Chapter 7: The Agreement

“Sorry about this,” Al said as she handed Deb the half-full carton of milk Saturday. “We had cream of tomato soup.”

When Anne had first eaten at Craig’s, his breakfasts were always cold cereal with milk and sugar. He’d always had milk in his refrigerator, and she’d always poured Anne a glass.

When she’d moved in, Craig had started eating real breakfasts, and Anne was the only one who used milk. After two cartons had gone sour between visits, she’d asked Craig if she could give the milk to Deb. He’d been happy.

“Well, I shouldn’t complain,” Deb said. Al kissed Anne good bye and went down to Craig.

“She said she shouldn’t complain,” she reported to him. “She damn-well shouldn’t.”

“Well, if we’re going to eat tomato soup ourselves, and that sure tasted good, we could use up the milk regularly before it went bad. Then we could buy a carton especially for Anne and turn it in at the end of the day.” The man was adorable! He must have misread her gaze, for his next words were, “I’m not interfering with your grocery budget. I could pay for it.”

“I’ll pay my half. For God’s sake, she’s MY niece.”

“I’m now permitted to say,” he said, “that I wish she were my niece, too.”

“Now it comes out why you want to marry me.”

“Well, I’d give you two for one, a niece and a nephew. Not so cute, though.” Of the four framed pictures in his apartment, three were of Sharon and Ted, one of each and one of them together. None of the pictured children was as old as Anne was now.

“I had thought of egg-drop soup the next time,” he added. “I can actually cook that.”

“Sounds Oriental.”

“Well, I didn’t discover the recipe by Occident.”

She hissed. Then she reconsidered. After all, they were already talking about marriage. “I said that we hadn’t had enough play, before. Really, though, you play with words.”

“Yeah. Either you pun or you don’t pun. If you want play, though, if you want more looseness, you have to see one thing that makes me tense. I’m committed to that apartment for a year, May first through May first. With you, I’m on a day-to-day lease.”

She said, “Think of it more as on good behavior.”

“Well, you don’t express it that way. You’re clear about what will drive you away. You never tell me that you’ll stick if I don’t fuck up.”

“Well, you did tell your family that I had the body of a wet dream. I didn’t leave you over that.” She did think they were more permanent than he was saying.

“You threatened to,” he said. “I have something on my flash drive.”

She thought he meant that he had recorded her. Instead, he printed off something as soon as they were in the apartment:

|
| Alicia Ortega agrees that she will stay with Craig Warren
| in his apartment with the same intimacy as they have practiced
| heretofore until April 30 -- agreement renewable annually – on
| the following conditions:
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| In return, Craig Warren agrees to stay with her with the exception of
| travel for not more than 2 weeks a year and necessary hospitalization,
| To pay for her travel and lodging if she accompanies him,
| and to maintain rent and (habitability as far as it is in his ability)
| of the apartment at all times. The agreement does not specify that the
| current apartment is specified, but any other apartment shall be mutually
| agreeable, and that agreement shall not be coerced by his threat of
| terminating the agreement.

“You were gone for more than two weeks last Christmas,” was what she said first. It was hardly the biggest question, but it was one she could articulate.

“I made that reservation when I’d barely met you. This year, it’s for about a week and a half. Getting one for you would be a pain. Maybe we’d have to travel separately.”

“I’m not going.” She was not going to tell Sharon that she was living with her uncle. Sharon would take a picture and show it at show-and-tell.

“Your Dad spoke of visiting,” Craig said. “I have more time coming, if that’s what you want. Or you could go alone, or use me for an excuse to not go. If we went together, we’d have to modify the agreement, but staying together is the essence, not staying here.” She didn’t think she’d have time, and -- while Dad would probably welcome her -- or them -- tomorrow, the invitation had seemed to her to be for next summer, after the agreement would expire.

“This looks awfully legal.”

“Well, the important part isn’t legally enforceable. I don’t think even a married woman can be legally required to have sex. This is a draft, even besides the part for you to fill in.”

They discussed it back and forth. She tried a draft. They put in on his bedroom computer, and they took turns sitting at his keyboard and writing another draft.

