Chapter 57: “I’m Really Sorry, Sweetheart.”

February 16, 1997, Chicago, Illinois

Our conversation during the Rap Session was about how to find ‘truth’ and both Elizabeth and I made a strong case for skepticism as the best approach to life.

“But if you don’t believe anything is true, how can you decide what to do?” Brenna asked after a lengthy discussion about how to know what was true.

“Remember what we said about listening carefully?” Elizabeth asked. “We operate as if the things we’ve come to believe actually are true, but always hold out the possibility that they might be wrong.”

“Which Elizabeth is very good at, with the exception of the notion of a Supreme Being or Beings,” I grinned.

“Because nobody has shown me a lick of believable evidence, let alone proof, for the existence of any such ‘being’, let alone one who is supreme!”

“So you don’t think it’s possible?” Benji asked.

“Is it possible I’ll spontaneously combust right here before your eyes? Yes. Is it probable? No. In fact, I’d say it’s statistically unlikely to happen in my lifetime. So there’s a difference between ‘possible’ and ‘probable’. Steve has convinced me that I can’t rule out the possibility, however remote, but I assign a probability lower than me voting Republican, which is never going to happen!”

I nodded, “‘When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.‘.”

“Who said that?” Julie asked.

“Sherlock Holmes,” I replied. “So it was actually Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

“So why did you say that?”

“To counter Elizabeth’s comment about improbability. And that is, in fact, how science works. You observe something and try to explain it. As you eliminate possible explanations through experimental testing or logical deduction, you are left with fewer and fewer explanations, including ones that seemed improbable at first. Now, it’s possible that NONE of the explanations are valid, but the improbability of something happening doesn’t negate it being the answer.

“And there’s a counterpoint to make as well - and that’s Occam’s Razor. When you have a set of possible explanations, you assume the simplest one is true until it’s proven not to be. Basically, you select the solution with the fewest assumptions and fewest caveats, and see if you can prove or disprove it. It isn’t, in and of itself, a rigorous test, but a way of proceeding with scientific or philosophical discovery.”

“Which eliminates any notion of a god!” Elizabeth declared gleefully.

“So you say,” I replied with a grin, “but I’ll see your William of Ockham and raise you a Søren Kierkegaard!”

“Sophistry!” Elizabeth countered.

“A ‘leap of faith’ isn’t sophistry,” I replied. “But it is a personal journey which cannot be replicated for anyone else. It’s something each person has to do on their own and for his or her own self. I’ll just say that I’ve encountered too many things in life which point to something beyond basic human existence, and that gives rise to the belief in what people refer to as the ‘spiritual realm’ or the ‘soul’ or ‘«kami»’ or whatever you want to call it. I can’t prove it, but my personal experience says it’s there, as does the personal experience of many, many others.”

“Shared delusion,” Elizabeth replied with a friendly smile.

“Perhaps so,” I replied. “But it only becomes an issue when I try to impose those beliefs on others, or insist they live their lives by truth revealed to me.”

“Didn’t Jesus do that?” Sean asked.

“Did He?” I responded. “Or did He call people to understand the truths He was teaching and decide for themselves? Did he ever attempt to impose anything on anyone?”

“Driving the moneychangers from the temple?” Brenna asked.

“Anyone here NOT want to whip tax collectors?” I asked with a huge grin.

Everyone laughed, including Elizabeth.

“But in all seriousness, that was a very rare incident, and remember, we’re relying on reports from others, who might have had an agenda in what they reported.”

“So you don’t believe the Bible?” Benji asked.

“I believe the timeless truths about humanity which are taught there. I suspect, strongly, that a Jewish man named Joshua was executed by the Romans at the behest of the Jewish authorities, perhaps in the same way, and for the same reason, Socrates was ordered to drink hemlock - for being a troublemaker. The ‘powers that be’ don’t like rabble-rousers going around telling people that those ‘powers that be’ are illegitimate and corrupt. The rest? It’s faith. And I sure as heck can’t tell YOU to believe it. You have to decide for yourself.”

“So what do you believe?”

