Chapter 11: Taste Test?

January 25, 2001, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Steve

“I’ll cancel our reservations for Iron Mountain today,” Kara said at breakfast on Thursday morning. “It’ll cost us a couple of hundred dollars in cancellation fees.”

“Thanks,” I replied. “I don’t see any alternative, really, given Miyu’s wedding date and now Darla’s wedding. I’ll speak to Liesel this afternoon about the reservations for Hawaii. Birgit and Albert will both be away, so it’s the three of us plus Ashley and Stephie. I checked with Eduardo, and the Canadian Grand Prix is June 10, and the boys would much rather go to the race than go to Hawaii.”

“Dad will pay for my ticket and hotel,” Suzanne said. “He called it a ‘graduation gift’.”

“And I already have that time off,” Jessica added. “So I think we’re in good shape. Kara, did you arrange to come back from Stanford for Maria Cristina’s wedding?”

“Yes. It’ll be a LONG weekend, but I can’t imagine missing the wedding!”

“We’re leaving for school,” Birgit announced from the door to the kitchen.

My three daughters came for hugs and Albert just said ‘goodbye’ because he, like his older brothers, was ‘too cool’ for hugs. Once they had gone, Kara and Jessica left for work. Penny arrived a few minutes later and we went to my study to work.

🎤 Matthew

“Matt, you’re perfect for the part of ‘Grandpa’,” Mr. Fruits said to me in drama class on Thursday morning.

I laughed, “You mean because he says he doesn’t believe in the income tax and believes that the government wouldn’t know what to do with it if he paid it?”

“That does seem to fit your politics! Not to mention the pamphlets which read ‘DYNAMITE THE CAPITOL’, ‘DYNAMITE THE WHITE HOUSE’, ‘DYNAMITE THE SUPREME COURT’!”

“And?” I replied with a grin.

“As I said, it fits!”

“So does the entire family being goofy!” I replied.

And there also being a sex-obsessed woman named Penny just added icing to the cake, but Mr. Fruits didn’t know Penny.

“You’re OK with the role?”

“Sure! It’ll be fun and my dad will love it! Who’s playing Penny?”

“Maggie.”

I almost laughed out loud, because if there was anyone who was NOT sex-obsessed it was Maggie. If I wasn’t basically engaged to Chelsea, I’d want to date Maggie. She was fun, we shared a lot in common, and I liked kissing her on stage.

“What role does Nick have?” I asked.

“Ed Carmichael. Don’t say anything; I need to talk to them first.”

“I won’t!”

“Practice starts next Monday.”

“I’ll be there!” I replied.

The rest of the morning dragged and when it was finally time for lunch, I went outside so I could call my dad and let him know. He was happy and said he’d absolutely be at the play. He told me that the trip to Iron Mountain was canceled which was kind of a bummer, but it would have meant not going to the Grand Prix in Montréal, which I really wanted to do. I’d also miss out on Hawaii, but Chelsea would be with me for the whole month of June, and that was the most important thing.

I sent her a text, but I knew she’d be in class, so I wouldn’t get a response until later. I had just hit ‘Send’ when a girl named Carly, who I knew slightly, came up to me.

“Hey, Matt!”

“Hi, Carly.”

“Would you go to the Girls’ Choice dance with me next month?”

“Me?”

“No, the mouse in your pocket!” she laughed. “Of course you!”

I didn’t have anyone who would ask me because Maggie couldn’t go to dances. The dances were really fun, and I really wanted to go. I knew Chelsea would be OK with it, because we’d talked about school functions, and they were cool. Carly was really cute, which was an added bonus, though I would never, ever cheat on Chelsea.

“Sure,” I said.

“Cool! Meet at the school?”

“That works.”

“Awesome! Later!”

“Later!”

I’d have to tell Chelsea about it, but I didn’t think a text was a good idea. We talked almost every evening, so I’d tell her then. I put my phone into my pocket, the went back into the school to have lunch.

