5. Graduation Present

Until I was in the second year of elementary school, my family lived in Akita Prefecture, in the Tohoku region. Akita is about seven hundred kilometres from Tokyo, and at that time the Tohoku bullet train wasn’t completed. It was really the countryside compared to the bigger cities. My father moved around a lot for his job, but he was an Akita boy. When we lived there, we lived with my father’s parents in their big, old house.

Masumi lived right next door to my father’s parents. She was a cute girl, two years older than me, and she used to take good care of me when we played together. Because it was the countryside, the gardens of the houses were quite large, and we were left to play by ourselves a lot. When I started elementary school, apart from the entrance ceremony my mother took me to, Masumi would take me to school with her and bring me home each day.

When I was in the second year of elementary school, the talk of a transfer came up with my father’s work. It was a good chance for him to take more responsibility in his company, and even though it meant leaving his parents alone, he decided to take the transfer. As soon as spring break started, the moving company came and packed up our things and we left. I think I cried very hard when I said goodbye to Masumi. It was like I was saying farewell to my first love.

We moved to Fukushima Prefecture, and although it is still in Tohoku, it’s still about five hundred kilometres away from Akita. We didn’t go back to visit at all except for the Obon holidays in the middle of August and the New Year holidays at the start of January. Even when we went back at these times, I could hardly spend any time with Masumi. In the countryside, these are the busiest times of year with all the visitors and family members returning to their parent’s homes. Still, when we could meet, we would talk like we had never been apart.

Just before I began junior high school, my father’s job was transferred to Niigata Prefecture, which was further south still, and then during my first year of senior high school we moved to Miyagi Prefecture. I was planning to go to university in Sendai, the capital of Miyagi, but suddenly there was talk again of transfer for my father. Around this time, my grandfather’s health became poor and he went into a long-term care hospital, so my grandmother was living by herself. I decided that, if my family was going to move around more, I was going to be in a place that didn’t need me to move and where I could be closer to my grandparents. At the start of my third year of senior high school, I decided to take the entrance exam for universities in Akita. It was a sudden change in my academic plan, but my teachers and parents decided that it would be manageable because I was reasonably good at studying.

However, it was a little problematic. Because I hadn’t planned to go to Akita sooner, I hadn’t been to any study fairs to find out about the entrance examination or how the courses worked. Of course, I could go to the bookshop and buy a study guide or look up websites, but they would be presenting a public relations’ polished image of the options.

At times like that, it’s better to talk to people who know the reality of the situation.

“Try asking Masumi-chan when we visit in August,” my mother said. But of course, it’s easy for her to say. I was at that age where talking to a cute university student was not the easiest thing in the world, so I didn’t do anything about it. Then one night during the holiday week, Masumi arrived at my grandparent’s house. My mother had called her and asked her to come over.

She’d always had a pretty face. I don’t know how it was possible, but she had become even more beautiful.

“Hi, Shin. Long time, no see.”

“Uh, hi.” Even though it had never been a problem with Masumi before, I suddenly became shy around her.

I showed her the pamphlet I had got from my high school’s career library and the entrance exam study guide I had bought at the bookshop.

“Ahh, I can see why you’d want to talk to me then. This study guide looks a little light. You know, since I went to high school here in Akita, I have a lot more study material at home that might actually be useful. They’re a little old, but you’re welcome to them. Let’s go to my place now.”

So, we went over to Masumi’s parent’s house. Even though it wasn’t the first time I had gone into her room, the atmosphere had changed completely. This wasn’t the Masumi who I hung out with as a kid. This was a beautiful, grown-up university-student Masumi. I was quite nervous being in her room this time.

She explained various things about the different universities in Akita from her and her friend’s experiences. We chatted about what her school was like, and how many hours of classes she had, as well as what life was like studying in Akita. In the end, I chose three possible options. Of course, one of them was the school that Masumi attended, which was also recommended as an option by the career guidance teacher at my high school. I decided to put it as my first choice, because although I was coming from another prefecture to study, I would know at least one person there. After Masumi and I talked about that, we ended up staying in touch much more than we had previously. I understood that she still cared about me, even though she was a university student, and I was still in high school.

