Chapter 70: Twelve Items

August 8, 2001, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Steve

“Checkmate,” I said with a sly smile.

“You didn’t talk to Lee, or send someone to talk to him?” Liz asked.

“I promised I wouldn’t and I didn’t. So, what happens now?”

“I have a meeting with Lee’s counsel this afternoon.”

“As I said, Lee is not an idiot. And in this case, Bob is. I’m saying this to you, and to you alone - Stephanie made an error in accepting Bob’s position to reject my offer to mediate.”

“I think she’s aware of that at this point,” Liz replied.

“It’s all going to come out in the wash, so you may as well tell me what the alleged evidence is.”

“Three emails asking a female employee on a date, to which she responded ‘no, thanks’ the first two times.”

Which meant the complaint wasn’t ACTUALLY anonymous, just that the employee in question didn’t want ME to know, and that bothered me.

“Over what period of time?” I asked.

“Nine weeks,” Liz replied.

“Did she actually tell him to stop asking? Or say she wasn’t interested? Or give a reason why she turned him down?”

“No. She made the complaint after the third request.”

“OK. I was wrong about Lee not being an idiot. He’s actually a first-class idiot for trying to fish from the company pier when he had previously been accused of harassment. She should have told him clearly she wasn’t interested the first time. I’m not sure where asking someone on a date turns into harassment, but three over nine weeks doesn’t seem over the line. Well, unless there were other interactions.”

“None that she reported.”

“Would you like my honest opinion?”

“Sure.”

“First, the anonymity request was directed at ME, which really bugs me. Second, Lee is innocent of the charge of harassment, but he’s too stupid for us to continue his employment.”

“Innocent?” Liz asked.

“Call me a troglodyte if you must, but asking a girl out two or three times doesn’t constitute harassment unless she’s told you she’s not interested or to stop asking. I do not buy into the theory that ANY unwanted attention is harassment because you can’t know that it’s unwanted until you actually ask! So, at a minimum, one request for a date can’t be harassment. Period. And if no reason is given or no request to stop is made, the second can’t be harassment, either. Now, at that point, it’s a judgment call, and I’m not going to fire someone for making a mistake in judgment, when there is no information other than two rejections. Now, after the third, I’d say it’s at a minimum cluelessness, and might be harassment. Further requests would demonstrate cluelessness, insensitivity, stupidity, or any combination of the three.

“That said, in Lee’s specific case, the FIRST request was so ill-considered as to be stupid, and makes me question his judgment enough that I don’t want him working for NIKA. But, given what you’ve said about what happened, it doesn’t qualify as harassment in MY mind. And yes, I know the accuser is the one who feels harassed, but if we don’t have some kind of objective measure, we’re going to end up in a world of hurt because anyone can take offense at anything. I’m not saying she’s wrong, just that if she really didn’t want his attention, she should have said she wasn’t interested.”

“There’s a difference between being in a bar or in High School and being at work.”

“Obviously, but we also know there are relationships between staff which are acceptable according to our policies. We even set some basic guidelines for that, including not working for the same manager. What that says, at least if you look at it from one perspective, is that NIKA condones relationships that don’t affect NIKA. In other words, we’ve given permission to date.”

“Which, in an adversarial proceeding, would be used to say we support a hostile work environment.”

“That’s a load of bull and you know it!”

“I didn’t say I believed it!” Liz countered. “But it will be said. Let me ask you a question - how many times do you have to be told ‘no’ to stop asking?”

I laughed, hard. “I think it’s the other way around! Name a girl I chased, except for Kara!”

Liz smiled and nodded, “OK, you might not be the best example.”

“But I have been on the receiving end and I’ve said ‘no’.”

“How many times would it take before you became upset or frustrated?”

“Infinite, if I didn’t give a reason or tell them to stop!”

“You’re not normal!” Liz objected.

“No kidding! But, to answer your question, once I tell someone ‘no’ and give them a reason, and we have a discussion if it’s warranted, I expect that to be the end of it. Further attempts will be met with brusqueness and eventually a polite request to ‘bugger off’ as Kajri says. But, see, I take responsibility to communicate that I am not interested. If I don’t communicate that, it’s MY fault, not the person asking me.”

