Chapter 44: Manage your team

April 20, 2001, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Steve

“I’m not sure why you thought that was wise,” I said when my wives and I went up to our room.

“I had a very good reason!” Kara replied. “And it wasn’t what you’re thinking!”

“Something besides being a troublemaker? I know where your daughter gets it!”

“Oh, now she’s MY daughter?”

I chuckled, “Yes. YOUR daughter made the coupons! After all, YOU punished her, not me!”

“Do NOT go there, Mister!” Kara warned, but she was laughing, as was Jessica.

“So, what was your reasoning?” I asked.

“I believe it was important for her to know the environment before Hope comes to Chicago, and more importantly, before the Rap Session. It was the one piece of the puzzle which was missing. Now she knows you’re a ‘free agent’, so to speak, albeit within some self-imposed limits.”

“I think there might have been a better way to approach it than to suggest she ask me to have sex!”

“Well, it wouldn’t be the first time, would it, Tiger?” Jessica teased.

“No,” I chuckled, “it wouldn’t. And it is true that she asked to see me again, but that was eighteen years ago! And you discovered the OTHER thing that concerned me.”

“That the only way I could know she wanted you again, was if you had told me?”

“Yes. That was during our ‘Year in the Wilderness’, and you never even saw Hope, nor spoke with Sandy again, as far as I’m aware. So that left only one possibility.”

“She didn’t seem upset about it, and once I explained that your freedom was contingent on self-reporting, she understood why.”

“What’s your take, Jess?” I asked.

“I think I might have spoken to her in private to explain how things were, without the offer, but that’s me, not Kara. Everything about that entire conversation was true to form for each of us.”

“There’s another important point,” Kara said, “and I am not making any assumptions, but if Hope does ask you to mentor her, Sandy won’t object to anything that happens. If Sandy does object, she’ll discourage Hope from getting in touch again.”

I shook my head, “No, I don’t think so. Sandy made the point that Hope is headstrong and makes her own decisions, so Sandy wouldn’t be able to dissuade her. Hope knows I was with Sandy because she knows her grandfather made a false accusation about paternity. So, Sandy might object, and it won’t matter to Hope, no matter what she’s thinking. Your dad sure didn’t deter you, Honey, nor did Rachel’s mom deter her, nor did Amelia’s mom deter her. Or mine deter me, for that matter.”

Kara frowned, “Are you upset with me?”

I shook my head, “No. All of it was going to come out at some point, either this weekend or when Hope starts spending time here when school starts at UofC. That said, you offered something which wasn’t yours to offer.”

“I’m sorry,” Kara said, looking down.

“Honey, it turned out OK this time, but if you’re going to say things like that, you need to be sure I’m on the same page.”

“Tiger, even though she’s thirty-five, we’re talking about a girl you deflowered who is still a ‘Steve type’ and who isn’t involved with anyone.”

“Which might tilt the scale one direction, or it might not,” I replied. “We don’t really know Sandy, after all. The last time I saw her was seventeen years ago, and the last time you saw her was before you left Grace Church for the Free Church. Sure, we learned a bit on the phone, and a bit tonight, but not enough. And that would be true of any past lovers who suddenly walked into my life after more than a decade!”

“That’s true, but she knows a lot about you.”

“I agree, Babe, but her knowing is not the same as me knowing.”

“What do you think she’ll do?” Kara asked.

“I have no way of knowing for exactly the reason I just gave,” I replied. “I don’t really know her. Not to mention the pesky detail of the required STI test.”

“That has basically always worked out for you!”

“Mostly, but not always. But shall we forget about the conversation and get in bed? We have to be up in less than six hours.”

We all got undressed, got into bed, snuggled together, and fell asleep.

April 21, 2001, Chicago, Illinois

On Saturday morning, Kara and I walked Jessica to work, I’d cuddled Birgit, and then we’d had breakfast with my daughters, Albert, and Suzanne. Sandy joined us as well, and she tagged along to karate to watch. After karate class, we’d gone home for lunch, and then the girls had gone to various friends’ houses, while Albert went with his Scout Troop to the Natural History Museum.

“Are we having our usual Saturday after-lunch sauna?” Kara asked quietly as we cleaned up the kitchen after lunch.