They went to bed to “sleep on it.” It was rather hot sex since they’d been talking about sex -- mostly euphemistically, but they got more explicit as the drafts went on -- for hours. The final agreement which Craig printed off on Sunday read:

| Craig and Alicia agree:
|
| 1) This is not legally binding, and they shall not show it to
| any third party unless they mutually agree.
|
| 2) Mutual agreement means an agreement by both parties without
| either party making the other’s agreement a condition of renewing
| this agreement.
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| 3) Term. The ending date of this agreement is currently April 30, 2018.
| Both parties understand this agreement to be subject to extension, and
| urging an extension does not constitute an objection to the agreement.
|
| 4) Each party will fulfill his or her obligations under the agreement to
| the best of his or her reasonable ability. A medical or other exigency
| preventing any fulfillment on the part of one person shall not excuse the
| other person’s failure to perform any duties which he or she reasonably can.
|
| 5) Location:
| It is the intention of the parties to live together.
| A) Either party may take a vacation alone for less than a total of
| 14 days a year.
| B) They may mutually agree to vacation together for a period and at a location
| to which they mutually agree.
| C) In that case, Craig has the responsibility for paying travel and accommodations.
| D) Except for the times specified above, the location of their living together
| shall be the same apartment where they currently live.
| E) They may mutually agree on another location. In that case,
|. D shall apply to the new address.
| F) Craig has the obligation to pay rent for the apartment and
| the obligation to make a good-faith effort to maintain it in
| a state of habitability.
| G) Alicia has the obligation to pay the utility bills on the
| apartment and to keep the utility providers satisfied enough
| that they maintain service.
| H) If either party finds himself or herself unable to perform those
| duties, he or she has the obligation to inform the other party in time
| for that party to satisfy the duty.
| I) If action of nature, of the landlord, or of any other third party
| make the apartment uninhabitable, the parties mutually, or either if
| the other is not available, will find another location -- one, if possible,
| where they can live together.
|
| 6) Repute: Craig undertakes to refrain from describing Alicia’s sexual actions,
| attributes, appearance, or behavior. Nor shall he mention or imply to a third
| party his own level of sexual satisfaction. He may describe Alicia as pretty,
| attractive, trim, or words to that effect. He may not describe her body or her curves.
|
| 7) Sex: It is the intent of the parties to satisfy each other
| sexually and exclusively.
| A) Craig undertakes to satisfy Alicia’s sexual desires.
|. 1) He shall give her at least one orgasm a night on nights
| when they are both present.
|. 2) He shall bring her to satisfaction with as many or as
| intense orgasms as shall satisfy them both on at least one night
| (or, when mutually agreed upon, day) a weekend.
|. 3) Weekends begin with the end of work Friday night, and end
| at sundown Sunday night.
|. 4) He may satisfy this clause with either his mouth or his fingers.
| when he does not have an erection.
|. 5) When Craig does have an erection, he must engage in vaginal
| intercourse within an hour of Alicia’s demanding it.
| B) Alicia undertakes to satisfy a reasonable amount of Craig’s sexual
| desires.
|. 1) The parties agree that Craig’s desires regularly overmatch his
| ability to perform, that this is Craig’s problem, and it does not
| reflect on Alicia’s fulfillment of this clause.
|. 2) Alicia will make herself available for intercourse every night
| except during her menstrual period when they are both in the apartment.
|. 3) The method and frequency of her satisfying him during her menstrual
| period is Alicia’s choice.
|. 4) What Craig does to deal with his desire when Alicia does not choose
| to do so is his choice, but it will not involve a third party being present.
| C) Variety:
|. 1) When Craig wishes to institute something new into their sexual practice
| he will give Alicia notice, not later than the initiation of foreplay in bed.
| She may then refuse.
|. 2) Alicia has the right to redefine anything previously done except for
| the missionary position and cunnilingus as “new” for the purposes of this
| clause. She must do so one hour before the definition takes effect.
|. 3) Alicia may institute any new position or activity that does not
| physically harm either of them when she wishes.
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| 8) Faithfulness: The parties intend and undertake to keep sexual activity
| within their relationship.
| A) Neither will have sex with anyone but the other party.
| B) They will restrict displays of affection such as kisses and hugs.
|. 1) To the other party, young children, and such close family as
| actual sex would be construed as incest and their spouses.
|. 2) Friends of the same sex in the case of Alicia.
| C) Neither will date or engage in social relations with individuals
| aside from the other party.
|. 1) In the case of ambiguous situations (such as lunch with a superior),
| the party who participates will inform the other party within 24 hours of the
| beginning of the ambiguous situation.
|. 2) Larger group social events are not restricted, but they should be reported
| to the other party. Regular ones need merely be described as regular once.
| D) Neither party will expose his or her body to others.
|. 1) Medical care or examination is excepted.
|. 2) So is changing clothes in a one-sex area where that is normal.
|. 3) So is urination in Craig’s case in rest rooms where such exposure
| is normal.
| E) Each party will avoid masturbation when the other party is available.
|. 1) Masturbation when the other party is not available or not expected
| to be is acceptable.
|. 2) Except when one party engages in it in the mistaken expectation of
| the other party not being available, masturbation need not be reported to the
| other party.
|. 3) If Alicia brings herself to climax with Craig looking on, that is not
| masturbation but an act of mutual sex.
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| 9) Health and Safety:
| Each party owes the other to keep himself or herself healthy and safe. Therefore:
| A) Each person shall have a medical exam at least yearly.
| B) Each person shall submit their car to an examination by a qualified
| mechanic yearly and when a problem becomes apparent.
| C) When either exam results in advice for repair or treatment, if the
| party does not follow the advice, he or she must report the rejection
| the other party.
| D) If the reason for the rejection is at least partly monetary, the
| first party must allow the other party to pay the cost and follow the
| advice.
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| 10) Openness:
| If either party breaks this agreement, that party has an obligation to report this
| violation to the other in a timely manner.
| A) When they are in the same place, “timely” means within 48 hours.
| B) When one or both is taking a separate vacation, “timely” means within 48
| hours of their coming back together.
| C) When the violation is arguable, then the report still must be made. Argue it.
| D) Failure to so report is itself a violation.
|
| 11) Contraception is under the responsibility and authority of Alicia.
| A) When she knows or suspects that she is unable to guarantee effective
| contraception, she has the authority for requiring Craig to practice contraception.
| B) Alicia has the responsibility for notifying Craig with a reasonable lead time.
| C) Any child born to the two parties despite these precautions is a child of
| both parties, and is the responsibility and under the authority of each of them.
|
| 12) Consequences:
| When one party violates this agreement, the agreement is not necessarily void.
| The party who did not violate the agreement has the right to decide consequences
| and to impose conditions on the continuation of the agreement.
|

