Chapter 4

Book Four

I also just got a call from her asking if she can have some time with Peter tomorrow evening but she promised she’d be home early enough for us to have dinner together.

When I said okay she then added/asked if I can postpone any plans I may have had for her sexually tonight to tomorrow night. I took a huge swallow as I heard her ask that and all I could say was, “okay”.

I know there’s a lot of risks here but I have to say that there is a part of me that wants to see this go further so all I am doing is being supportive and encouraging her to do what she wants. The idea that she’s doing this on a sort of regular basis now is just incredibly arousing to me. I know that there might be more could be going on that she hasn’t admitted to although I just don’t see how given there’s just not enough time. I know the dangerous path we’re on but I want to see her experience what she wants to without my saying no or controlling her. I’m sure this will run its path in time but for now I want to enjoy the journey.

I have not told her that in my fantasy-mind that I would like this to go further but as she learns more of what she wants to experience, I will support her along the way. She has asked if I’m okay with all of this and I’ve always said yes. I have not yet admitted that I actually enjoy the denial, just that I’m okay with it, but mentally the idea of her preferring him in some way using the whole ‘diaphragm-being-in-too-long’ thing or if it’s her inferring that she wants to be “clean” for Peter, either way, it’s a turn-on. I told her to be sure to save some energy for me tomorrow night and she gave me that same giggle and said, “of course silly”.

I chickened out last night in asking her about what she was thinking or asking other questions. Instead we just cuddled and I avoided spooning with her to prevent her from having my hard-on pressed up against her butt. I won’t say I slept well as it took me forever to fall asleep as I tried to think about other things and not to masturbate.

She noticed me watching her more closely this morning as she showered and dressed. She didn’t say anything but had a big smile on her face at how I seemed to be absorbed in staring at her. All I could think about was that she’d be doing this same thing of getting cleaned up and dressed in front of Peter later. I wondered what he’d think of her light-blue panties and lacy bra.

I went back up to the bathroom while she got her coffee ready for the drive to work and checked that her diaphragm was with her and it was. I went back downstairs to say goodbye and give her a kiss. I mentioned that she was getting in earlier and as I said that I realized what her answer was going to be, “so I can leave a little earlier, remember?”

I just asked what time she was leaving work and not realizing just how early she was leaving. She said she wants to be out of there by 2:30pm or 3pm at the latest to give them almost 4 hours together later!

I hadn’t expected that - not that I’m concerned (at least not just yet) - but that’s a lot more time and a lot more sex than I’d realized. Now, sitting here at work I am so fucking horned up about this! No wonder they go for seconds. She’d better be awake later tonight!

She was so tender and hot and wet last night. She told me they’d spent the entire time in the motel room. She told me what motel, it’s like a mom and pop motel for like $49 a night, so I guess Suzanna’s worth $50 to Peter for a few hours of fun.

She didn’t share all the details with me, at least not just yet. I’m sure I’ll hear more of them later tonight as even now we’re both quite horny still. She did share that Peter went down on her a lot yesterday afternoon. She doesn’t always like that, feeling it’s almost too much for her even with me but she said she let Peter do it because he’d been asking her for the past few times that he’d love to lick her more before she puts in her diaphragm. I can only imagine it as she told it to me but seeing her in my mind with her legs pulled back and Peter’s tongue in her, I’m about ready to pop again right now.

The only details she shared with me other than the sex being great was that she spent most of the afternoon naked with him too. She said she felt very comfortable with him, not like the comfort she feels with me but very comfortable and that, in the sexy scene of it all, she felt very relaxed to just be herself and let him see all of her. I’m guessing she was mentally comparing it to the quickies in the car or whatever where she’s just naked maybe waist down. All I can think about is her cavorting with him naked as can be. She said she felt very comfortable with him and after her diaphragm was in she said she felt so sexy just being ‘available’ for him whenever he wanted to put his cock back in her.

