Chapter 37: Retiring

March 18, 2001, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Birgit

“Fatimah, do you want a boyfriend?” I asked when she and I went to the ‘Indian’ room to talk after lunch.

“No! And even if I did, I’m not allowed. My dad promised me to a cousin back in Saudi Arabia, and when I finish High School, I’ll go back to marry him.”

“You don’t have a choice?”

“No,” Fatimah replied. “It’s up to my dad.”

“I love my dad more than anyone, but he is NOT going to pick my boyfriends or my husband!”

“Boyfriends? As in more than one?”

“As many as I want!” I giggled. “That’s totally up to me.”

“But why would you do that?”

“Why not?” I asked. “Because some old man decided some rules over a thousand years ago?”

“Birgit, you can’t say things like that about the Prophet, peace be upon him!”

I rolled my eyes, but knew I’d pushed it too far.

“I’m sorry. It’s just that those rules don’t make any sense.”

“But don’t you want to be pure for your husband?” she asked.

“That’s not even a thing!” I protested. “Do those rules apply to your brother?”

“It’s different for men.”

“Seriously? How can you even think that makes ANY sense? There aren’t special rules for boys and special rules for girls! And that goes for how we dress, how we talk, where we go, and what we do. The whole point of the USA is that everyone has the same rights and the same opportunities. I heard in your country girls aren’t allowed to drive.”

“That’s true; it’s to keep them safe.”

“Uh-huh,” I replied sarcastically. “More like to control them! Just like not being able to go anywhere unless your dad or brother are with you. You only can be in here with me because there are no TV or books or anything! Your brother is in the basement playing pool, for Loki’s sake!”

“Loki?”

“My dad’s favorite god! Loki is from Scandinavia and he’s represented as a trickster and symbolizes change or chaos.”

“But those gods are false!”

So was hers, but saying THAT would create no end of trouble if her parents found out I’d said it to her.

“I didn’t say Dad believed those gods were real, just that Loki was his favorite. It’s like reading Greek mythology and liking Aphrodite or Venus or whomever. Even if they aren’t real, they’re fun, you know, like comic books or cartoons on TV.”

“The only TV we have is in my dad’s study and we’re only allowed to watch things he approves.”

“Just like the computer, right?”

“Yes, of course. There are so many bad things on the internet!”

“And so many good things, too! It lets me chat with my best adult friend, Katy, without spending money on phone calls. It lets me send emails to my friends, too. There’s this cool site called ‘Wikipedia’ which is like an online encyclopedia. It doesn’t have a ton of stuff, but it has more and more every day. It’s really useful because you can search for stuff then go check it in books. So is Amazon, which lets you buy books and have them sent to you by mail, or Netflix which lets you get DVDs in the mail.”

“I can’t believe you’re allowed to do all that stuff without your parents’ approval.”

“First, I do have their approval. But, seriously, what am I going to see that I don’t see every day? All I have to do is go in the sauna and I can see all the naked bodies I want. It’s no big deal.”

“What?!” Fatimah gasped. “You mean boys?”

“What’s the problem with that?”

“But letting anyone besides your husband see you naked?”

“Well, that ship sailed when I was a baby! Nudity is not about sex. In fact, the Bible even says Adam and Eve were naked and weren’t ashamed! That tells me that shame is learned, while nudity is natural! And besides, didn’t your dad change your diapers?”

“No way! That would be SO wrong! First of all, that’s the job of a woman, either a mom or what you call a nanny. Second, no man should ever see me naked before my wedding night!”

“What about your doctor?”

“Only a lady doctor. In an emergency, I could have a male doctor, but it would have to be something life-threatening.”

“You do realize if you go to the ER you get whichever doctor is on duty, right? So if your dad went there, Mom could be his doctor and there is nothing he could do to stop it, even if it meant her seeing him naked.”

“He’d demand a male doctor for something like that.”