I told my parents and teachers what my new plans were. Because there was no cram school nearby where we were living in Miyagi, my parents organised a tutor, Yuka, to help me prepare for the entrance exam. I didn’t feel that it was particularly necessary, but she would come to my house twice a week. She was the daughter of a friend of my mother. I guess that’s quite a good job for a university student.

Yuka was very good at controlling me. Her study sessions created an atmosphere that half-made me expect something, and it motivated me in certain ways that were probably not appropriate for a regular cram school situation. However, I tried to control my feelings as much as possible. At that time, perhaps naively, my feelings for Masumi were rising again. So, I thought it was sinful to be thinking about Yuka that way, when I really desired Masumi.

One day Masumi and I were chatting.

“So, you have another girl coming to visit you regularly? What’s she like?”

When she asked me that, I felt a little irritated because I didn’t want Masumi thinking I was interested in someone else.

“Just, you know ... a tutor,” I said dismissively. I tried to make it seem that I was disinterested.

“Okay, then ... it’s just...” she said slowly.

“Are you upset?” I asked

“I’m just worried about Shin-chan. You know, like an older sister worries about a younger brother.”

I was disappointed when she said that. I appreciated her thought, but it also made me feel like I had just watched my battleship be completely sunk.

“Eh? Why are you making such a gloomy face?” she asked. “Do you hate me being your big sister?”

I tried my best to shrug it off.

“Huh! I don’t mind ... It’s good having a trustworthy big sister,” I said brightly.

However, in reality I was so disappointed that I had trouble falling asleep that night.

A few weeks later, I asked Yuka, my tutor.

“What did you think of younger guys when you were in high school?”

“Younger guys? In high school? Well, not much in particular really...”

I felt like another barrage had been successfully launched at my already destroyed battleship. But I didn’t show it.

“I guess that’s normal, huh,” I said with a grin.

“Wait ... who are you talking about? Are you talking about a friend? Who who who?”

“Are you an owl?” I laughed nervously. “Uh, a friend? Oh. Yeah. We were talking about it today and he suggested I ask you, because, you know – you would have had experience, right?”. Excellent save, I thought to myself.

Yuka thought for a moment, then her face became serious.

“Well, it didn’t really happen to me, but that was probably because there wasn’t anybody like that at the time. But if I didn’t dislike the person who confessed their feelings to me, I think I would have at least thought about it seriously. I don’t think it’s bad for a girl to be with a younger guy, but I’ve never been in that position.”

“Oh, okay,” I replied. Yuka had given me a lot to think about. I was pretty sure that Masumi didn’t dislike me, but...

“Are you really asking for a friend? You’re not ... interested in me, are you, Shin?” Yuka asked gently.

“Oh, no. At all,” I responded a little too quickly. Her eyebrows went up. “Oh, I mean ... not that I don’t like you and all, and you’re really nice but–”

“Relax, Shin,” she smiled. “I just wanted to be sure. Otherwise, it would be really awkward, you know?”

I knew exactly what she was talking about. I was also thinking about how awkward it would be if Masumi shot me down, and I had to hang around with her until she graduated.

My eighteenth birthday came and went. A few days later Masumi called me to see how I was going, getting ready for the entrance exams. I was going to sit them up in Akita just after the New Year holidays, while we were visiting with my grandmother. We talked to each other like we usually did, but in the back of my mind was the conversation I’d had with Yuka.

“Shin, are you worried about something? Don’t worry about the exam. I know what your grades are – better than mine! You’ll do fine!”

“No, that’s not it. It’s just ... I’m getting pretty tired of school, I guess. Do you remember your final year of high school? It seems like all I do is go to school, then come home and study.”

“Oh, for sure!” laughed Masumi. Then she started to tell me about her last year. I didn’t mind. I loved just hearing her voice.

A few weeks later, it was a cold autumn Saturday morning. I was sitting in my room studying when the doorbell rang. My parents were out, so I got up to answer it.

