Chapter 5: ... and Burn

September 10, 1994, Chicago, Illinois

It was just after midnight, which made it very early on Saturday, when I slipped into bed with my wives. I was happy when they only stirred slightly and went back to sleep. They were cuddled together because they hadn’t been expecting me; after all, Friday was Michelle’s night. Or had been. Actually, I didn’t know just yet what was going to happen. In a sense, leaving the country for three weeks was a good idea, in a different sense, it was a terrible one. I did my best to clear my mind and eventually managed to drift off the sleep.

“Tiger? What are you doing here?”

“Michelle and I might have broken up,” I said carefully.

“What?!” Kara gasped. “What did you do?”

“Kara...” I sighed. “Please.”

“Sorry, but it’s so sudden.

“Actually, I don’t think it is. This has been building since she came back from the monastery.”

“What did you say ‘might’ have broken up?” Jessica asked.

“Well, after telling me she thought she might have made a mistake being with me, we talked about it, and after we talked, she sent me here to you two without so much as a goodnight kiss.”

“Did she give a reason for saying that?”

“Yes; that I’ve been treating her like a fragile little girl who can’t manage her own life, can’t be expected to make good decisions, and who I need to protect.”

“You have been doing that,” Kara said. “But I thought things changed right before you left for Japan and your stay in Japan reinforced your new thinking.”

“It did, but with her, I reverted to my old thinking for some reason. It kind of came to a head when she asked me about working for NIKA. She told me she felt like she was treading water in school, and wasn’t sure about her career. I asked if it was because of our relationship and she got upset with me. The bottom line is, she insisted that I stop blaming myself for sleeping with her.”

“I thought you got past that!” Kara exclaimed, sounding almost as exasperated as Michelle had.

“I did get past it,” I said. “With everyone EXCEPT Michelle. She accused me of treating her like a pre-teen girl with a crush instead of an adult woman who made adult decisions. She said I had decided she had made the wrong decision and I was punishing both her AND myself for it. And now I see her request to work for me for what it really was.”

“To get you to see her as the intelligent adult woman she really is?”

“Yes. I never told her about Ailea, Mitsuko, or Sakurako. Not even the fact that I’d been with other girls. She knows now because of the conversation in the car Thursday morning.”

Jessica looked pained, “It’s my fault?”

I shook my head, “No; it’s not your fault. It’s mine. Eventually she was going to find out about Kaitlin and Mikela given her role, and that would have led to the same question she asked last night about me being with other girls.”

“You didn’t promise her you wouldn’t, did you?”

“No, of course not! I may be an insensitive clod at times, but I didn’t lie to her. She asked me about sleeping with other girls when she came back from Pennsylvania. I told her that it wasn’t just possible, it was probable. She wasn’t happy with that response, obviously, but she did know it might happen. And you both know, I’m sure, that she knew pretty clearly just how promiscuous I’ve been. That came out when she tried to discourage me with regard to the girls from the Rap Session. Not that it had been hidden, really.”

“Do you want me to talk to her?” Kara asked.

“No; I don’t think that’s a good idea. We agreed we’d talk when I come home from Europe. Please don’t press her. If she comes to talk to you, that’s fine. But whatever you do, don’t defend my hypocrisy, please. I really blew it this time.”

“What do you think she’s going to do?”

“I have no idea,” I said. “I’m not even going to begin to speculate, let alone predict, where this might lead.”

“Are you feeling depressed?” Jessica asked.

“Not in the way you mean,” I said. “Call it ‘resignation’, I guess. It’s not one of my mood swings. I haven’t had one of those in a long time.”

“Are you going to be OK in Europe for three weeks?”

“Yes. Are you two going to be OK with me in Europe for three weeks?”

“In a sense, it’ll be easier than when you went to Japan,” Kara said. “Then I wasn’t teaching or doing my research or going to class. Now, I’m going to be very busy.”

“And I’m taking some ER shifts for a Senior Resident at Cook County. He’s on vacation for two weeks.”

“When did this come up?” I asked.

“Just yesterday. Given everything else that was going on, I decided to wait to tell you until today. The Resident who was supposed to cover his shifts had a hot appendix yesterday. He’s out of commission for a few weeks.”

“What shift is it?”

“Days, fortunately. That means I do my other work either before or after. They did cut me some slack and I’ll only have fourteen-hour days instead of eighteen.”

“This won’t cause you any problems with your Fellowship?”

“No; I’m doing a management rotation, so they’ll let me act as a Senior Resident. I still have to do my time as ER coordinator, but only four hours instead of eight. I did talk to Kara first. Amanda is going to work two extra hours each day. You aren’t upset I didn’t tell you yesterday?”

“No; you were right about everything going on. And it’s not like I’m going to be here. So as long as Kara is OK with it, everything is fine.”

“I am,” Kara replied with a smile. “We talked yesterday. She called before she agreed.”