“Good luck with THAT,” I said, shaking my head. “And besides, Mom is the best trauma surgeon at the hospital and one of the best in the world! Only a complete idiot would ask for a doctor with less skill because they were worried she might see their, uhm, private parts.”

“You just don’t understand because you are an American and not a Muslim!”

“Oh, I understand alright,” I replied. “I just don’t want to live in seventh-century Arabia! Nobody owns me and nobody will treat me like property!”

“But your dad is in charge of you until you marry!”

I couldn’t help but laugh, “I think you have that exactly backwards! I’m not only in charge of me, but of my dad, too!”

“What do you mean?”

“I make my own decisions for myself, and my dad does what I ask him to do most of the time. He would never make me do anything I didn’t want to do, especially marry someone he chose!”

“Do you do chores?”

“Of course. I’m a part of the family, so I do them. Nobody has to make us! Heck, my brother’s room is the cleanest one in the house! He’s totally anal!”

“What?”

“OCD? Obsessive? He’s probably going to be a Navy pilot so that makes sense. Every single thing in his room is spotless and in the place it belongs. All his shirts are on hangers facing the same way! And that’s not because of Winter - he does that himself, including ironing them!”

“His own laundry?”

“Duh! My parents taught all of us kids how to do our laundry when we were five or six. We all know how to cook and clean, too! Does your brother?”

“No way! He’s not even allowed in the kitchen or laundry room! My dad basically never goes in those rooms, either!”

“That’s just seriously fu ... messed up!”

“That’s the way it is in Saudi Arabia.”

“Well, they can keep it, thank you very much! Your dad is really sending you back there to marry when you’re eighteen?”

“Yes, of course. We might go home before that, but the university is talking about extending his visiting professorship.”

“What about your brother? Does your dad pick his wife?”

“They’ll decide together.”

I shook my head in disbelief. Their entire system was totally fucked-up, and women were second-class citizens. My moms were a PhD in chemistry and a trauma surgeon; Jesse’s moms were an electrical engineer and a civil engineer; and Aunt Elyse was CFO of my dad’s company. Heck, his company was run by girls, which, of course, was how it should be! Saudi Arabia seemed seriously backwards and I couldn’t imagine living under those rules.

“I don’t think that’s right,” I said.

My mom came into the room with a tray with a teapot and cups.

“Tea, ladies?” Mom asked.

“Yes, thank you, Mrs. Adams,” Fatimah said.

“Thanks!” I replied.

“Fatimah, your mom said another fifteen minutes, then it will be time to go home.”

“OK. Thank you, Mrs. Adams.”

I poured tea for both of us and decided to change the subject to school.

🎤 Steve

“Amir,” I said as we drank our tea in my study, “I understand your visiting professorship might be extended.”

“Yes, for another two years. But that’s the maximum. It gives me time to finish the theoretical paper I’m working on with another professor in the maths department. That said, my daughter will return to Saudi Arabia when she finishes school to marry.”

“Arranged?” I asked.

“Yes, of course. His father and I contracted the marriage when Fatimah was nine.”

“I don’t see my daughters standing for anything remotely like that,” I replied with a slight smile. “American girls are very independent.”

“I have seen that, and don’t really understand how you can allow that.”

“We come from what amounts to two very different worlds,” I replied. “Your system wouldn’t work here any more than ours would in Saudi Arabia.”

“So you are not like these supposed ‘human rights’ campaigners who insist we have to change?”

“Insist? No, of course not. You’re free to run your country and your society as you see fit and however you think creates the best outcomes. The same is true for us. That said, I don’t hide the fact that I disapprove of your system any more than you hide the fact that you disapprove of ours. And even with that disagreement, we can be friends. Well, at least here. Christians aren’t treated well in your country.”

“Nor devout Muslims in yours.”

“I admit that there are people here who object to Islam and its doctrines, but for the most part, there are no restrictions on your worship or building of mosques or Islamic schools. The reverse is not true in your country. I’m not trying to debate, simply pointing out that while it’s true that there is some discrimination here, it’s no worse than the discrimination I would face if I wanted to build a Christian church in Saudi Arabia. But again, you’re free to run your country as you think best, just as we are.

