Chapter 21: Nurse Ratched

October 11, 1994, Chicago, Illinois

“Hi,” Mikela said when she walked into Bacino’s where I was waiting.

“Hi. I have a table reserved.”

I led her to the table and the waiter took our drink orders. I checked with Mikela and ordered our pizza right away.

“Why did my lawyer dump me and tell me to talk to you directly instead of hiring another attorney?”

“You’d have to ask him,” I said. “But I honestly don’t care why. We can resolve this between us.”

“But I didn’t sign the release.”

“No, but you will. It’s only a question of what the number needs to be.”

She smirked, “Do you know the joke about not being that kind of girl?”

“Yes, of course. If she would for ten million, she might for a lower number. It’s all about finding the correct value. And everything has a value. It’s just not always possible to meet it.”

“Everything?”

“Sure. You just mentioned that old joke. And remember, value doesn’t mean money. In a contract there has to be consideration by both sides. That means each gives something of value, but it doesn’t have to be money. It can be goods or services or any other thing that has value. And the most valuable commodities can’t be had for money. Money can’t buy love or true friends or, most importantly, time.”

“But you can buy stuff that gives you more free time.”

“Can you buy anything that gives you more than twenty-four hours in a day? Or seven days in a week?”

“Oh, no. Sorry, I didn’t think of it that way.”

“So we need to resolve three things today, as I see it.”

“What?”

“A sincere apology from you for what you did, a name, and a number.”

“Name?”

“We’ll get to that. Are you able to apologize?”

“I’m curious why that matters.”

“Because everyone can be redeemed and deserves a second chance. I can’t rehire you, but I certainly could give you a glowing reference for your work.”

“You would do that?”

“If I believe you’re sincere in your apology, yes. Remember what happened with Jefferson.”

She nodded, “I didn’t believe it when I heard it.”

“You should. I know how to forgive and forget. He was suitably contrite and realized he messed up. I think you know you messed up; the question is one of contrition.”

“And I thought you were going to be a complete jerk to me today.”

“Why? What value does that have?”

“But the way you talked to me in the conference room...”

“Was necessary given the circumstances. There’s a formula that the lawyers and HR consultants have worked out. Each of us played a part and worked from a script. This is just two adult professionals taking informally.”

“Will you answer a question for me? Truthfully?”

“I’ll do my best. If I can’t, I’ll tell you so.”

“You were with so many other girls at NIKA. What was wrong with me?”

“It broke the rules,” I said. “And yes, I know I’ve broken that rule, but you made the mistake of propositioning me in public. I can’t tell you what would have happened had you done it privately, but they way you did it, people noticed. And that meant it could never happen. Again, I have no idea what would have happened, but once you made a public advance, Elyse had to act.”

“Live and learn.”

“Here’s another ‘live and learn’ moment for you - do not participate in relationships where the other person is cheating. I’m STILL dealing with fallout from that one.”

Mikela’s hand went to her mouth.

“Yeah,” I continued. “I know everything. I have a firm rule that I do NOT participate in cheating relationships. It’s not worth the risk.”

“Everything?”

“Everything.”

She sagged, “I feel like a total fool.”

“You made mistakes. I can’t even tell you which one was the biggest. I can tell you that those mistakes do not have to ruin your life. Learn from them and move on. It really is that simple.”

“Terry and Penny?”

“Are still together. And so are Tasha and Zeke. And Cassie is still working for us. You and Terry didn’t have a supervisory relationship, so technically it didn’t violate company rules. What it violated was good sense! I honestly don’t care what other people do if it doesn’t affect me, but this certainly could have. You know how important Penny is to me.”

“I know,” she sighed. “I was jealous.”

“And that jealously led you to proposition me at my birthday party. And that led directly to us sitting here today.”

“I messed up pretty badly.”

“Yes, you did. And now what are you going to do?”

“Learn my lesson. I am sorry, Steve. I know I hurt you pretty badly and I put the company at risk. I hope you can forgive me.”

