Chapter 36: Putting it All Together

December 22, 1994, Tokyo, Japan to Chicago, Illinois

When the flight reached sufficient altitude, I pulled out my PowerBook and opened my journal. The events of the previous week had affected me greatly, in many ways. The wake, for which I, and others, had stayed awake all night, had been a moving experience. My only regret was that the actual funeral service would be held the following week. I did ascertain, from a conversation with the Shinto priest who came to pray with us at the wake, the correct days on which to say prayers. I would also say them on the days appointed by the Orthodox, as I did for all of my friends who had gone on to the next life.

Hiroshi had told me, on the way from Oguni to Tokyo, that Hiro-san’s ashes would be divided into several urns, one of which he would attempt to send to France, and to Chicago, though we both felt the difficulties of sending remains might prevent that. I had been surprised when he, Suki, Hideki, and Sakurako had all accompanied me to Tokyo, and had been amused by the way Sakurako kept her distance from Hideki. She was teasing him mercilessly, but I knew what she had to share with him, and it would be worth the wait.

More interesting was that Sakurako had worn both pieces of jewelry I had given her. The diamond pendant draped nicely between her small, sweater-clad breasts, with the ruby bracelet gracing her wrist. I was sure she had told Hideki of their origin, but he’d said nothing to me, and had treated me as a close friend and confidant, as was befitting between the new master of my school, and me, who, someday, would be master of the Chicago dojo, which I would operate in his name.

The final act Sakurako had performed for me, was to stitch the kanji characters representing Hideki’s name beneath those of her grandfather onto my belt. I had inquired with Robert about doing that as a sign of respect and he had agreed. I’d approached Sakurako about it, and she’d simply smiled and asked for the belt. It was an interesting picture, my former lover stitching her future husband’s name onto my belt. There were other memories from the trip which I needed to record - my visit with Yoshiro, Hideki’s promotion ceremony, the quiet time of contemplation in the garden, and the last kiss with Sakurako. And her gift - a beautiful watercolor of a cherry blossom tree in full bloom.

It took several hours to complete those journal entries, and I still had to sort out the situation with Michelle. Fortunately, the business-class seat had a cigarette-lighter style power outlet and I could write for as much of the nearly 12-hour flight as I wished. At some point, I would nap, but I felt compelled to write, so I continued until dinner, and then while the first movie was being shown.

What about Michelle? And what about managing my sex life in the future? Those two ideas swirled in my head, more than they reached virtual pen and paper. One thing was certain, and that was that there were two outcomes I wanted to achieve. First, for Michelle to have her baby. Second, for her to remain as the NIKA Office Manager for a long time. The question of an ongoing sexual relationship was a much more difficult question.

I had just closed a chapter in that book on Monday morning, and wasn’t sure I wanted to start

any new chapters or even open an old one. Yes, there was the standing offer with Elena, but other than our family trip to Russia and my weekend away with my wives and Birgit, I had no intention of leaving Chicago for some time. That included office visits, which would have to wait until at least after summer. People might feel badly about it, but I had simply been gone too much. I shook my head, and regathered my thoughts around managing my sex life.

What did I want to do? I’d had plenty of time to talk to Doctor Mercer, as well as to my wives, and Michelle, and to myself. I had come back from the extreme position I’d taken when I’d asked Michelle to travel with me to Australia. So what did that mean? It certainly didn’t mean a return to the craziness of the past. Was it the idea of occasional love affairs with women closer to my own age? Was that it? Were there exceptions to those rules as there were nearly every other one I’d made?

In the end, the answer I came to was to pay attention to my wives, to love them, to care for them, and with the exception of Michelle, not worry about anyone else. I had ended all my relationships in Chicago and had started a friendship with Melissa, which made me happy. I also had my ongoing friendship with Gina, who I hoped had been running while I was away, but she had a tendency to slack off. Renewing that, as well as reconnecting with Samantha, was also key.

It was, finally, time to sleep, and perchance to dream. Of cherry blossoms.

December 22, 1994, Chicago, Illinois

I was greeted by a raging horde of blonde and strawberry blonde children, all looking for hugs, as well as two wives expecting kisses, and Michelle, who I was unsure of how to greet. We settled on a hug.

“Are you as tired as you look?” Jessica asked.

“Worse,” I said. “I feel like somebody turned me upside down and shook me hard. I need a bit of food, a sauna, and bed. Christmas begins in two days and Jonathan will be here in four.”

“You don’t plan to try to work tomorrow, do you?”

“Are you kidding?”

“Good. Let’s get you home.”

“Did he pass peacefully?” Kara asked.

“Yes. At home, surrounded by family and friends, as it should be.”

“Did he have an actual diagnosis?” Jessica asked.

“Yes. Robert-san brought in a cardiologist from Tokyo to see him. Congestive heart failure. The signs were so obvious that even a third-year medical student could recognize them. And Hiro-san knew. He chose the exact time, place, and circumstances of his own death without it being suicide. I don’t know what more anyone could ask for.”

