Chapter 98: Warm-Hearted Realist

August 10, 1997, Chicago, Illinois

We’d just finished lunch on Sunday when the phone rang. Kara answered and handed me the phone.

“How’s my favorite Seppo?” Jon Todd asked.

“Very good. How’s my favorite butcher?”

“A new father! Amanda had a baby girl. She weighed in at seven pounds, twelve ounces and measured twenty-three inches.”

“Congratulations! Does your daughter have a name?”

“Indeed she does! Her name was chosen by Amanda - Kara Jessica Todd.”

“Seriously?” I asked.

“Would I kid you about that, Mate?”

“You would, but you aren’t. And I believe this means you can’t possibly bring Albert home next week.”

“Not if I want to stay married. And alive!”

“OK. Send him home via the BA unaccompanied minor option. I’ll wire you the fare difference.”

“What about Jessica?”

“I’ll take care of that. Just let Albert know he’ll be traveling like a grownup, the way Matthew and Birgit do.”

“Will do!”

“Congrats again, Sweeney! Let your bride know I’m very happy for her.”

“I will!”

We said ‘goodbye’ and hung up.

“She’s going to be very upset,” Kara said quietly.

“I know. But I can’t go get him, and there is no way Jess can insist that Jon leave his wife and new baby just to mollify her.”

“And when she throws a fit?”

“I won’t give in to a fit from her any more than I would from one of the kids. He’s old enough to do this, and it’s not as if he’s going to be alone. Jon will get him to Heathrow, and I’ll get him from O’Hare on Saturday afternoon. Let’s finish cleaning up. The kids from the Rap Session will be here soon.”

“Are you going to tell me this baby’s name?” Kara asked, hands on her hips.

“Kara Jessica Todd.”

“Seriously?” she asked.

I chuckled, “That’s exactly what I said. Yes. You have a namesake! Jon said the names were chosen by Amanda.”

“We have to send a very nice gift.”

I nodded, “We will.”

We finished and then went to relax in the ‘Indian’ room. We had the house to ourselves, because the girls were at Penny’s house and Matthew and Michael were with Elyse and Eduardo. We’d just sat down when the doorbell rang, which meant it wasn’t anyone from the Rap Session, because the usual practice was that they would just walk in. Kara and I went to the door and I was surprised to see Amelia.

“Hi,” she said.

“Hi,” Kara and I replied.

“Can, I, uhm, come in?”

“Does your mom know you’re here?” I asked.

“No way! She’s impossible!”

“She works for me,” I said. “And that’s a problem.”

“Steve, go inside,” Kara said. “I’ll talk to Amelia.”

Amelia pleaded with her eyes for me to stay, but Kara was exactly right. I went back into the house and a couple of minutes later, people started arriving for the Rap Session.

When it was time to start, Kara hadn’t come in, but I didn’t think we should wait for her. We were missing several kids because of vacation, and Henry and Patricia were still missing, though they’d rejoin us at the next session in September. Elizabeth and Ben were on vacation as well, which led me to have a simple conversation about current events, instead of addressing any deep topics.

Kara still hadn’t come in when we broke for refreshments. She still hadn’t come in when we finished our social time. As everyone was leaving, Leah reminded me I had promised to talk to her. I smiled and nodded, and we went into my study.

“I’ve thought carefully about what you wanted, and if you still want to be together, I think once more is OK. But that will have to be the last time.”

“Then I guess I need to get Liv for the threesome!” Leah said with a smirk.

“If that’s what you want, we can talk about it, but I’d like to have three or four hours alone with you.”

“Really?”

“Really. But, if you want a threesome, and you’re both sure about it, then I’m OK with that.”

Leah cocked her head, “That almost sounds like acquiescence, not consent.”

“I’m glad you paid attention to what I said. In this case, it’s simply a matter of preference. It would be lots of fun, IF that’s what you really want.”

“Would it seem greedy to want to just be with you, and do what we did last time?”

“Not at all. Can you get away from say 11:00am to 2:00pm tomorrow?”

“Yes. The same place?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t buy lunch,” she said with an impish smile.

“I’ll eat beforehand,” I grinned. “See you tomorrow?”

“Yes!” she said excitedly.

We hugged and she left, and a few minutes later, Kara came into the house.

“That was a really long talk,” I said.

“I take it you remember our frustrations with our parents? Well, you with your mom and me with my dad?”

“Sadly, yes. Is she going to start at the High School next month?”

“It seems so, yes, but her mom is trying to put severe restrictions on what she can do. Did you know Amelia has a beautiful singing voice?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“She does, but her mom won’t let her try out for the musicals, or even the choir. And you can guess the reason.”

I smiled, “The same reason Christians always looked askance at thespians, and why an actor could never be ordained. I’m not sure there’s anything we can do about that, especially given that Monica works for NIKA. She could cause real trouble.”

“Amelia thinks her mom is looking for a new job.”

