Chapter 33: Family Affairs

July 1985

[“That’s not the reward I was talking about!” He grinned.]

“Oh, just the fact that you’re willing to let me break one of your fingers tells me you’re pretty confident of your friend’s abilities. The only thing is, I’m going to be the guinea pig because I want to compare the brainwaves of the person getting healed to one before he was injured and not just a couple minutes earlier. I have some of myself from back in the 70s that I want to compare them to. So, let’s get hooked up and see what happens.”

Joshua and Ann got Linda and I hooked up to the EEG and then Ann hooked up Joshua. They told us that they had found two more EEG machines at an auction somewhere.

Jamie flashed, “Joshua is going to freak when he realizes what the side effect really is.”

Mary added, “He’s got awfully tight pants on!”

The girls didn’t have a chance to say anything before Joshua announced he was ready and produced a razor knife. Ann said she was ready and the machine’s pens started moving. Josh nervously put the knife to his arm and basically scratched a three inch, very superficial cut.

I almost had to laugh.

It took almost 10 seconds for the first blood drops to appear. Drops being the key word.

Ann was scoffing at him for being such a chicken. Joshua announced that he was ready for us to heal him and we should start. Linda held his hand and I put my hand on his arm above the cut or scratch. In less than 15 seconds it scabbed over and the scabs fell off, leaving no trace of the scratch.

Ann giggled, “I think we need to do that again dear, it didn’t really record much of anything. Maybe I should cut you, what do you think?”

It may have only taken 15 seconds, but, by the way Joshua was looking at his crotch it must have had some affect. Joshua was really blushing when he said, “You might be right dear, you know I don’t like pain. I also think I should loosen my pants. I may have just discovered what that side effect is.”

Ann was holding the knife, when she appeared to be deep in thought. “Josh, stand up and strip.”

“WHAT? In front of all these ladies?”

“Yes! For Gods sakes, you think these ladies haven’t seen a penis before?”

Gracie chirped, “Would you feel better if we all stripped?”

Ann grinned and nodded as everyone started stripping.

Ann went on a rant. “Strip, you old prude! Whatever happened to that virile guy I married? You used to lose your britches at the drop of a hat, AND YOU’D DROP THE HAT. These wonderful kids are waiting to help you and you’re fumbling around like an anxious schoolboy.”

Joshua was dazed, confused and thoroughly embarrassed, not sure why Ann was doing this. “But WHY?”

Ann realized that Josh didn’t know her plan. Sensing his distress, we all started feeling sorry for him.

In a soothing voice Ann explained, “I’m sorry dear, but it just occurred to me, this could be the answer to your prayers. Charlie, Linda, Joshua has the early indicators of prostate cancer. His prostate is the size of a tennis ball, his seminal vesicles are totally blocked and his testicles have all but shut down. He hasn’t had an erection in 10 years and is almost completely impotent. He won’t let the doctors operate, because he doesn’t trust them. Instead of cutting him, could we try curing him?”

Both Linda and I smiled, then Linda looked into Joshua’s eyes, “DAMN STRAIGHT. Charlie and I will give it our best shot!”

Ann gently helped Josh finish getting his clothes off. He was looking around the room, astonished that no one was gawking at him. Everybody was looking him in the eye.

Joshua said firmly, trying to assume control, “Just make darn sure you turn that machine on, I’d hate to miss this opportunity.”

Ann smiled and turned it on, putting a pencil mark on the paper. She told Linda to put her right hand on the inside of his thigh, with her thumb near his cock and her left hand was positioned just above his pelvis. I was told to mirror Linda. Before I was even set, his whole pelvis area began to warm up.

Ann turned on a tape recorder. “Josh, honey, tell me what you’re feeling.”

“It’s so warm ... It feels like my prostate is warmer, and it’s like tiny hands are massaging it. Oh that feels so good. My whole groin is starting to tingle and my penis is really tingling. Oh God that feels good!”

Ann asked Greg to get her the pile of slides from her microscope, touching just the edges and to hand her one.

She took one, “I’m taking a sample at 2 minutes in of what appears to be seminal fluid, which is beginning to ooze from his penis. How are you feeling?”

She handed the sample to Greg and asked him to start laying them out in order by the microscope.

“Oh my, it feels like I’m going to cum! It’s hard to focus ... My prostate feels cooler, but just forward of it is now very warm. OH MY GOD! It feels like I’m cumming, oh God does that feel good!”

Ann said, holding the mic, “He’s now fully erect. His penis is twitching and pulsing, oozing fluid at a steady pace. It’s clear of any traces of blood; it still appears to be seminal fluid.”

She looked at Greg, “please give me another slide?”

