Chapter 17

From James, I found out that Steve Parkin was one to watch out for, a shark. He was interested that Parkin had got my contact details from his office, and promised to look into that. Parkin’s normal method of operation was to contact a newcomer to the business, such as me, and promise the earth, tell them he couldn’t represent them to producers unless they were under contract to his agency, bind them to a long term, high percentage contract and them put them forward for the rubbish jobs that were the only ones he could get in on.

I’d thanked James, and told my Dad what he’d said, and who had rung me, and he’d congratulated me on my intelligent handling of it.

We arrived home in time for tea, which Mum and Andy started on, while I put my purchases away and set up my Playstation. I still needed a Plasma TV, but that would be coming on Monday. I had the PlayStation set up and running, and, it had come with a free copy of Final Fantasy X, so I could pick up where I’d left off. I really enjoyed that game.

Mum called me for dinner about an hour later, so, I closed the game, after carefully saving it, and went downstairs straight to the dining room.

The table was set for seven. Mum hadn’t said anything about guests for dinner, so I went through to the kitchen to investigate, and nearly ran into Cal. My eyebrows shot up in surprise, and I walked past her and into the kitchen proper.

“Hi Aunt Mary,” I said, “What are you doing here?”

“I was talking to your Mum, and I couldn’t work out what to do for dinner, so your Mum invited us over.”

That didn’t surprise me, my Mum was celebrated for always cooking far more food than we could possibly eat. I looked over at Mum, who just looked back, almost daring me to say anything. So I did.

“I think you’re always welcome, Aunt Mary,” I said, smiling and with just a hint of emphasis on the word you’re.

“And I think Cal has something to say to you,” Mary added.

I looked at Cal, who had just come back into the kitchen.

“Really?” I said.

“Can we talk after dinner?” she asked, quietly, her voice trembling.

I nodded, picked up one of the dishes from the kitchen table and carried it through.

“What wine?” I called back to Mum as I placed the dish on the table mat.

“I’ll see to it,” she replied, “you come and carry the meat in.”

I did as she asked, and then we all sat down.

The conversation at the table was light, and Mum allowed the four of us ‘kids’ a glass of wine each, a fruity red, which we were told was from Burgundy. None of us was sophisticated enough to know the difference between that and any old cheap ‘plonk’ in a bottle. After the meal, Alison and I cleared up and loaded the dishwasher, then we joined everybody else in the living room.

A soon as I sat down, Cal stood up.

“David,” she began, “I want to apologise to you for my behaviour this morning. I treated you like I was the innocent party, and you had done something wrong, and I’m sorry. Could we go somewhere and talk?”

“Do you want to go upstairs to my room, or shall we take a walk?”

“Walk?” she answered.

“Okay,” I agreed, and stood up.

At the door, we stopped to get our jackets, then I opened the front door, and let her out before me. We turned right at the gate and headed down towards town.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” I asked as we walked along side by side.

“Us,” she replied.

“Is there an us anymore Cal?” I queried.

“I hope there can be,” she replied, “at least some sort of us. I do still love you David.”

“Remember months ago in Bernie’s office?” Bernie was what we all called our deputy head at school. It was in his office that Cal and I had first been put in the position of admitting our true feelings for each other.”

“I do,” I said.

“We promised we’d always be open and honest with each other.”

“We did.”

“And I’ve broken that promise, more than once.”

“Yes, Cal, you have, and that’s the problem. I just can’t trust you anymore.”

“I know,” she said softly, a tear trickling down her cheek.

I turned to her and wiped it off with my finger.

“Do you still love me David?” she asked.

I stopped walking, and looked at her for a long moment.

“Yes,” I said, “I do, but like I said, I don’t trust you. And you acting like this is all my fault doesn’t help.”

She looked down at her feet, then back up at me.

“Do you think that there’s some way that I can get that trust back?”

“I don’t know,” I said, noting the look of disappointment on her face, she was a girl that was used to getting her own way, “it will take time.”

“Then I’ll put the time in,” she replied.

“I’m not going to say to Kathy, thanks very much, but I won’t be taking you out any more. In fact, it might be a good idea if you see someone else as well.”

“What? Why?” she asked.

“Because you’re asking me to give you a chance to prove that I can trust you. If I just say, Okay, Munich never happened, we’ll forget it and move on, what do you think will happen?”

She didn’t answer, just looked down at her feet again.

“Cal, how did you feel last night when you saw me with Kathy?”

She looked pensive for a moment.

“Terrible,” she said, “jealous, upset.”

“How do you think I felt in Munich when I saw you with, wotisname? “And when I invited you to come with me and talk about it?”

“I was awful to you, wasn’t I?”

“I just didn’t understand why you’d do that.”

“Because I’d promised to go out with him that night.”

“You see, you broke your promises to me, because you’d promised someone else.”

“I thought I was in love with him,” she said.

“I thought you were in love with me. And now?”

She shook her head.

“Now I know that you’re the one I love. The one I want. The one I can’t have.”

“So, have you called this boy and told him that?”

“No, not yet.”

“Why not?” I asked, “You’ve been back nearly a week. Have you called him at all?”

“Yes,” she admitted with a sigh.

“So he thinks he’s still your boyfriend?”

“I suppose he does.”

“You suppose. Have you done or said anything that might give him the idea that he wasn’t anymore? Or that he was?”

“He asked about you and me, and I told him that you and I weren’t a couple anymore.”

“So basically, you told him he was still your boyfriend?”

“I suppose you could look at it this way.”

“You certainly didn’t tell him he wasn’t did you?”

“No,” she agreed with a sigh, “but I will, I promise.”