I nearly died when she said she didn’t even feel the need to run and clean-up afterwards. I say I nearly died at that comment because I know it confirmed that she’s comfortable with him sexually. It’s really only in the past 10 years or so that she’s finally comfortable lying there like that after We’ve had sex so I’m not surprised that she’s okay with it with him, but that she’s okay with him seeing her like that relatively so soon.

I didn’t ask but surely that means they’ve probably showered together and cleaned-up together already. I’m just realizing some of this now and, wow, it’s like a revelation to see that she’s really okay and is doing this because she wants it! The idea of them showering together, him washing her body; her doing his, I can’t explain how it’s making me feel now as this my first realization that she’s reached this point.

I need to go now before I get carried away but hopefully tonight, we’ll have more time and we can talk about a lot more. I think she senses that I’m very excited by the things she’s doing with Peter and I think that’s a good thing for right now. Damn, I could fuck her again right now especially after clicking over to that mental picture I have of her! To think that’s how she must look with Peter. Wow, that’s so intense to think about.

Suzanna and I talked a lot this weekend and a lot of things came out. I told her that I’m beginning to feel a bit awkward about how close and comfortable together that she and Peter seems to be now.

I had always put the physical sex and the emotions during that on one side but the realization that they’ve showered together and washed each other seems to have brought out some new emotions and feeling in me. Our conversations over the weekend revealed that she’s totally opened up to him in ways that both concern me but are, at the same time, absolutely a turn-on.

I don’t think I revealed the extent of my arousal to her - but I did express some concerns over her seeming to be very open with him. My concerns became enough for me to bring it up with her after - not only did she say she spends most of her time with him with her naked. That alone said a lot to me in that she’s usually a bit reserved but that she feels totally comfortable letting him see all of her - she said she actually, in some ways, can’t wait to get undressed with him. But I really came unglued when she told me very plainly that she not only showed him how to insert her diaphragm - that she actually let him do it!!!! I swear I felt such a mix of emotions at that moment - I remember how I felt long ago when she showed me that too. To now think that she’s that comfortable with him has me feeling almost dizzy from so much to think about. I guess the fact that I am deriving some enjoyment and arousal out of this confirms my acceptance of being a cuckold. I just wouldn’t have guessed that it would quite be so mentally/emotionally intense at times.

I haven’t really told Suzanna about my discomfort and angst. I mean, I’ve shared with her how I feel but I haven’t said that she’s hurting me or anything like that because I’m not sure that she is. I have not expressed any great discomfort about anything. Indeed, I’ve conveyed that I’m okay with what she’s doing. The angst and discomfort I’m experiencing is just in my head, at the reality of what I’ve started in her but, right now, I have to say honestly, that I don’t think I want to change anything. I know it may sound crazy but I kind of want to see what happens here. I don’t think she’s going to run off with Peter, I just don’t see that.

Coincidentally, just last night I told her that I wasn’t happy with her doing the late-from-work thing on Fridays. For me it puts the start of the weekend off to a weird start. She smiled back at me and said that was good that I’d said that because she wanted to have some time with Peter this afternoon, Thursday!

She said that at 10pm last night and I although I had no intention on having sex with her last night, the moment she said that, I suddenly became so incredibly horny for her. I also knew that I would have to wait and I have to say that last night, for maybe the first time, I actually think I felt good about it and I let myself relax about the anxiety I would usually put myself through it at having to wait for her.

We talked a bit more and I asked her if she was going to leave work early or something like that today but she said that she, “just wanted a quickie” and then told me she’s expecting her period any day now so this could be the last time for a while. I’m looking outside and I see that the weather will be nice for them for a change.

I know it may sound crazy but in the back of my mind, I’ve been wanting her to do this for so long that now that it’s really happening, I guess I’m getting acclimatized to how things are going.