“OK. I better get downstairs; I suspect a young woman is about to send out a search party!”

“Birgit needs her ‘Daddy cuddles’ before you head to London!”

“Remember, it’s a breakfast day, and after karate, we’re going to see our new nephew.”

“Are we bringing any of the kids?” Jessica asked.

“Stephanie asked that we not do that,” I said. “She promised to bring David to the house next weekend.”

“When do they close on their new house?”

“October 3rd. That gives them two weeks to get settled before she goes back to Spurgeon Capital.”

“She’s only taking six weeks?”

“If you think about it, this puts a real crimp in management there with Samantha back in school. She’s going to bring David here once she goes back to work. She already talked with Amanda about it. With the four oldest in school and Ashley having turned three, it’s really only David who will need constant care. The other kids just need some supervision.”

Kara laughed, “True, now that Albert is the only boy here. They were quite the handful when there were four boys!”

“What are you trying to say, Honey?” I asked with a grin.

“Just that boys are challenging. Big ones, as well as little ones!”

“Of that, I have no doubt!” I said with a grin.

I kissed my wives and headed downstairs to get my newspaper, pour some coffee, and cuddle with my daughter. I really enjoyed our morning ritual, and because the other kids preferred to sleep late, Birgit could have this time without it interfering with my relationship with them. She snuggled close and put her head on my chest. I read the front-page article about the crash investigation and realized that it was entirely possible they might not identify all of the bodies. I felt bad for Janet Zlinka, but I’d done what I could do. Now it was up to the NTSB, the recovery team, and whatever spiritual advisors she could speak with.

“Daddy?”

“Yes, Pumpkin?”

“Why do you have to go away again?”

“Daddy has to work in Europe.”

“You promise your plane won’t crash?”

How the heck could I answer THAT question from my six-year-old daughter who was now looking at me with puppy-dog eyes? If there was ever a time for ‘little white lies’ this was probably it. But, what if that bitch, Fate, intervened? Then one of the last things I would have ever done for my daughter would be break a promise to her.

“Pumpkin, Daddy can’t promise that. All he can do is promise to love you, and to come home as soon as possible.”

“I don’t want you to die!” she said, starting to cry.

I put the paper down and wrapped both of my arms around her and pulled her close.

“I promise to do everything in my power to come home to you,” I said.

“Promise you won’t die!” she demanded, tears dripping down her cheeks.

I couldn’t make that promise in good conscience, but I didn’t think she’d let up. I had to try once more.

“Pumpkin, nobody can promise that. All I can do is promise to always love you and do my best to come home.”

She struggled in my grasp and wriggled from my arms. I let go and she ran from the room in tears. I was tempted to go after her, but I felt she needed to just cry it out. I’d give her ten minutes, then go find her. I opened the paper and read the predictions that the baseball season was going to be canceled, including the World Series, but that everyone expected the NLRB, Congress, and the courts to come down on the side of the players, forcing the owners to accept the player’s demands. I’d just finished the article when Kara came in carrying a sad-looking Birgit.

“I found this one crying in her bed,” Kara said.

I nodded, “She wanted me to promise that the plane wouldn’t crash and that I wouldn’t die. Can you imagine how she’d feel about me if I did make those promises and something happened?”

“Little girls don’t respond well to your analytical way of thinking, in case you hadn’t noticed.”

“I have noticed, but what do you want me to do? Make a promise I might not be able to keep? And one that would be even more devastating if Fate intervened. Birgit, will you hug me?”

She shook her head and buried her face in Kara’s shoulder.

“Go to breakfast, Snuggle Bear. I’ll see if I can repair this little fracture for you.”

I nodded and got up and kissed Kara. Birgit didn’t look at me, so I kissed the back of her head.

“I love you, Pumpkin,” I whispered.

I went upstairs to shower and dress, then kissed my wives goodbye and headed to breakfast with the guys. I walked over to where a somber Clayton was sitting and put my hand on his shoulder.

“She made it back safely last night?” I asked.

“She did. She asked me to tell you she closed the deal. I guess they felt guilty.”

“That’s good news we can use. Did you know she was supposed to be on the flight?”

“Yes, but I knew she’d missed the plane. She called me right after she rebooked, which was before the crash. That was more than a little freaky.”

“I thought she was on the plane,” I said. “So did Elyse and Michelle. Elyse ran from the house to the dojo to tell me after Charlie called her.”

“I’m sorry to hear about your employee.”

“Thanks. I feel a bit guilty about sending him to Pittsburgh.”

“Don’t,” Karl said. “You give orders and things you never expect happen.”

“You sound like you’re speaking from experience,” I said. “Nick?”

Karl nodded, “I had a good talk with Captain Brewer at RTC about that after it happened.”

“How are you doing, Steve?” Kurt asked.

“Hanging in there. I guess I’m getting used to it, despite how bad that sounds.”

“Like Jessica?”