🎤 Steve

“Hi, Dad,” Jesse said from the door to my study.

“Hey, Jesse. What’s up?”

“Mia wants to talk to you.”

That development didn’t surprise me in the least, though I wasn’t sure which decision she’d made, if she’d made one at all. If I went by history, it meant that she was going to ask to be deflowered, and that I’d agree. But things were different for a host of reasons and Mia didn’t seem to fit the subversive mold. There was also the ‘maturity’ question.

It wasn’t that she was immature, but she certainly wasn’t as mature as Suzanne, Natalie, or even Nicole who was three years younger. The question was, ultimately, was she mature enough? And if she was, and she made the request, was it the right thing for me to do? I was unsure, though I’d have to weigh the harm I might do either way.

“As in she’s here right now?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“You can send her in,” I replied.

He left and a moment later, Mia came into the study. She shut the door behind her and sat down in one of the wingback chairs, facing the desk.

“Would you like some tea?” I asked,

“I’ve never had tea, not even iced.”

“Would you like to try it? This is green tea, and is very traditional in China and Japan.”

“What’s it taste like?”

“Green tea!” I replied. “But seriously, I don’t know what else to compare it to.”

I poured some into my mug to warm it up so it was hot and set it in front of her on the desk.

“You want me to drink from your mug?”

If there were a bigger warning sign that she might have sent, I wasn’t sure what it could be. If she was bothered by drinking from the same mug, I couldn’t imagine what she’d think of oral sex, or even French kissing, for that matter.

“I can get a clean mug if you prefer.”

She shook her head, picked up the mug, and hesitantly took a sip. She made a face and set the mug back on the desk. I reached over, and made a point of taking a drink, then putting the mug back on the warmer.

“Not your cup of tea?” I asked with a grin.

“That is exactly what Jesse would have said!”

“Now you know where he gets it. I’m an annoying BIG shit!”

Mia laughed, “He told you about that?”

“Yes. Though give it a year and he’ll be taller than me.”

“He’s the reason we’re in the playoffs; Jerry is a real loser.”

I shook my head, “No, he’s not. He stepped up to play goalie when the previous goalie graduated. Without him, you wouldn’t have a backup goalie. Remember, everyone plays their part, but not everyone can be a star. For every Pete Rose, Johnny Bench, or Joe Morgan, you need a Darrel Chaney, a Bill Plummer, and a Dan Driessen.”

“Who?”

“Not a baseball fan? Those are members of the ‘Big Red Machine’ - the Cincinnati Reds of the 70s. They were on the ‘75 team which is considered the best team ever in baseball, even exceeding the ‘27 Yankees. The first three were stars, the second three were backups, but without them, the Reds wouldn’t have won back-to-back World Series in ‘75 and ‘76. Maybe a hockey analogy would be better - for every Mario Lemieux you need a Hans Jonsson and for every Wayne Gretzky you need a Kevin McClelland.”

“Who’s that last guy?”

“A center for the Oilers who set the record for most penalty minutes ever by an Oiler in a year when the Oilers won the Stanley Cup.”

“I don’t think Jerry is that good.”

“Perhaps not, but the point is, your team needs him because you have a limited pool of players from which to draw. Who’s your emergency goalie?”

Mia laughed, “Don’t ask.”

I chuckled, “That means it’s you.”

“The team gear fits and I alternated at goalie when I was a ‘Mite’. I hated it, though. Fortunately, I’ve never needed to play.”

“Who’s better? You or Jerry?”

“You’re just as annoying as Jesse!”

“Thank you,” I replied with a grin.

“You...” she shook her head and didn’t finish what she was going to say.

“Those words are perfectly OK in my house. And I don’t consider it disrespectful if a teenager like you shares her opinion or speaks her mind. It COULD be disrespectful, but that depends on the context and intent.”

“My parents would NEVER accept that.”

“No kidding,” I replied dryly.

“How would you know?” Mia queried.