“And Penny’s repeated requests despite you clearly saying ‘no’ and articulating a reason?”

“Penny is very different! And so is Kimmy. But you also know it’s part of the game. And all three of us know exactly where the lines are and we won’t cross them to step into the minefield!”

“No, YOU won’t cross them!”

“Fine. But the point remains, those two get a pass for historical and contextual reasons. What’s the bottom line?”

“I won’t know until I speak with Lee’s attorney, but this conversation has been helpful. I’ll point out, unless you object, that Lee is an idiot for asking her out given what led to his being moved here, and suggest it would be in both our best interests to find a mutually acceptable solution.”

“That’s fine. But I want someone to tell the young woman, whoever she is, that she had a responsibility to tell Lee that his requests were unwanted.”

“Bob will object.”

“Tough shit. You have the conversation with her.”

“I need Stephanie’s approval.”

I smiled, “She’ll give it because she rejected your advice before, despite you being right.”

“It was your advice.”

“Did Stephanie know that?”

“I didn’t tell her.”

“Then I stand by my statement that she’ll give approval because she rejected that advice.”

“I’ll talk to her.”

“And, Liz, I don’t want Lee here when I come back from Saint Martin.”

She nodded, “I’ll do my best.”

“Your best?” I asked with an arched eyebrow.

“Sean Connery quotes aside, there are limits to what we can do.”

“At will,” I said firmly.

“A myth because an investigation will find a reason and if the reason is found wanting, the ‘at will’ provisions of the law won’t save you.”

“Pay that man his money,” I said in a faux Russian accent.

“Rounders, right?”

“Yes. And I know that’s the solution to this situation - severance and a release. Stephanie will have to approve it, of course, but make it so.”

“By your command!” Liz teased.

🎤 Birgit

“This is my friend Cheryl,” Suzanne said when she and a very pretty girl with brown skin and black hair came into the house.

“Hi, Cheryl!” I said. “I’m Birgit!”

“I’ve heard all about you!”

“Don’t believe anything Suzanne said!” I smirked. “I’m worse!”

Cheryl laughed, “Suzanne told me that, too! What are you doing today?”

“My friends Tiffany, Julie, Laurie, Hannah, Leslie, Cynthia, Heather, and Naomi are here. We’re playing games and listening to music in the attic room. I just came down to get some more snacks! How long are you staying?”

“Until Saturday.”

“She’s staying in my old room,” Suzanne added.

“Cool! I’m going back upstairs. Nice to meet you, Cheryl!”

“And you!”

I went to the elevator and got in, deciding I didn’t feel like walking up two flights of stairs. It was so cool to have the elevator, and made it easier to take the snacks upstairs. When I got out in the attic room, I put the bowls down between the girls and sat back down to continue playing Life.

“Is Rachel allowed to go to the Shedd Aquarium with us tomorrow?” Naomi asked.

“Yes,” I replied. “She just can’t come here. I wish someone else had this much space so we could meet somewhere else, but nobody does.”

“Cynthia,” Leslie said with a smirk, “I heard you were hanging out with Paul!”

The rest of us gasped.

“No way!” Julie exclaimed. “Your mom will have a fit! And what about what he said?”

“I wasn’t!” Cynthia protested. “He was just at the library when I was there! I didn’t even talk to him!”

“That’s not what I heard!” Leslie giggled.

“I didn’t!” Cynthia protested again.

“Leslie,” I said, “if you didn’t see it, how do you know that the person who told you is telling you the truth? Cynthia is our friend and she says it didn’t happen.”

“But...” Leslie started.

“It doesn’t matter! Do you believe Cynthia or not? If not, how can you be her friend?”

“Who told you?” Tiffany demanded.

“Uhm, I probably shouldn’t say,” Leslie replied.

“I bet it was Brad!” Hannah said. “He’s been spreading rumors about Kendra!”

I knew Leslie liked Brad, and Brad was friends with Paul, so I suspected Paul had said something to Brad who had told Leslie.

“Is your boyfriend spreading rumors?” I asked.

