Chapter 26: Social Acceptability. Going Public. Commitment Ceremony

“Do you think we’re too far off the scale of social acceptability?” Ashley asked.

We were sitting in the new sauna. The temperature in the sauna was around 160-degrees Fahrenheit, and I’d just poured some water on the heated rocks to add a little steam; but not too much or we’d scald. Over the past three months since the unit had been completed in the addition to the house we’d experimented with the temperature and water, always erring on the cautious side.

I responded to Ash, “Whoa! What am I, society’s morals judge? If so, I’m probably a bad example. After all, I’m the guy that slept with underage girls,” I chuckled. “Why not ask Myron? He’s new to our group, hasn’t indulged in our wayward behavior – yet, and has more experience with other women having been married twice before to my once.”

Myron held his hand up. “One or two more months and I’ll be as decadent as the rest of you. I’ve had most of my ‘Just Us’ time, and now I’m building anticipation to be with you other women – young and old.” He looked at Marcia, Ash, and Christy, and ogled their naked bodies as he waggled his eyebrows with great talent. Lisa dug an elbow into his side in a humorous way. He blurted out, “Ouch,” and looked particularly pained.

Ash said, “It’s just you almost never see anything that even suggests a group relationship ... or, for that matter, a guy living intimately with three women, or with teenage girls, or where they all participate in an open marriage where others also come and go in their lives in sexual ways, yet here we are.”

Christy said, “Oh, there are some TV shows that have something in that realm once in a while. Remember we watched re-runs of Sister Wives and another show called Polyamory: Married and Dating. There had been others I’m sure.

Ash nodded, “Yeah, I guess; but I’m talking about mainstream society. Those TV shows were all full of drama that we never have. I had looked up statistics about people living like us, and they’re hard to find; three to five percent of adults is one estimate, and that’d mean around five million people just in this country. Well, where are they? They’re sure invisible as far as I can see.”

I said, “Well, I’m sure that most states have laws that prohibit such behavior, whether it’s one man and two or more women, or one women and a couple of men. People like us keep our heads down and try to go unnoticed. I think that’s our plight.”

Lisa waggled her eyebrows and teased Myron, “Oooooh, one woman and two men; that’d be fun.”

Myron wormed his elbow into his new wife just as she’d done to him a few seconds earlier. She squealed in delight that she’d gotten his attention and pushed it away. They were so cute as a couple. Despite her cuteness, I ogled Lisa’s hot naked body on the wooden bench a few feet away.

Myron said, “My friend, Warren Buffett has a strange marriage. He married Susan, but then they started living apart but were close and intimate friends while still married. She got him involved with Astrid Meeks, who he married after Susan’s passing. Their Christmas cards used to be signed by all three of them. They were pretty public about things, too.”

I declared, “My philosophy about all this is that consenting adults can do whatever they want about sex.”

Marcia said, “That’d mean that gangbangs, S&M, B&D, rape, anal sex, and scat and water games are all OK?”

“Between consenting adults,” I emphasized. “If they agree that’s what they want to do, then it’s fine with me. I’m not their judge, on the other hand most of what you just mentioned is not at all my idea of sexual fun.”

Myron suggested, “Aren’t some of those illegal?”

“Yes, although it depends on the state. Heck, oral sex is illegal in Indiana and Florida – no blowjobs or cunnilingus for those folks or else the sex police will come and arrest you.”

Myron shook his head in disbelief. He mumbled, “We’re doomed.”

I prattled on, “A bunch of mostly old white men sit in some government chamber and legislate your sex life. Do you think that’s a good thing? I sure don’t. Get the government out of my sex life ... out of my life. Don’t tell me who I can live with or not, who I can marry or not, and who I can have sex with or not; and certainly don’t legislate specific sex acts as illegal. I bet in some states that missionary is the only position in which to have legal sex.”

Myron chuckled, “Florida! I’ve heard that’s still on the books down there.”

Ash intervened, “So, back to my original question, are we too weird?”

I asked, “Only if YOU think we are, my darling. Are you worried about our moral decay?” My tone then changed and I asked in a more serious tone, “Are you concerned about something we’ve done or are doing? Do you want to stop something?”

“Oh, NO!” she loudly proclaimed. “I’m just thinking that more and more people are starting to see us for what we are and how we’re living. I was thinking of the Halloween party – the after-party. We each had sex with several new people, and I know they had been handpicked in part for their nonjudgmental attitude and willingness to keep their mouth shut about what went on. Nonetheless, that many more people now know about our four-sided relationship and our interest in occasionally swinging with other people.”

Chris added in a serious tone, “And more people know that we’re sixteen years old and having sex with others ... or more specifically, Jim and a number of others are having sex with young and easily seduced high school girls.”

I wasn’t sure how to respond to that. She was right.

Myron said, “So, stop talking about your ages and if anybody asks just state that you’re over eighteen.”

Ash said, “But I feel uncomfortable telling a bold face lie.”