“No, it’s different. For her, she has to turn off her emotions completely. I just need to tamp them down to stay in control. That’s what I’ve learned to do.”

“Nothing personal, Steve, but being around you seems dangerous,” Pete said.

“Pete, my man,” I said, “I love you like a brother, but FUCK YOU!”

“I think it might be a bit too soon for that, Pete,” Karl said, putting his hand on Pete’s shoulder.

“Sorry,” Pete said, sounding chagrined. “I guess that wasn’t called for.”

I relaxed and held out my hand to shake, “It’s OK, Pete. Sorry I reacted that way.”

Pete shook my hand, “And I shouldn’t have said it.”

“Actually, you aren’t the first one to bring that up today,” I said.

“Oh?”

“Birgit demanded that I promise my plane wouldn’t crash and that I wouldn’t die.”

“Ouch,” Kurt said.

“I left her crying on Kara’s shoulder because I couldn’t make that promise. Can you imagine if something DID happen?”

“I’m missing something,” Aaron said.

“What is this now, five?” Kurt asked.

“Six,” I sighed, “if you count Don Joseph. Seven if you want to count Kara’s dad.”

“Wait, that many people close to you? And young?” Aaron asked.

“Except for Don Joseph, who was my first mentor and Jake Tarrance’s grandfather-in-law, and Kara’s dad, nobody older than 30.”

“Damn!”

“Tell me about it. That includes two girlfriends, two very close friends, my mentor, and an employee. And Kara’s dad.”

“Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I think Pete might be onto something.”

“It’s worse, really,” I sighed. “Add in a couple of attempted suicides that had at least something to do with me, and a near-fatal accident for another girlfriend. Oh, and my Trans Am was totaled when I got hit from behind by a driver who couldn’t stop fast enough for the accident that occurred in front of us. A good friend was hurt badly.”

“I think you’re forgetting one,” Kurt said quietly.

I thought for a moment, “Shit. My friend Wen was shot when I was driving her back to IIT. That was right before Bethany’s near-fatal accident.”

“Commander,” Aaron said, “I’m not quite sure what you’ve brought me into here, but if my wife finds out, she’ll never let me NEAR this place! Or your friend!”

“I had hoped I was your friend as well,” I said.

“That came out wrong; sorry. Yes, I consider you my friend.”

“Thanks.”

“Will we see your dad, the Chief, while you’re gone?” Aaron asked.

“Not this time. I’m reorganizing things a bit at NIKA and I now have an executive assistant who will handle most things. And I’ll be working while I’m in Europe, and have access to phones and even email. He’ll be here in about a month to see his new grandson.”

“How’s your sister doing?” Howard asked.

“She and the baby are fine. I’m going to go see them before I head for O’Hare.”

We had a good breakfast, as usual, and as I was leaving, Howard pulled me aside.

“Jeri’s pregnant and due in late March,” he said. “She’s going to tell everyone next Saturday, but you’ll be gone.”

“Congratulations! Tell Jeri for me as well.”

“I will. And she told me about the two of you. There is no problem between you and me. It happened before I met her.”

I extended my hand, “Thanks.”

We shook and I headed home, and then to karate. Michelle joined us, though she wasn’t able to go during the week because she was taking a full load of classes at night. I really wanted to talk to her, but she’d rebuffed my brief attempt as we left the house. Karate class was typical for a Saturday morning, and I spent a few minutes talking to Sensei Jim at the end. He wished me a safe journey when we parted, and my wives, Birgit, Michelle, and I headed home for showers and a quick lunch.

After lunch Jessica, Kara, and I went to Ed and Stephanie’s apartment to see our new nephew. I saw right away that he resembled Ed more than our side of the family. My sister allowed me to hold him briefly, before I passed him on to each of his aunts.

“How are you feeling?” I asked.

“Sleepless in Chicago,” she laughed, wearily. “I swear that kid is on a ninety-minute timer!”

“If you need help, Stephanie, just call me,” Kara said. “Or Bethany. I know she’d be happy to help as well.”

“Are your parents coming to visit soon, Ed?” I asked.

“In two weeks. I basically forbade my mom from coming here before then. And your dad was wise enough to wait until next month to bring your mom up.”

“The Perv is NOT allowed in my house!” Stephanie said fiercely.

“Dad has that under control,” I said. “He knows you have the same rules as Jessica, Kara, Elyse, and Jennifer. He’ll keep Mom under control. She’s been fairly tame the last few years.”

“The threat of not seeing her grandkids was VERY effective,” Jessica said.

“We don’t want to tire you out more than you already are,” I said. “We’re going to head home. I need to spend some time with a very nervous daughter.”

“The plane crash and your trip to Europe?” Ed asked.

“Exactly.”

Ed and I shook hands, I hugged my sister, and then my wives and I drove back to the house. Birgit was playing in the sunroom with her sisters, so I walked in and picked her up and we sat in a chaise and cuddled.