Chapter 17

Now what? Did I park crookedly? Keep the other two cars from being able to have somewhere to park?

For once the cops had their hands on their guns, but they weren’t drawn. The FBI agents had on bullet proof vests, but no weapons were drawn.

“Are you Joe Johnson,” one of the Fed’s asked.

“One of many I have found over the years when searching for myself on the net,” I replied.

Now this is going to get interesting, but at least they aren’t cuffing me or pulling their guns, so that is a plus.

Staying far enough away from me, one of the feds gave me a picture before asking, “Are you the Joe Johnson that was asked to escort this young woman from Philadelphia to Athens yesterday?”

I nodded.

“She has been reported missing and has not answered her cell phone. We triangulated it to an area around your house, where the vendor’s location software also shows it was last shown sometime last evening, but hasn’t moved since. Do you know where this young lady is presently,” he asked.

You should call Katie, but you have copies of the notarized guardianship and power of attorney.

Instead of listening to myself I said, “I don’t know the exact pinpoint location, but given what my neighbor told me, I suspect she is probably halfway up inside a tractor or hay bailer about now.”

Whoops?

“Excuse me,” one of the local cops asked as his grip on his gun changed.

Waiting for the Feds to take their hands off their guns and calm down a bit, I asked if I could get some papers out of my bag. I made it very obvious as I unzipped the pocket all the way so that it opened up to show only papers and no weapons.

Taking a deep breath I explained. “April, the girl you are looking for, has a nasty mouth on her and the manners you would expect from a kid whose parents were almost billionaires that left all of that money to her. While she lives at her aunt’s house, she has a separate suite, chef, pool and other amenities that are easily five times the price of her aunt’s house. In these notarized documents, I was provided temporary guardianship and given a power of attorney for her. They are valid until she arrives back at her aunt’s home. Unfortunately, she can’t presently. I was notified earlier today that the house has been condemned by the county engineer for failing to meet the building codes required when they made her a monstrous bedroom expansion and built a pool in an unsuitable location. It seems a little birdie gave him an early Christmas present. Turns out about half of his inspectors have been coming into sizable amounts of money right each time they performed a large number of inspections. The money seems to have appeared right around the time they did re-inspections on dozens of properties that had failed a code inspection by one of their co-workers. The county engineer has been working on his own dime to check to see if the code violations were made to appear resolved when they were not. Her house has been deemed unsafe. On the paperwork you will note that specifically says they are in effect until I deliver her to her aunt inside their home at that address. With her house not being habitable until the code issues are resolved, I have had to keep her in my custody.”

“That does not explain the inability to reach her on her cell or why you stated she would be partially inside a piece of farm machinery,” a fed told me.

With a smile I told them, “As I said before, she has a very fowl mouth on her and little manners. To ensure she is safe, and supervised, the Lester’s were asked if they could take her in until she can return to her home. Sort of. Mabel Marie is not about to let April go anywhere until she can behave like a proper young lady instead of a spoiled rotten, with no reprisals, brat, who gets whatever she wants to buy. Based on that she will probably be halfway up inside a bailer or tractor because Juniper finally filled out.”

Yep. You feds aren’t from around here are you!

“Sir you are talking around the issue to the point that I’m beginning to believe you are attempting to deceive us,” the fed told me.

He got pretty pissed when first one and then four of the local cops started to laugh.

When the first one got under control he said, “Buddy, since you didn’t grow up in the south, I will make this real easy on you. This girl was acting like a little spoiled princess and she got sent out to the farm to teach her some manners. Mabel and Wilbur Lester have seven children between eighteen and nine. While the ones still living at home may complain about their chores and homework like other kids, you won’t be able to find fault with their manners and won’t hear a curse or nasty thing come out of their mouths, not even when they get smacked in the face with a garden rake someone left on the ground with the teeth up. Mr. Johnson saying where she was right now and that their daughter Juniper had filled out cleared it all up for us.”

“Can you make it a bit simpler officer? You aren’t being any clearer than Mr. Johnson here,” the fed complained.