“Yes, and our usual rules. We’ll explain to Sandy what they are, and let her decide. It’s not a big risk for her to take, given it’s all girls except me. That said, you and Suzanne shouldn’t tease the way you do at times.”

“I promise to be good!”

“You’re ALWAYS good!” I chuckled. “I just want you to behave!”

“I suppose I’m still adjusting to your medicated state; and I don’t mean that in a negative way, Snuggle Bear.”

“Last year was pretty much out of control.”

“Was it, really? There’s nobody you’d consider a mistake, is there? Taking into account the final, not immediate, outcomes.”

“Sophie was probably the closest, and you know I went back and forth about Cheryl, but everything seems to have worked out.”

“Suzanne said Cheryl is coming to visit in August, before school starts.”

“She mentioned that to me, too. Cheryl has a steady boyfriend, so literally, nothing will happen.”

“So despite a high ‘body count’, as Jennifer has called it, it wasn’t REALLY a problem. Well, minus Carla’s freak-out.”

“I suppose that’s true, but there have been very few regrets over the years, and very few mistakes, when viewed long-term.”

“Then don’t worry about it, Snuggle Bear. The girls are still coming to you, though for the most part, they’re seventeen or older now, which because of the law, is a good thing. None of your girls are underage now.”

“Not since Nicole took up with Mikey,” I replied. “And Rachel knows she has to wait until she’s seventeen to even ask again, but she also knows that her mom is a factor.”

“And the cousins?”

“I’ll deal with each of those if and when they arise.”

We finished the dishes then went to the ‘Indian’ room where Suzanne and Sandy were talking.

“We’re going to use the sauna,” I said. “You’re welcome to join us, Sandy, but you should know we don’t wear clothes.”

Sandy laughed, “Color me not surprised! I heard all kinds of rumors back in the day, but never knew which ones to believe.”

“Now you have me curious!” I declared.

“Lots of girls talked about you, especially once they knew I wasn’t behaving like a PK!”

“PK?” Suzanne asked. “I know you don’t mean ‘Penalty Kill’ which is what that means here!”

“Pastor’s Kid,” Sandy replied. “Ruth obviously talked to me, but I also heard a lot from Susie. And a few other girls.”

“Susie had zero firsthand knowledge,” I replied.

“Despite a concerted effort to get it!” Kara replied, causing the other girls to laugh.

“I suppose Steve’s seen it all before, so, what the heck? You only go around once in life!”

“The last time I saw it was eighteen years ago,” I replied.

“I do believe all the parts are in the same place,” Sandy replied with a silly smile.

Ten minutes later, the four of us were sitting naked in the sauna and steam was hissing from the rocks. Sandy was in great shape and looked very good, not all that different from how she’d looked as a teenager.

“I’m curious,” she said, “but do you do this with others? Or just your wives and Suzanne?”

“Pretty much everyone,” I replied. “We’ve had close to thirty people in here when the Rap Session attendees all used the sauna together.”

“No way!”

“It’s true,” Kara said.

“What about your kids?”

“We use this as a family, and sometimes with very close friends and their families. Mostly the younger kids don’t wear anything, but some of the girls cover up when they go through puberty. It’s all pretty normal in Scandinavia. When the kids have friends over, mostly they wear bathing suits because of other parents.”

“I should tell my dad about this just to watch his head explode! Though that would mean talking to him, which I really don’t like to do unless I really have to.”

“What does he think about Hope?” Kara asked.

“He refuses to acknowledge he has a granddaughter,” Sandy said, shaking her head. “She’s an unperson because Dad was trying to maintain the fiction of being a good father with a ‘depraved’ daughter so he could continue to pastor a church. In the end, when his house church turned into a regular congregation, he couldn’t admit it after hiding it for so long.”

“That’s nuts!” Suzanne exclaimed.

“You have NO idea,” Sandy replied. “Have you talked to Kara about the church my dad pastored that she attended?”

“I’ve heard a few things, but it seems like it might have been even crazier than the typical fundamentalist churches.”

“Well, they basically forbid sex ed, if that tells you anything.”

“Unreal. I take it you went to Steve for similar reasons to Kara?”