“Seriously?” Julie asked. “You’d believe Brad over Cynthia?”

“Well, no...” Leslie replied.

“Let’s just forget it and play the game,” Naomi said.

I was really annoyed with Leslie, not just for gossiping, but for believing a BOY instead of Cynthia. We finished the game and then decided to watch The Wedding Planner, a movie I had put on the Netflix list. It was a ‘RomCom’ that we all enjoyed, and when the movie finished, everyone except Cynthia left.

“Thank you,” she said.

“Is Paul spreading rumors about you?” I asked.

“I think so.”

“Then he’s toast!” I said firmly.

Cynthia smiled and we hugged, then she left and I began plotting our revenge.

🎤 Steve

“Hi!” Cheryl exclaimed when I walked into the great room after I arrived home.

She jumped up for a hug and kissed me on the cheek.

“All settled?” I asked.

“The mirrors are an interesting touch,” she smirked.

“Added on request,” I replied with a silly grin, nodding towards Suzanne.

“She told me! Kinky!”

“Suzanne, is Jess awake?” I asked.

“I haven’t seen her since she went upstairs when she arrived home from her shift.”

Jessica had chosen to nap on weekday afternoons when she arrived home, which let her stay up a bit later in the evenings. All in all, the schedule was working better, with the exception that I couldn’t walk her to work.

“OK. I’m going downstairs to put on shorts and a t-shirt. I’ll be back up shortly. Where are the kids?”

“The girls are next door,” Suzanne replied. “Birgit had friends over, and the younger girls were next door. Birgit went to Penny’s house when her friends left. Albert is at Dave’s. All of them should be home in the next fifteen minutes for dinner. Winter is in the kitchen.”

“Thanks.”

I went downstairs to the laundry room where I kept a few changes of clothes, took off my khakis and polo, tossed them in the hamper, then put on shorts and a t-shirt, and went back upstairs just as the girls came into the house. They all got hugs, and a minute later Jess came downstairs.

“Hi, Babe! Have a good nap?”

“Yes! How was work?”

“I managed to spend most of the day programming, though I had to spend some time with Liz on the HR issue.”

“Hi!” Albert called out as he came in the back door. “I’m home!”

“Obviously,” Birgit replied flatly.

“He’s just announcing his presence with authority!” I chuckled.

“Are you getting too old for this shit?” Albert teased.

“Albert...” Jessica warned.

“Darmok defense!” Albert declared.

“Boys!” Ashley and Stephie complained in unison.

“You guys totally lost me,” Cheryl said, looking totally confused.

“Dad was basically quoting Bull Durham,” Albert replied, “so I used another reference to the same movie. Mom didn’t like me swearing, but I invoked one of Dad’s rules - the ‘Darmok defense’. That refers to the Star Trek episode ‘Darmok’ where they communicate in metaphors, which is what we do with movie or song quotes. Because I was quoting the movie, Mom can’t punish me for swearing because Dad allows us to watch and quote those movies.”

“This officially just got even weirder!” Cheryl declared, shaking her head. “How old are you, Albert?”

“Twelve.”

“Shaka, when the walls fell,” Jessica declared, rolling her eyes and walking away followed by my daughters.

“What?” Cheryl asked.

Albert laughed, “Mom just quoted the Trek episode, with a metaphor that signals defeat! And you should say ‘Sokath - his eyes uncovered’.”

“Meaning I understand?”

“Yes!”

“Steve, I think I see why your wife and daughters left the room!”

“Dad and Albert in the great room!” Albert declared.

“Meaning?” Cheryl asked.

“Success!” he chuckled. “My sisters left!”

“Just wow,” Cheryl said, shaking her head.

“You should be here when my brothers are all here!” Albert smirked.

“I’m not sure I could take it!” Cheryl said, shaking her head.

“Go get cleaned up for dinner,” I said to Albert.

He left to go wash his hands, and I went to the kitchen to help Winter get dinner on the table.

August 9, 2001, Chicago, Illinois

“You know,” I sighed, “this would have been easier without the stupid ‘cloak and dagger’ by Bob. If he had just said, up front, that he had email evidence, I would have suggested a different course of action!”