“I can. It’s done and forgotten. Use my name as a reference. Say you resigned for personal reasons and I’ll back you. I WAS sorry to see Mikela Kovaç, valuable staff member, leave. I wasn’t sorry to see the other person go, if you understand.”

She nodded, “I do. Keri is the name you want.”

“And what exactly did she do?”

“Gave me Littleton’s name.”

“In what context?”

She took a deep breath, “You know everything?”

I nodded, “Including about Keri.”

“When she got pregnant, she was thinking of keeping the baby and going for paternity. She knew the name and said he’d been dogged in going after you because of that little girl, and if it weren’t for the DNA test, he’d have won, big. She was going to talk to him, but then decided to have the abortion because she didn’t want to have to tell you what happened, and there was no way she could avoid doing that if she wanted paternity from Terry.”

“OK. She didn’t REALLY do anything wrong, then,” I said. “He WAS dogged in that case. And he had a winning case until all of us were shocked by DNA tests that showed me not to be the father. Nobody was more surprised than I was.”

“If you do everything you said, one month is sufficient,” Mikela said.

I smiled, “That’s not a good negotiating tactic. Let’s make it two and call it a ‘win-win’ scenario.”

“Why would you do that?”

“What will you tell people about me?”

“That you’re fair, honest, understand that people make mistakes, and you’re willing to forgive.”

“Then let’s call it an equitable deal. I’ll have Elyse send you a check and a release. Sign the release and send it back to me.”

“You trust me that way?”

“What do you think would happen if you betray me a SECOND time?”

“I don’t want to think about it.”

“Exactly.”

I headed back to the office and explained the arrangement to Elyse. I asked her to send a copy of the release, with the dates modified, to Mikela and to send a check for two months’ pay.

“I thought it was three.”

“She just asked for one, then I offered two.”

“You do know that’s not how negotiations are supposed to work, right?”

“I got more than I wanted and she got more than she wanted. That’s EXACTLY how negotiations are supposed to work.”

October 12, 1994, Chicago, Illinois

“Welcome to the first ‘Dojo Jim Miller’ dinner!”

Kara, Jolene, Therese, Will, and I were all at Sensei Jim’s house for dinner on Wednesday evening.

“The purpose of these dinners, which should have started years ago, is to develop relationships between the black belts at this school, and to ensure it continues to be successful in the future. All of you are integral to our success, and all of you are leaders. We each have a different role to play, but all of them are equally vital. I’m going to stop pontificating before I bore you. Let’s use tonight to get to REALLY know each other.”

We actually all knew bits and pieces about each other, though I knew much more about Jolene than the others, and Kara and I were a special case. During the evening, both Jim and I told stories about the dojo in Oguni and encouraged Will to make the trip to train. I wondered if he’d be training with Hiro-san or Hideki-san. And I wondered if my prediction would come true, and Sakurako, my Cherry Blossom, would marry Hideki-san.

At the end of the evening, Sensei Jim pulled me aside to say he was pleased with how things went, and that he planned to schedule these meals once a month. I agreed with him that it had gone well, and felt future dinners would be equally valuable.

October 16, 1994, Chicago, Illinois

“Are you leaving right after the Rap Session today?” Jessica asked early Sunday morning.

“Yes. I need to leave right at 4:00pm to get to Midway for the 6:10pm flight.”

“I still say you should have asked Samantha for the Gulfstream.”

I shook my head, “I’ve done that too often as it is. You know my take on it. I’ll fly commercial and stay the night in a hotel. If we had ten times our current income, we still couldn’t afford the damned jet!”

“Are you and Mitsuko meeting this morning?”

“Yes. Every Sunday morning unless she says otherwise. I’ll bet you anything you care to wager she and I work on martial arts this morning. And probably permanently.”

“Because she’s going to date?”

“Yes. Like Ailea, what Mitsuko really needs is an older friend. And in Ailea’s case, she also needs a mentor.”

“I know we told you to manage your sex life, and you should, but I’m wondering what you’re thinking?”

“You mean because I’m at a place with no regular lovers besides you and Kara?”

