Sorry. Other women?”

“Oh, that. Too busy. Work too much. Don’t like gold-diggers. Don’t party. Don’t hang out at bars. I don’t know. I’m not really out there for any of them to see me.”

Gold-diggers? What was that all about? Later. Lots to learn later.

“Anyway, I was in love with the little neighbor girl, and that could cause a problem down the road.” He chuckled, so cutely. I got up and leaned down to kiss him again.

“Thank you. You make me feel good about myself.”

“You should. You really are all that, Francie. Seriously. You’re a treasure. A really good catch. You’ll see.”

After about an hour, he turned over. “May I?” I asked him.

“Yes, Baby, if you want to, but be careful, OK. This is going to be scary for me. Maybe for you, too, so be careful.” I nodded, then poured oil on his chest and rubbed it into his chest and tummy. I straddled his thighs and sat on them, and finished. I moved down and did his thighs and shins, then the tops of his feet, then went back up and did his arms. I saw the bulge in his suit. The spandex thing was tight on him to begin with, but it, the lump, his penis, kind of grew and grew. And grew.

“Turnabout’s fair play if you want, Charlie. You can do me,” I told him then lay out on my back. Praying he’d take me up on it. He did. Slowly, carefully, and very, very chastely around my suit bottom and top. On my tummy, he’d touch the straps and get under them a little. On my back, he pretty much stayed away from doing that. Darn it. But my legs. Oh, when he did my legs, I got a little stiffie, too. I don’t have much. Not at all. I started the drugs, the blockers and the hormones, and things way before puberty, so I really am a little girl with a teenie weenie, now. So, he could see my little one-inch peenie sticking up a bit. He didn’t say a word, just rubbed the oil into my thighs, sneaking between them, but away from my suit. When he was done, and stood, he was HUGE. His suit almost stuck out. His penis had gotten much bigger than it was when I was rubbing the oil on him. It’s big. Oh Lord, it’s big. And wet. He got a wet spot at the end of it, over by his thigh. I wanted so badly to reach out and touch it, but I couldn’t. Too early. Way too early. “Thank you, Charlie. That felt good. Really good.”

“Yes, it did. Sorry about the display, there, but it felt really good doing that to you ... For you, sorry. And, it affected me.”

“Me too. Don’t worry, and please don’t apologize, Charlie. I like knowing that it did. I hope I didn’t cause a problem, though.”

“No, Baby, I’m fine. It’ll go away in a bit. I’m all right. A little more sun, then a dip and we’ll go our separate ways for our date tonight?”

“Yes, Charlie. Sounds good. Really good. Can I have a sip of your margarita?”

“Absolutely, sweetie. Of course.” When he said that, the shivers went through me again. He got so hard rubbing on me. He thinks I’m sexy. He wasn’t just talking. It was real. Oh, my. So much to think about. “Hey, doll, what do you want to wear on our first date? I don’t want to wear jeans if you’re wearing an LBD and heels.”

“What would you know about LBDs, young man?” We both laughed. “How about a nice top and hot pants with hose and strappy heels. You can wear a polo, slacks and loafers. I’ve seen you dressed like that, and you’re handsome that way.”

“That’s not fair. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in hot pants before. Will I be able to handle this?”

“Hopefully not. It’s my secret weapon to steal your heart. I have more weapons if I need to use them if it, A, doesn’t work, or B, I need to keep your heart close to me.”

“You already have that, my sweet, but 15 more minutes and we’ll give each other a couple hours to get ready, OK?”

“Yep! OK.” I couldn’t wait. I know I look good in hot pants and hose, ‘cause my girlfriend said so, and I totally trust her, so I was hoping for the best tonight. The strappy heeled sandals were my mom’s, and she always looked really good in them, so ... And the top. Plain white princess cut blouse and beige lace underthings, again, thanks to Mom, and I’m ready to go. We didn’t have much money, now, but Mom left me a lot of nice clothes and lingerie. It helps me feel close to her when I wear them.

When my father went to jail, the mortgage insurance paid off the house, and all we have to do is pay the taxes and such out of her life insurance policy from work, and then when I’m an adult, I can sell the house. I can use the life insurance money for college AFTER high school, too. It’s really complicated, but, at least I have a home. My aunt, though. She’s a mess. She’s not a people person, but signed up do to this because she was the only family member on my father’s side that was available to do it, and Mom was an only child. My Grams, Mom’s mother, died just after mom did. Her dad, my Grampa, died a long time ago.

Anyway, Aunt Susan was pretty much goaded into it by Uncle Fred. Susan lived here in town, so Fred had her moved into my house to help take care of it and me. She was in an apartment, and is closer to work now, so she’s really in a better place. But, like I said, she’s not a people person and doesn’t like to cook. That’s where Charlie has come in handy. He is a chef quality cook and has been teaching me. My thoughts are starting to ramble.

A timer went off, so I figured it was time to go. I got up, put my hand on his chest and leaned down to kiss him. He reached up and grabbed me, slowly, wrapped me up in a big hug, and not only kissed me, but really made me feel loved with his hugging me.