“Identical! The difference was, she had his heart. I knew I couldn’t have that, but I knew I could have another part and prove my dad didn’t own me. My friend Ruth did the same thing, but she was smarter. She met Roger and they’re still married. I, on the other hand, had sex with about three dozen guys over the course of about four months and ended up pregnant because I didn’t listen to Steve about birth control. I was super lucky not to get VD! Anyway, once I was pregnant, I told my dad I’d been with lots of guys, but he assumed it was Steve. It couldn’t have been because I was only with Steve that one day, and had a couple of periods after that, AND Steve was in Chicago when I got pregnant.”

“You obviously can tell me to mind my own business,” Suzanne said, “but why go on such a rampage?”

“My dad thought that even one sexual encounter outside of marriage would make me a slut, so I decided to be the best slut I could be! Ask Kara about that concept.”

“My dad had that opinion, too,” Kara said. “And so did Steve’s mom. The sick part is they’d both had sex before marriage. Mom pointed out that Dad was a hypocrite and I think he was starting to see that just before he had his heart attack. I like to think that in the end, he would have approved of me marrying Steve, though I’m sure he would never have approved of our marriage with Jessica. Or our arrangement with Suzanne.”

“I can’t imagine anyone from Grace Church even contemplating something like this. What about your mom?”

“She remarried,” Kara replied with a smile, “and she’s completely supportive of our marriage and our family, and was right from the beginning. Can I ask you about remarrying?”

Sandy smiled, “I just never met the right guy. I’ve dated some, fooled around some, but never found a guy who I thought was right to spend the rest of my life with. I haven’t given up looking. Not being able to have another kid isn’t a blocking factor at this point the way it was five or six years ago after my divorce. The guys who are five to ten years older mostly aren’t interested in having kids because they’re already in their forties. What about you, Suzanne? Are you going to have kids with Steve like the other women?”

She shook her head, “I have zero interest in having kids; I never have. And marriage was always something I equated with kids, so that’s not important, either. But Steve and I have a lifetime commitment.”

“I have to say I feel like I’ve walked into the Twilight Zone or Candid Camera! It’s like up is down and right is left here!”

“We’re about as countercultural as you can get,” I replied. “But without the drugs, criminal activity, or moralism that you often find with groups which set themselves against society. We’re subversive, but we think the only way forward is to convince people, not force our views on them.”

“There are parallels to a church, as we said last night,” Kara added. “Complete with Apostles, Prophets, Evangelists, Shepherds, and Teachers. Suzanne is the primary Apostle, and her IM nickname is ‘Petra1983’.”

“OK, now it’s sounding like a cult!”

“It is, though without any compulsion or brainwashing,” Suzanne said. “You’ll see tomorrow. There is a wide range of people and opinions, and the only unifying points, besides it being centered on Steve, are that we all want to be free to live our lives as we see fit, agree not to use force to advance our cause, and we believe everyone is entitled to respect.”

“Having second thoughts about asking me to mentor Hope?” I inquired.

“That’s an interesting question, and one I’ve been asking myself. My intent was to give her a different perspective, I just didn’t think it would be THIS different!”

“It’s not for everyone,” I replied. “We get a lot of pushback, and there are plenty of people who can’t handle the open and freewheeling discussions, nor our libertine views. Nor our libertine behavior.”

“You know, one thing I’ve learned in the last seventeen years is that everyone should make their own decisions. I’m positive neither you nor Kara would ever do anything that would hurt Hope, and she’s an intelligent, determined young woman. So I’m OK with her decisions. I think she’ll make better ones than I did.”

“You only really made one bad decision,” I replied. “And it was not using birth control.”

“Which you insisted I had to use every time. I don’t think Hope will make that mistake. The Schoberts were similar to other Grace Church parents, but I found a really good book for Hope called Smart Teens; Smart Choices.”

“By Doctor Bethany Krajick,” I replied. “It’s an excellent book.”

“I’m not surprised you know about it.”

“I dated Bethany in High School and we’re still very close. She works with Jessica at UofC Hospital.”

Sandy laughed, “Talk about a small world! I actually read her other book, even though I don’t think I was ever abused.”

