Chapter 4: A Blessing and a Confidence

January 5, 2001, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Birgit

“Birgit, may I see you for a moment after class?” Ms. Czerwinski said when Tiffany and I walked into her classroom on Friday morning.

“Sure,” I said, wondering what she wanted.

I sat down and opened my notebook. We were studying about the Civil Rights movement in the 1950s and 1960s and it was really interesting. The tardy bell rang, and Ms. Czerwinski began teaching. We’d already discussed Brown v. Board of Education, Rosa Parks, and the murder of Emmett Till. Today we were going to learn about ‘Freedom Rides’. Forty minutes later, when the dismissal bell rang, I went to Ms. Czerwinski’s desk. I had lunch next, so I had time, and I told Tiffany I’d see her in the cafeteria.

“I want to talk to you about what I wrote on your report card.”

“My ‘disruptive’ behavior?”

“Yes. I want to tell you I’m sorry for telling you to be quiet and to stop asking questions. I should have taken the time to answer you, at least briefly.”

“I probably shouldn’t have kept trying to ask questions after you told me that we weren’t discussing World War II. I’m sorry, too.”

“How did you learn about those things?”

“From some books my dad has in his study. We talked about it at dinner, too.”

“You talk about things like that at dinner?”

“Sure! All the time. History, politics, philosophy, and other stuff. Dad thinks we need to learn at both home and school.”

“What did he say to you last night?”

“About?”

“He came to talk to me yesterday morning about your report card.”

“I didn’t know! But last night we were super busy because our friends from Russia arrived just before dinner.”

“You have friends from Russia?”

“Lots! One used to be a general in their army. His wife is a diplomat. Lyudmila, who came from Moscow last night with her boyfriend, works with my dad. We have friends from Sweden, too. And other places.”

“Your house sounds very interesting.”

“It is.”

“And you’re OK with it?”

“Duh,” I giggled. “It’s lots of fun and everyone loves each other! You’re worried because my dad told you about his wives and Jesse’s mom and my Aunt Elyse?”

“It did seem a bit strange. Who all lives with you?”

“In the same house? My moms, my dad, Albert, Stephie, and Ashley. My brother Jesse and his moms live in the coach house behind us. My brothers Matthew and Michael live with my Aunt Elyse and her boyfriend. They go to school in Oswego. We also have Maria Cristina, who’s studying to be a doctor, and Suzanne who’s going to be a lawyer.”

“Who are they?”

“Family friends staying at our house while they go to college,” I said, remembering what Dad said about being careful how I explained things.

“I see,” she said. “Go have your lunch and I’ll see you tomorrow for class!”

“Thanks, Ms. Czerwinski!”

I left and wondered if I’d said something that could cause trouble. I didn’t think so, because I didn’t say anything the principal didn’t know except for about MC and Suzanne. And I called them friends, so I didn’t think that was a problem. I shrugged and hurried to my locker to put my books away, then went to the cafeteria to eat with Tiffany, Heather, and Missy.

“What did Ms. C want?” Tiffany asked when I sat down.

“Remember how I said she wrote I was disruptive? I guess my dad talked to her. She apologized for how she responded to my questions. I told her I was sorry that I kept asking when she tried to teach.”

“What did your dad say?”

“I have no idea! I didn’t even know he was going to talk to her yesterday! She seemed worried about my family.”

“Duh,” Heather replied. “All the adults are worried about your family because of your dad’s wives and girlfriends!”

“People need to mind their own fucking business!” I declared.

“I think it’s the fucking business they mind!” Tiffany giggled.

“So true!” I agreed. “But I don’t think it’s a problem.”

We finished our lunches and hung out in the gym because it was WAY too cold to go outside. When the bell rang we headed to Algebra class.

When school let out, Tiffany’s mom picked us up because she thought it was too cold to walk, and dropped me at home. I took off my Winter gear, then went to my dad’s study.

“Dad?” I called out from the door.

“Hi, Pumpkin! What’s up?”

“OK to come in?”

“Sure,” he replied “I can finish this later.”

