Chapter 58: An Introduction

June 13, 2001, Honolulu, Oahu, Hawaii

🎤 Steve

“How did you get from that to your, uhm, two wives and a mistress?” Nalani asked.

“The polyamory actually came first, by several years. It has its origins in everything that happened between my fourteenth and sixteenth birthdays. Almost from the beginning, there were three girls I was very close to, and who helped me through a very difficult time of my life. There were others, including the woman I mentioned named Anala, who helped me understand that sex isn’t true intimacy. For me, it’s a way of bonding with my female friends, and a sign of intimacy.”

“You have sex with all your female friends?”

“With a few exceptions, all my female friends are women I’ve had sex with, though I have had a few very close female friends with whom I haven’t had sex.”

“So, if I want to be your friend...”

“You have to be intimate, but as I said, sex is a sign of intimacy; it’s not true intimacy.”

“Then what’s true intimacy?”

“Baring one’s soul to another person and merging one’s spirit with them. Physical merging is a wonderful addition, but not strictly necessary.”

“And your wives are OK with your, uhm, bonding?”

“They wouldn’t have married me and each other if they weren’t. They knew before we married I was polyamorous. And I’d say Suzanne is a testimony to what I’m saying.”

“‘Mistress’ I get, but you used another term.”

“«Cortigiana onesta»,” I replied. “It means ‘honest courtesan’. They were very well-educated and erudite women who were selected for their conversational skills, intelligence, common-sense, and companionship. Sex was part of what they did, but only part - they were meant to participate actively in the life of the gentleman in question, and could converse on any topic and provide good companionship outside of the bedroom. Often they were quite well-off themselves and had careers, though often in the arts. And, historically, they were accepted by their benefactor’s wife, and organized their lives around their benefactor’s marital obligations. You mentioned Heinlein, so if you read Stranger in a Strange Land, I think you might understand.”

“I hadn’t drawn the parallel, but yes.”

“And there is more to it, really. Suzanne is, to put it in Christian terms, the ‘disciple whom I love’. She’s also ‘first among equals’ of the advisory group for the Philosophy club. I have a similar advisory group at work, but my relationship with Suzanne is a bit different.”

“Are all your advisors female?”

“There’s one guy in the philosophy club advisory group, but all of my advisors at work are female. In fact, all the executives are female.”

“That’s out of the ordinary.”

“In many ways. There are more women than men in management and technical positions, too, which is not the norm in the computer industry.”

“Why?”

“Because I always hire the best person for the job! The industry as a whole is like medicine and law, where females are often second-class citizens. We treat them as first-class citizens and that means we have the pick of the best women in the industry. Why reject a significant portion of the applicant pool simply because they don’t have genetic diversity!”

Nalani laughed, “You mean two ‘X’ chromosomes as opposed to an ‘X’ and a ‘Y’?”

“Yes, of course! Or, to put it in more vulgar terms, nobody needs a penis to program or use a computer any more than they need one to perform surgery or argue a case in court. Or, practice traditional Chinese medicine.”

“There are some very difficult and seemingly intractable problems with the view of women’s bodies in traditional Chinese medicine. One of the very important things I want to do is help to change that.”

“Why not go to medical school?”

“There are plenty of doctors, but many ethnic Chinese won’t see them.”

“And your view on Western medicine versus traditional Chinese medicine?”

“I think there is value to both. May I point out that someone your age likely makes use of herbal medicine?”

I chuckled, “I do like to make use of my willow bark! And I also know about poppies and morphine.”

Nalani laughed softly, “I’m not surprised you know that salicin is the origin of aspirin, which is acetylsalicylic acid. There is also, for example, the use of coca leaves in traditional medicine. It was made into a paste to be used as an anesthetic in the past, until it was banned by the Convention on Narcotic Drugs, which ignored the traditional uses because others had chosen to use the drug recreationally.”

“You aren’t solely ethnically Chinese.”