“I was ‘the friend’.”

“OK, now a LOT of things make sense!”

“May I say that I’m happy with the person you’ve become?” I asked.

“You may. May I say that you’re in even better shape than when we were together?”

“You may. And may I say you look just as good as you did then!”

“You may!”

“Gag me with politeness!” Suzanne declared mirthfully. “That’s not your usual style, Steve! You’re usually very direct!”

“It may seem like ‘old home week’,” I replied, “but Sandy and I don’t really know each other. The Sandy I knew was a fundamentalist evangelical. The new Sandy is very different, and I’m just getting to know her.”

“I did kind of just show up out of the blue!” Sandy replied “Well, not yesterday, but when Hope stopped by a few weeks ago! A few things have changed in the last eighteen years!”

“I’ll say,” I chuckled.

April 22, 2001, Chicago, Illinois

“Happy birthday, Tiger!” Jessica exclaimed when we woke up on Sunday morning.

“Happy birthday, Snuggle Bear!” Kara exclaimed.

“Thank you, beautiful wives!” I replied.

“I’m sorry I have to go to work,” Jessica said apologetically.

“It’s OK, Babe. Remember way back at the beginning when we agreed the specific day doesn’t matter? That’s why we’re going to Alex’s place Tuesday night to celebrate. None of us have to be anywhere on Wednesday morning before 9:00am! So, Tuesday is the day! Now, let’s shower and get you off to work!”

We all showered and dressed, then left the house to walk hand-in-hand to the UofC ER. When Kara and I returned home, I received birthday greetings from Birgit and we cuddled until breakfast. After breakfast, my other girls cuddled with me, and we hung out in the sunroom with Albert, Kara, Suzanne, and Sandy until Leigh arrived just after 10:00am.

“If you want to invite Suzanne to celebrate your birthday with us, we could,” Leigh offered when we went into the nanny room.

“It’s more important to ask if YOU want to,” I replied. “Do you think this qualifies as a ‘very special circumstance’? I mean, after all, I have a birthday every year!”

Leigh laughed softly, “Yes, you do. And I continue to be amazed at how you can conjure exact quotes out of thin air!”

“It’s not really a secret,” I replied. “You know I keep a journal, and writing something down not only affixes it to paper but also in my mind. Granted, it’s electrons, but the same thing holds, though I have to say, physical paper creates a stronger memory than typing on virtual paper. That said, I read my journal as a way of measuring my progress, if you will, and important phrases stick in my mind, especially when they’re tied to important events, and more so if the event is unique.

“The other thing which goes right to the question you asked is my approach to life, and especially my approach to sex. My sole goal in having sex is to give my partner maximum pleasure, and as strange as it sounds, that gives ME pleasure. Maybe it’s similar to the ‘high’ that runners sometimes experience, or an endorphin overload. Jessica calls it ‘Exercise-induced euphoria’ and I feel it, albeit to a lesser extent, at the end of long runs or particularly energetic karate training. And from sex, especially when the woman has orgasms. The more she has, the better I feel.”

“And the better she feels!” Leigh declared mirthfully. “So it’s mutual assured pleasure!”

“Society would say it’s destructive, so the nod to ‘MAD’ actually fits, though it turns it on its head.”

“You seriously get high from girls having orgasms?”

I nodded, “I do, though I think the medication I’m on has attenuated that a bit. Honestly, with my messed-up endocrine system, I’d say sex is my drug of choice. A long time ago someone suggested that for me, sex was ‘self-medication’ and like any addictive substance, I sought greater and greater highs. That was especially true in my manic phases. Now that I’m taking propranolol, those don’t happen and the need for the ‘high’ isn’t as strong, though it’s still there. And that was true when I wasn’t having mood swings. Jennifer called it my ‘laser focus’. I think, finally, after twenty-five years, I have an idea about why I behaved the way I did.

“That said, for the most part, my sexual encounters weren’t destructive and didn’t interfere with me being successful in school, having close friends, or running my business. Yes, there were some potentially bad situations, but I worked through them, because except for a few very specific instances, I was never totally out of control. It was those times when I actually risked important relationships, and only because of the love of the people I hurt or tried to hurt, did things not go completely off the rails.”