“Yes.”

“The short answer is, nothing. At least with regard to any kind of long-term situation. I think our experiences with Samantha and Michelle have been very instructive. And, I suppose I could add Abbie into that list. It’s also the case I learned something about that from Liz. The only way a situation like that could work, would be to bring whomever it was into the marriage as an equal partner, and that’s not going to happen. There’s also the issue of children, which, in the end, was driving Michelle.”

“Aren’t you doing the very thing you said you wouldn’t?” Kara asked. “Telling Michelle how she feels?”

I smiled, “No. Michelle was willing to sacrifice and compromise, but she could never, ever be truly part of our lives in the way necessary for it to work long-term, and for her to feel the sacrifice was worth it. She couldn’t take the step of joining in our lovemaking, and neither of you wanted that. The closest anyone has come to making it work has been Elyse, and even she had to step away because she couldn’t cross that line, even if the two of you wanted her to. I believe Michelle, like the rest of us, doesn’t truly understand her own motivations, and as time goes on, discovers that her actual reason for doing things is very different from what she thought it was.”

“So?” Jessica prompted.

“If I think about the things that worked, I mean really worked, the situations with Tara or Pia seem nearly perfect. We alternated between being friends and lovers, and each of them is far enough away that it was easy to keep things at the right place. And both of them are older, more experienced, and not prone to falling in love. That idea is something that Elena reminded me of in Munich.

“Now, it’s the case that things with Ailea and Mitsuko have worked reasonably well, but they’re the exceptions that prove the rule, and I wonder how big a part culture made in the difference. Both of them had a much easier time starting and ending a love affair than Liz did, for example. But it’s difficult to judge because I was friends with Mitsuko and Ailea first. And then there’s Sakurako, but she knew from the moment she decided to become my lover it could never be anything long-term.

“I think the bottom line is that there are two potential scenarios that work. The very short term relationship which we used to call ‘random deflowerings’ because they were almost always with virgins, and dalliances, which were longer term, but occasional. At this point, I think those would need to be with a girl far enough away so there is no misunderstanding about the relationships.

“I’ll give some examples. Meredith, if I were interested, could play a role similar to the one Tara did, though I’d need to know her better to understand if she could play the role of friend, confidante, and occasional lover. I suspect she’s too young to do that. The twins, again depending on how interested I am, would be only a short-term. And the counter-example would be Melissa Mascioli. She’s one that would be problematic for a host of reasons, even forgetting the rules about NIKA clients.”

“I got the impression you were attracted to her,” Kara observed.

I nodded, “I am. But if you think about how many things could go wrong there, and my recent experiences with long-term lovers, I don’t think it’s a wise idea. I have to think about the possible outcomes, and the possible risks. And in this case, the risks are too great. I’ll also point out that she made an observation, she didn’t actually ask me to have sex with her. Reading between the lines is a bit difficult in her case, because of things she’s said in the past.

“If she were a secretary or low-level employee of a client, I could see waiving the rules IF she were someone I was only going to see occasionally. But she’s not. She’s my counterpart at DP, and I have to meet with her regularly. Why be stupid? I certainly was in the past, but I hope I’ve learned a thing or two over the years. So, no, Melissa isn’t a real possibility, assuming she was actually implying anything by that comment.”

“Where did the conversation go from there?” Jessica asked.

“I simply shrugged and said I wasn’t surprised that she’d seen what amounts to my personality and the conversation moved on to other things. She doesn’t strike me as the type to ask, and I’m not going to, either. We have to keep that relationship as a business relationship. And I intend to do that.”

“What DO you plan to do about the twins?” Kara asked with a smirk.

“I have no idea just yet. First, I have to talk to them and my time today is limited because I have to leave for the airport. When I get an idea what it is they want, then I can decide what to do. For all I know, they’re just interested in becoming part of the gang so they can be invited to parties. I’m not quite sure what Becka and Claire said to them.”

“Do you SERIOUSLY believe that?”