“That wouldn’t surprise me, but even that will cause Bob heartburn. And before you object, I pay Bob to have heartburn. Once Deborah and I spend a last night together, I won’t be involved in that way with anyone at NIKA. And with the exception of Claire and Jodie, everyone else I socialize with is management, which limits potential exposure. Those two were friends long before they were hired at NIKA, and I trust both of them to stick to the Code.”

“Penny?”

“You know the issue there. Bob will never be comfortable with our working arrangement, but even a discussion is off limits. You know what’s in Penny’s employment contract - the only one any staff member has.”

“Not the one provision she wanted - a chance to fuck the boss from time to time!”

“That would have been disastrous, and I think even she knows that now. Anyway, what that means is no staff, except for Claire and Jodie, will be invited here.”

“What about John in Pittsburgh?”

“He’s management now, and he and I have both kept detailed records of me paying for my tickets, food, and so on. Bob was actually OK with that because we literally just went to hockey games. And Mario made the promotion choice on his own, which followed his succession plan.”

“I know we’re off the subject, but you seem to have made peace with the situation.”

“Will you forgive a bit of blasphemy?”

“Is there such a thing?” Kara asked with a smirk.

“Not really.”

“Then go on.”

“Wow! Did you just do that impromptu?”

I nodded, “Yes. I know the prayer, but I think my changes make it better.”

“Of COURSE you do!” Kara laughed. “But I think I agree. I’m surprised you didn’t throw Loki in there somehow.”

“I did mention chaos. I replaced ‘sinful’ with ‘chaotic’ because of Loki, and my opinion of sin.”

“You really are developing a wonderful serenity. Let’s see if you can maintain it with Jessica in a few hours.”

“I have a plan for that. Let me make a quick phone call and then we can talk about Amelia.”

Kara nodded and I went to my study and confirmed that Al and Belinda were joining us for our family dinner, then explained my predicament, including details about Amanda’s baby.

“On second thought,” Al replied, “I’m thinking I’ll join Belinda on an early flight to Boston! She was supposed to leave tomorrow, but I know there are flights later today!”

“Coward!”

“Your problem here, Son, is that you are one hundred percent right, and she is one hundred percent stubborn.”

“Thanks for making it my problem, Dad!” I chuckled. “But now that you can actually be her father, would you speak with her about your grandson?”

“Yes.”

“Thanks. I’ll tell her on the way home from the hospital so the house isn’t in the initial blast radius.”

“There is another option.”

“Which is?”

“I make a trip to ‘Jolly Old England’ and spend a few days with my friend Jon and my grandson.”

“My concern is that all that does is delay the inevitable.”

“Let me do this, Steve. We can have the conversation about risk aversion when the stakes aren’t nearly so high for Jess.”

“I’ll defer to your fatherly judgment.”

We said ‘goodbye’ and I explained to Kara what Al and I had agreed.

“I think he’s right about avoiding the confrontation,” Kara said.

“But it does have to be addressed. It’s kind of the one thing blocking complete serenity in our relationship. Anyway, back to the situation with Amelia. If Monica were to quit, it solves one tiny part of the problem, and removes some serious risk. But, to be honest, I’ll accept that risk for the hope that Monica being around a large group of open-minded people at NIKA helps her grow.”

“Isn’t that difficult to do at her age?”

“It’s difficult at any age,” I replied. “The difference is you get set in your ways and develop thought patterns, and the more those are reinforced, the harder they are to break without some kind of trauma. Monica suffered trauma, but it seems to have reinforced her thought pattern, rather than help her break out of it.”

“I’m sure you realize that’s the source of conflict - Monica wants to impose that rigid, close-minded thinking on Amelia, and Amelia has, frankly, had enough. She wants to see her brother, and she wants to do the things normal teenagers do. Monica is resisting at every turn.”

“And I thought she might actually see the light,” I said. “I thought her desire to see her son would ultimately win out.”

“She’s still at least somewhat under the influence of the Witnesses.”

“Jehovah’s False Witnesses? How wonderful,” I sighed. “So what did you tell Amelia?”

“We talked about how my dad and Kent van der Meer treated me, and how your mom treated you, and how, basically, we both had to wait until we were eighteen to completely escape. And even then, we both struggled mightily. In her case, it’s the school year, but she’s under more restrictions than you or I ever were. Even my dad didn’t lock me up that much. Heck, even Sandy van der Meer had more freedom than Amelia. Not much, but some.”

“Sandy is not exactly the example I’d use,” I said, “though I believe she’s happily married now.”

“Do you feel responsible for what happened?”

“You know my take on personal responsibility. I did feel bad about how things turned out, but to be honest, I think Sandy was going to do what she did whether I deflowered her or someone else did. It was her version of complete rebellion. And if you think about it, Ruth was in a very similar situation, with her dad in leadership at the church. After I deflowered her, she found a good man, married him, and they’re still happily married. The sum-total of Ruth’s rebellion was that day at her house.

“I think in both cases, they were going to lose their virginity. In a way, it being me was neutral in Sandy’s case - she’d have found someone to do it, and then gone on her rampage no matter what. For Ruth, on the other hand, she needed it to be someone like me who would teach her the mechanics, be kind and gentle, and answer her questions.”

