Chapter 5

What I had done with Ron in his room that night haunted me all week. When Ron strolled around the apartment at night in just his pajama bottoms, I could not help glancing down to see if he was erect. I was ashamed that I had masturbated with my son. I was ashamed of the pleasure I received from masturbating with him. I was ashamed that I could not stop fantasizing about it. Tears would roll down my cheeks as I wished I could take it all back and stop the ache between my legs.

Brenda and Abram kept Ron entertained. Twice during that week, they expressed their love with the lights on. I could tell Ron was looking at me differently now. Instead of just staying in his room when he spied them making love, he would come back and tell me he would be staying in his room for a while. Ron would have a look that said he wanted me to join him. Both times I could tell he already had an erection. I secretly wished it would pop out of the slit in his pajamas so I could at least admire it for a few seconds as I pretended to remain calm and act as if what went on in his room was of no concern of mine.

Still very embarrassed about what I had done, it took an effort to keep a smile on my face and pretend his spying did not affect me. I even winked once as I acknowledged his erection and his intention to spy on Brenda and Abram and masturbate, “Okay, Honey. Be careful and have fun.” was always my standard reply.

As soon as he would leave and go to his room, I would get up and go to my room and try to imagine what was happening in his room as I held my pussy lips open with my left hand and masturbated with the fingers of my right. While desperately trying to recall every detail of his hand sliding up and down his hard cock. I’m sure he knew I was in my bedroom masturbating while he did it in his bedroom.

I started to notice small changes in Ron’s behavior around the apartment. Nothing outrageous or worthy of a reprimand, just subtle and, in my mind, understandable changes. It seemed that he had more erections than he had in the past. I was not sure if that was the case because of the peeping, because I was taking more notice or that Ron no longer felt he needed to hide that he was aroused. I came to the conclusion that it was a combination of all three. I had seen his cock and watched him masturbate. Why in the world would he think I would be offended if he was sporting a hard-on under his pajama as he walked around the apartment raiding the refrigerator and snack drawer? He didn’t flaunt it. He just didn’t hide it. I never failed to check it out and hoped I did not get caught staring.

In the mornings over breakfast, he would regale me with our neighbor’s antics if Abram and Brenda put on a performance the previous night. I did not feel that he was doing any of this to seduce me into joining him in further sexual activities. It was just his boyish enthusiasm for what I was allowing him to do in his room. He knew I had enjoyed their sexual activities a couple of times. So what was the big deal if he kept his mother informed? I suppose it helped that I didn’t discourage him and listened attentively to every detail.

There was an openness in his sexual curiosity. He asked me questions about oral sex, safe sex, and yes, about kinky sex he observed when watching Brenda and Abram. He also asked about the advantages of different positions during intercourse. He openly expressed his concerns about having relationships with girls at his school.

I thought all of this was healthy, and I tried to answer his questions to the best of my ability. I only refused to answer questions when he asked about my personal experiences, in which he seemed to have a keen curiosity lately. I know he thought he was being clever when he would sneak the personal questions into our conversations about sex.

What was not healthy was what it was doing to me; talking about sex, seeing him with an erection, knowing he was masturbating in the next room while watching the ’Brenda and Abram reality show.’ Last week at work, I almost dragged a guy who sometimes flirts with me into the supply closet for a quick fuck. Thankfully the fear of getting fired overrode my libido. Instead, I went to the lady’s room and splashed cold water on my face to cool off and calm down. I was having wilder and wilder fantasies as I masturbated at night alone in my bedroom.

Then I broke. I could not stand it anymore. Ron came out of his bedroom and said, “I will be in my bedroom for a while, Mom.” Instead of giving him my usual reply, “Okay, have fun,” I stood up, took his hand, and walked with him into his bedroom. I gave a cursory look out the window and turned toward Ron. His erection was trying to burst out of his pajamas.

I stood facing Ron and looked up into his eyes with my hands on his shoulders. He looked at me expectantly. “You do understand what happens here; stays here.”

“Of course, Mom. I know we are being a little more open with each other than other folks, and they wouldn’t approve. I get it. I really do. Look, Mom, she is playing with his dick.”

“You watch them, Honey, and let me do something to make it better for you.” I reached out and ran my fingers over the outline of his cock. “Will it help if I do this for you like Brenda is doing?”

Still looking out the window, he asked, “Are you going to...?”

I was being naughty as I encouraged him to talk dirty. “Am I going to what?” I think he was afraid if he looked at me or completed the sentence, I might stop running my finger over his cock.

“Play with my ... it?”

I was getting excited as I realized he was about to let me play with his cock, “I will if you want me to. Remember, I told you that girls sometimes like to do this for guys.”

“Yes, I remember. I want you to. Yes ... please.”

“Okay, but you need to keep looking out the window and watch them, not me.” I moved behind him as I put my arms around his naked chest and whispered. “Take it out.”

He fumbled with his cock as he took it out through the slit in his pajamas and let his arms fall to his sides. I slid my right hand down over his midriff to the top of his pajamas. I knew I was only a few inches from what I desired. I hesitated. I knew if I did this, there would be no denying him or myself of this pleasure if he ever wanted me to do it again.

“Do it, Honey. Show me how you want me to do it.”

Ron again took his cock in his hand and started to masturbate.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I love you, my baby” I moved the final three inches and put my hand over his. “That’s it, let me just feel you do it for a minute.” Ron leaned back into me with a sigh. “Even this is nice, isn’t it?” I commented as a calmness settled over me.

“It’s really great. I can’t believe we are doing this.” Ron replied in almost a whisper.

“Okay, Hon, you can let go now and let me do it for you.” We talked softly, almost like we were afraid Brenda and Abram might hear us.

Our hands traded positions. Ron kept his hand on mine and adjusted the speed as I masturbated him to his liking. He even squeezed my hand to let me know I should tighten my grip. Over the past few weeks, my fantasies always included doing something similar to this. I hugged Ron a little more firmly to steady myself. I stopped stroking him for a few seconds. I just held his manhood without moving, feeling the heat, the size, the texture, the shape. I felt his body stiffen as if he were afraid to move. “It’s okay, Honey. I’m nervous too.” I stroked him a couple of times. “Is this good, Honey? Am I doing it the way you like it?”

“Yes, that’s good, Mom.”

I needed to keep him somewhat focused on Brenda and Abram. “Tell me what they are doing.” If he turned his full attention to me, I’m not sure I could control the situation, let alone myself, for that matter.

“She is licking his balls and stroking his cock.”

I giggled. A week ago, I would have reprimanded Ron if I had heard him talk like that. I guess there is a time and place for everything when you have your son’s cock in your hand.

“She is sucking it now.”

The feeling of his cock in the darkened room reminded me so much of his father. The length and the girth felt so similar. From what I have seen of it, they could almost be twins. I knew I was out of control. Volunteering to jerk off my son as he spied on the neighbors was not something I had on my bucket list. Other thoughts of his father in my bed ran through my mind. For god’s sake, Helen, he is your son. You have already overstepped the bounds of propriety tonight.