She does share everything with me, during foreplay and passionate sex in the days after she’s been with Peter and I think that she’s told me everything that they do. Some has made me cringe at just how familiar he is now with Suzanna’s body and how comfortable they are having sex together. I cannot describe the feelings I have when she tells me that. Part angst and discomfort is the overwhelming emotion but, my god, that is so far outweighed by the desire I have for her and the excitement I get from hearing her and feeling her body that’s had pleasures from him and with him. I honestly don’t think I want her to change anything. It’s really amazing to see someone you love so dearly being able to let herself go and know she’s enjoying herself. I imagine it’s the same way she may feel about me when I may go off skiing or golfing for a day, her knowing I’m enjoying myself.

The idea that she’s having such passionate sex with him; the knowledge that when I look down at her when we’re in bed or that we’re about to have sex and to know she’s eagerly let another man have her and that his cock has been inside her and that his sperm has been left inside her numerous times, it just turns me on incredibly. I should add that Suzanna has complimented me and commented on the level of passion she feels with me while we’re having sex. I have also told her that I feel she orgasms more freely and even maybe more fully since she’s been seeing Peter. She hasn’t clearly said this to me, but she has said that she does do things with him that she doesn’t do with me. Not so much positions or actions but that she allows herself to be just totally physical with him. I asked her if not being in love with him lets her focus more on herself and her own pleasure. She wasn’t sure about that but she did say that she didn’t feel the need/desire that she does with me to try to cum together as we often do. She said that many times she’ll orgasm first and will then, as she puts it, enjoy watching and feeling him cum.

Last night she got home about 6:45pm and we all had dinner together. I managed to get her upstairs in the bedroom for a few minutes and she let me put my hand down the front of her pants and feel her wet pussy as we kissed but she made me wait till we got our daughter to bed about 9:15 before we shut ourselves in our bedroom.

I do so wish she’d get an IUD or go on the pill or, if it’s a safe time, just do it with Peter without her diaphragm for I would just love to taste her! Using the diaphragm and that spermicide cream just tastes so nasty.

Despite having those thoughts she knew I wasn’t going to last long. I knew she probably wouldn’t cum with me but I did be sure to make her feel as good as possible and I think she may have had a little orgasm as I let loose in her.

I don’t think I will ever tire of how she feels after she’s come home from being with Peter. I won’t say her pussy is normally really tight or anything like that (and even when we’d pretend with her dildos that she’s fucking another guy) nothing ever feels like it does when she’s been with him. There’s such slickness and not so much openness as just her pussy feeling so compliant.

I’m trying not to get too riled up because we’re almost ready to say goodnight to our daughter soon and I want her again tonight and she reminded me about her period soon so I want to be sure to get tonight in if nothing else. Another positive was admitted when she did say she thought that sex seems to be helping her cope with her PMS!

We haven’t talked about anything else yet but I hope to this weekend. Maybe I’ll have the guts to tell her that I’m truly enjoying what she’s doing; maybe over a bottle of wine and a picnic lunch in a park this weekend.

We’ve been talking about a lot of stuff since she’s got her period. Surprisingly, she’s in a good mood so it’s been sort of easier to talk. She’s brought things up a lot, which is good, and usually I’ve been the one to start things. Where to start though?. Well, over this past weekend she plainly asked me at one point something like, “Does it turn you on to think about me having sex with Peter?”

I said to her plainly, “Yes, it does”.

She then asked me to tell her about what I’m feeling when she’s with him and that led to a lot of different stuff being brought out. I told her I was okay with them having sex; I told her that I knew she’d been with other guys including her ex-husband and I was honest and told her that it had always turned me on that she’d fucked so many (relatively speaking, 8 before we were married and 3 since, including me) guys in the past. She was on the pill long ago before we deliberately had kids and I told her that also turned me on, that all these other guys got to cum inside her. (She knew this but seemed to like hearing it in this context).

Then I told her that now I was feeling a bit uncomfortable about their intimacy. I told her how her showering with Peter and her letting him put her diaphragm in, among other things, made me feel awkward. She didn’t totally understand at least not at first.

