Chapter 71: Deborah and Krissy

April 3, 1997, Dallas, Texas

“You know, I don’t even know what you do for a living!” I said.

Krissy laughed, “I think you’ve said maybe a dozen words to me, total, at three NIKA events Deb has invited me to. And I think ‘How are you?’ was said each time, leaving only three more words!”

“And?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m a physical therapist. I mostly work with college athletes rehabilitating from injuries. Deb doesn’t talk about me?”

“No, she doesn’t. Do you have a Doctorate, or only a Master’s?”

“Master’s. There’s a lot of push for turning PT into something similar to medical education with four years of undergraduate work and three years of post-graduate work, followed by Residency.”

“Loki help you,” I said, shaking my head.

“Do you really worship the Norse gods, or is that just an affectation?”

“A bit of both,” I replied. “I have a strong affinity for Loki, but my philosophy is closer to Buddhism and Russian Orthodox Christianity than anything else. Deborah said you were here for training.”

“It’s all part of the APTA’s push for us to be ‘Doctors of Physical Therapy’. Five days of continuing education. I’m not quite sure how they’re going to handle those of us who have Master’s degrees when this all gets sorted out. Worst case, I’ll need some additional schoolwork. How did your deposition go?”

I shrugged, “About like we expected.”

The hostess let us know our table was ready and led us to a table.

“Why don’t you talk about me, Deb?” Krissy asked. “Embarrassed?”

“No. I figured our private life is private.”

“You fuck the guy, but don’t talk to him about personal stuff?”

“Are you upset about us?” I asked.

Krissy shook her head, “She has her need for dick and wants to fuck her boss. That’s up to her.”

“I don’t think it’s quite that simple,” I replied gently. “Relationships are NEVER that simple.”

“Isn’t that how it is for you? You like outside pussy and it’s up to you who you fuck?”

“That might be how it looks, but it’s more complicated than that. And I think you know that. In fact, I think you’re putting on a front for some reason?”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t imagine Deborah’s girlfriend being that cavalier and that crass.”

“Told ya!” Deborah laughed.

“So, Smart Guy,” Krissy asked, “what kind of personality would you expect from Deborah’s girlfriend?”

“Intelligent, funny, a bit sarcastic, open-minded, and playful. Politically moderate, non-confrontational, and mellow. Throw in soft and cuddly, too.”

Deborah smirked and stuck her tongue out at Krissy.

“You cheated!” Krissy exclaimed. “You told him!”

“She did no such thing,” I replied with a grin. “We have never talked about you, at all, except for me asking to make sure the two of you were in agreement about Deborah and me being together. And that was maybe two sentences in a really long conversation.”

“You weren’t curious?”

“I’m curious about lots of things, but I also remember the adage ‘curiosity killed the cat’! I figured if Deborah wanted to talk about her private life, she would. If not, then that was her prerogative. I like to live my life as openly as possible; a lot of people can’t handle that. I’m all for privacy, I just don’t have much use for it under normal circumstances.”

“You don’t worry about people trying to take advantage of you? Or worse?”

“I think one thing that has hurt our country is that the default attitude has become one of distrust and fear. The entire ‘stranger danger’ bit has led to the idea that public spaces are dangerous, to the point where complete idiots complain about kids walking six or seven blocks to school, or call to report a kid walking to the store. Suddenly, now, public spaces are only for adults, not for kids. That’s nuts.

“And think about the knock-on effects on society. If you teach kids that strangers are dangerous, how will they learn to properly relate to people, especially ones who are different from them? You’ll end up, eventually, with kids in a cocoon who will be unable to relate to anything. And that will lead to even more calls for protecting these ‘innocent’ children from the ‘evil’ world. As I said, it’s nuts!”

“Try being a woman.”

“Thanks, no,” I chuckled. “I’m way too much of a wimp to bleed for a week every cycle of moon phases!”

Both Deborah and Krissy laughed.

“You do know what I’m saying, right?” Krissy asked.

“I do,” I replied with a nod. “And that’s why I’m working with one of the female black belts at our dojo to put together a self-defense class. The first one will be held in May. We’d hoped to start sooner, but with everything going on in our lives, we agreed earlier this week that the first class would be on May 24th, and last eight weeks. We plan to do four of those a year. So yes, I get what you’re saying.

“That said, we know that most abductions are done by parents or relatives, and most sexual abuse is by a parent, spouse, other relative, boyfriend, or friend. Unfortunately, certain high-profile cases have created a moral panic - basically an unwarranted fear that quickly spreads, insisting that some specific evil is an immediate, existential threat to society. A perfect example is the ‘Salem Witch Trials’. Or the lunacy about Dungeons & Dragons. Or even loonier ‘Satanic Ritual’ abuse.

“The current ones are the continuing ‘War on Drugs’, which is nothing more than a war on the Constitution, and the newest one, ‘sex offenders’, when all the facts and figures show that a woman is more likely to be abused physically, mentally, or sexually by a father, husband, uncle, or brother. By a LONG shot.