“And just to confirm what I’m saying about me personally, my company employs Muslims and they are treated with the utmost respect, including the necessary time off for religious holidays and no restrictions on wearing headscarves, if they so choose. Just last year I intervened when an employee of one of our customers discriminated against one of our employees because our employee was a Muslim, and I’ll continue to do that. You know that while each of us objects to how the other man runs his family, I still want to be your friend.”

“Let me say that if someone told me before I came to America that I’d become friends with an, well, an unbeliever, I wouldn’t have believed it.”

“It is possible to be friends with people with whom you disagree,” I said. “I learned that growing up when I had friends who were Soviet diplomats and in the KGB. I even went to the Soviet Union and made friends with men in the Red Army. That led directly to my son Jesse playing in a series of ‘friendly’ hockey games in Russia a few years ago. If there is one thing you take home with you, I hope it’s an attitude that it’s possible for our countries to be friends even if we disagree.”

“Perhaps so,” Amir replied, “but we can never go against the words of the Prophet, peace be upon him.”

That was a battle I was not interested in fighting, as I knew numerous problems with the alleged words of Muhammad, just as I knew problems with a literal interpretation of the Bible. But this wasn’t a situation like Kara, or even Becka.

“I would never stand in your way of practicing your faith, so long as I’m free to practice mine, whatever that might be.”

“A very American attitude.”

“Part of the founding of the country, really, because there was such a diversity of belief between all of those who called themselves Christians, not to mention those who had abandoned traditional Christianity for Enlightenment thinking. But that attitude informed my thoughts and as such, I have no objection to you practicing your faith, nor to you proselytizing, so long as everyone is free to decide for themselves.”

“We haven’t had lunch since the US bombed Iraq last month. What’s your opinion?”

“I’m opposed to war in general, and believe that the Iraqis should be free to run their own country, so long as they don’t threaten any other country. Stationing American troops in Kuwait and Saudi Arabia is sufficient to keep the Iraqis in check. We should withdraw from all military presence and activity in Iraq. With regard to Kuwait and Saudi Arabia, we should only stay as long as your government wishes us to stay.”

“There are many who don’t like the US presence in Saudi Arabia. A hero of Afghanistan, Osama bin Laden, objected to US troops near the holy cities, and many agreed with him. He was expelled by the government and five years ago declared war on the United States because the troops were still near the holy cities.”

“Do you agree with him?” I asked.

“He makes some valid points, but I am a peaceful man, just as you are.”

“And the acts of the Taliban in destroying the Buddhas of Bamyan?” I asked.

“Afghanistan is a Muslim country, and they were following Islamic law.”

“Perhaps they were,” I replied. “But art, architecture, and history have their place, even if they depict things of which we don’t approve.”

“But do you know why the order to destroy them was given by Mullah Omar?”

I shook my head, “No. I only heard what the Foreign Minister said about it being done in accordance with Islamic law.”

“Some foreigners came to him to request permission to fix the statues which had suffered minor damage, when there were people homeless and starving because of the Soviet invasion and the political instability which followed. Mullah Omar was shocked at the callousness of those foreigners, that they would expend money to fix statues when they wouldn’t lift a finger to help the people. Destroying the statues, in addition to following Islamic law, made them no longer a distraction from the suffering of the people.”

“The Soviets left in 1989, and since then there’s been what amounts to continuous civil war. I don’t know that you can place all the blame for the current suffering on the Soviets, though I would agree they have some responsibility. But that said, a group interested in preserving history was never going to provide humanitarian assistance. And I’d argue that in destroying the statutes, Mullah Omar made it less likely that Afghanistan would get foreign help, not more likely!”

“But surely you don’t agree that the communist puppet regime under Mohammad Najibullah should have remained in power.”