She took a sample and again gave it to Greg, then had him get her a small plastic bag from the lab table. She put it over his penis like a very big condom, and secured it with a rubber band.

“It’s now 10 minutes.” She said into the microphone.

“Oh God, OH, OH, OH, everything down there is tingling like a small lighting storm. I’m cumming! AAAAHHH!” Then he began filling the bag with cum, or what looked like it to me. Josh fell back in the chair breathing hard, but conscious, trying to catch his breath.

Ann said, “13 minutes, subject has had a major ejaculation and is relaxing now.”

She smiled at Linda and me and told us to relax, but to keep our hands where they were for now.

Linda said she was very thirsty, and Jamie and Bob ran to the kitchen to get us some Gatorade.

Joshua’s erection was beginning to soften and Ann tenderly removed the rubber band and bag, being careful to not spill any.

“20 minutes, how do you feel dear?”

“Oh, better than I have in 10 years! There is no sense of unusual warmth and the tingling I experienced prior to and during, what I suspect was an orgasm, have ceased.”

Ann turned off the tape recorder and told us to let go and shake our wrists to help them relax. We slugged down a bottle of Gatorade, then we were immediately handed another, as Ann took our temperatures.

We were all relaxing when Josh shouted, “Oh my! Ann, Ann, I don’t need my glasses anymore!”

He was holding his glasses up to his face and moving them up and down. “And look!” He was nimbly moving his fingers and began squeezing a tennis ball. “My arthritis is gone too.”

Ann grinned, “Now you’re going to have to go to both your doctor and ophthalmologist. We need to get this documented.”

Josh frowned, “Do I HAVE to?”

Ann smirked, “Men! If they’re not dying, they just won’t go to the doctors.”

The girls all cracked up and were smirking and shaking their heads at us.

Josh scolded, “hey, you women are just as bad. Ann, when are you gonna let the doctor fix your knee?”

“Knee?” I asked.

Joshua’s eyebrows rose and his mouth made a perfect ‘O’, as he looked at Ann.

He grinned at Linda and me, “Do you think you could fix Annie’s knee?”

Linda smiled and answered, “If you’ve got some more Gatorade, we’ll give it a go. We haven’t done a girl yet.”

Ann was flustered, “No, no, no, you kids have done enough already, you don’t need to waste your time on some old lady.”

Joshua stood at attention and hollered, “Ann Murray, front and cenTER!” Just like a Marine Drill Sgt.

We were giggling as she shyly moved over to the seat previously occupied by Josh. He quickly transferred his sensors onto Ann. Within minutes he was ready and turned on the EEG machine.

“We won’t use the tape recorder, so it’ll go a little quicker. I REALLY want to see what the side effects are.”

Ann huffed, “From Prude to Perv in 60 seconds! I suppose you want my panties off?”

She quickly removed her panties and requested a towel to sit on. Everyone was snickering.

Josh put her foot on a small stool so we wouldn’t have to bend over. Then he said, “Charlie, you put your hands just below her knee and Linda, just above.”

He turned on the EEG and told us to go. Again, we could feel the warmth flowing from our hands to her knee.

Ann soon began moaning, “Oh that’s nice. My whole leg is warm. It’s like a heated, vibrating massager is working my knee. Oh yes that’s lovely.”

Paying more attention, after about 6-7 minutes, I could feel the heat start to subside, just as Ann REALLY started moaning.

“Oh Lord! Oh MY. OH, OH, OH, OH! Oh please don’t stop! OH MYeee!”

She splayed her legs, almost knocking us off our chairs. She began squirting her juices profusely as she screamed into a massive climax. “Oh Lordy! That was unbelievable. Oh I can’t believe how good that felt. I fully understand why those guys kept reinjuring themselves.”

We all froze when there was a young voice, asking. “Miss Ann, Miss Ann! We heard you screaming! Are you okay?”

“Oh shit!” Ann whispered, then she called out, “I’m fine sweetie. Everything’s okay, really. We were just doing an experiment and got carried away.”

“Can we come down?”

“Uh, well, not right now, we’ll be up in just a minute. Um, Mr. Joshua doesn’t have any clothes on.”

They were giggling, “Oh, okay, we get it. Mom sometimes screams just like that at night. Hee-hee! We’re going home to practice. We’ll open the window so you can hear us.”

“That’s wonderful dear. We’ll be up to listen in just a minute!”

It took a minute to catch our breath. Then we were scrambling to get dressed and laughing like teenagers, caught making out in their parents living room.

Ann was still blushing, “Oh my Lord! Talk about being caught with your hand in the cookie jar. I’ll never be able to look those girls in the face again.”