“That Orthodox Christianity and Buddhism do the best jobs at explaining the human condition and provide a good starting point for determining how to live your life. But in the end, only you can decide. For me, that means following the simple rule of doing the least amount of harm possible, and seeking to never injure or hurt anyone else.”

“But what about morals?” Paul asked.

“What about them? If you’re referring to what I think you are, then anything consenting adults choose to do with each other is their business, and nobody else’s. And my definition of ‘adult’ does not conform to the government’s, or most of society’s. All of you are adults, even if you aren’t all eighteen. In fact, I’d set the age of consent to fifteen or so, and give teenagers far more freedom than most people think they should have.”

“Does that include your kids?” Brenna asked.

“That’s who he’s referring to,” Kara said. “Our kids are treated as if they were adults and allowed to make most of their own decisions, within fairly broad boundaries.”

“And it works really well,” Patricia said. “His kids are better positioned to make important decisions than most people I know who are in their twenties or thirties! You six, plus Mattie, are here because Steve thinks you are capable of making your own decisions and acting as adults. We’re talking about adult topics, and if things go true to form, some very adult ones in the not too distant future.”

“Going back to what you said before,” Brenna said, “you think fifteen is the right age to start having sex?”

“You aren’t listening carefully,” Elizabeth said with a smile. “That’s not what he said. Try again.”

“Uhm, you think it should be legal to have sex at fifteen?”

I nodded, “I think that’s the age when the government should absolutely stop having a say. The right time to start is when YOU feel it’s right.”

“Were you fifteen?”

“Fourteen,” I replied. “But this conversation should be saved for when we have THAT talk.”

I felt that was a good time to end things, so we brought out refreshments and spent time talking before everyone left.

February 18, 1997, Chicago, Illinois

“Do we need to prep for your deposition?” Deborah asked at the ‘Kitchen Cabinet’ meeting on Tuesday morning in my office.

We continued to meet at the same time as Penny attended her team meeting so we could use the «zabuton».

I grinned, “What do you think?”

“I think overconfidence is a potential problem.”

“Counselor, I know you haven’t known me that long, but have you heard me speak imprecisely or get flustered when engaging in a verbal jousting match?”

“Only during ORAL jousting matches,” Elyse teased.

“Careful, Belgium!” I said menacingly.

“He doesn’t get flustered even THEN!” Kimmy smirked.

“True,” Elyse agreed reluctantly. “The only girl I ever knew who could make Steve flustered is Jennifer.”

“Fortunately,” I grinned, “it was mostly mutual.”

“So, deposition prep?” Deborah asked, feigning impatience.

“If you think I need it, we’ll do it,” I replied.

“Holy shit!” Elyse gasped. “Seriously?”

“He did promise to listen to me when he hired me,” Deborah said smugly. “Did any of YOU extract that kind of promise from him?”

“No!” the other women replied, laughing.

“Belgium?” Deborah asked.

“A silly joke between Steve and I when Tuesdays were my usual night to have him in my bed back in the day.”

“The movie?” Charlie asked.

“Yes,” Elyse replied. “It’s silly, but I don’t mind at all. We never really had pet names for each other the way he does with his wives. Stephie was the only other one with a pet name. Well, his sister, but that’s different.”

“I take it the others know those?” Deborah asked.

“Stephie was Peaches,” Charlie replied before Elyse could. “And his sister has been ‘Squirt’ since I’ve known him.”

“Since she was really young,” I replied. “I was seven and she was three, and I called her ‘Little Squirt’ after hearing it somewhere. Later on, I dropped the ‘little’ part.”

“You’re traveling a lot next month, so we should probably do it soon,” Deborah said.

I nodded, “Sure. I’m happy to do IT whenever you want.”

Eve, Elyse, Charlie, and Kimmy all burst out laughing.

“Oh shut up!” Deborah said, shaking her head and showing a wry smile.

“This meeting went downhill pretty quickly,” I observed. “Next topic?”

“Bob’s proposal is ready for ‘Prime Time’,” Elyse said. “I expect to get some serious pushback from the managers, and some concern from the staff about ‘continuous appraisals’ as we’ll be calling them.”