“No. My father’s side is Chinese, my mother’s is Hawaiian. His people came here not long after the island was first located by Western explorers; her people were here when James Cook arrived. My father’s people come from Canton, or as it’s known in Chinese, Guangdong.”

“Do you speak Chinese?”

“Yes, of course! And Hawaiian. And English, obviously.”

“Obviously,” I agreed, chuckling. “I thought Hawaiian had basically died out when it was suppressed after the monarchy was overthrown.”

“It was, but my family was one of the few who kept speaking it privately. It’s no longer suppressed, and there are the Pūnana Leo schools in which instruction in Hawaiian is given. I went to one. You can actually study for a Master’s degree with all instruction in Hawaiian. I think the first graduates will receive their degrees next year.”

“Interesting.”

“I’m curious that you’re married to a trauma surgeon and chemistry professor, but you don’t reject traditional Chinese medicine out of hand.”

“Why would I? You brought up willow bark, and I know about coca leaves. I also look askance at pharmaceutical companies for a host of reasons. One thing I haven’t told you is that my doctors are using what amounts to naturopathic medicine to treat me! In fact, I daresay the way they are treating me is closer to, if you’ll pardon the expression, ‘folk medicine’ than it is to modern Western medicine.”

“Treating you for what?”

“That’s a VERY good question for which there is no answer. They’re treating symptoms because they don’t know what’s wrong. And the treatment is a low carbohydrate diet, a daily baby aspirin, exercise, sleep, and vitamins C and D. That said, I am also, temporarily, taking propranolol.”

“What symptoms?”

“I have an endocrine disorder which makes me very sensitive to adrenaline, and messes with my sugar metabolism. It’s not diabetes, and it seems to manifest itself as mild bipolar disorder. I might actually have that, as there’s a family history, but all of it is controlled by what amounts to behavior modification and supplements.”

“But you’re taking a drug, too?”

“Yes. At a low dosage, propranolol is not psychoactive and attenuates the adrenaline reaction. I’m hoping to go off it after my visit to Mayo Clinic in August. I don’t like drugs, at all, and don’t want to take them. I prefer, if possible, natural remedies.”

“Interesting! That must make for fun conversations at home.”

“Jessica’s dad is Head of Emergency Medicine at UofC, and I have other close friends who are doctors. So, yeah.”

“It’s good to have an open mind!”

“I agree. And that’s basically the primary attribute of people who become my friends, or who participate in our philosophy club. But it’s not just being receptive to new ideas, it’s challenging the status quo. Your choice of profession would seem to do that, though it’s kind of a ‘Back to the Future’ response.”

“You mean my study of Chinese medicine?”

“Yes. I’ve often thought that what passes for modern medicine in the West has ignored the received wisdom of the ages, much to its detriment.”

“You’re a very interesting person!”

“Would you like to be my friend?”

Nalani laughed softly, “Which kind?”

[Chicago, Illinois] 🎤 Matthew

“You OK?” I asked as Chelsea and I got into bed.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“The naked sauna.”

Chelsea laughed, “You mean because that was the first time I’d ever been naked in front of any guy except for you?”

“Yes.”

“I’m fine, Matt. I figured that if you didn’t object to me being naked in front of your brother and his friends, it was OK. And everyone was cool. Have you been in the sauna naked with them before?”

“Not his friends. It’s really just been my family. We have to be really careful about who we invite from outside. Jesse has been in there with all of them.”

“Do their parents know?”

“Nicole’s do, I think, but not the rest. Parents tend to freak out about stuff like that because they think being naked means having sex.”

“Well, WE’RE naked and I want to have sex!” Chelsea giggled.

“Me, too! But not when we were in the sauna. It’s different.”

“True, but we could fool around in there, right?”

“We promised no orgies!”

“Matt!” Chelsea squealed. “I meant just you and me!”

“Darn!” I teased.

“So you’d be OK with me having sex with someone else?”

“No, of course not! I was teasing!”

“I sure wouldn’t be OK with you being with someone else.”

“I’m not my dad; don’t worry.”

“I wasn’t worried,” Chelsea said with a smile.