“I’ll be back at six,” I told him.

“No, I’ll pick you up. It’s a date. We’re doing it right. Date style. Guy picks girl up at her door and does it all respectable like.”

“OK. So, I have to be 5 minutes late coming down the stairs, and all that. OK. At least we have the ground rules! I love you, Chuck. I should be ready when you get there.” I pecked him on the lips and took off through the gate, hardly able to breathe.

Walking back into my house, Aunt Susan asked, “Why are you so flushed, Frances? You OK?”

“Yes, Susan. I’m fine. Sun, pool, water, date tonight. Just the normal little girl skin problems.”

“OK. Just wanted to make sure.” She turned back to her book. “WHAT!?!?! Did you say, ‘date tonight’?”

“Yeah, it’s Saturday. No homework. School’s almost out. It’s all good.”

“Who’s the lucky boy? And are you prepared for the inevitable?”

“It’s Charlie and he already knows. He said Mom told him everything. Everything. All my worst fears and nightmares were for nothing. He still likes me. He says he loves me. I know I love him, and have forever. So, we’ll see. Just think, if this works out, you can go your merry way and not have to worry about me. I’ll marry Charlie Rawlins and you can go back to your happy life!”

“That would be nice, I have to admit. I love you, Frances, but I’m just not cut out to be a mother, or anything, to anyone. I’m just me.”

“I know, Susan. I love you, too. I know Uncle Fred forced you into this. Trust me, I feel for you. Being nursemaid and troop mother to a teenager just has to suck. I’m sorry if I’ve been a pain for you.”

“No, Frances, you’re wonderful. I just want to be able to see my girlfriend without worrying about everybody in the neighborhood knowing my business.”

“I know. I’ll never tell. God knows we all have skeletons, but in this day and age you should be able to kiss Barbara on Main Street and not get a second glance. I guess snooty gated communities are different. I’m so glad Charlie lives here, though. He’s not like that. He just does his thing and lets the world go by. I think he’s the only one left on the street doing their own lawn. Everyone else has the kids in the next subdivision come do them, or that one guy has that fancy lawn service with twenty illegals that do his in ten minutes, then pack up and whoosh, they’re gone. I mean, Charlie is just a normal guy. Well, not to me. But to everyone else.”

“Got it bad, don’t you?”

“Yes, Susan. I’ve got it bad. The fever. The love bug has bitten me and I have the fever.” I put my wrist up to my forehead in a dramatic pose, then I laughed and ran up the stairs. Susan has heard my moony talk about Charlie before, so I guess she has expected this. I’m sure any normal mother would have had a cow over their child dating a man twice their age, but Susan is not a normal mother. Hence, no cow. Only a happy little girl on her first real date with her beau.

I showered and shaved my legs and pits, and around my clittie and a little back on my underside, making sure I was as smooth as a baby’s bottom. I don’t have much body hair at all, but I like it all gone anyway. I doubted anything would happen tonight, but it’s nice to feel smooth and feminine. Just knowing I am is nice.

I put on just enough makeup to highlight my eyes. The green in them was something Charlie had mentioned before. I put my long auburn hair up in a loose do on top and left some locks down to frame my face. Charlie had commented how he liked my dark red hair and how it looked elegant and pretty with my green eyes. The very light green eye shadow kind of brought it all together. The eyeliner set them off, and the mascara helped to darken and lengthen my lashes. There. A little dusky pink lip gloss to match the nail polish which was about dry, and voila’. Mom had a thing to stick my fingers in to dry the polish after a layer of this clear stuff went on. There was a really bright and warm light bulb in it. OK, then! Ready for my déclaration de mode couture for the evening.

I dressed in the outfit I wanted him to see me in. A sheer beige bra with lace in the cups. I had my testes removed 4 years ago, and with the hormones and all, I had nice breasts now. A real live B cup. Same as my Mom was. She thought she was small. I think mine are big enough to be thankful for. Same issue, different views. I had panties to match. It was a set. Sheer all around except for the front panel which was lace, just like the bra cups have. Then sheer to waist off black pantyhose. They had little reinforced toes, but that was it. I wanted some patterned ones, but I couldn’t find any I liked at Penney’s, and I can’t afford Sak’s or Neiman Marcus so these will have to work for now. I slid the blue faux suede microfiber shorts up. Hot pants, really. The legs were just loose enough to look haute, the waist was slightly high, almost, but not quite as high as the likes of Taylor Swift and Holly Fields wear out in public. Then the blouse. It was a nice night so I picked it. No need for a jacket. It was a princess cut, cap sleeved, white button-down blouse, tuxedo button placket, just hanging down to the waistline of the beltless shorts and no further. I hate to say this, but it was a nice outfit. The shoes made the woman in my mirror. Four-inch high heeled sandals, blue suede strappy style, to match the shorts. My mother could dress. I hope she wasn’t up in heaven wondering what the hell the slut was doing in her finery. I wanted her to look at me positively. Pretty, like her. In her things. I really am a good girl and I work hard. I’m hoping she’s proud.