I nodded, “I agree. That said, the memo he and I put together should allay some of that. It’s not really different from what we’re doing now, and it helps ensure that the new people we hire get onto the correct page of the playbook quickly. That’s an advantage to everyone who is currently here.”

“I think Steve is right,” Charlie said. “Him backing this and pointing out those things will make the difference. There will be some complaining but it’ll be muted and everyone will know it’s not targeted at them.”

“Deborah, what’s your take?” Elyse asked.

“I slightly modified the language to imply more and state less, just to keep someone new from claiming we favored existing staff over new staff. Steve was OK with the minor edits.”

“Remember,” I said, “this isn’t about treating the new folks differently or holding them to higher standards, which is something we need to convey to all the managers. This is about ensuring that everyone is held to the same standards. That’s the one point I continually make to Bob, and I know he’ll hear it from everyone - we are NOT lowering our standards just because we have to hire more. I hate turnover, but if we allow mediocrity to creep in, we’re toast. We have to deal with it quickly and expeditiously.”

“You do have to give them a chance to correct any issues,” Deborah said, “but the two-month window before it’s escalated gives the managers a chance to do exactly that. And they need to do it. That’ll be important if we do have to terminate someone.”

“Bob will work with them,” I replied. “He’s going on a tour of the offices to discuss this directly with each set of managers, as well as have Town Hall meetings with the staff.”

“I’m shocked you’re letting him solo on this,” Elyse said.

“Either I trust him or I don’t. He can’t do any irreparable damage at the moment, because I’m still CEO and can fix pretty much anything immediately and the staff trusts me. That’s one reason he’s here a year before Stephanie - she’s not going to be trusted the way I am, at least at first.”

“Or long-term,” Eve said. “You are special, but your blessing is special as well. So long as she has that, and everyone knows it, she’ll be fine.”

“Exactly,” I replied. “That’s my point about leadership as opposed to management. The two things are very, very different. Good leaders aren’t necessarily good managers and good managers aren’t necessarily leaders. Here we try to ensure they’re both, but some are stronger with one than the other. Sam is a perfect example of a great leader and lousy manager. And she knows that. Tasha showed us her leadership and management qualities last year. So we know the two of them are in the correct roles. And with that, I think we’re done.”

Elyse, Eve, Kimmy, and Charlie left, leaving Deborah and me alone.

“So, when do you want to do it?” she asked with a smirk.

“Any time you’re ready,” I replied. “How long will it take?”

“Until I’m satisfied!”

“I always aim to please! Just let me know.”

“We’ll need to ensure we aren’t interrupted.”

“Of course!”

“I’ll check your calendar and propose a time and place for your oral examination.”

“Sounds good to me,” I replied with a silly grin.

February 22, 1997, Chicago, Illinois

On Saturday morning, I was somewhat surprised to not see Amelia at the dojo, but given I had no idea what things were like at home for her, or what other things she might have to do, I didn’t think anything of it. Kara mentioned it, and I told her what I was thinking, and she agreed it wasn’t something to be concerned about.

We hurried home after karate so I could shower, and head to Johnny’s Ice House to watch Jesse’s final hockey game as a ‘Squirt’. It was his birthday, and neither Jennifer, Josie, nor I could think of anything he’d rather be doing than playing hockey with his friends. What he didn’t know was that there was a surprise party planned by his teammates for after the game.

“One day; one day, we’ll beat you guys!” Bob Larson said when I walked up into the stands.

“Good luck with that,” I chuckled, offering my hand to shake.

We shook hands and I went to ‘our’ side of the stands, as I couldn’t cheer for Jesse if I was sitting with Bob, and he couldn’t cheer for his son, Robert, Jr., if he sat on our side. The ‘Yellow Jackets’ would quickly make whoever was cheering ‘wrong’ move to prevent incidents. I felt it was dumb, but there had been some problems in the past, with other teams, so we had to put up with the rules the league had made. My complaint about the innocent being punished because of a few miscreants had fallen on deaf ears.

The game was close, but in the end Jesse’s team won by two goals, with the winning goal scored by Nicole, and Jesse making some key saves in the third period. When the final buzzer sounded, Jennifer, Josie, and I headed to the locker room, with Bob tagging along. His son had been invited to the party at my prompting, and he brazenly strode into the locker room wearing his team jersey.