“I have plenty of experience with parents who do not respect their children or their children’s opinions. You’ve seen how much freedom Jesse has, right? Well all my kids get that, and have from the time they could walk and talk.”

“Is that how you were raised?”

“Hell no! My mother was a control freak, and to this day believes I’m a little kid.”

“But you’re like 40!” Mia protested.

“Thirty-seven, at least for another three months! Don’t make me older than I am!”

“You’re serious, though?”

“Yes. She believed she was the one who got to decide what college I went to, what job I took, and who I married.”

“No way! Who you married?”

“Yes. Needless to say, she didn’t approve of my solution. Heck, she didn’t approve of Kara when Kara and I started dating in High School! And she didn’t approve of Mom One when Mom One and I dated in Junior High!”

“But isn’t Mom One a lesbian?”

“And at fourteen was just as confused about sex as you are, and in a situation where society told her that the feelings she had for girls were flat out wrong. There are still plenty of people who think that way, but back then it was ridiculously oppressive.”

“Were you confused about sex?”

I shook my head, “No, I was naïve and inexperienced, but not confused, despite my mom’s best efforts to screw up my life. I’ve done my best to avoid doing that to my kids, but I’m sure they have their complaints, too.”

“I don’t think Jesse has any real complaints! He loves to tease and he loves to give smug answers.”

“Something he perfected over the course of about ten years with Birgit and to a lesser extent his other sisters. You got the full ‘sister’ treatment, which tells me how much he values you as a friend.”

“He has an interesting way of showing it!”

“That’s true, but if the chips were down, which of your friends would you want by your side?”

“Jesse, obviously.”

“Which means, perhaps counterintuitively, that he teases you because he really likes you.”

“That doesn’t make it any less annoying!”

“Which, I think you now understand, is exactly his point! The more annoyed you get, the more he does it because he CAN annoy you. Ignore it, and he’ll switch to being a goofball instead of teasing you. It worked for Birgit, though it took her a good eight years to figure it out. And that was despite being told, by me, to just ignore him!”

“As if it were that easy!”

“It is! YOU are the one who is reacting and egging him on. YOU are making your own life more difficult.”

“That’s what you told me that day at the rink.”

“Yes.”

“Is this what it’s like to be an adult?”

“You’re sipping from the straw now,” I replied. “You’ll get the firehose when you graduate from college and go out into the world on your own. And because of that, I think it’s best that kids go to school at least a few hundred miles from home so they get some idea of what it’s like to have to be responsible for and manage their own life.”

“How did you deal with it?”

“Mainly it had to do with wanting to escape from my mom’s clutches, but I was given the opportunity to get a taste of the ‘real’ world because some parents and grandparents of friends gave me that opportunity. I also went to Sweden for a year where kids are treated much more like I treat mine. And once I moved out of the house, I had good friends and mentors who helped me. I still do. And I return the favor now by mentoring teenagers and young adults. It’s not easy being an adult, and if you aren’t prepared for it, it can be a nightmare. Where are you going to college?”

“UW Madison”

“That’s a good school and a good place to start - a couple of hundred miles from home, and while you’ll be living in the dorms, you’ll have to take care of yourself, manage your time for studying, arrange to play hockey, and so on. If you don’t do those things, nobody will do them for you. You have to take responsibility for yourself and for your decisions. And you have to make those decisions based on your needs and your goals, using your best judgment. That is a big part of what it means to be an adult.”

“Which is what you were trying to tell me when I complained that you were making things difficult.”

“That’s true. That said, another part of being an adult is having to make decisions when you aren’t completely sure you’re doing the right thing, or even completely understand the possible ramifications of what you decide.”

“Which was the other point you were trying to make.”

“Again, yes, that’s true. Some decisions are relatively unimportant, such as chocolate versus vanilla. Others are life-changing, though I know a few women who think good chocolate IS life-changing!”

Mia laughed and nodded.