Myron stood up and said, “I’ll fix that.” He exited the sauna, holding a towel around his waist.

We were quiet for a while and then about five minutes later the door to the sauna opened and Myron came back in carrying each teenager’s left sneaker.

Myron gave each girl one of the shoes, “Here. Problem fixed.”

I laughed and then so did Marcia. Ash and Chris looked at each other and they started to laugh too.

Inside each of the sneakers written on the orthotic insole in black magic marker was the number ‘18.’ When the girls were wearing their shoes they would be ‘over 18.’

Ash continued to laugh, “This I can probably do.”

On that note we all got out of the sauna. Lisa went off to one of the guest rooms with Myron to shower and dress, while Marcia, Ash, Chris, and I went to the new master bath shower room to clean up. Taking a shower in our new bathroom was a luxurious experience. There were multiple showerheads for each person, and the four of us could be in there simultaneously without necessarily bumping into each other unless we wanted to, which we usually did. We’d also put a cushioned bench in the shower room in case any of us were amorous and wanted to attend to each other without drying off.

The six of us chatted a bit after we’d returned to the living room. I was the last to join the group as I’d helped the ladies dry their hair before I dressed.

I heard Myron say, “Just where do you get your definition of ‘social acceptability.’” He was addressing Ashley, but Chris and Marcia were obviously involved.

Ash thought a moment, “For one, all the media I read or watch or listen to.”

Myron pushed, “Be more specific. What exactly do they tell you or show you?”

Ash was thinking when Chris jumped in, “Couples. Lots and lots of couples. If you’re not a couple – a man and woman – you are incomplete. You rarely see same sex couples, but there are a few. When you do, the examples are wholesome – guys playing hoops, or a couple of women doing a project together or eating together. With boy-girl couples, there is a sexual undertone. There is no sexuality implied with same sex couples.”

Marcia added, “Many novels or movies involve finding the perfect boy-girl relationship. There are other sources that define acceptability: schools, churches, various business establishments, newspapers and magazines, many advertisements, and then there are our parents and relatives.”

I asked, “Talk about how your parents react to our relationship.”

Marcia sighed, “They think I’m living in sin and am a sure thing for a leadership position in hell, and they don’t even have a hint about the swinging we’ve done. All they know about is the commitments we made to each other. I’m not sure they’re ready to admit that I have a sexual relationship with two hot teenagers. If I pushed that in their face I’d probably never see them again the rest of my life. They will figure it out some day, and I’ve girded myself for that confrontation.”

Myron asked, “But don’t they support your relationship with Jim? You’re both the right ages to be a couple and he’s quite acceptable.”

“Oh, that part is all right, except we’re living in sin by not being married. My parents are about as straight arrow as they come. The church and Bible have defined their view of acceptability around this whole topic. I think if they were younger, they’d have more liberal views, but I might be wrong about that too. Their political views are locked in tight too; they vote their party line regardless of who’s running or what the platform is. Why I turned out the way I did is a mystery considering that. What about you, Chris? What about the training your parents gave you?”

Chris smiled and responded, “Much different from Marcia. They have a more European view of things. Sex is an acceptable part of a relationship from the time a girl starts dating, and that can be twelve or thirteen. They can even accept that she might be dating more than one guy at a time – including sex. Contraception is taught at a very early age.

“When I started to see Jim, there was some discussion about the propriety of the relationship given our ages and the student-teacher link, but that quickly got dismissed, in part because I’m so intelligent and adult for my age and their approval of the association on multiple levels. They easily accepted my moving in with Jim as part of my early progression through life. I heard my mother tell my father that college kids live with each other, so why couldn’t I live with one of my professors. There wasn’t much angst about it.”

“You mentioned the European view; what do you mean?” Myron asked.

Chris said, “It’s historic and I read about it somewhere. America had more men than women when it started; they came over from the Old World so to speak for many reasons. There was thus competition for the women, and the women defined the game of dating and mating.

“Europe was wracked by one major war after another during the same time period with each one decimating the male population. This resulted in fewer eligible males and lots of desirous females. The males defined dating, mating and marriage, making it acceptable to have a mistress, for example. The males wanted sex, so everything relaxed and became much more open about sex and sexuality. The whole area of sexual mores is kind of based on supply and demand. There’s some oversimplification there, but you get the idea.”

Myron exclaimed, “Now, that is some of the most profound thinking I’ve heard in weeks. You’ve distinguished yourself as an internationalist yet again.”

Chris blushed but accepted the compliment.

Christy and Ash came to my office at the university one day shortly after they’d both turned seventeen. Ash asked, “If we have an invention that we’ve discovered while being students, do we have to share it with the university?”

“I can’t answer with one-hundred-percent certainty, but I think the answer is no. I’d talk to a patent attorney about that, and have them talk to the university counsel. I know an attorney who might be able to help you with that, or put you in touch with someone who can.”