“And the funeral?” Kara asked.

“Next week. It takes time. But I did get to participate in the wake, which was, to me, the important part. I was up literally all night, and slept a good portion of Wednesday, which has me totally messed up.”

“And your prediction?”

“Monday, as one of the last things Hiro-san did. You would have loved it. Sakurako toyed with Hideki the way a cat toys with a mouse. And took complete control of the marriage even before the proposal.”

“Smart!” Birgit giggled. “Girls are in charge!”

“Are not!” Jesse and Matthew replied in unison.

“Are too!” Birgit affirmed.

“Kids,” I sighed. “Dad is not in the mood right now, please.”

“Sorry,” the boys said.

“Sorry, Daddy,” Birgit said.

“When will they marry?” Jessica asked as we put my bags into the car.

“I’d guess they’ll do so quickly once Hiro-san’s funeral services are completed. The last thing Sakurako wants to do is have to go home to her father. I met him, by the way. He’s thoroughly modern and very westernized, and so is his wife. I can see exactly why she and her brother left home. The dichotomy of worlds is astounding.”

“Jason called yesterday,” Kara said. “They had a girl who they named Kristina Elizabeth. I sent them a gift this morning.”

“Thanks, Honey,” I said.

I got into the back seat of the car with Birgit, and as I had the last time I’d come home from Japan, nodded off as we drove home. Birgit gently woke me with a kiss on the cheek and we got out of the car and headed into the house. Amanda had stayed, and agreed to stay longer to watch the kids while I had a bite to eat, and then my wives and I went to the sauna for twenty minutes. After a quick shower, I got into bed and was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

December 23, 1994, Chicago, Illinois

“Are you semi-coherent?” Jessica asked when I awoke late on Friday morning.

“You assume he ever was,” Kara teased.

“You know, I could go back to Japan,” I grinned.

“And be lonely!” Jessica teased.

“I’m sure I could find a conservative Japanese girl who wouldn’t harass me!” I said.

“That’s not what you said happened with Hideki!”

“She never did that to me!” I grinned.

“Michelle was very circumspect about what happened in Australia,” Jessica said.

“Can we discuss that after we eat? What time is it?”

“10:30am,” Kara replied. “Early lunch or late breakfast?”

“Early lunch, I think. I hope you two, Elyse, and Jennifer took care of the Christmas shopping.”

“We did. Everything should be here for both meals, plus gifts for all the kids.”

“OK. I have things for them from Japan that we’ll put under the tree. I took care of your presents there. And the other adults.”

“Good,” Jessica said. “A bunch of things arrived for Doctor Todd. We put them in the nanny room. It’s ready for him, other than having all that stuff to put away. I’m not sure they’ll have enough room.”

“We can make some other space for him. Plus their kids are going to sleep in the kids’ room. And his family is going back to England in less than two weeks. He’ll be a bachelor for most of the year.”

“So a man with freedom shows up in the house just as you decide not to exercise your freedom?”

“It’s not as if we could go hunting together, so to speak. If you can’t eat what you catch while it’s fresh, it’s just not the same!”

Both wives hit me with pillows and the three of us ended up laughing and cuddling.

“We don’t do this enough,” I said. “No trips before next September except our three-day weekend in Vermont with Birgit and our family trip to St. Petersburg. And Saturday evenings when we don’t have the Guys’ and Girls’ Nights, are just the three of us. Friday can be date night, if you will.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” Kara said. “I’ve really missed you.”

“Me, too,” Jessica added.

“Let’s go eat, then we can talk.”

The three of us got out of bed, put on our long robes and went to the kitchen to make some food. Amanda stuck her head in to say ‘hello’ and unsurprisingly, Stephie and Ashley came into the kitchen for attention. Their moms picked them up and held them while I made lunch.

“How’d you manage the days off, Babe?”

“I worked extra supervisory hours while you were away. Kara worked more research hours. And Amanda spent more time here.”

“So long as the kids didn’t feel neglected.”

“They had lots of friends visit, plus Kurt, Tom, Brian, and Bo all stopped by at least once. Some of the college girls spent afternoons studying here, which the kids loved, too.”

“Cool. What schedule do you have next week, Babe?”

“Just days, Tuesday to Friday. Are you going into the office?”

“Half days, I think. I need to see my new office space!”

Kara laughed, “Michelle had the room locked until you can be the first one in. Penny had a fit!”

I chuckled, “I bet. I’m surprised she didn’t call me.”

“Oh, she was going to, but Elyse basically told her to stow it! I guess Terry took her out to lunch and she calmed down.”

I laughed, hard, “That means he took her home, fucked her brains out, then brought her back to the office.”

Kara and Jessica both laughed, and Stephie giggled.

“Watch out, Kara!” I laughed. “Birgit’s little sister seems to be on the same page!”

“You know full well who it’s going to be, too. On her fourteenth birthday, if she has her way.”

