Chapter 55: Attitudus Teenagicus

June 8, 2001, Apple Orchard Bed-and-Breakfast near Montpelier, Vermont

🎤 Birgit

“You didn’t have to come here, Mom!” I protested when she arrived.

“Yes, I did, to make sure you’re safe.”

“I am safe! Katy kicked out that family and Sheriff Don told Johan he’d castrate him if he ever did something like that again!”

“Let me get settled, then we’ll talk.”

“I talked to Katy and Amy! I’m fine, Mom!”

“Well, I’m here, so there’s no point in arguing.”

“What-ever!” I replied, turning before she could see me roll my eyes.

Mom went to talk to Katy, and Katy showed her to an empty room. I was still staying in the small room next to Davey. His room, and the room I was using, had been made from one of the original rooms in the old part of the building. Mom had a room in the new part of the building that would be empty because Katy could put guests who were arriving today in the rooms that the German family had used. Ten minutes later Mom was back and we went to the private area in the basement.

“Tell me what happened, please,” Mom said.

“Just what I told Dad! Johan, Elsa, Chuck, Glenda, Davey, and I watched The Lion King. When the movie ended, I went to the bathroom. When I came out all the other kids except Johan had left and he was obviously waiting for me. He asked if I wanted a kiss and I said ‘no’. He asked again and I said ‘no’ again. Then he told me he was sure I wanted a kiss, I said ‘no’ again, and he wouldn’t let me leave the basement so I punched him in the solar plexus. I have express permission from Dad to use karate on any boy who tries anything I don’t like!”

“Yes, you do. I am glad you didn’t kick him in the groin.”

“I should have!” I said fiercely. “But Dad always says to hurt them before you injure them. Just like Sensei Jim. Well, except Dad says in cases like this, ‘no’ covers warning and blocking.”

“It does. What did you do with this boy before?”

“Played air hockey, watched movies, and took a walk. But his sister was always there, and when we were in the game room, there were other kids there, too.”

“And he never tried to touch you or anything before that?”

“No. We just hung out like I do with some of the kids from school who aren’t close friends. I thought he was handsome, but I’m not interested in kissing anyone yet.”

Well, except...

“Yet?” Mom asked.

I laughed, “I’m thirteen, Mom! I’m a woman! And I don’t mean ‘kissing’ like when we were little! I mean kissing, as in lips together, tongues touching!”

“And the other kind of ‘kissing’?”

“When I decide. It won’t be today!”

“You remember that it takes a month, two if you want to be sure, before birth control pills protect you, right?”

“Puh-leeze! I know WAY more about that than you did when YOU were thirteen!”

Mom laughed, “That’s a pretty low bar! I had health class in eighth grade, but it was pretty bad. Your dad taught me pretty much everything.”

I giggled, “I bet!”

“If you’re going to even think about it, you should ask Aunt Sofia or Doctor Robertson for birth control pills.”

“Not yet, Mom. Don’t worry.”

“But I do,” Mom said. “Not that I think you’ll intend to do anything wrong, but if you’re like me, well...”

I laughed, “No comment!”

“If you think it’s even remotely possible, I want you to ask Aunt Sofia or Doctor Robertson. They know it’s OK.”

“I promise. How long are you staying?”

“My flight is early tomorrow afternoon, but the ticket can be changed if you need me.”

“Go to Hawaii with Dad and Mom! I’m fine.”

“We’ll talk about it tomorrow morning. Shall we go find Davey?”

“Yes!”

[Chicago, Illinois] 🎤 Steve

“How is she?” I asked when Kara called early on Friday evening.

“Annoyed that I flew out to Vermont,” Kara replied.

“You did the right thing, Honey. We knew she’d react that way. Are you coming home tomorrow evening?”

“Yes. I don’t think there’s any reason to stay. She’s fine, and I don’t think she needs to talk to anyone, if you know what I mean.”

“I do,” I replied. “I don’t mean to downplay the situation, but she handled herself properly and wasn’t injured in any way.”