“I’m still amazed she gave you all three cherries that day.”

“She’s not the only one,” I replied. “And you, young lady, gave me everything I ever wanted that first night in your room.”

“But...”

“What did I want from you, Honey?” I asked softly.

“My love.”

“The rest is all a bonus. A very, very nice bonus. But in the end, that love is what got us here, and gave us two wonderful girls, and a wonderful wife with two more wonderful kids. And besides, we got to that other stuff eventually!”

“Do you remember what Bethany said?”

“About being careful with Amelia? Of course. Why do you think I left her with you?”

“After talking to her today, I’m afraid she’s going to be like Sandy. I think you could help her be like Ruth.”

“That is the collision course that we’ve been on since the day she and Monica came to the front door.”

“I expected you to be upset with me.”

“Why?”

“Long experience.”

“But recently?”

Kara smiled, “No. You’ve become more thoughtful. Well, no, you were always thoughtful. You’ve learned not to let things upset you, and to deal with them as dispassionately as possible. Are you considering it?”

“Being calm doesn’t mean I think it’s a good idea, though I obviously see your point. I do want to say one important thing, and that is that Amelia is responsible for her own behavior. If she goes on a rampage the way Sandy did, it’s fully her choice and the fact that I knew it might happen doesn’t make me responsible.”

“I guess my question is, if you know something bad is going to happen, and you can prevent it, shouldn’t you?”

“If it were a pure zero-sum game, with an absolutely certain outcome, probably. But nothing is free of potential negative consequences. And there are no guarantees that my actions would prevent the bad result. It’s entirely possible they could create a worse result. Despite what appears to be evidence to the contrary, there are some girls for whom pre-marital sex would be a very, very bad idea.”

“Michelle?”

“She is probably the best example from my past. For her, sex and marriage are so intertwined as to be inseparable. Once I was inside her, she considered us married. So in HER mind, at least subconsciously, it wasn’t technically pre-marital sex. I know that sounds weird, but it’s true. I failed miserably because I didn’t truly understand. In hindsight, it’s obvious. And that goes back to my point about bad outcomes.”

“How would you express your feelings about Michelle? Are you responsible?”

“For my own failings and my own actions. And she for hers. I won’t make that same mistake twice. Of course, having said that, I know full well that I could, because I don’t have perfect knowledge and I could misunderstand or misinterpret anything and everything.”

“With your new attitude, I feel I’m safe to ask how you knew things would turn out so well with Natalie?”

“I didn’t. I believed they would, but I didn’t know. I let you and Jess read about the entire thing so you could see my thinking, and why I felt it was the right thing to do. We talked about pretty much every possible issue.”

“You didn’t write about any concerns about you being married.”

“She didn’t raise the issue beforehand, though I knew she knew. Remember my take on that - so long as the young woman in question has her eyes wide open, I won’t make an issue of it. I did with Magda because SHE made an issue of it. The same was true with Sari. And it is the very reason Melissa and I never got to that point and never will.”

“So what do you think?”

“Actually, I want to hear what you have to say,” I said. “What’s your opinion of the situation?”

“Well, given the set of transitions we’re undergoing, I don’t think my answer now would be identical to the one I would have given a few months ago.”

“Are you OK with the changes?”

“Are you happy? Really happy?”

“Yes. Minus the severe dietary restrictions, but honestly, I LIKE being calm. I don’t do crazy stuff and I still get plenty of awesome sex!”

Kara laughed, “But not as much as before.”

“Really?” I asked. “Winter, Vickie, Emmy, Summer, Mattie, Doctor Mary, Deborah, Julie, Ally, Jiang, Krissy, Cindi, Liv, Leah, Sari, Magda, and Natalie? All those were new, and about half virgins. And don’t forget about Maria Cristina. And then there’s Liz. And I was with Jacqui and Becka, too. And Becka was a threesome ‘over-the-top’ deflowering of Mattie!”

Kara laughed softly, “Things have been so calm I hadn’t realized just how many new girls you’ve had. But you said you’re going to slow down.”

“Yes. You, Jess, Maria Cristina, and Liz are more than any man deserves. And you know I’ll still have ‘random deflowerings’. But no more long term dalliances. Maybe, someday, when Maria Cristina decides it’s time for a relationship which could lead to marriage and kids, we’ll find someone else. But everything points to that being at least six or seven years into the future, if not ten.”

“So, would you consider Amelia?”

“Should I? From your perspective? Given everything that’s changed?”

“In the past, I would have said if someone is going to do it, why not? But that doesn’t seem right. On the other hand, if there is someone who can help her through this, it’s probably you. Her motivation is basically the same as mine, Sandy’s, and Ruth’s - rebellion and who is in control of her life and her body.”

“But can she handle it?” I asked. “You could. Ruth could. Sandy, well, that one was complicated by the fact that her goal wasn’t just to seize control, but to rebel in the most outrageous way possible.”