I asked her how she felt at those times and she was very open and honest. She started by saying she loved me more than anything or anyone but that when she was with Peter she felt different and that she wanted to be there for him. I didn’t understand and she hemmed and hawed around until she finally said that unless we (me and her) go away on vacation or maybe we deliberately arrange for a sexy evening at home by keeping the kids occupied or sending them elsewhere for a sleepover that’s the time when she can really feel she can let herself go sexually; other times, she just can’t escape the feeling of being just a mom/wife. I was kind of not surprised by that as I’ve known for a long time that she’s like this as I suspect most soccer-mom types are (even though our kids aren’t in sports) but you know what I mean. I’ve known that if I can get her away for a weekend alone that she’d do anything and everything including going out with no bra/panties and letting other guys check her out. On those occasions but it never went past there with anyone else but there was the time when we were in a hotel one night without the kids and during foreplay I put a ‘plug’ in her pussy (a latex one with a flared base, narrow neck and then large pointed bulb top) and made her go out with me with it in her and no panties on. She loved it.

Anyway, she says that when she’s with Peter that because she has no emotional attachment to him (and she did emphasize that over and over) that she can just be sexual with him without caring. She sort of confessed to feeling like she wants to get it out of her system, that’s the urge she says she feels with him. In time she also said that this is sort of what she’s feeling behind her saying that she likes being naked with him. She said she likes him looking at her sexually, that she feels good about that when he looks at her and she can see that he wants her or something to that effect. I suspect what she’s trying to say is that when she’s with him that she feels she can shed her ‘mom’ image and let herself be a slut with him. Now all this didn’t come out all at once; I’m putting together what’s probably been spread over 3-4 days and 5 or more hours of different talks.

At home, she’s never liked me looking at her that way; she says she doesn’t like me looking at her as a sex object but, it seems, somehow that she does like it with Peter. I just don’t get it but she said that’s the difference; she loves me and she cares about me and how I see and feel about her. She insisted that she does NOT love Peter but at the same time she does love how he looks at her. She even said that she will lie in bed with him, with her legs spread knowing he’s looking at her pussy. I know she hates it when I do that to her, stare at her pussy, especially after we’ve had sex but she feels like she wants Peter to stare at her even more after they’re done! I just don’t get it!

I have to say when we had that conversation, we got pulled away by something and she knows I am still very disoriented by what she said. I just can’t believe that she’s saying she’s almost this Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde thing, that she can be like that with Peter and actually want it but that she’s not comfortable with me like that. But, on the other hand, outside that moment I have to say that in addition to this confusion I have in trying to understand her, I have to say that when I think about it, it is very arousing to me. That she can share this slutty side of her with another guy like she is. I guess I should have added that when we’re out as I described, away from the kids, she is the same with me (it may take a day or so to get her there though instead of it apparently being an automatic thing with Peter) but by the end of a weekend without the kids she is as brazenly openly sexual with me as she is with Peter.

So, I sort of get it.

I asked her if she enjoyed sex with Peter and what she enjoys most about it. She said that she always felt passion with him, that there was always a desire between them both for more. She said that her intimacy with him of showering or getting cleaned up before hand and the whole diaphragm routine made her feel close to him and more easily able to just get to it. I think she picked up on that I get a bit of arousal out of this so she told me how she felt very special with Peter preparing her diaphragm.

I swear I was rock hard hearing her describe all this and just cannot get the image out of my mind of her spreading her legs and letting him put it in her even before they start to get going. She says the fact that there is no doubt that they are getting together for sex makes it easier for her.

I did open up to her a bit about the cuckold-side of things after she asked me how I truly felt the nights before she sees Peter. She asked if it really bothered me that she asked me to wait.