“Cuddles?” I asked hopefully.

He laughed and got up from his desk and sat in one of the big leather chairs. I climbed into his lap, he put his arms around me, and I snuggled close.

“So, what’s up?” he asked.

“What did you say to my social studies teacher?” I demanded.

“Why?” he asked, chuckling softly.

“Aha!” I exclaimed. “You know!”

“Yes, Pumpkin, it’s only logical to conclude that I know what I said! What happened?”

He was being a Smart Aleck, so I was sure it wasn’t anything bad.

“She talked to me after class and explained why she felt I was disruptive, but also said she should have answered my questions instead of telling me to be quiet.”

“Good. And how about you? What should you have done?”

“Let her teach and talked to her afterwards, once she said she didn’t want questions about World War II.”

“Then you both learned your lessons.”

“Yes. She also asked if everything was OK at home.”

“That doesn’t surprise me,” Dad said. “She was very confused.”

“I’ve been careful about what I say,” I replied. “She’s a new teacher, so she doesn’t know about Jesse or Matthew and Michael. I guess you told her everything?”

“Not a chance!” Dad said, laughing softly. “I just told her that your moms and I are married as a trio, and that Jesse, Matthew, and Michael have different moms from you, Albert, Ashley, and Stephie. What did you say?”

“Nothing that will have DCFS come visit!” I giggled. “When she asked me who lived here, I told her about MC and Suzanne, and what they were studying, but I said they were family friends staying with us while they go to college.”

“That was good, Pumpkin, but she’s not dumb,” Dad replied.

“But what was I supposed to say?” I asked, worried he might be upset.

“You said the right thing,” he said, then kissed the top of my head to let me know he loved me. “She thought your mom and I were divorced and I had a new wife.”

“What?! Why?!”

“Think about it,” he said gently.

“Oh! If someone gets divorced and remarried, they’d have a mom and a step-mom! She assumed.”

“Yes. And was it a good assumption?”

“Uhm, I’m not sure, because it was wrong.”

“But it would have been right in just about every other case. What’s the lesson?”

“I know it’s not that I shouldn’t make assumptions, because we have to do that all the time. It’s, uhm, to be careful how I use my assumptions.”

“Yes.”

“How did you get to be so smart?”

Dad laughed, “Not so bad for a ‘dumb boy’?”

“You know I tease you!”

“I do. Do you have homework?”

“Yes. Two minutes more?”

“Sure.”

I actually got three before Dad released me from his arms and I went to do my homework.

🎤 Steve

The phone rang about ten minutes after Birgit left my office. The Caller ID display informed me that it was from Birgit’s school.

“Steve Adams,” I said when I picked up the phone.

“Mr. Adams? This is Alicija Czerwinski, Birgit’s teacher.”

“My short-term memory hasn’t gone just yet,” I chuckled. “I remember you from yesterday!”

She laughed softly, “Sorry, that’s just my normal way of introducing myself. I didn’t mean to imply anything.”

“No offense taken,” I replied. “You didn’t actually call me old!”

“I didn’t ... wait, you’re teasing me aren’t you?”

“Yes, of course. What can I do for you, Ms. Czerwinski?”

“I wanted to let you know I had a talk with Birgit today and I believe everything is fine.”

“Birgit concurs. We just finished talking. Did she allay your concerns about our unconventional family?”

“I actually wanted to apologize to you for that. We’re trained to notice things that are out of the ordinary.”

“Whoever came up with THAT criterion is an idiot,” I said. “I can understand looking for signs of abuse or neglect, but being concerned because someone is different? I have a serious problem with that. You are, in effect, enforcing conformity, and as a government institution, that’s the beginning of the slippery slope that leads to reeducation camps and mass graves.”

“Talk about a specious slippery-slope argument!” she replied.

“Not at all. What you’ve said is that anyone who is different is going to be singled-out for extra scrutiny. That’s where the police state begins, Ms. Czerwinski. I’ve had run-ins with DCFS before, on exactly this issue. I fought back, too, and the DCFS investigator was reprimanded by a Family Court judge and ordered by that judge to leave us alone. I actually won an order of protection against HER. And then, magically, the State’s Attorney began investigating my ‘unconventional’ relationships. So, no, Ms. Czerwinski, it’s not a specious, slippery-slope argument. The price of liberty is eternal vigilance.