“I was a bit concerned she might have been her usual precocious self, but it doesn’t seem like it. She knows the difference between her close friends and acquaintances. I talked to Glenda, the other girl who was there besides the German girl, and she said Birgit was acting properly. I couldn’t ask Birgit in more than a cursory way because I didn’t want to imply she brought it on herself.”

“Obviously. How is Katy?”

“Upset that it happened,” Kara said. “I had a long talk with her as well. I impressed on her that there was really no way she could have known, and she did the right thing by calling Don. Birgit felt she’d inflicted appropriate punishment, and Don had a ‘Come to Jesus’ talk with Johan and his parents. They actually left the US today at Don’s insistence.”

“He’s intimidating, even in a business suit!” I replied. “Kind of like Aimee’s dad.”

“I’m going to go spend the rest of the evening with Katy and Amy. Birgit is with Glenda, Chuck, and Davey.”

“OK. See you tomorrow. Love you!”

“Love you, too!”

I closed the phone which disconnected the call.

“Birgit is annoyed?” Jessica asked.

“Of course she is! Mom and Dad are not as necessary as they were.”

“Ha ha. Good one, Tiger. MOM is not as necessary; Dad still is! And Kara going to Vermont only reinforced that!”

“Unavoidable. There was no way Kara wasn’t going to go and no way Birgit wasn’t going to be annoyed. Ask Jennifer and Josie about Jesse, or your son who announced he could fly the 747 to London!”

Jessica smiled wryly, “I suppose it comes with the territory. Teenagers!”

“Exactly! We were never going to be immune to Attitudus teenagicus, though the cases likely won’t be nearly so severe as most.”

“It’s part of the rite of passage, I think,” Jessica observed. “Like getting a driver’s license and losing your virginity.”

“All part of letting go of the apron strings, though our kids have never really had a tight grasp on them. Shall we go downstairs for dinner?”

“Yes. It’s a bit odd that it’ll just be you, me, Stephie, and Ashley. MC is out with Mike, Suzanne is out with her friends, and the others are traveling.”

“As much as I don’t like not having everyone for dinner, I’m glad they’re all living their own lives; well, Kara’s trip was for Birgit.”

Jessica shook her head, “No, Kara’s trip was for Kara. If Birgit really needed someone, she’d have asked you to come to Vermont.”

“I suggest keeping that opinion to yourself, even if it’s true. You, Kara, and I are all different, with our own needs and our own concerns.”

“But you never seem concerned.”

“The key word there is ‘seem’. I have concerns; I’m just careful how I express them. In this case, I trusted Birgit’s judgment, especially given that Katy is there for her. And I’ve met Don and trust him implicitly. He’s watched out for Katy from the beginning, and he’s been a good surrogate uncle for Davey. You heard my initial analysis.”

Jessica nodded, “That the boy, in effect, ‘got fresh’ and Birgit dealt with it appropriately. The Birgit equivalent of a 50s slap in the face.”

“Exactly. It’s a fine line, but I rest my judgment on the fact that Birgit didn’t think she was assaulted. Granted, she’s thirteen, but if anyone on the planet could express a rational opinion on that, it’s certainly our eldest daughter!”

We left the bedroom and walked down the stairs and then to the kitchen. Winter had dinner almost ready, and five minutes later, we called the girls to come to dinner.

“If you don’t need anything else, I’m out of here!” Winter declared.

“Have a good evening!” I said.

Everyone said goodbye and Jessica, Stephie, Ashley, and I sat down to eat. When we finished, all four of us pitched in to clean up, and then we went to the great room to watch Miss Congeniality, which Jessica and I had seen in the theater with Kara, but which the girls hadn’t seen and had put on the Netflix queue. After the movie, we played games, and then got the girls to bed. Once they were settled, Jessica and I went to the sauna.

“This is REALLY weird,” she said as we relaxed in the steam. “Just you and me.”

“Did you want me to stay with you tonight, rather than with Suzanne? You know she’ll understand.”

“It’s OK, Tiger. We’d planned for tonight to be a girls’ night for Kara, Stephie, Ashley, and me. You were going to go to karate and then hang out with my dad.”

“If you’re sure.”

“I am.”

“I’ll be up to walk you to work.”

“Good,” she replied, taking my hand. “Did you decide about going to Saint Martin?”