“And you just HAD to say I was naked. You just couldn’t say ‘WE’ were naked?” Josh sniggered.

I was still laughing, “So, Ann, how’s your knee?”

“Great! I wish my conscience felt as good. I’m too old to be acting like a shameless hussy,” Ann said.

Then she whispered to me, “But it sure as hell felt good! Thanks for everything. Let’s get some iced tea and sit on the porch for a little while.”

Ed and Gracie were still chuckling when they said goodbye, headed to Crystal Lake.

By the time we got seated on the porch there was music coming from the window next door. It started as ‘Chopsticks’ but morphed into a playful (and VERY complex) variation on a theme. This was the first time Linda had heard the girls and she was floored.

“How old are they?” She asked.

“Thirteen, they’re in 7^th grade,” I told her. “They’re pretty good aren’t they?”

“No Charlie, they’re phenomenal! You have no idea. Even though they’re improvising, the way they play together is incredible, I didn’t hear even one ‘clinker’.”

Linda started clapping loudly as soon as the song ended. The rest of us joined in too, bringing two cute faces to the window.

“That was just our warm-up, do you want to come over here and listen to us?”

Almost simultaneously Ann said no while Linda said yes.

The girls started chuckling, hearing the two different answers. “Are you mad at us Miss Ann? We’re really sorry for interrupting you guys.”

“No sweetie, I’m not mad at you. I guess, if it’s okay with your mom, we can come over for a little while. Our friends would really like to see you ladies play some more.”

Joni, their mom, came to the window smirking, “I just made some fresh cookies. Come on over. My two little ‘ham-ettes’ just love an audience.”

We brought our iced teas with us and were welcomed into their home. We found places to sit around the living room. Joni and Ann were almost like two little kids grinning and giggling at each other. I couldn’t help but wonder what they were whispering about.

Andie and Cathy appeared with a plate of cookies and like good little hostesses, had us each take one. They set the plate down and headed over to the piano. Cathy was sitting to the right, playing the high register while Andie sat to the left, playing the lower register. They started out with Chattanooga Choo-Choo, complete with their own verbal sound effects. I swear, it took every bit of willpower for Bob, Linda and Mary not to get up and start dancing. No one could keep from tapping their feet.

After a thunderous applause, Andie told us that they were planning on playing that on the 4^th of July. They said it would sound better with the full band playing with them.

Linda told them, enthusiastically, that she thought it was great just the way they played it.

The two little pixies were blushing, hearing the praise.

They turned and asked us if we wanted to hear a new song they were working on that might not make it into the concert. A chorus of ‘sure’ had them turning around and hammering out the intro to “Old Time Rock and Roll”, by Bob Seger.

It was amazing.

Cathy hammered out the first two measures, followed by Andie hammering out the next two, in the bass clef. Then they were off and running, alternating singing and playing before coming together and letting it all hang out!

Bob couldn’t resist. He grabbed Linda and Mary and started dancing. Within seconds, everyone else was dancing, jamming to the tune.

I was still sitting there, cogitating, when Joni came and pulled me to my feet. I tried to tell her I’d prefer to watch, but she called me a chicken and drug me up to the floor. The music was infectious and the next thing I knew I was boogieing to the music, really getting into it.

I tried not to get carried away, but, the girls playing got me so hyped up, I guess I lost control. I thought to myself, ‘I can do this! Who says I can’t dance?’ I even started spinning around and really getting down.

I thought I was doing really good when suddenly the music stopped and I noticed that everybody was gawking at me.

Andie’s little head peaked between Bob and Linda, gasping, “gee Mr. Charlie, you dance funny!”

That was it!

Everyone started laughing hysterically. Bob was rolling on the floor and I heard Greg say, “Holy mackerel! All this time I thought Bob was exaggerating.”

I could feel my face burning up in embarrassment. Joni came up, gave me a hug and put her forehead against mine, whispering, “I think I need to give you some dancing lessons. That’s a rather, um, interesting style you’ve got there. I think I can help you if you’ll give me the chance.”

I sighed, “I think I’m a lost cause. I really thought I was doing good.”

Joni giggled a little, “Well, to be honest, we just need to figure out how to slow you down a little. I think I can help if you’ll give me the chance. My husband, AJ is no better than you. He’s just on the other end of the scale. While you’re going 200 miles an hour, he just barely moves the needle off of zero. Maybe if you were to come by some night, I can convince him to let me teach both of you?”

I whispered, “Seriously?”

She smiled at me and said, “Seriously! You would be doing me a favor by helping me light a fire under AJ’s slow-moving ass.”

Cathy said, loudly, “Mr. Charlie, Andie wants us to play a song that maybe you can do better with. Okay?”