Now, I don’t think she knows what a cuckold is as I’ve never used that term with her and she’s never used it with me. She asked at a good moment over the weekend (not when we were discussing all the stuff above that gave me concern) and I just answered her simply that it did turn me on when she said to me that she did want Peter more than me. I told her that it turned me on that she wanted her body to be clean for him and that she knows that I have always wanted sloppy seconds for ages. I told her I accepted that as that’s my desire that it meant her saying no to me.

We’ve read plenty of Penthouse Letters so she knows that guys get turned on by this and she asked me if I was okay, no, not just OK but whether I was enjoying what she was doing with Peter and not about our sex together afterwards. That was the million dollar question; she asked if I enjoyed her sexual activity with Peter.

I just nodded my head yes.

She smiled at that and said she was glad because she wanted to be really sure I was good with it. I told her that as long as she came home to me at night and that our marriage and life together was strong, that I did enjoy knowing she was having sex with Peter. We talked about a few other things and that was when I finally ask her if I could watch them one day.

She wasn’t surprised at my request at all. As a matter of fact, she was surprised that I hadn’t already asked as she knew I did want to watch. She said she’d asked Peter and he said he was okay with the idea but hoped he’d be able to ‘perform’. She said that now that she knew I did, that she’d discuss it with Peter and see what we could all work out.

I wouldn’t say she’s necessarily dressing any differently but she does seem to be more aware of her sexuality. She seems to be more aware of how much cleavage she’s showing and when to show it and how things look on her. I guess, maybe she’s tending towards clothes that do make her look better but that’s about all. It’s not like she’s suddenly running around without a bra or panties.

I do know that she will dress a bit nicer when she is seeing Peter. Instead of the plain granny-panties she will wear some nicer undies such as lacy panties and definitely nicer bras. The last time she took a small carry bag with her and I know she put that tiger-print camisole in there along with her perfume, makeup, etc. That part I find very arousing and I also told her so, that seeing her making ‘preparations’ in the morning, knowing where she’ll be later that evening is a turn-on. It’s been an interesting week so far and I feel good about almost everything. Whether I feel good about us, I’m not 100% on everything yet. However, I have to say, we haven’t felt as close as this in a long time.

She’s already left for work so she can leave early this afternoon for her weekly fun with Peter. Since she got through with her period she’s been very horny but last night she said, “Sorry baby, but can you wait till tomorrow night, you know how I like to be for Peter tomorrow”.

It seems she’s become comfortable with our situation to the point now after all our talking last week where she now feels comfortable just telling me like it is. So, here I am, after seeing the empty bathroom drawer again this morning.

I have to say, last night was actually kind of different now that she’s more open and comfortable with it. It was very sexy watching her get changed for bed with both of us knowing that I’d be waiting till tonight for my fun.

She keeps her diaphragm in that drawer in the bathroom and I check there in the mornings after she leaves for work. It is incredibly arousing to look and see the empty spot and know what it means.

I would actually say that since we talked and talked last week that since it is now more out in the open that it’s her desire to have me wait. I feel incredibly turned on and aroused by that and I’m more comfortable sharing that excitement and arousal with her. Damned if my cock isn’t on the edge of bursting just thinking of having her later tonight.

Last night was really enjoyable for us together before bed. I had a huge hard-on as I watched her getting changed. She asked me if I wanted to masturbate but I just told her that I wanted that anxiety to last till today/tonight. She thought that was sweet and even mentioned that if I wanted to jerk-off that she would be okay even if it meant I might not have wanted her or wanted her as much tonight.

I asked her what she meant by that and she just said, “tonight after I come home it’s more for you than me”.

Hearing her say that also turned me on. What’s so cool now is that it’s just easier for us to say and do this stuff now.