“Hey, loser! Drop the books and let’s go to karaoke!”

“Ma-Masumi?! What are you–?!” I frowned. She was wearing a thick parka and holding a helmet in her hand. I looked past her to the road. “Did you ride your scooter all the way here? It’s like three-hundred kilometres!”

“More like two-hundred and eleven. But the ride through the mountains with the leaves changing was pretty fun! And I thought you might need a break from studying.”

“Uh, sure! Oh, but I better write a note for my parents.”

“All good. I called your mother last night and told her I was coming. She seemed glad, actually. She said you’d been really gloomy lately and was worried about you.”

I grabbed my jacket and locked the house.

“Here,” said Masumi, passing me another helmet from under the seat on her scooter. “I borrowed it from a friend.”

“So, there’s really only one karaoke place near here,” I began, fiddling with the straps on the helmet.

“I saw – the two storey-building on the old national route, past the Eneos?”

“That’s it. Ugh! This thing is weird. Can you help me with this?”

Masumi took the helmet off me and did something with the twist of straps, then pushed it onto my head.

“There!” She tweaked my cheek. “Don’t look so unhappy, Shin. You’re cuter when you smile.”

I got onto the back of Masumi’s scooter, holding gingerly onto her waist. She took my hands and clamped them around her waist and slapped my hand twice firmly. Then she took off down the road. The karaoke place was an old apartment building that had been divided up into karaoke booths with some soundproofing added. Each was about the size of a small bedroom with the usual couches and table in front of the karaoke machine.

We sang a few songs together, and then in the pause while I was looking for something else to sing, Masumi said, “I guess you’ve been feeling a bit down lately, but don’t let yourself be overwhelmed by the exams.”

“Yeah...” I replied absently. I appreciated her saying that, but I wasn’t nervous about the exams. What Yuka had said to me a few weeks earlier was still troubling me.

“Heh heh,” I couldn’t help but laugh. Masumi was right; I was feeling a bit depressed, but for all the wrong reasons. And I couldn’t even tell her!

“Huh? What was that laugh just now? What’s so funny?” Masumi asked.

I couldn’t say it was nothing, because she clearly heard me laugh, even though I had really done it without thinking.

“It’s fine, but...” I trailed off. She didn’t say anything. She just sat there looking at me expectantly.

“Ah, well ... it’s like ... you know...” Again, I stopped mid-sentence. Masumi nodded encouragingly and leaned forward.

I sighed and looked down at my hands, wondering what I should do.

Masumi waited in silence.

“I’m ... uh ... how do I say this? I’m having a lot of trouble at the moment.”

“I know. It’s a really difficult thing. Just take it slow and you’ll be fine.”

I was trying to choose my words carefully, but decided it was time to just take the plunge.

“I like you. I’ve liked you since forever,” I blurted out. I’m pretty sure I gabbled the words out, but there they were. Out.

“Huh? I don’t understand...”

“That’s why I’m worried. Why I’ve been so depressed. Because I like you, Masumi.”

My face felt burning hot. Masumi seemed frozen, which only made my skin flush hotter.

“Me? You like me, Shin?”

I nodded and waited for a reaction.

“I see ... thank you.”

Thank you?! And then what? What after ‘thank you’? That’s good, right?

Masumi was silent for a while, thinking.

“Then,” she said slowly, “do you want to go out with me? I mean, I’m older than you.”

I was surprised. I thought it was impossible.

“Why do you look so surprised?” she laughed. “I like you too. Come here.”

She slapped the space on the sofa next to her. I got up and sat down gingerly next to her, still puzzled by this unexpected development.

“So, are you surprised?” she asked.

“I thought it was pointless...” I said, honestly, but speaking so freely worried me a little.

“Not pointless. Tell me properly,” she said, smiling at me.

I’d seen that smile before ... Was she teasing me?

“Masumi, you’re not joking, are you?”

I think that question surprised her.

“Eh?! No joke. I’m serious!”

“I’m sorry. I still can’t believe it.”