“Some decisions,” I continued, “can be changed after the fact, others can’t. In a sense, it’s like writing with a pencil or writing in ink. You can erase the pencil and write down something else; if you write it in ink, it’s basically permanent.”

“Wite-Out?”

“All that does is mask and hide what was written, it doesn’t make it go away the way an eraser does. And even the eraser can leave remnants of what was there before. Ultimately, some decisions are permanent, one-time, and life-changing.”

“You’re talking about sex.”

“Not just. Marriage is life-changing, and in most cases, permanent and once-in-a-lifetime.”

“I thought half of all marriages ended in divorce.”

“Those numbers are bogus,” I replied. “They rely on bad statistics. I can introduce you to a guy who works for me who has his Master’s in statistics and he can explain why that’s not true. The short version is they compared the number of divorces in a year to the number of marriages, without adjusting for population changes, changes in the law, and changes in the marriage rate. Think about it - do half of your teammates have parents who are divorced?”

“No. Maybe two out of twenty-two, or something like that.”

“I know you’re a hockey player, not a math major, but I think that’s less than 50%!”

“Hey! I get good grades in math!”

“Gotcha!” I grinned.

“You are WORSE than Jesse!”

“Thank you!”

“Ugh! That’s just what he would have said, too!”

I chuckled, “I know. And I’m worse because I have the advantage of age and experience!”

“That’s why I’m here.”

“For?”

“I thought that was obvious,” Mia replied.

“And what was it I told you?”

“If you can’t say it, you can’t do it,” she replied with a slight frown.

“Let’s assume for a moment that it is obvious, and that I do know what you meant. Explain the tea?”

“I did’t like it. What’s the problem?”

“Think back for a moment about the sequence of events.”

“You mean about drinking out of your mug?”

“Yes. If that idea bothered you, I’m not sure you’re ready for a French kiss, let alone any other things that people do together.”

“It’s different!” she protested.

“So, drinking out of the same mug is ‘gross’, to assign a word to it, but French kissing, giving me a blowjob, and me putting my tongue inside you is not ‘gross’?”

“I don’t know; I hadn’t thought about it that way,” Mia sagged back in the chair then sighed, “I just did it again, didn’t I?”

“What?”

“Created my own problem!”

“Did you?”

She was quiet for a moment.

“Context?”

I nodded, “Go on.”

“You asked me a legitimate question, challenged my answer, and rather than say what I thought, I acted like I was giving up.”

“WERE you giving up?”

“I don’t even know which end is up right now! You have me SO confused!”

She had a point, actually. I was being difficult, but I was doing it on purpose exactly because of how she reacted to my questions and my challenges. In a sense, I was pushing her too hard given where she was, but in another sense, I wasn’t, given where it seemed she wanted to go.

“Have you thought about why you get flustered so easily?”

“No, but I’m guessing you’re going to say it’s because I’m not ready.”

“Are you ready?” I asked.

“I thought I was.”

“If you’re not sure, what should my response be?”

“How the heck do you ALWAYS turn this around on me?” she asked, sounding totally exasperated.

“Not to be a jerk, though maybe I am being a bit of one, but did I approach you or was it the other way around?”

Mia deflated even more and seemed almost to shrink in her chair.

“Why is this so difficult? And why are you making it more difficult?”

“Have you considered a different approach?” I asked.

“Oh, right, if I had just walked in here today and said ‘I want to fuck’ that would have worked.”

“I promise this is the last time I’ll do this today, but think about how differently this conversation would have gone had you actually done that.”

She was quiet for a couple of minutes before she got an ‘Aha!’ look on her face, similar to the one at the ice rink.

“It can’t be THAT simple!”

“Why not? What message would that have sent?”

Mia thought it through for a minute before she answered.

“That I knew what I wanted and was confident enough to simply tell you,” she sighed. “But you would have challenged me anyway!”

“Probably, but if you were determined enough to cut to the chase, as it were, I think you’d have been confident and determined enough to defend your decision. How does it look from my side of the desk?”