“Here is simple. Go home. While the girl might beg you to rescue her about now, she isn’t in any harm and is probably at the safest place for her until her aunt’s home is rebuilt. Mabel won’t let that girl go anywhere until someone pushing that girl naked in a pile of manure, still steaming and fresh from the barn, has her give whoever did it a nasty look and tell them to cut it out or she will get even with them. From what Joe here told you, this girl is likely to go off in a way that makes sailors and whores blush,” the sheriff said as he walked over. “The reason she is most likely halfway up inside a bailer or tractor engine is because she must be tall, skinny and flat chested. Their two little girls and boys aren’t strong enough to do what is needed. Juniper is their oldest girl is thin as a rail and as flat chested as an ironing board, or used to be. If she finally got a chest she can’t get up into the tight places on their machinery anymore to lubricate it, check for loose parts and any bolts that need to be tightened. If they don’t have a tall skinny kid to get up in there they have to take apart a good bit of the machine to do the same checks, which take about two hours to tear it down and two more to put it back together. Having a kid do it only takes about half an hour.”

“Heck Sheriff, that isn’t why they are making her get up in there at all. She could be as stacked as Sally Mae and she would still get sent up in there. Mabel is having Wilbur make sure that girl is going to have every inch of her body covered in oil and grease. Her clothes are going to be soaked in it,” one of the other deputies said before laughing a bit. “What better way to have a spoiled, rotten-mouthed rich princess like her with every inch of her body naked black from the grease and oil. I say Wilbur waits to call it a day until about twenty minutes before dinner. Mabel won’t let anyone come it at her table that has even a bit of dirt or grime under their fingernails. If that girl wants to eat she is going to have to grab the two younger boys to help her get cleaned up. If Juniper didn’t have to go help do the work she isn’t about to risk having to miss dinner because the girl won’t let Juniper cover her from head to toe with Go-Jo.”

“Joe, I got a deal for you,” the Sheriff said. “You let me take the wheel of your import hotrod and I can get these government boys up to Mabel’s before Wilbur calls it a day.”

Deal. Plus, the cameras around my property will show that they saw April in all her grease covered glory. I can only imagine what the kids are getting on their phones.

I tossed the Sheriff the keys as he had one of the deputies drive his car out there. When I got strapped in he laid into it a bit harder than he needed. The tires were smoking before he let off the gas to give it another shot. It only took him a few miles to get used to the power and handling of the GT-R before he left everyone else in our dust. We pulled into my driveway and had walked over to the farm by the time the rest of the party showed up. We made it at fifteen after five.

All the racket brought everyone out of the house and the barn. Like the cop had said, there were two people coming out that were covered in used oil, gunk and grease from head to toe. With the ball-cap on her head backwards and the coveralls, I wouldn’t be able to tell her from Bobby Joe, who was standing next to her.

“We’re looking for a girl name April Stephens that is in the temporary custody of one Joe Johnson,” the fed told everyone.

Wilbur took a rag covered in some white goop that he took over to April. Without her doing more than standing still he reached around from behind her to rub the goop all over her face. When her face was a mix of white and black sludge, he took the rag to wipe off her face. That didn’t get it all, but you could see she matched the picture the feds had, at least when she pulled the nasty ball cap off her head.

While it wasn’t automatic, April finally realized she needed to thank Wilbur and did, even though she obviously needed a lot of work to make it sound like she really meant it. Even more to have it sound honest. Everyone here could tell that, even the fed.

At least it didn’t have any venom in it, so that is an improvement.

The fed and sheriff took April off to the side away from everyone else. Both younger boys took off for the back door to get to the basement to start cleaning up.

Even though they tried to take the conversation out of earshot, I had no problem hearing April explain that Mabel had her phone on the charger and April wasn’t allowed to go anywhere near it. If there was something Mabel felt was important she would let April deal with it. Juniper went to get April’s phone while they cops were talking with April. All that was on it were two texts from Pam, one the Girl Scouts that sold me a lot of cookies, asking if April liked hanging with her cousins. There were also seven unanswered phone calls with six voice mails. All six were for bogus auto warranties, about her credit cards, refinancing her mortgage or political spam asking for money. The only call without a voicemail was one from a Philadelphia area code that came in from Jill about ten minutes ago. As the feds were looking at her phone Jill texted to see if she knew that aunt’s house got condemned today because someone bribed the inspector to ignore all the major structural problems.