“Good!”

“I want to watch...” she whispered.

[Honolulu, Oahu, Hawaii] 🎤 Steve

“I like her,” Jessica said when she, Kara, and I got into bed late that evening. “Though I have some serious misgivings about her ‘alternative’ medicine.”

“You have serious misgivings about MY alternative medicine!” I replied. “In fact, I’m closer to her position than I am yours, minus my agreement that natural medicine isn’t going to resolve a hot appendix or a host of other things.”

“Your loathing of pharmaceutical companies has really soured you on the entire profession.”

“It’s not just the pill-pushers,” I replied. “It’s what I said to Nalani - too much wisdom has been lost. And you know the hot-button issue I think perfectly demonstrates the problem.”

“Midwifery being illegal in Illinois.”

“Exactly. Of all the stupid, misguided, anti-women policies, that one takes the cake. I could see requiring midwives have some kind of relationship with an OB or a hospital, but the idea that a midwife can’t do a delivery in the new birthing center which is across the street from the ER is flat-out stupid. There’s even a full surgical suite in the birthing center and it’s staffed by an OB/GYN Attending who’s board-certified to do C-sections. And you know WHY that law is in place!”

“A riff on Rant #9,” Kara interjected.

“Yes, in this case, denying them a license to protect the OB/GYNs monopoly. But then, of course, in true stupidity only possible with governments, allowing unlimited medical malpractice payments making it nearly impossible to be an OB/GYN in Illinois. And that’s based on the flawed idea that every conception must, if there is no medical error, lead to a perfect live birth, and a doctor who blinks wrong while treating a pregnant woman or during delivery is automatically at fault if anything goes wrong. It’s pure, unadulterated bullshit.”

“I don’t recall a rant about malpractice or tort reform,” Kara smirked.

“I think it’s #16, but I haven’t seen Jamie’s updated list in ages. But going back to Nalani, she strikes me as willing to find a balance between her tradition and modern science. But think about her motivation.”

“Ensuring better healthcare for women,” Jessica replied. “But being a doctor would be better!”

“Would it?” I asked. “If people, especially women, in the Chinese community won’t see a doctor, her being a doctor will do no good. On the other hand, you know the value of basic wellness education. That’s something you just studied for a continuing education credit. And I’m a prime example of that. You even agreed it was OK for me to ask Mary to drop the propranolol when I see her in August.”

“Provisionally.”

“Yes, of course. But the point being most of my treatment has been exactly what Nalani wants to study, minus the acupuncture!”

“She just wants your needle in her pincushion!” Kara giggled.

“Excuse me?!” I exclaimed in feigned outrage. “Needle?”

“It was a metaphor!” Kara replied, still giggling.

“Uh-huh,” I said, still feigning outrage.

“Oh, Steve, you’re SO big,” Kara simpered. “I don’t know if it will fit in little me!”

“Oh, stop!” I replied, laughing, unable to keep a straight face.

“I do find it interesting that you seem to be attracting girls who want to be acolytes, if you will, rather than just be a dalliance or random deflowering.”

“He’s giving off a different vibe,” Jessica said. “Or reflecting it differently, if we go with that theory. Something changed around Christmas.”

“The drug?” I asked.

“Maybe it attenuated the vibe because it’s attenuating your adrenaline response.”

“Or, perhaps, it’s that he’s looking for something different now, and it’s intentional,” Kara said. “Think about the last six months - Annita, Audrey, and now Nalani. Mia and Marissa were the tail end of the old way, if you will, and Trudy, well, that was decided more than fifteen years ago.”

“And Kristin?” Jessica asked.

“The cousins don’t count,” Kara replied. “They are a different thing altogether. I think the best parallel is Jorge. Think about how intimate he and Steve were. Jackson is working his way there, and hopefully, Saint Martin will cement that.”

“An interesting thought,” I observed. “I wrote in my journal that one thing I needed to do was spend more time with Jackson to improve that relationship. And I agree Annita and Audrey were different than everyone else except for Suzanne and Leigh.”