“No. I did clear it with Samantha, and the house will be available. She, Brian, and the kids will be there in July, and her mom is in Switzerland.”

“Who else uses the house?”

“She uses it to reward top performers and for important clients.”

“She never goes to the Hamptons, does she?”

“No. That’s basically exclusively for Spurgeon staff, though her mom spends some time there and in Boca, but more often in Switzerland or Monaco. And speaking of that, if things work out, we’ll go to Monaco either next year or the year after.”

“The whole family?”

“All the kids for sure; Jennifer and Josie will probably pass to have their usual vacation with Larry and Drew.”

“Were you going to visit Sweden while Bethany and Tom are there?”

“Maybe. We’ll see how things go. My closest friends are visiting here this Summer, so it’s not as pressing as it might be otherwise. Did you and your dad finish your presentation for the conference in Boston next month?”

“Yes. We had the final review today with the hospital administrator and the medical director.”

“Do you need arm candy?” I asked.

“It conflicts with your plans, so no. I’ll be fine. And remember. we’re all supposed to have ‘alone time’ every year.”

“I could change my plans, and I’m sure our Swedish friends are going to want to get the kids to bed pretty much right after they arrive in Chicago. But you’re right about the ‘alone time’.”

We finished our sauna, showered together, then made tea. When Suzanne arrived home, Jessica said ‘good night’ and Suzanne and I went to her room, undressed, and got into bed.

“How’s Birgit?” Suzanne asked, snuggling close.

“Fine. Kara is coming home tomorrow. How was your night out?”

“Pretty good, though our options are limited because we aren’t all twenty-one. I do need to let them know if we’re going to Saint Martin. Have you decided?”

“You know you could go without me, right? You can get into any club there at eighteen, too. In fact, I’d suggest planning the trip.”

“What’s the hangup?”

“The same as when we first discussed it.”

“Do you remember our talk in Colorado? About spontaneous fun?”

I chuckled, “Yes, but that’s not the issue.”

“You trust me that I haven’t promised them anything or even suggested anything? And that anything that might happen would be initiated by them? Right?”

“Yes. You know this is about the patterns I want to set more than anything.”

“Yes, of course. But you’ll have a few days of complete relaxation, I’ll be with you, and my friends will be there. If anything happens, it’ll be because it’s spontaneous, and because you want it and they want it. I actually thought about a modification that might encourage you to do it?”

I chuckled, “More than five college girls?”

Suzanne laughed, “Bring the Inner Circle. Ask Jackson to come along, and he can bring Holly. And ask Natalie and Leigh to join us as well. The house is big enough for that, right?”

“Yes.”

“We can spend time together as the Inner Circle and my friends and Holly can do their own thing while we’re together. And if you can swing it, we should do this annually; as the Inner Circle, I mean.”

“That’s an interesting idea,” I replied. “There are other places we could go as well - Boca Raton and the Hamptons. Samantha has large homes in both places.”

“So it’s a go?”

“Yes.”

June 9, 2001, Chicago, Illinois

“I’ll come back after I walk Jess to work,” I said to Suzanne on Saturday morning.

“OK,” she replied, pulling the covers tightly to her.

I left her bedroom and went upstairs to the master bedroom where Jess was already up. I showered, dressed, and we went downstairs so she could have a quick breakfast, then left the house to walk to the hospital. At the hospital we kissed and hugged, then I quickly walked home. I went to Suzanne’s bedroom, undressed, and got into bed with her. She snuggled close and fell back asleep. We got up about an hour later and made breakfast for ourselves and the girls.

[Aurora, Illinois] 🎤 Matthew

“How do those actually work?” I asked after seeing Chelsea take her birth control pill.

“Seriously, Matt? You ask that AFTER we had sex?”

“I knew you were taking them. I mean, I saw you take them each morning when we showered and brushed our teeth. I never actually talked to Mom or Dad about how the Pill works, I just know it does.”

“It contains doses of female hormones - estrogen and progestogen. Together, they basically prevent ovulation, so there is no egg for your little swimmers to find and make a baby. The hormones also have the effect of making it more difficult for them to get through the cervix, which helps in case they don’t prevent ovulation. Those two things make the Pill very, very effective.”