“I refuse to read anything into anyone’s words or actions with regard to sex. The only thing they mentioned was using the sauna, naked, and for all I know that’s all they’re interested in. Ten years ago, heck, five years ago, I would have simply assumed they wanted what you’re implying and gone for it, which usually ended up creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. I am pretty persuasive.”

“Oh, I know!” Kara giggled.

“So what does that mean?” Jessica asked. “You’re going to fly to London or Amsterdam and see one of your new girls?”

I shook my head, “No. For this to work, it has to be part of some other regular business or routine.”

“Sounds like Pittsburgh and Los Angeles, then.”

“Or Colorado,” I said. “That’s going to happen in the Spring.”

“You’re forgetting one,” Kara said. “Kimmy.”

“Kimmy was a unique girl at a unique place and under unique circumstances. And a severe rules violation where I can make NO exceptions.”

“Jodie and Claire?” Jessica asked.

“Neither were violations of the rules. I disagree with Jamie on that topic. If Dave or Charlie wants to hire them, I’m not going to veto them because I had sex with them years before they applied for a job. As I pointed out to Jamie, it’s been fine with Julia, Penny, Charlie, and others. Have I clarified anything now?”

Jessica nodded, “Yes. And one thing does make me very happy. You’ll be in our bed when you’re home. I think that’s very important. The exceptions in the past for Elyse, Abbie, and Michelle made sense at the time. I don’t think they do now.”

“I agree,” I said. “I need to get to the dojo. I’m going to be late if I don’t leave right now.”

Neither Jessica nor Kara objected, so I quickly put on my gi and headed to the dojo for my training session with Mitsuko. It went exactly as expected, and ninety minutes later I was in the shower at home. After dressing, I went downstairs to spend time with the kids until it was time for the Rap Session.

“Today I want to continue our talk about The Republic,” I said once everyone had assembled. “We’ll look at two things today, if we have time. I say that because I have to leave promptly at 4:00pm for the airport.”

“Where are you headed?” Trish asked.

“The Mayo Clinic again. The evil doctors in Chicago and Rochester, and at Johns Hopkins, have devised a new series of fiendish experiments to perform on me!”

“I wish!” Claire laughed.

“What my husband is TRYING to say,” Jessica said firmly, “is they’re still looking for the physiological reasons for his syncope.”

“I don’t see how what I said differs from what you said,” I grinned.

“Play nice, kids!” Elyse ordered lightheartedly.

“Anyway, the two topics are the ring of ultimate power and theories of justice.”

Ben laughed, “I remember talking about that ring in High School. The number one thing every guy would do with it was visit the girls’ locker room!”

“Steve has a sauna,” Kajri laughed. “He doesn’t NEED a ring of ultimate power to see scores of naked girls!”

“I thought it was a STAFF of ultimate power in Steve’s case,” Cindi teased.

Everyone laughed.

“Can we PLEASE stick to the topic?!” I pleaded, though I was laughing as well.

“I think we can actually dispose of the ring discussion in a few seconds,” Elizabeth said. “We all KNOW what the guys would do! Would any of you girls NOT be corrupted by that kind of power?”

“You really believe nobody could withstand the allure of the ‘Dark Side’?” Becka asked.

“That silly morality play aside, I believe everyone is susceptible to acting in their own interests to the point where they begin to take advantage of others, even in small, subtle ways. And from there, it just spirals out of control. We talked briefly about Lord Acton last time and he summed it up nicely by saying that absolute power corrupts absolutely. Does ANYONE disagree?”

There were head shakes and murmurs of ‘no’ from the group.

“Let’s look at Plato’s theory of justice,” I said.

“Does it matter?” Maureen asked. “Didn’t we just agree that anyone who has power will, in the end, abuse it and lead us to an unjust society?”

“That is what Plato is trying to tell us,” I said. “If we skip ahead, he reviews the types of government and makes some VERY astute observations when he says that democracy is the second worst form of government, followed only by tyranny. His complaint about democracy is accurate, and we’re seeing it play out now. And it’s going to get worse and worse until the system collapses.”