“When Cal?” I asked, “On our wedding day?”

“No!” she retorted, “I will.”

“Cal I could hand you my phone and have you do it now, but that wouldn’t do any good at all. That would just be me forcing you to do it. You have to want to, and I don’t think deep down inside you do.”

“I do David,” she replied.

“But,” I said, “I sense a but in there.”

“But what if you fall in love with someone else.”

“What if we do try again, and you go off to Munich again next year, and it all happens again? We can’t play what-ifs all our lives Cal. You’re going to have to take chances in your life.”

She looked at me like a rabbit trapped in headlights.

“Yes, Cal, there are no guarantees in life. We could get married next year on my sixteenth birthday, but there’s no guarantee that one of us wouldn’t meet someone else and break us up. We could get knocked down by a bus on the way to school. Anything could happen.”

“You’re right,” she said, “I’ve got to stop looking for safety everywhere, and start taking risks.”

She looked at me steadily, meeting my gaze for the first time, since Munich really.

“David,” she said, “can I borrow your phone?”

I took it out and handed it to her.

“Wouldn’t you rather do this in private?” I asked.

She shook her head.

“No, I don’t want any doubt in your mind, that I’ve done it. I want to do it with you here beside me.”

“Ok,” I said, “do it that way, but Cal, we’re taking a step along a road here, this isn’t a destination.”

“I know, but if we don’t take that step we’ll never reach the destination will we?”

She keyed in the number, and I heard the single note ring tone at the other end.

“Hallo, hier spricht Wolfgang, wer ruf?” <Hello, Wolfgang speaking, who’s calling?>

“Hi it’s me,” Cal said.

“Oh, hi, I did not recognise your number.”

“Listen, Wolf, I’m ringing to say that I can’t continue.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean it’s over Wolf. You and me. I’m going to try and mend my relationship with David.”

“But Cal, it was over at the end of the summer school. Did you not realise it was just a summer fling, you were fine while it lasted, but I’m not going to get into a long distance love affair with an English schoolgirl. You seriously thought I was serious about you? You were just a summer amusement to me, nothing more.”

She didn’t hear any more, she collapsed, dropping my phone to the floor, as I caught her to stop her hitting the floor. I managed to pick my phone up, with a lot of twisting and turning and punched the contact entry for my brother.

“Hi,” he said, “what’s up?”

“We’re at the end of the street, Cal’s collapsed, “I need some help to get her back home.”

“OK,” he answered, “on my way, I’ll bring dad and Aunt Mary too.”

They were there a couple of minutes later.

“What happened?” Cal’s Mum asked.

“She rang Wolfgang in Germany,” I explained, “it appears she saw more in their relationship than he did.”

“So, in the end she gave up what she had for nothing?” Mary said.

“Looks like it,” I said, “but it doesn’t make me feel any better.”

Cal was starting to come round as we spoke, with me still supporting her. Mary took over as she began to open your eyes.

“It’s all right darling,” she said, softly, “I’m here. Come on, let’s get you home, and we’ll see what we can do.”

She started to lead her gently towards their own house. Cal looked back at me and stretched one arm out towards me.

“David,” she breathed softly, her eyes begging me to follow.

I looked at my Dad, a question in my eyes. He shrugged.

“Sorry son,” he said, “I can’t help you here. This has to be your decision, just don’t commit to anything you don’t think you can fulfil.”

I turned and followed Cal and her mother to their house. Once inside, we settled Cal into the living room sofa and her mother went off to the kitchen to make us a hot drink, a few seconds later, she appeared in the doorway and beckoned me to follow her. In the kitchen she set about making a hot drink.

“David,” she said, looking me levelly in the eyes, “what are you thinking of doing about this?”

“To be honest I don’t know. Cal is obviously hurting and my instinct is to go in there, gather her up, tell her it will all be all right and kiss her pain away.”

“That’s exactly the answer I would have expected from you David. You’re a very caring young man,” she said, “and it is exactly what you must NOT do.”

She placed a lot of emphasis on the not.

“I know,” I agreed, “but it’s hard not to.”

“You really do still love her don’t you?”

“Yes, but if I follow my instincts how long will it be before she’s in a similar situation to the one in Munich and just jumps in because she’s used to me letting her get away with it?”

“Good, we’re on the same page here. You mustn’t let her think that she’s got away with anything, or she’ll just carry on doing things that are stupid and she shouldn’t do. Can you tell me about the call she made?”

“Yes,” I replied, and related what had happened when Cal had rung Wolfgang.

“It probably sounds harsh to say it, but that was almost certainly the best thing that could have happened.”

“I don’t understand, why would it be?”

“Because, in her mind, that call, and her telling Wolfgang it was over would enable her to turn to you and say, OK, I’ve done what you wanted, I’ve finished with him, now let’s go back to normal. This way she doesn’t have this. She still has to face the consequences of her own actions.”

“Yes, I see that, but I hate to see her like this.”

“So do I David, but I think it’s something she has to go through. Look, your Mum and I make no secret of what we’d like for the pair of you, but even though she’s my daughter, I wouldn’t want the pair of you to end up together until she sorts herself out and stops being, well, selfish.”

“You know, every instinct I have tells me to go in there, cuddle her and tell her it will be all right.”

“And, like I said, that’s the one thing you mustn’t do. The best thing for you, for both of you actually, at the moment is for you to carry on seeing that other girl, Kathy is it?”

I nodded.

“And for Cal to see someone else, although I’m not sure she would,” she finished, “I think she’s going to become fixated on getting you back.”

“She doesn’t need to get fixated, she can do it very simply by showing me that I can trust her.”