They Fed asked if April was in any distress, did she want them to take her away from here to safety and all of the those similar questions.

“Agent, officer or whoever you are, if you don’t mind, can I go now? If I don’t get down into the shower before the boys are done I won’t be allowed to eat. I don’t even have a clue how to start getting this stuff off me and they are about as covered in it as I am,” she told them.

The moment they decided that she was safe and it was exactly as I said she was off at a full run for the back of the house after she stopped quickly got her boots off. With the strings tied together and put behind her neck, she was working trying to kick off her overalls once she got the straps loose. By the time she got to the back of the house she was down to only her black panties.

Juniper laughed before she said, “Not as fast as the rest of us, but she at least paid attention to what the boys did. If it wasn’t her time of the month she would have been showing us her bare black greasy butt. Hope she don’t expect to get out of the shower before all three of them are so squeaky clean ma would be seen dragging them to church. Sally Mae did such a good job teaching her to do her chores that ma said she can keep adding five minutes to the decontamination shower so they can’t get out until she is sure they are clean. If they don’t hurry she will turn off the hot water to get them moving.”

Wait for it. Feds from the city won’t understand. Ah, there it is.

“Mr. Lester, do you and your wife condone a fourteen year old female sharing a shower with two males of approximately her same age,” the fed asked.

“You aren’t from around these parts are you son,” Wilbur asked as the Sheriff and deputies tried to hide their smiles. “Even if that girl wasn’t out of commission, I wouldn’t worry one bit about her or even any of my daughters showering with my boys. First off, if the guy would build the nuke shelter in the basement didn’t build one of them decontamination showers with a timer to keep the door locked, my boys would never do more than get off as little as they thought they could get away with. Secondly, they aren’t about to miss supper. If everyone in the shower isn’t clean from head to toe, one of my kids will set the unlock timer and run up to get to dinner on time. Whoever is in the shower won’t be eating. Finally, it doesn’t matter if they shower together or not. This isn’t the city. There’s hundreds of acres around here where they can go off to play cows and bulls. No stopping that. Now if you don’t mind, I need to go get myself cleaned up if I want to eat supper tonight. Ma makes no exceptions.”

To me he said, “Joe if you get this mess all cleared up before supper you come right on in to pull up a chair. Ma will be more than happy to have you come try to make a dent of all of the leftover Christmas fixings. Marvin down the road brought you by two big old Tom’s, but you were still out of town. Ma cooked them up today for you.”

The fed started to ask me some more questions when the Sheriff stopped him to say, “Agent, like I told you before, go home. Little miss rich spoiled snot, covered from head to toe in oil and grease, asking to go get cleaned up in a shower with two boys to try to get to supper on time isn’t being held against her will. If there was any chance she didn’t want to be here you’d seriously piss off the motor pool when you turned your car in. I’d go ask Mabel if she would let you Fed’s pull up to her table too, but I think the country cooking out this way would tear your gut right up for days.”

With that I was told to go have supper. He was going to send everyone else on their way. They had verified that April was indeed here, that she was not in any danger, under duress and were given the paperwork Paul had given me for her to be under my care until she got to her aunt’s house, I was good.

Shit! I better call Paul. Stop any crap from him.

Before I headed in to wash up I called Paul.

“Where’s April,” he said before I could even say hello.

“Right now, I think she is down in the shower with my neighbor’s twelve and thirteen year old sons,” I said trying to get his goat with complete honesty.

I could hear him getting pissed before he yelled out, “I’m calling the FBI and having you arrested for kidnapping and whatever the hell they can charge you with for letting her be locked in a shower with two boys.”