“Bob was concerned that you would look through the emails.”

“Guess who doesn’t have that ability?” I asked with annoyance. “I set it up that way on purpose when we hired Noelle! Only she and Sam have access to the archives. I don’t even have full root or administrator access to any servers except my personal Unix box! And neither Noelle nor Sam would do a surreptitious search for me. They’d get confirmation from Elyse or my sister. You know that. And the only place the passwords are written down is the list Noelle keeps in the sealed envelope in the small safe in the computer room. You know, the one that requires both you and her to produce your keys to open?

“Think this through logically,” I continued. “If Lee was told anything, he’d instantly know who his accuser was. That means the ONLY reason Bob agreed to the demand for anonymity was to hide this from ME. I have a serious problem with that, but put that on the back burner for the moment. Had Bob just been straight with me from the get-go, I’d have let him terminate Lee immediately for being a fucking moron. Then, Bob blocked me from talking to Lee and whoever it was who made the complaint, which led to Lee getting a lawyer, and putting us in a worse position! Bob’s fanatical attempts to keep me out of the loop created this mess, and Bob needs to be dealt with.”

“Dealt with?” Liz asked.

“Yes. His job is to prevent this kind of thing, not cause it. He caused it. That’s clearly an error on his part and it has to be addressed.”

“You want him fired?”

“No. And even if I did, that’s not up to me; it’s up to Elyse and my sister. What I want is for him to stop playing his stupid games. I can solve these problems quickly and easily if I know about them. It’s my job as ‘morale officer’, as my Navy friends would call my position, or as protector of NIKA’s «kami».”

“The problem is that HR really does need to be separated from everything else.”

“I get that,” I replied. “I really do. But even rational policies break down.”

“What do you propose?”

“That as President, I receive a summary of any incident, without names, but with specifics, and have the right to intervene if I feel it’s warranted. I’ll use it judiciously, but this situation with Lee could have been resolved if I’d known just slightly more. Heck, Bob wouldn’t even tell me there WAS evidence!”

“That will have to go to the Board.”

“Obviously.”

“And Bob will likely threaten to resign.”

“If I didn’t let Penny hold me hostage when she threatened to resign, and I don’t let Birgit do it when she has her little snits, I’m sure as hell not going to let Bob do it!”

Liz laughed, “With Birgit, it’s ‘Stockholm Syndrome’!”

I chuckled, “True. And probably true about Penelope as well.”

“She positively HATES you using that name.”

I shook my head, “No, she doesn’t; not really. When I say her full name, she hears ‘I love you’.”

“‘As you wish’?”

“Exactly. Let’s go see my sister. Did you fill her in?”

“Of course.”

We left Liz’s office and went to my sister’s office, but she was on the phone. We waited outside until four minutes later, she waved us in. I shut the door behind me and Liz and I sat down across from Stephanie’s desk.

“Bob made things worse,” I declared. “And we need to fix the process.”

“You obviously have something in mind.”

“First, did Liz tell you what I want to happen with Lee?”

“Yes, and I agree with you, though I have a slightly different take on why.”

“He doesn’t play well with the other kids?” I asked.

Stephanie nodded, “Yes, and THAT is defensible. Sadly, him being an idiot or a moron is insufficient grounds to terminate him because he’s actually doing his job well.”

“Sort of,” I countered. “But I’ll concede the point because it really is just a slightly different shade of red, so to speak. As I’m sure Liz told you, I want him gone when I come back from my vacation in Saint Martin. Now, back to Bob - he fucked up, royally. Had he told me that he had email evidence, this would have been resolved right away. Do you agree?”

Stephanie nodded, “I certainly would have acted differently.”

“Good. Then we’re on the same page there. This thing spiraled out of control because of Bob’s refusal to see past what he considered standard practice. And before you interrupt me, I’m not objecting to the private part of employee files being off-limits. I’m talking about disciplinary action only. What I want, is before any action is taken, to see a summarized version of the complaint, without names or positions, and have an opportunity to intervene if I feel it’s warranted. I tried that in this case, and Bob shot down the idea, with your backing.”