Craig called it a pre-non-nup. Since they’d been living together for half a year, it might be a non-pre-non-nup.

The two conditions which called for the “other party” to pay what the first party found it impossible to pay were Craig’s idea and a sop to her self esteem. There was no way on Earth that Craig would find himself unable to pay a debt, and no way that she could pay it if he couldn’t.

She loved Craig, but she didn’t understand him. He argued some of the points, won some, lost some. He seemed to think that the very discussion that they had was a triumph for him.

She was staying in the apartment for Christmas, and Craig was going to Denver. He’d suggested that she go with him and that they stay in a hotel. Even Craig wasn’t crazy enough to suggest their sharing a room in a house with a teen and a pre-teen. “Well, Uncle Craig does it,” would be an excuse for one hell of a lot of teen sex.

The idea was ludicrous, even so. He’d been invited to a family reunion. The invitation hadn’t been ‘to you and your mistress.’ Okay, Dad had accepted their relationship, but Dad didn’t have kids to expose to them.

Then, though, she remembered that Craig had offered her access to his apartment the year before. It had seemed wildly improper. Now she was staying there.

They were conscious that they would part, even though they didn’t speak of it. The last weekend that Craig would see Anne, he explained that he would come back and that she would see Aunt Al in the apartment. Since Christmas and New Years Day were on Mondays, they would go to the library as usual on Saturdays.

She had her period the last week Craig was there, and she gave him blow jobs every night.

Friday, Craig was going to fly out after work. She wouldn’t see him for more than a week. She gave him a passionate kiss after breakfast, and he returned it more passionately. She had her lipstick in her bag; she had enough sense not to put it on before that kiss.

Friday night, she shopped for Craig’s gift on the way home. The 22nd was a crazy night to schedule for Christmas shopping, and mobs had been as crazy as she. J. D. Robb had written a new novel, and Craig had read all the others. She got it at the bookstore, had it gift wrapped, and got in the apartment door famished. She’d have ramen and cook the vegetable in it. Plain lettuce would do for a salad.

When she got to the kitchen, though, there was a package in the middle of the table. It had a large tag:

| DO NOT OPEN UNTIL DEC 25

|

| To Alicia Ortega

|

| From Her secret admirer

If the admirer had really meant to be secret, he would have disguised Craig’s distinctive printing. He might also have put it somewhere other than a locked apartment. Al could resist anything but temptation, and having a box sitting on the table for three days would drive her wild.

Well, she hid her package in Craig’s sock drawer and fixed the meal she’d planned. She moved the box to the top of Craig’s living-room computer before eating.

Even with the heater on, the bedroom was distinctly colder without Craig in the bed. She could wrap the blanket around her, but Craig would wrap himself around her. She’d agreed not to leave him until May. If he had really wanted her to stay, he would have named January.

Her cell told her she had a text.

| Landed safe luv U

He would be dealing with the baggage and the traffic. She didn’t call, and he didn’t call. It was an hour earlier in Denver, so he might have thought she was asleep before he could get free. She was making excuses for the man; he could have called instead of texting.

She had Anne that Saturday.

“Did Craig leave a package for me here?” she asked Deb.

“Surprise! He did last year, didn’t he? And, no, you may not shake it. Bad example. It’s another book, anyway.”

She bought Anne pizza on the way back from the library. They read all five books together, but the package kept mocking her from the top of the computer.

Craig called late that night. “Sorry for the time,” he said. “We’re mostly crammed in here, seven of us, and I wait until the others are in the bedrooms and sneak down to the downstairs john. I love you.”