She came home about 6:45pm and we went upstairs right away and she asked me if I wanted to undress her before dinner was ready. I swear my hands were shaking as I unbuttoned her top and saw hickies and suck marks all over her breasts but that was nothing to when I unzipped her skirt and slid it and her slip down and caught the pungent smell of sex. I got to see where the crotch of her light blue panties was darkened from being wet. She didn’t let me take them off her but instead she moved back and slid them down herself and stepped out of them. I went to grab her and throw her onto the bed but she pushed me back and said, “you’ll just have to wait a bit longer, besides, it’s a bit tired out right now” pointing to her pussy.

I sat stunned on the bed as she went into the bathroom and got a warm washcloth to wipe herself. I was just stuck admiring her as she pranced back in front of me to go to her dresser where she found a pair of granny-panties and some sweats.

I was just so turned on by all of that I just sat there motionless until she gave me a kiss and said, “What’s for dinner, I’m starving”. We had a nice family meal but I had to wait until the kids were off to bed before I knew if she was going to be just for me or not and for my turn in her pussy. She kept up the teasing by saying things like, “it’ll be your turn soon” and stuff like that.

It took me a bit to figure out what she meant by cap and coil but I figured it out. We did talk about that last week too. She said she’s going to make an appointment with her doctor and see what her options are. She doesn’t want anything with hormones but I told her that there are IUD’s without them. I told her we could be more spontaneous and she said back, “yes, I could be” and I just let it go but I wonder how she’ll be if she does do it. I might regret that.

I’ve been thinking about whether she’s talking to me and doing other stuff more openly now because she knows I like it as opposed to her doing it because she likes it. I think that’s part of what I see in her. She’s enjoying the sex with Peter but what and how she does with me seems to be more based on what I want her to do instead of what she wants.

Despite the rainy weather, she’s out shopping so I had time to update. While I cannot say for sure she really wanted to have sex with me on Thursday night, there was no doubt about last night that is for sure. She again teased me with things from the previous afternoon including asking me if I wanted to put her diaphragm in like Peter had done for her. Damn if I didn’t nearly cum as she said that. I know she saw how I looked and how turned on I was as I took the honour of preparing her for intercourse. From smearing the cream around to spreading her pussy open and then inserting my fingers in to be sure it’s in place; knowing she lay there the night before and Peter had done the same was just incredible for me. She was almost insatiable even being aggressive and climbing on top and grinding herself into me. Telling me at times that this was how she’d been with Peter too. It was incredible, she was so wet she teased me how it was still Peter’s cum in her and that really set me off and that in turn brought her off one last time. As we both came down she felt so close to me hugging me and holding me that it erased any misgivings I’d ever had.

Yesterday afternoon while the kids were elsewhere, we had a chance to talk. We were still buzzing from Saturday night and kissing each other when she asked again if I was enjoying everything. It was a close moment and I just told her that I was enjoying it a lot. She asked if she was too over-the-top or anything like that and I just said that it was incredible for me and that I loved her sharing her thoughts with me and that I thought what she was doing with Peter had really brought out some intensity between us that I hadn’t felt quite so often in the past. She agreed and said she felt naughty telling me about what she was doing but that if I enjoyed it, that she ‘guessed’ it must be okay.

As we talked, she asked me that if I liked what she was doing, she asked if she should be doing more or perhaps less. She said that she wanted to make this as good for me as it is for her. Hearing her say that made me feel really good about us. So I told her that I wasn’t sure totally but said that there was more she could do with me if she wanted to. The kids came back then so we didn’t talk about much more then but last night she asked me more about what I was thinking.

I wasn’t sure what I wanted to tell her as I’m not sure I’m ready to suggest things she isn’t necessarily wanting herself so I just played it safe and told her that when we’re in bed and stuff, that she can tell me more about them together and that I thought it’d turn me on to hear her tell it to me. She smiled at that answer and I thought we were going to fuck but instead she asked me if I’d like a bj instead. I smiled as she’s not often offering that and she said she was going to play with a toy while she took care of me. She put her little vibrating-egg in her pussy and it was quite nice to watch her masturbate as she brought me off orally, I even believe we may have cum together, or pretty close.