“There should have been free, democratic elections, but given the history of the area, I suspect that wouldn’t have solved the problem. I’m not saying the Afghan people shouldn’t have overthrown the puppet government, but to blame an offer of money to repair the statues for the destruction of those statues just doesn’t seem right to me.”

“Different worlds, as you say,” Amir said. “And I do very much appreciate your hospitality, but it’s time for us to go.”

“I’ll repeat my invitation for you to join the men when they get together in two weeks, though I understand your objection to alcohol creates an impediment.”

“You don’t drink because of your health problems, correct?”

“It’s the medication I take to control the adrenaline that creates the problem, not my metabolism itself. Alcohol sugars from distilled liquor wouldn’t be a problem the way beer or wine could be. Nicotine is also something I have to limit, though I do smoke my pipe on very rare occasions.”

“You should join me one of those rare times and I’ll provide you with some excellent Turkish tobacco.”

“I look forward to it. Shall we find your family?”

We got up and found Kara and Nada in the sunroom with Ashley and Stephie, Fatimah in the ‘Indian’ room with Birgit, and Yousef in the basement with Albert. Once we’d collected all of them, we escorted the Khans to the door and said ‘goodbye’.

🎤 Birgit

“How can they live like that?” I asked when Dad and I sat down in the sunroom.

“They’d ask the same question of you, Pumpkin,” Dad replied.

“But not getting to decide who I’d marry? Who would ever agree to that?!”

“I think you should talk with my friend Anala. Her parents had an arranged marriage. And Anala kind of had one, though she was more active in arranging it than her parents had been. They didn’t even meet each other until their wedding.”

“Just no fucking way, Dad!”

Dad and Mom both laughed.

“I’ll tell Dave the wedding is off!” Dad chuckled.

“Oh, please! First, you would never do that. Second, I am NOT marrying someone who wants to go to church! There are WAY too many dumb rules!”

“Jesse does OK with them,” Dad said.

“Jesse is brain-damaged!”

“I’ll let him know you said so!”

“I’ve told him, though I don’t think he follows certain rules too closely.”

“You think?” Dad chuckled.

“Neither did your dad or I,” Mom said, laughing softly. “He got kicked out of his church for having sex and I basically did, though I quit before they could kick me out!”

“But she can’t even drive!” I protested. “I mean, how dumb is that? And she can’t even walk across the street to see me without her brother or dad escorting her!”

“They make their choices, Pumpkin. And remember, the law, both here and in Saudi Arabia, is on their side. Parents have basically complete control. Your moms and I elect not to exercise it.”

“Because you KNOW who is really in charge!” I declared.

“That’s my Pumpkin,” Dad chuckled. “The Princess, Lady High Ruler of the Universe!”

“And don’t you forget it!”

[Rochester, Minnesota] 🎤 Jesse

“Now what?” Joy asked after we finished our second game of FIFA ‘football’ on the PS2.

“We don’t have much time before Don and Mary take us to dinner, so let’s just hang out. What’s the scoop for tomorrow?”

“My parents leave for work by 8:30am. We’re allowed to go out, but I’m not supposed to be alone with you anywhere.”

“That kind of puts a crimp in your plans!”

“I said supposed to!” Joy giggled. “I plan to be VERY alone with you before we go to the Art Center. And then after we have our time downtown!”

“I don’t want to get you into any trouble,” I replied.

“It’ll be OK. Doctor Mary has Tuesday and Wednesday off, and then Don is working from home on Thursday and Friday. Tomorrow is the only day we’re ‘alone’. And I talked to Doctor Mary about it. You know she’s more like your dad than like mine!”

“True.”

“I’ll come over about 9:00am and we can head to the Art Center about 11:00am, then have lunch, then walk around downtown before we come back here to be alone, and then I go home before my parents get home.”

“Do you really think they buy that?” I asked.

“What did you call it yesterday? Plausible deniability?”

“What would happen if they found out?”