“And Natalie,” Kara added.

“True. That was similar to Nalani and Leigh, in that it wasn’t about sex at all, until it was. And Nalani’s interest, it turns out, was, well, that she thought I was interesting. Sure, she liked the cover of the book, if you will, but in the end, she came to talk to me today because I was interesting, NOT because she wanted to go to bed with me.”

“But that changed at the end of your conversation.”

“Maybe,” I replied. “We’ll find out tomorrow, possibly. Remember, drawing the parallel, none of us know what Audrey is going to decide a year from now. It’s not like it was before.”

“What about Saint Martin?” Jessica asked.

“Other than having some good quality time with the Inner Circle, I’m going to play it by ear. It’s not like Suzanne’s friends can’t have a lot of fun there!”

“Are you going to get in touch with your French girl?”

“I thought about that,” I replied. “I think I have to, so as not to seem as if I’m trying to avoid her. I’ll let her know I’ll be there with my friends and Suzanne, and she can spend time with us if she wants, which I suspect she will.”

“So, if Nalani decides on the red pill?” Jessica asked.

“Then she joins our club, similar to Audrey or Annita.”

“Which one?”

“That is, in the end, up to her.”

June 14, 2001, Hilo, Hawaii, Hawaii

Early on Thursday evening, Suzanne and I flew to the ‘Big Island’ so that we could have our volcano tour on Friday morning. We checked into our suite at the Grand Naniloa Hotel on Banyan Drive, then changed into shorts and t-shirts, and went for a walk along the beach in the twilight.

“I forgot it would get dark early,” I said. “In Chicago, the sun would be up until after 9:00pm.”

“We’re on about the same latitude as Saint Martin or Puerto Rico,” Suzanne observed.

“True.”

“You didn’t say anything about Nalani.”

“I figured it was better to have that conversation between us, and when we were on the island hopper, there were too many possible ears.”

“So?”

“She certainly meets the criteria Natalie set.”

“She’s right! The LAST thing you need is an airhead! In fact, to put a finer point on Natalie’s thoughts, you shouldn’t even be with someone of average intelligence.”

“Nalani is intelligent, open-minded, and well-read.”

“I take it your usual luck held?” Suzanne asked with a smirk.

I chuckled, “Which luck? The STI test?”

“Yes. Wait! The other thing, too? Luckiest Dumb Boy?”

“I’d certainly put my money on that, if I wagered on anything other than poker!”

“LDB strikes again! Why did she have the test?”

“Her best friend had unprotected sex at Prom and was afraid she was pregnant. In order to convince her friend to have a pregnancy test, she agreed they’d both get tested, and the clinic followed the usual practice of requiring an STI test. It turned out to be a false alarm for her friend.”

“And that’s how you formed the impression that Nalani is a virgin?”

“Based on how she described the situation and a few other things she said.”

“Did Kara ask if she could watch?”

“Of course!” I chuckled. “But privately, while I was showering before you and I left for the airport.”

“And?”

“I’m not sure how I’d even broach that! ‘Hey, Nalani, do you mind if my wife watches while I take your virginity?’ doesn’t seem like a good approach!”

Suzanne laughed, “You could always say it was a requirement!”

“Don’t you think that’s something that ought to be conveyed BEFORE the question is asked and answered?”

“A good point. Did you know which way she was going to decide?”

“I had a reasonable idea. But remember, nothing is guaranteed.”

“When?”

“Sunday. She’s free all day. She’ll join us for breakfast and we’ll see what happens.”

“Use my room.”

“Thanks,” I replied. “Can we change the subject?”

“Of course. What?”

“Are you comfortable with handling the finances?”

“Yes,” Suzanne said firmly. “Elyse has been a huge help. I’m still amazed by your faith in me.”

“Says the woman who willingly allowed my wives to watch her have sex with me when she was a virgin! Think about the trust that required on your part.”

“I hadn’t considered that aspect, and I really should have thought about that. I basically surrendered everything to you at that point.”