“Damn Paul! You just missed the Feds. I thought you sent them,” I said. “As for April being locked in the shower with the two boys, you really need to cool off. First she is on the rag, which she announced quite loudly on the flight so that everyone in hearing range would know. Secondly, two boys are probably the only ones of Mabel’s kids that were just as covered in grease and oil as her. If they don’t help each other get squeaky clean they aren’t getting any dinner. Plus, if they even think of getting frisky, their older sister has her hand on the hot water turnoff. You see Mabel’s house used to be owned by a guy worried about a nuclear war so much that he built not only a huge bomb shelter under the basement, he also put in a decontamination shower. It is the only way Mabel can get her boys to wash long enough to actually get clean.”

“Where is April? Answer me damn it,” he angrily demanded.

Doing my best for him to hear my smile through the phone I said, “She is right where she needs to be Paul. While she fears me, and now Katie, tearing into her for her foul mouth and spoiled rotten attitude, it only works when we are around. So instead of taking her home, Karen and Penny said she was coming to live with my neighbors and work on the farm while your sister’s house is demolished and rebuilt to be built to code. This afternoon they had her tall, skinny butt getting up inside their tractors where their oldest daughter can’t anymore because she went from flat chested to c-cups in a few months. Now their oldest daughter can’t get into the spaces and their boys aren’t strong enough yet to do what is needed. When the Feds and Sheriff got here April looked like someone who had been swimming in a barrel of grease and oil. Given that she didn’t give a fearful look at Wilbur, it seems that she has been smart enough to keep her mouth shut so far. If she acts like she thinks the boys are servants there to make sure she is as clean as a newborn baby, after their first bath at the hospital, then his isn’t about to get dinner. I don’t want her to go hungry, but it would be a good test of what she learned today.”

“So, did you pull the crap that got her Aunt’s house condemned,” he asked.

I explained that it was April’s money man that did that by bribing some of the county inspectors to look the other way so he could get her big room built even though it wasn’t up to code. Neither was her new pool. Until things were fixed, I legally was unable to apply the transfer of guardianship back to her aunt until her address was habitable again.

“Look Paul. We both know that she has been allowed to have free run of everything since her birth parents died. Penny and Katie picked up on it in just a few minutes with her. So here is what has already happened today. First Penny did a lot of digging yesterday to find that since her birth mother gave birth to her in Georgia, where they lived, any of her birth parent’s family have no ability to claim anything against her parent’s fortune that was willed to her. Secondly, her aunt, who is her legal guardian, will have complete control over what April can and can’t have from now on. Thirdly, her money manager and those managing her parent’s investments have been getting very fat off the inflated fees and commissions since April has no clue about any of the statements she gets. That is being resolved as well. Finally, no matter what you try, you can’t get access to her wealth,” I explained. “Now that doesn’t mean she is going to be able to go back to being a spoiled little bitch. Your sister is being put completely in charge of her as she should have been in the past. There will be no more of April having a millionaire lifestyle while her aunt lives in squalor and treats her as a servant.”

Wow he is silent and sounds calmed down.

I waited a few minutes for him to reply and then told him, “If you want to discuss the full details, give Penny a call. She can tell you how it is going to be. Katie will be doing any contracts regarding April’s investments, funds, and allowance. Effectively what was April’s isn’t anymore, exactly as the law states. Until she is an adult anything bought for her is legally her aunts as her guardian. She is going to have it be the exact same way it was for us, just as how it is for your other children. You see, Katie and Penny have taken her on a project. If you don’t know it yet, there is no getting in their way.”

“I see you have done a hostile takeover of my own daughter and I don’t have a damn thing I can say or do about it,” he said with resignation.

After I finished laughing I said, “Penny and Katie did the hostile takeover. They’re the ones that made the arrangements with Mabel to get April to be a proper young lady. According to what I was told, April won’t be leaving the farm until such a time that Mabel and Wilbur feel she is honestly being a sweet young lady and not faking it. If that means she will be homeschooled at the farm to keep her up to speed with her peers back at her school, then that is what will have to happen. Again, I was told how it was going to be and didn’t have any more choice in the matter than you do. Now I need to go so I’m not late for dinner. Wilbur said someone brought me two huge Tom Turkeys for Christmas dinner, but I wasn’t home. They made those tonight, so I’m not about to be late for Mabel’s home cooked meal.”