“That’s one way to go,” I chuckled to Bob.

“Eleven and WAY more brawn than brains!” he replied.

We went into the locker room just as Jesse’s teammates began singing Happy Birthday. When they finished, the guys all patted him on his back and Nicole, to the amusement of his moms and me, kissed Jesse on the cheek. His friends hooted and hollered, but Jesse just smiled smugly.

“That kid!” Josie said, shaking her head.

“Just like his dad!” Jennifer smirked.

“A kiss on the cheek is not a big deal,” I replied.

“Seriously?” Josie asked, sounding incredulous. “They’re eleven! If they were adults, sure, but at eleven, a kiss on the cheek, IN PUBLIC, is a big deal!”

“Maybe for her,” I chuckled. “But not for Jesse!”

“Careful or I’ll wipe that smug look off YOUR face!”

I grinned, “Any time!”

“Forget it, Josie,” Jennifer said with a knowing smile, “he’s as impossible as our son is!”

“I know,” Josie replied, shaking her head, “and I know EXACTLY where Jesse gets it!”

“You might want to have a word with Jennifer’s parents about how SHE acted when we were teenagers!”

“She knows!” Jennifer said with a soft laugh. “I’ve told her about your maddening self-control! Among other things.”

“I bet! Did you two decide what to do about Russia?”

“It’s tough for both of us to go,” Jennifer replied, “and, honestly, I’m not all that interested in going to Russia, and neither is Josie. I think you know why.”

I nodded, “I do. And if I could wave a magic wand and get them to see things our way, I would. Russians have a serious cultural problem with homosexuality, and I don’t see it changing anytime soon.”

“Did Dmitry confirm the date?”

“No. He’s still looking at the end of July and beginning of August. He’s thinking ten days, half in Moscow and half in Saint Petersburg, with three games in each city, plus lots of time for the boys to spend with Russian hockey players from the Russian Hockey League, which is the successor to the old Soviet League, which the Red Army dominated.”

“I’m concerned about the source of the funds for this,” Josie said.

I shrugged, “It’s from Dmitry, Vanya Voronin, and several of their friends who are businessmen and former army officers. They provided Lyudmila with her startup capital. I don’t believe any of them are engaged in any criminal enterprises.”

“The entire government over there is corrupt!”

I chuckled, “For anyone in the US to say THAT is the pot calling the kettle black! Do I need to remind you of the ‘Keating Five’, ‘Abscam’, and a host of other corrupt practices by our Federal legislature? Or locally, the ‘Illinois Combine’ including jailed governors, aldermen, and Congressmen? Seriously, if that’s the measure you’re going to use, you need to quit your government job right now!”

“Children,” Jennifer warned, “play nice!”

Josie and I both laughed and replied in unison, “Yes, Mom!”

Jesse received a new goalie stick from the team as a birthday present, and after they ate cupcakes which one of the moms had baked, we all headed home so Jesse could shower and prepare for round two, which was a mid-afternoon family birthday celebration, which preceded a party with his friends which took place during Guys’ Night.

February 23, 1997, Chicago, Illinois

On Sunday afternoon, Kara and I were relaxing in the ‘Indian’ room when the doorbell rang. I got up to answer it and was somewhat surprised to see both Amelia and her mom.

“Hi,” I said.

“Amelia said you were interested in discussing the Bible.”

I smiled and nodded, “You’re welcome to come in, if you like. I’m Steve Adams.”

“Monica Gerhardt.”

They walked into the house and I wracked my brain for why that name sounded familiar. I couldn’t come up with it, and pushed it out of my mind as I led them to my study, which I felt was the best place to talk, as that’s where all my reference books and versions of the Bible were kept. I quickly went next door and told Kara what was happening, then returned to my study.

“You’ve read all these books?” Monica asked.

“These and a lot more. There are three additional bookshelves in the basement because I ran out of room in my study. I’ve found that reading a very wide range of books is the best way to learn about the world and discover new things. And my collection here includes a number of Bibles, as well as Greek and Hebrew critical texts.”