“Now, think about what that means - the moral panic is over how dangerous it is to allow kids out in public, and get them to stay home or in the immediate presence of their parents or relatives, who are MORE likely to abuse them than any member of the general public, by about 99 to 1! Which only confirms rant #8, with rant #2 and rant #1 proving supporting evidence!”

“Rant numbers?” Krissy asked.

“Wow! I’m shocked Deborah didn’t tell you that one! It seems she’s told you other stuff.”

“Steve has some very clear opinions,” Deborah said, “which he is not reluctant to express, with regularity. One of his friends made a list of them, numbered them, and distributed it to the other friends. In true Steve fashion, when he found out about it, he adopted it for himself.”

“The surest way to prevent teasing is self-mockery,” I grinned. “Something my kids are very much in need of learning!”

“Deb tells me that the mother of your eldest son is a lesbian.”

I nodded, “She is.”

“When did she come out?”

“With Jen, it wasn’t a specific incident or time. She had her first same-sex encounter, and I mean that the way it sounds, when she was in seventh grade. It was a months-long, physically intimate relationship. But social pressure ruined it, and then she was sexually assaulted by a male teacher. I didn’t know either of those things until much later, but we dated, pretty seriously, and there were hints here and there about her sexuality. I was a bit too clueless, being fourteen when we started dating seriously, to understand what she was struggling with. She finally figured it out in college, met Josie, and they’ve been a couple ever since. They actually married, informally, because the prudish state won’t let them actually marry.”

“You support gay marriage?”

“I think the government has absolutely no business deciding who can, and who can’t, marry. Short of ensuring consent, it’s none of their business if I have a wife, a husband, multiple wives, or multiple husbands, or some mix of those!”

“Are you bi?”

I shook my head, “No, but I’m also not homophobic. One of my best friends growing up was gay, though again, I was a bit too clueless to figure it out for most of High School.”

“So she’s actually bisexual?”

“No, she’s at the far end of the Kinsey scale. She and I have a very special relationship. Making Jesse was about how much we love each other, and allowed Jennifer to engage in sex that normally would have made her physically ill. I have other lesbian friends, too, and I think you’ll agree that it’s a spectrum, and people can fall anywhere along the spectrum. I’m at the extreme heterosexual end. Deborah is towards the homosexual end, in that she strongly prefers a female partner, but isn’t grossed-out by heterosexual sex.”

“So you think,” Krissy smirked.

“Oh, please!” I chuckled. “I know Deborah’s story; what’s yours, Krissy?”

“I did all the usual things that girls going through puberty did, you know, posters of hunky guys, that kind of thing, and I flirted with guys, but I wasn’t interested in sex. Most of my friends weren’t either. Kissing was cool, but that was it, which I think is pretty common for twelve and thirteen. We played ‘Spin the Bottle’ and stuff, but it was really tame.

“When I was a Freshman in High School, a Junior, who was on the baseball team and a total hunk, asked me to a dance. I had fun at the dance, but when he and his buddies went out for a smoke, the girls all danced together. One girl, who I’d gone to school with from first grade, but didn’t know very well, liked to dance close with other girls. I was maybe the third girl she pulled close.

“I was shocked at my reaction. Dancing close with Brad, the baseball player, was like, OK, whatever. Dancing close with her was like some kind of electric shock went through me and I had a reaction with her I’d NEVER had with a guy. I mean, something just clicked in my head that screamed ‘SEX’, as if it was a flashing neon sign. She saw that in my eyes, which she told me the next day, when she called me out of the blue. We got together and it progressed from kissing to sex.

“Our little love affair lasted about six months, but it had never been romantic, or anything, so when we broke up, it wasn’t a big deal. I had turned down dates with guys, but nobody knew I was seeing this girl, because we kept it totally private. By the time the last school dance came around, I wasn’t seeing her so I accepted a date with a guy in one of my classes. We had a good time, and basically went together for the whole Summer, but again, it never was more than kissing.

“That was sort of the pattern for the rest of High School - I’d have dates and go to dances, but there were also two other long-term love affairs with girls. Again, nothing romantic, I just liked sex with girls. The weird part was that all my romantic feelings were for guys, but I didn’t want to have sex with them. When I got to college, I finally decided to talk to someone to try to figure it out and my counselor basically said it was social conditioning.”

I nodded, “I’ve seen that with several of my lesbian friends - social and family pressure leads them to what amounts to behavior contrary to their true nature. And that true nature can be anywhere on the continuum.”

“At that point, I came out to my parents and they lost their minds for about three months, then finally conceded that I was still their daughter and admitted they loved me.”

“Jen’s parents didn’t totally freak out, but it took a long time for her dad to come around. It did help that she and I made a baby so he could have a grandson. Josie’s parents, that’s Jen’s wife, are still uncomfortable, but they’ve at least come to terms with the situation.”

“My parents are all over the ‘grandkid’ issue because I’m an only child. I do want to have a kid, but we’re not sure about how to go about it. And I see that smirk on your face, so I will say I DO know the basic procedure, either the ‘regular’ way or with medical help or adoption! I meant practically!”

“And that’s the point of this dinner,” Deborah said. “We’d like advice.”