“I’ll also point out something I know because I’m close friends with someone who has written extensively on this topic, and that is that abusers do their best to fit in, and to conform, because if they don’t, they might raise suspicion. So, contrary to what you’ve been taught, the unconventional people are LESS likely to be abusing their kids than someone who appears ‘normal’ to an outside observer. Do you recall the story about the guy who was busted for child pornography and what used to be called ‘statutory rape’? The one who escaped from prison?”

“Yes.”

“His daughter is a friend and business associate. I knew him before he was arrested, and had been to his house. He was the epitome of a good, upstanding citizen, sat on charitable boards, and made large donations. Nobody suspected him until someone phoned in a tip to the police. He made a point of living a normal life so as not to be discovered. Or, how about Alderman Larry Bloom, who everyone thought was the only member of the City Council who wasn’t corrupt, but who had been on the take from the Chicago Outfit for years.”

“OK. You’ve made your point, and I understand, but it is policy.”

“Of course it is. And the point of it has little to do with protecting children and everything to do with enforcing some small group’s version of morality and behavior on everyone else. By all means, look for signs of abuse, but being different is neither abusive nor a predictor of abuse. Oh, and given what I’m now going to expect is heightened scrutiny, you do recall that Birgit is a brown belt in karate, right?”

“Yes.”

“When she tests for her promotion in the next few weeks, she has to spar. That means she’s going to have bruises. I’m putting you on notice, in advance, about that.”

“That we’re required to report.”

“Expect a call from the Master of our dojo,” I said. “I’ll have him call the principal, too. And I’ll expect you and the principal at Birgit’s promotion test so we don’t have any misunderstandings. I’ll write notes about this conversation and send them to my family attorney to memorialize them.”

“What did I do?” she asked nervously.

“Joined the system,” I replied. “When you accepted the teaching license, you became a government stool pigeon with no ability to exercise any judgment and a requirement, under threat of losing your license and thus your livelihood, to unquestioningly do the bidding of the State no matter how insane that bidding might be.”

“I, uhm, am not sure what to say to that.”

“Say you’ll be at her promotion test. That way you are MY witness, not the State’s, if it comes to that. And if you report the bruises, you’ll need to say YOU witnessed their origin.”

Ms. Czerwinski laughed nervously, “That’s like ‘evil genius’ level thinking.”

I chuckled, “I suppose it is. I’ll let you know when her promotion test will take place. Thanks for calling, but I do need to call the principal.”

“I, uhm, don’t want to get in any trouble!” she protested.

“Do you recall our conversation yesterday?”

“I do.”

“Then you ought to know that I can solve this without anyone getting in trouble, so long as YOU don’t fight me on it.”

“This just gets stranger by the moment,” she observed.

“Because you’re expecting me to behave in a conventional manner. I didn’t yesterday; I’m not now; I won’t when I speak to the principal. There’s a lesson there...”

“You’ve made your point.”

“I’ll have Birgit invite you to her promotion test. If you agree to come, I think we can dispense with involving the principal.”

“Why do I feel I’ve just been thrown by a judo master?”

I chuckled, “The only way to find an answer to THAT question is to actually step through the looking glass.”

“Why are you so cryptic?”

“Put those five or six years of post-secondary education to use and think it through.”

There was a good minute’s silence before she spoke.

“You’re used to people jumping to conclusions. And that’s what I did.”

“Here endeth the lesson,” I replied.

“Why should I know that phrase?”

“Sean Connery in The Untouchables. I use a lot of movie quotes in that way - they convey a larger message than just the words.”

She laughed, “Now I know why Birgit sometimes quotes movies!”

“Are you a Star Trek fan?”

“No.”

“If you have Netflix, get Season 5, Disc 1, of Star Trek: The Next Generation, which will have the second episode called ‘Darmok’ where they only communicate by metaphor. That will help you understand Birgit, and me.”

