The funny thing about the Maccordi is that the women impregnate the men. It’s a lot like seahorses, actually. She has an ovipositor tube that she inserts into his abdomen. She lays eggs inside him, and then he carries the eggs in a brood pouch. I saw it happen once, though the male in question had taken a contraceptive that prevented him from releasing sperm to fertilize the eggs.

The female seemed to really enjoy depositing her unfertilized eggs into his abdomen anyway. With each egg, about the size of a duck egg, she pushed it through her ovipositor, shuddering in pleasure as each egg was released. It looked a lot like someone pulling out a series of anal beads, except without a string connecting them.

As she came to the last egg remaining inside her, she pulled the ovipositor out of his abdominal pouch and stuck it over his snout. This is where things got really bizarre. A male Maccordi’s snout looks like nothing more than a big penis. I’m not even kidding. And they have these long tongues that extend out the end of them. As I watched, the male stuck his tongue out and inserted it into the hole at the end of her ovipositor, and then he pulled his snout close, opening wide, so that his “mouth” connected with her egg hole.

The mound inside the ovipositor, that I knew to be the egg, traveled from her into his mouth, pulled out by the male Maccordi’s agile tongue. The female grunted and wrapped her hands around the back of his head, pressing her ovipositor into his mouth. And the male swallowed that egg hole.

Anyway, that’s the only time I’ve really seen a female Maccordi involved in sex. My job is directing adult films involving human females (and sometimes males) and Maccordi males. Why? Those agile tongues and phallic snouts, that’s why. Turns out human males — my predominant audience — are not really interested in watching sex that involves eggs going into pouches. The male pouches just aren’t that sexy or interesting. They don’t do much.

Now don’t get me wrong; there is a whole other subgenre of film involving female Maccordi and their eggs. That’s just not my specialty. It’s a bit more niche. You see, plenty of humans enjoy watching tongues and penis-shaped snouts penetrating and pleasuring humans. Add eggs to the mix and people get squeamish.

Anyway, today was like any other day at work. I was shooting a film.

“I want you to touch his snout, Miranda.”

“Like this?” the actress asked me.

“Wrap your fingers around it more. Stroke it. There you go.”

“This does nothing for me,” Beltark said.

“Yeah, I know, Beltark, but human viewers think it does, and that’s what matters. So make it look nice.”

Beltark rolled his eyes back in his head and let his tongue loll out of the end of his snout. It almost looked like a large dog’s or a horse’s cock, with the pink bit extending from the tip. Our target audience would eat that up.

“Yes, perfect, Beltark. Just like that.”

“Ready, everybody? And ... action.”

Beltark repeated his routine perfectly, and right on cue, Miranda nailed her reaction. Upon the Maccordi’s tongue extending from the tip of his snout, she squealed and stroked faster. She stood over him as he lay prone beneath her. And then his tongue began to extend further out the snout, reaching upward between her spread legs. Looking down, Miranda made a coy face, and then lowered herself into a squat in order to meet his tongue. Now it was her turn to roll her eyes back in pleasure.