“From me?”

“Who else? You have a kid with two women in a lesbian relationship. I think you also have a friend who adopted a baby with her partner.”

“Katy and Amy, my friends in Vermont.”

“And your friend Michelle who conceived by artificial insemination. Plus, I know you have zero problems with homosexuality, and you seem to understand the issues as well as any straight guy can.”

“I try,” I replied. “So, how can I help?”

“Can we talk about the situation with Jennifer and Josie in detail?” Krissy asked.

I nodded, “Sure. Jen won’t have any issues with that. In fact, I’m sure she and Josie would be happy to talk to you. I think Katy would as well. Amy is a bit more circumspect.”

“What kind of problems have they run into?”

“The usual stupid, ignorant stuff. There were parents at school who were very upset that Jesse would talk about his two moms, and say they were married. That got some Neanderthal parents’ panties in a twist, and they complained to the school. That went exactly nowhere after Jennifer, Josie, and I had a chat with the principal. There were similar complaints when Birgit, my eldest daughter, started, but those were about my unique relationships.”

“Do they present themselves as married?”

“To everyone except the government. It’s similar to how I handle things with Kara and Jessica. Jess is my legal wife, and if I’m talking to anyone in the government, she’s my only wife. At that point, Kara is a close friend who is mother to two of my kids. It’s worked fairly well, and the only time I’ve had an issue was when someone with a vendetta tried to get the State of Illinois to charge me with fornication and adultery, which are still on the books as criminal acts.”

“Oh give me a break!” Krissy groaned.

“He’s right, Kris,” Deborah said. “One of my professors pointed out that the statutes are still in effect, but that if anyone actually tried to enforce them, they’d likely be ruled unconstitutional. But given our legal system, who knows? Sex is not treated like other rights.”

“A woman after my own heart,” I grinned. “Which might be why I hired her as my attorney!”

“So there haven’t been any legal issues or anything like that?”

“No. They have a raft of legal agreements, just as I do with Kara and Elyse, to ensure the State honors the commitments we’ve made. Of course, there are no guarantees, but overall, my personal lawyer has us on pretty strong legal footing.”

“Deb?”

“Forget it. Family law is WAY outside my skillset. It’s a minefield that if you don’t spend all your time navigating, you’ll die the minute you set your foot into it. No sane attorney tries to practice family law without that being their focus. Even local attorneys who are egomaniacs, and think they could argue successfully in front of the US Supreme Court, won’t take those cases unless it’s their specialty.”

I nodded, “That’s been my experience. And to be honest, although it appears internally consistent, it’s a complete and utter mess when applied to actual, living beings.”

“You’ve had run-ins with DCFS?”

“Yes, and I’ve also been party, in one way or another, to several Family Court proceedings, and while most of them turned out OK, the process is pretty much insane.”

The waitress came and took our orders, then left to put them in with the kitchen, before bringing out our salads.

“Did you hear anything from Willow?” Deborah asked, once we began eating.

I shook my head, “No. I don’t think it’s wise for her to contact me for obvious reasons. And she hasn’t called Doctor Whittaker, because I’d know about it if she had.”

“Who is this?” Krissy asked.

“The young girl I told you about,” Deborah said. “Who was abused and impregnated at fourteen, and was sent back to North Dakota.”

“I’m a Democrat,” Krissy said, “but there are times when I wonder if the government hasn’t grown too big and bloated.”

“Wonder?” I chuckled.

“Libertarian?”

“Classical liberal through the lens of the US Constitution. The individual has to come before society and the state. And government should never interfere in consensual behavior between individuals.”

“Kids?”

“I think it depends. Before puberty, I think the parents basically have the final say. After puberty, I think you take into account the ability of the individual kid to make decisions. Which is part of my tireless complaining about turning teenagers into infants. They aren’t.”

“How does Jesse deal with the family situation?”

“He started calling them ‘Mom One’ and ‘Mom Two’ from the time he was little. It’s his reality. It’s never bothered him, except when other people question the situation.”

“How involved are you in his life?”

“As much as I can be, within the parameters Jennifer and Josie set. They want to be a family, and they are. I tend to be called in when male input is needed, but that’s not very often. Jesse and I do things together, and we have a great relationship, but if push came to shove, it’s his moms who would make a final decision.”

“What about your situation? How do you handle it?”

“Call it group parenting, I guess. But it varies. With Elyse’s kids, she and I make the decisions together, and her boys see her as Mom and me as Dad, and the other women as aunts. And of course, Elyse has a steady boyfriend, so he’s in the mix too, though he’s careful not to interfere. Elyse and I respect his opinions, and given how much time he spends with her and the boys, we always take that into account.

“Then there are the four kids by my wives. All four of them, to a large degree, see both Kara and Jessica as ‘Mom’. None of them have developed the ‘Mom One/Mom Two’ distinction the way Jesse has, so you have to pay attention to context to know which one of the moms they’re referring to. Within our trio, we discuss things and usually come to a consensus. If we don’t, Kara always defers to me with regard to our two girls, and I usually defer to Jessica with regard to our daughter and son.”