Chapter 6

“So what did you learn, Mom?”

“Never go to bed with a man on the first date. I sure messed up on that one. I need to spend time getting to know the man and letting him get to know me. Dating should be about enjoying your time together doing things you both enjoy.”

“Did you have fun?”

“Yes, I did. I took lots of notes.”

Bill had taken Mom on several dates. He took her out to dinner, the movies, dancing, and the theater. They did just about everything they could do without taking their clothes off. When he brought her home, he would kiss her goodnight and leave her at the front door. This confused Mom at first. After a while, Mom caught on that dating did not always have to end up with sex.

To introduce her to the next phase of the relationship, Bill took Mom parking at the lake a few times after a night out just for light make-out sessions. The fourth time they went parking after a date, Bill introduced her to heavy petting. Bill explained that mutual touching was all part of the learning process. He explained to her that it did not always end in intercourse. She did not need to go that far until she was comfortable with the man and sure of his intentions.

Then the big night came. Bill decided it was time to take things to the next level. Bill had taken Mom out to dinner and then brought her home and had her invite him into the house. They made out on the living room couch for a while and then went to my mom’s bedroom. A half-hour later, Bill came down to the den.

“I’m sorry, Ted, but I don’t think I can help your mom anymore. I have broken in several freshmen girls, but your mom is something else. It felt like I should be in a classroom giving a lecture. She asked me questions like how many strokes it was going to take for me to give her an orgasm. Should she be looking for a specific size penis based on her body weight? God, she was taking notes while I tried to have sex with her. I totally lost it. I’m sorry, but I couldn’t perform, if you know what I mean.”

Despite the seriousness of the situation, I had to laugh. “It’s okay, Bill. I understand your frustration. Mom can be overly nerdy sometimes. I can trust you not to say anything about this?”

“Of course, you can. As far as I’m concerned, it never happened. Your mom is a sweetheart and was good to me all last semester. Without her help, I would have flunked Calculus. I told her she did great, but I don’t think I’m the guy she needs to help her loosen up.”

I thanked Bill again and walked out with him to his car. Just as he got in and started the engine, he said, “Hey, let’s get together soon.”

“Sure thing, see ya.” I waved goodbye and headed back to the house, thinking, now what, Mr. Genius? I went back in the house, and Mom was coming down the stairs in her bathrobe, pen in hand, glasses low on her nose, studying her yellow-lined notepad.

“Well, Teddy, that was quite interesting. I need to organize my notes for the next time Bill comes over. I have so many questions.”

“Mom, come over here and sit down.” I walked with Mom to the couch, and we sat down. “Did you enjoy having sex with Bill?”

“Yes, I think so. He is quite pleasant to look at.” Mom leaned toward me and, almost whispering, said, “And so very young.”

“Did you have an orgasm?”

“I don’t know. I was very busy taking notes and getting Bill to answer my questions. He didn’t keep his penis in me for very long.”

I really didn’t need to hear that last part. But I pressed on, “Have you ever had an orgasm?”

“I don’t think so.”

I was in trouble here. Bill had not made much of a dent in my mom’s misunderstanding of what sex was all about. And I had to come up with some story that did not let her feel rejected again.

“I have some bad news. Bill can’t be your instructor anymore.”

Mom started to tear up. “I did something wrong. He does not like me now that we...”

I pulled my mother into a hug and said, “No, no, nothing like that. Bill has a girlfriend and feels he cannot go any further with you without feeling guilty that he is cheating on her. You can understand that, can’t you?”

“Oh my, yes, I can. Now I feel awful. I hope she can forgive me.”

“If we are lucky, she will never find out. So never talk about any of this with anybody else but me.”

“Okay, I don’t want Bill to get in trouble after all he has done for me. So what do we do now?”

“I will answer your questions and give you advice if that is okay with you.”

“Oh my Teddy, have you had sex already?”

“Yes, Mom, I have. For over three years now.”