“I feel as if I’ve stepped into the Twilight Zone!”

“Or through the looking glass,” I replied. “Do we have a deal?”

“Yes. Just have Birgit invite me.”

“Thanks.”

“Before you go, how do I get Netflix?”

“You have internet access, right?”

“I have AOL.”

“Ugh,” I groaned. “Windows or Mac?”

“Windows 98, I think.”

“Actually, it doesn’t matter - on either one you would just use Internet Explorer to go to netflix.com. Sign up, put in your credit card number, and you can get three discs at a time. You just make a list and they send them in order.”

“That’s totally cool. You use it?”

“For more than a year - I signed up as soon as they started. I’ve been able to watch a lot of movies I saw as a kid but which never came out on videotape.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

We said ‘goodbye’ and I hung up, feeling good for having defused a potential nightmare scenario.

January 6, 2001, Chicago, Illinois

Suzanne stretched and yawned when she awoke on Saturday morning, her lithe body mostly pressed against mine under the warm duvet.

“Do I have to give you up for your daughter?” she asked, snuggling close after stretching.

“Only if you want to live,” I chuckled. “You barely stirred when I got out of bed to walk Jess to work.”

“What’s the phrase? Rode hard and put away wet?” she said with a soft laugh. “I always sleep really well after long lovemaking sessions! Well, I think so, anyway! We really have only slept together overnight a few times so far.”

“I’m glad you got back to sleep.”

“I didn’t even really notice when you got back into bed, either. I forget, is this a breakfast week?”

“This is a nothing week. Next Saturday will be breakfast. The only thing going on today is karate. And there’s nothing planned for Sunday except for Jesse’s hockey game and the usual extended family dinner.”

“How do you run during the Winter?”

“I use the treadmill in the basement. When it’s warm enough out, Maria Cristina and I run in Washington Park.”

“Then I have about three months to get into shape so I can run with you.”

“You are more than welcome to join us!” I replied.

“Thanks! Now, kiss me and then go cuddle your daughter!”

I did kiss her, then reluctantly got out of the very warm bed, went next door to the bathroom for a quick shower, then dressed, and went to find my daughter who was waiting for me in the sunroom.

“So, Friday is Suzanne’s night?” Birgit asked as we got into our usual chaise.

“Probably,” I replied.

“She’s awesome! You have good taste in girls!”

“Thanks,” I chuckled.

“Seriously, Dad! MC is totally awesome, and so is Suzanne. And Abbie. And Katy.”

“Yes, they are.”

“Are you going to be able to go see Katy? Mom said you weren’t supposed to go anywhere except Mayo.”

“We’ll see. I told you that Doctor Mary had me start taking medication which she thinks will help. And Aunt Alejandra is monitoring me, along with Grandpa Al.”

“Not Mom?”

I laughed, “Oh, she is, she’s just not allowed to be my doctor; Grandpa Al told her that. She’s not your doctor, either; you have Aunt Sofia as your doctor.”

“Yes, but she said I need to see a new doctor now because I’m a woman!”

“I believe she said ‘young woman’! The world is not ready for Birgit Adams as an adult woman!”

“I got my period! You said puberty is when kids become adults! A woman!”

I knew the argument was futile, because she was quoting me, but I had to make one last try, lest my daughter try to exercise what she might feel were her ‘adult’ rights long before society was ready for THAT.

“You’re twelve, Pumpkin,” I said. “That makes you young. So you are a young woman, just as Jesse is a young man.”

“I’m an adult and YOU said so!” she declared, sounding triumphant.

“Yes, I did,” I agreed, surrendering to my own philosophy. “Are you going to see Doctor Robertson?”

“Yes. I have my regular checkup with Aunt Sofia close to my birthday. After that, I’ll see Doctor Robertson for a girl checkup.”

“Aha!” I declared. “A girl!”

“Duh! I have the correct anatomy to be a girl, you dope! And we just called MC, Suzanne, Abbie, and Katy girls!”