Chapter 7

I woke up the next morning to a strange sound. I rolled over, and John was on his back, snoring. He was still in his jeans and a T-shirt, fast asleep. I shook his shoulder to wake him up. His eyes opened, and he looked confused for a second, then smiled. “Good morning, Mom. I must have fallen asleep.”

“We both fell asleep. You better get up now. I have to fix something for breakfast and get ready for work.” I could not help but tease. “You don’t want anyone to find out you still sleep with your mommy.”

He kissed me on the cheek as he started to get up. “Don’t tell Laura. She will get jealous.”

I took a swipe at his arm as he got up but missed. “Get out of here.”

“Good luck tonight, Mom.”

It was the fateful Tuesday, and I was nervous all morning. I met Peter by the vending machines during the afternoon break and agreed to go out and have a drink with him. He asked me to meet him at Kelly’s pub right after work. I went back to my desk and checked the clock every ten minutes. Finally, five o’clock rolled around and I drove to Kelly’s pub to meet Peter.

I got home at a little after 7:00 that night. I went straight to my bathroom, took a long shower, and cried. I dried off and put on my nightgown and got into bed. I could not even think about going down to the kitchen to make something to eat. Just as I laid my head on the pillow and started to think about what an awful thing I had done, my phone rang. I did not even bother to check who was calling. “Yes, John.”

“Hey, Mom, how did it go? Mom. Mom, are you crying?”

“Can you come to my room, please?” It seemed like I had just finished speaking and my bedroom door opened. I looked up at John with tears running down my cheeks as he rushed into my room with his phone still to his ear. I put my phone down as I held my arms open to him for a hug. He sat on the bed and took me in his arms. I put my arm around him and my head on his shoulder. “Oh god, John, it was so awful. I never want to do something like that again.” That’s when I noticed he had not even taken the time to put his pants on. He was in just his boxers and t-shirt, but I was not going to worry about that now. I needed my son to hold me and tell me everything would be alright.

“Shush now. Tell me what happened.”

John started rubbing my back to calm me a bit. I took a deep breath and let it out. I wiped my eyes on his t-shirt as I began to speak, “I should have known when we went for the drink that it was going to be awful. I should have left after one drink and come home. But I kept thing about how it would be fun to have sex with this cute guy. I attributed his looking at his watch every five minutes to being anxious or nervous about taking things further.”

“He kept pushing me to drink up. I had two drinks in fewer than forty minutes. He was not even subtle when he asked if I was interested in going to a motel with him. He just blurted it out. My god John it has been so long. I just said yes and followed him in my car to the motel. I was ready, John. I was so ready to have sex with him. As I was driving to the motel, I fantasized about all the sexy things we could do together over the next couple of hours.” I started to sob again.

John kissed my wet cheeks and held me tighter. “It’s okay, Mom. Take your time and get it all out.”

“I so wanted it to be like you and Laura. But as soon as we got to the room, he was pawing my blouse and rushing me to get undressed. Foolish me thinks he is really hot for me and can’t wait to get in my pants. My blouse was off, and I was working on my skirt when he kicked off his shoes and dropped his pants, underwear and all. I turned to put my skirt on the chair, and while I had my back to him, he pulled my pantyhose and panties down. I lifted my feet so he could take them off before he ripped them. There we were, me in just my bra and him in his dress shirt, tie and socks. He took my hand and led me to the bed. I laid down, and he got between my legs and fucked me until he got off. Sorry I did not mean to be so graphic.”

“It’s okay, Mom. They are just words. I have heard them before.”

I had to pause to wipe my eyes on John’s t-shirt again. “I figured he is young and excited, and now the real fun starts. But no, he gets up, puts his pants on, looks at his god damn watch, and says he has to go. I have never been so humiliated in all my life. How am I going to face him at work? I feel like such an easy mark.”

John hugged me tighter, “Just like all the other times, you faced disappointment. With your chin up. You do know he may ask you out again.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Some guys just don’t know when they have been an asshole.”

“What if he does?”

“Laugh in his face and let him know what a lousy fuck he was. Bust his inflated ego. Believe me. It will take him some time to recover from that. Otherwise, just ignore him and pretend it never happened. Even that will stick in his craw.”

“As far as I am concerned, it never happened. What a disappointment. All that build-up and then nothing. I so need to have good sex with a man again.”

“I better get going. It sounds like you need to take care of something.”

“No, don’t go. Stay and hold me. I don’t want to be alone right now. Put your arms around me and let me lean on you.” I leaned back against his chest as John wrapped his arms around me with his hands on my midriff. I put my hands over his and closed my eyes.

A calmness came over me. I felt safe and, yes, loved. “Mmmm, this is how I envisioned it starting tonight. Being held in his arms, relaxing, just being close and getting to know each other. Maybe some tender kisses.” I felt a light kiss on my neck. “Yes, John, just like that. Now that I think about it, he never even kissed me.”