“I remember that the risk is small so long as you take them every day.”

“I’m religious about it! I mark them off in my calendar every day, and double-check every day. The LAST thing I want is to have a baby! Well, now! Ask me again in five or six years!”

“I remember Mom saying that if you forget, you have to use rubbers or a diaphragm until you have your period, just to be safe.”

“Yes. You can double up if you miss one day, but that’s not always reliable.”

I laughed, “Amber is proof of that, according to Aunt Penny! That’s how she got pregnant while she was still in college.”

“Oops! Did you know that seven of them are basically placebos? That more or less allows me to have a normal period. Mine have iron, though, because I get slight anemia.”

“Placebos? Like they do nothing?”

“The point is to prevent ovulation, so the break at that point doesn’t matter. It prevents some potential health problems according to my gynecologist, but she didn’t go into detail.”

“Interesting. Shall we go have breakfast?”

“Yes.”

[Montpelier, Vermont] 🎤 Birgit

“I’ll be fine, Mom,” I said for about the millionth time.

“Birgit, honey,” Katy said, “your mom is just watching out for you.”

“I know, but the guy is gone! Mom can go home, go to Darla’s wedding, then go to Hawaii.”

Mom gave me a last hug and then got into her rental car so she could drive to Boston to catch her flight back to Chicago. When she pulled away, Katy took my hand and we went back inside.

“You know she loves you and wants to keep you safe, right?” Katy asked.s

“Yes, but nothing bad happened; well, except for Johan writhing on the ground in pain!”

“That’s true, but your mom wasn’t here.”

“Dad was totally chilled!”

Katy laughed, “Not even close! In fact, the time when your dad is the most dangerous is when he perceives someone he loves is in danger. He gets very quiet and that’s when the person should fear for their health and life. I promise if you ask him, he was just as concerned as your mom, but also that he trusted you to tell him if you needed him.”

“So Mom doesn’t trust me?”

“Besides me, to whom do you confide everything?”

“Dad,” I replied.

“But you don’t tell your mom everything, do you?”

“No.”

“And don’t you think your mom knows you’re annoyed with her?”

“Maybe. But it’s her fault!”

“Oh, please!” Katy exclaimed, shaking her head. “You are competing in a battle you simply CANNOT win! Kara is his wife; you’re his daughter. That’s always going to be true, no matter what happens, and no matter how close you are to your dad. You don’t compete with Jessica that way.”

“Because he doesn’t love her like he loves my mom!”

“Hogwash!” Katy declared firmly. “And you know that, too! Jessica is SO much like your dad when it comes to emotions and being romantic. You are very much like your mom. Your dad loves all of you equally, but you’re different people so it seems different. Do you think he loves me more or less than any of you? Or the same?”

“The same,” I replied grudgingly, because I knew she was right.

“And that includes the other people he loves dearly as well - it’s not more or less, it’s just different. And we all show it differently. Does anyone get more cuddles than you?”

“No,” I admitted.

“Does that mean he loves Jesse or Albert or Ashley or Stephie less? Or Matthew and Micheal?”

“No.”

“So, as I said, you can’t win the battle you think you’re fighting, at least not in the way you want. It’s like Jesse and your brothers all trying to dethrone your dad as King! They may win some Pyrrhic victories, but he’s still going to be their dad no matter how long they all live. Just as Kara is going to be your mom.”

“But she didn’t have to come here!”

“Yes, she did. And some day, young lady, when you actually are a woman, and have kids of your own, you’ll understand.”

I frowned but didn’t say anything. I had chores to do, so I told Katy I was going to do them and walked away.

[Chicago, Illinois] 🎤 Steve

It was strange going to karate with just Stephie and Ashley, but they enjoyed the special attention, and both opted to hold my hands as we walked to the dojo. They had both been very concerned about Birgit, but I’d reassured them that Birgit was OK, and that Kara and Katy would take good care of her.

“Remember,” I said. “Molly is going to walk you home so I can meet with Darla and John about the wedding tomorrow.”

“Has anyone ever married at the dojo?” Stephie asked.

“No. This will be the first one.”