“Nicholas! I love him!” Stephie declared. “He’s going to marry me. I asked him and he said yes!”

“As I said,” I chuckled. “That’s one down. Six to go!”

“Two,” Kara said. “Don’t forget ‘Tom Sawyer’ thinks kissing is OK now!”

“OK. Two down, five to go.”

“What about Jesse and Francesca?” Jessica asked.

I shook my head as I poured soup into bowls, “They’ll screw themselves silly, but he has his heart set on a Swede or a Russian. My money is on the Russian girl. But you never know, there might be a redheaded dark horse!”

“Those two are going to break more hearts than you can imagine!” Kara affirmed.

I served the bowls of cream of broccoli soup, along with bread and chips for my wives, and fresh broccoli for me. We ate, then by mutual agreement we went back up to bed, first depositing our kids with Amanda.

“So, Michelle?” Kara asked as the three of us snuggled naked under the duvet.

“I think first, I need try to explain where I am with regard to sex. I’m past the self-flagellation that led me to go see Doctor Mercer.”

“So just by us, then,” Kara giggled. “Shall I get the floggers?”

“Later!” I laughed. “And the strap-on if you think I need a good pegging.”

“Go on, Tiger. Ignore her!”

“Hmph!” Kara said, but snuggled closer.

“Anyway,” I grinned. “I had more or less sworn off other girls, and then at Kara’s suggestion, a correct one, by the way, I took Michelle to Australia. And I was with Sakurako in both Tokyo and Oguni.”

“What?!” Jessica gasped.

“She took the train from Oguni and surprised me at the airport. She wanted the extra time, and it was perfect. She really has her head screwed on straight.”

“And her brains screwed out!” Kara laughed.

“Yes, well; but that’s beside the point. Anyway, obviously now that she’s betrothed, that’s over. And properly so. The question is Michelle. She presented some very stark options to me. In effect, she wants an arrangement similar to Elyse’s, where I help her raise a child.”

“Impossible, Tiger! I mean there are experimental things going on, but you’d never get into one of those studies because people with real fertility problems can’t even get in.”

“I know THAT, Babe. She’ll go for artificial insemination. No other penis besides mine is ever going to pass her labia. Period. She’s like Kara in that regard. Her other option is to return to the monastery and live a life of seclusion.”

“She can NOT put that on you, Tiger!” Jessica protested.

“She didn’t. And even if she tried, SHE is responsible for her actions, and I for mine. If I make a decision, and based on that she decides to go to Ellwood City, that’s HER choice, not something I caused. I’m past that kind of dumb thinking now. WAY past it. I did ask her to consider an alternative, and that was to consider staying and having a child even if she and I weren’t lovers.”

“What did she say?”

“That she’d think about it. I told her I’d know what to do once I returned from seeing Yoshiro and Hiro.”

“Do you?” Kara asked.

“As with everything else in my life, it’s about finding the correct balance, and setting my priorities straight. And that means ensure our relationship is solid. Everything depends on that. The vast majority of stress in my life has come because I’ve neglected that basic principle.”

“You can’t blame yourself for my problems,” Jessica said.

“Did I say I was? I said it was my neglect for our relationship. That has to stop, first and foremost. It can’t be an afterthought or a safety net or a fallback position. And, to be honest, it has been that. And that’s made every single thing that’s happened worse. Remember, we’re each responsible for our own actions, each of you for yours and me for mine.

“From day one, I’ve known there were issues. We all have. And what did I do? At first, it was just the three of us, and then Elyse as well. But slowly, I began worrying more about the next girl and not enough about my wives. Yes, I followed our agreement, but was it the RIGHT thing to do? Did I EVER concern myself with what it was doing to our relationship? Maybe on occasion, but the priorities were WRONG. And no matter what Jess felt or hid or whatever, I made the problems worse by not prioritizing our relationship first.”

“You sound as if you’re taking all the blame,” Kara said.

“No, I’m taking MY part of the blame. I’m not beating myself up for having sex with the girls, virgins or not, but for neglecting the two of you. Do you see the difference? The girls were simply the means for that neglect. And I don’t mean to minimize the women as objects, just to point out the things for which I’m holding myself responsible.”

“I think you’re taking things too far,” Kara said.

“Am I? Did I prioritize our marriage? Sure, I took care of your basic needs, even fathered children with you, but that’s not enough. How many things did I put before us?”

“But all the counseling?” Jessica protested. “Walking me to work? Doing everything you could to help when I left you.”

“The counseling was after each meltdown, Jess,” I said. “What was I doing before the meltdowns? Look, I’m not blaming myself for them, I’m saying perhaps, just perhaps, things might have been different had I paid PROPER attention to you.”

“A ‘What if?’ question?”

“For the purposes of analyzing my own behavior, yes. Let me ask you this, was there ever a single time, just one, when you wanted or needed me and I was with another girl. Just one?”

“I’m sure there was,” Jessica said. “But I can’t name a specific instance.”