The two of them nodded and left the office. They were prone to duck in for quick questions and leave, so I wasn’t concerned. I’d ask them later about the details leading to their question. The question might not have even been personal, but for a friend.

Chris explained over dinner, “We have identified some unique artificial intelligence algorithms that we think no one else has conceived. They’re counter-intuitive, and we’ve been experimenting in the computer lab and know they work. We thought we’d patent them, and maybe even do something with them after we graduate unless we’ve come up with something better.”

I nodded. We’d had several conversations since New Year’s Eve about entrepreneurship, creative ideas, and starting businesses. If this was leading them to try their wings in some venture I wanted to be highly supportive. Moreover, if their ideas were that revolutionary then there was the ‘danger’ that they’d be wildly successful and make some money by licensing their work. I’d been there; done that.

Ash came into my office almost out of breath from running one day two weeks later. “Jim, are you still willing to back our business venture?”

“Of course; why?”

“I need a check for $2,500 payable to Gerald Cray, Esquire. He’s our patent attorney that your guy referred us to. Christy is at his office, but we need a check to have him do our filing. We’ve done all the paper work ourselves to save money and he’ll take it from here.”

I pulled the checkbook from my money market account out of my desk and wrote the check. I suggested that they get a receipt since this was the first business expense for their new and unnamed business. Ash took off at a run from my office to head back to the lawyer’s office. I chuckled at her enthusiasm.

Deb Summer came to my office on the QT that afternoon. She came in and shut the door after I indicated she should join me. She said in a hushed tone, “I think you and the girls have a problem. There’s a rumor that you’re ‘living with’ three women – two of them teenagers of questionable age – and by ‘living with’ I don’t mean in a rooming house sense. Whoever started it made sure the dean of faculty heard about it by way of anonymous email that I was copied on. I think it went to a few others.”

I nodded, “Shit! Well, I am. Did this result from the larger group at the Halloween party or something else?”

“I’m not sure, but Brian Watson came and saw me, knowing that we’re friends. He thought you should know what’s being said, especially since it could be career damaging and even dangerous in some ways if the law got involved and discovered your past behavior. He said he’d told Lisa too, since he knew her daughter was one of the teens involved. He also got the email.”

“Double shit!” I exclaimed. “What do you think I should do?”

Deb chuckled, “Marry one of them, and I know that’s a big step for you after Meghan trampled all over your affections, but it would help defuse part of the accusations.”

“Wouldn’t it just confirm what whoever it is said?”

“Depends on the spin on the news that’s put into the back channels, I think. I can help with that, and so can Brian and several others I can trust. Of course, a lot would depend on what you said too.”

“This wouldn’t have come from Frank Walters or Bill Malden would it?”

“I’m sure it didn’t. I’ve talked to both of them, and they were shocked that someone would do that about you. Heck, they want to come back for more of what they got at the party, and so do I. Both men said their wives had the hots for you, but they weren’t at all concerned; both have been swingers for a long time I learned at Halloween.”

I was surprised that I hadn’t rejected the idea of marriage out of hand. This was the first time since Meghan’s departure that I had a positive reaction to the idea of marrying one of the girls. I must have healed. I guess love does that for you.

“Which of the three would I marry? If I marry Marcia, I’m kind of creating a step-mother or surrogate mom for the teens, but the problem still remains. If I marry one of the teens the other may feel on the outs with me – a second-class citizen so to speak, and I couldn’t guess how Marcia would react.”

Deb emphasized, “You will need to work doubly hard to be sure the women in your foursome are treated as equals regardless of who gets the legal standing as your wife. That doesn’t mean that you have to keep careful records about how many times you have sex with each of them, but you do have to be highly attuned to their needs and feelings from minute to minute. The older and more sensitive to their emotions they get, the more you’ll have to work.”

“You’re my best friend, Deb. I trust you on this. I’ll talk to the three of them tonight.”

Deb left my office and what productivity I had for the rest of the afternoon had been shot apart. I found myself stuck in some endless mental loop of thinking regarding marrying Marcia, Christy, or Ashley.

The teens were similar in many ways, but they each brought out different aspects of my own personality and intellect when I interacted with them. I liked that. Marcia, even more, was an oxymoron – she was a structured right brain individual. She gave us all an artist experience, and she was such an ‘up’ person, she pulled us all along in her happiness and gaiety. I loved every interaction with every one of them. I loved every one of them in equal measure. This was going to be hard.

I went through the logic of ignoring Deb’s warning too. What if this was just some rumor that would die down? Or would it? Could I take that chance? What if a marriage didn’t resolve the issues she raised? Was there some other way?

I clawed through each question, even taking to writing some notes on a scratch pad on my desk. In the end, I decided that the riskiest move was to not marry one of my three partners. If the university faculty discipline committee started to investigate me in any way, I needed to be squeaky clean. I decided they could overlook a past transgression if the issue had been resolved in some way. Continuing to live as I had with three women, two of who were teenagers, was not resolving anything, unless I was married to one and the others appeared as friends or a step-mom.