Chapter 23: Tough revelations. Engagement. Another pizza delivery

“How do I fire someone?”

Lisa sat almost primly in my university office, knees together and hands folded in her lap. She wore a summer frock and black low-heeled shoes, and had a highly professional air about her.

I said, “Why don’t you ask Brian?”

“Oh, I’ve consulted with him about this situation at work, but he’s never let anybody go in a situation like this one, so he’s as much a babe in the woods as I am. I guess I’m asking for both of us.”

I teased, “You are a babe, you know.”

“Thank you. Now, how do I tell a nice woman who we like that she’s not up to the job she’s in?”

“Let me understand a few things first. Has she been talked to about her inadequate job performance, and if so how many times?”

“Yes. I started coaching her when I got the promotion and could then see the work she was doing – or rather wasn’t doing. This is June and I’ve talked to her at least monthly. I’ve kept records too, and in March she had her annual review and I wrote in there, seconded in writing by Brian, that she had major shortcomings. We detailed them and she signed off on the review.”

“Shortcomings?”

“Her work is sloppy. She doesn’t check her work. She often has to repeat stuff because she loses her spreadsheets because she doesn’t save them. Her computer skills are iffy. She comes in late quite frequently, and I see no attempt to make up the time. We have to have someone else go over everything she does; we can’t use her work as is. I’ve given her a couple of different assignments too, to see whether the type of work we gave her was the problem, but the results were the same.”

“Did you talk to HR?”

“Yes, and they told me to do what I had to do. They talked to me about documentation of the problems, but I’d already figured that out by reading a couple of ‘how to’ pieces on the Internet. I’m really down to needing to sit with her and break the news. She is a nice person.”

“Do you think she’ll sue the university or anything?”

“I have no idea. She’s kind of quiet, so I’m not sure. She’s never been contentious even with her bad review. She just accepted it and went back to work, such as it is.”

I suggested that she role-play with me, and I’d fire her. She listened carefully as I went over the infractions we’d noticed and had called to her attention. I explained that the department couldn’t continue to carry her any longer and that we needed someone in the job we could trust to do accurate and thorough work without having to double check everything, and that thus, as of today, we were terminating her.

Lisa asked about an appeal process and a reference to a further job, and I role-played with her how I might respond. I didn’t know what the university’s appeal process for a termination was, so Lisa said she’d be sure she knew before talking to the woman. I explained that she did not need to promise a favorable recommendation, but that she could explain that it would be her honest assessment of the situation, including that she was pleasant to work with.

Lisa nodded, and thanked me. “That’s great. Why couldn’t HR have done that?”

I shrugged, and I could tell that Lisa had something else to ask about, so I waited.

Lisa finally said, “You know I love you, right?”

“I do, and I love you. Right now, I just can’t offer you what you want in terms of a being a one-woman man or matrimony. I know you’ve struggled about whether to throw in with us or not.”

“I know, and I’m glad you’re the way you are being honest with me. Other men I’ve met would have waffled around or conned me to have sex. I love making love with you, even with the others around. I’m resigned to not having a one-woman man in your case ... or marrying you.”

“But?” I posed, since I didn’t see the question yet.

Lisa smiled, “It has to do with Myron. He’s increasingly interested in me – like really serious interested. He’s told me he loves me, and I love him back. It’s just ... well ... I haven’t told him my background or about my wild side, or about having been on the run when you rescued me, although I’ve mentioned a recent dark period in my past. He’s deduced that we were lovers, but not that we’ve continued our lovemaking even with him in the picture.”

“Do you want to stop? Is that what this is about?” I was ready to do anything to accommodate Lisa, and make here life a success for her.

“NO!” she erupted. “That’s the problem. I DON’T want to stop having sex with you and the others, well except for Ashley and you know about that, but I’m even rethinking that decision. I want Myron AND everything else.”

“And you feel if you tell him all this he’ll vanish?”

“Yes. What do you think I should do? Oh, one other thing, I really don’t care about his money. I can imagine he’s met some real gold diggers, but the New Lisa is not one of them. I just like the man he is. He’s fun to be with and I like his mind.”

I thought for a minute. “Okay, and this is tough because you’re involved, and I may not be entirely unbiased in my response. Please weigh what I say and be sure you agree. With anybody you want to have a serious relationship with, you have to be candid about your life, feelings, thoughts, and even your fantasies.

“I wouldn’t dump everything on Myron all at once, but if you’ve told each other you love one another then you have some basis for going forward with a few pieces of information. As a starter, I’d remind him that you think he’s the most special man you’ve met, and that because of that you have to tell him some background about yourself. I think you could then tell him what your life had been like up to and including your transformation almost a year ago. You already told him you made a big change of some kind. He asked me about it, but I referred him to you.”

“What about how I feel about you and the others?” Lisa asked.

“I’d be a little more careful there. I believe you’re still struggling with those feelings and we honor that every time you’re with us. We all love you and want to help you in your new life. Maybe you just tell him that and let him draw his own conclusions. I told him we loved each other, but had agreed that I couldn’t be the man for you. He seemed to understand that before I mentioned it.”

“What if he asks whether we’re still sleeping together?”

“Be truthful. If you feel we need to stop, I support your decision because it’s in your long-term best interests.”

“What if the bisexuality bothers him or my sexual relationship with Ashley?”

“Be truthful. I might downplay the incest.”

Lisa thought, “And the money thing?”

“I’m sure he’s made an evaluation of you; if he thought you were after his money he wouldn’t be squiring you around town. The one thing to confirm that is to tell him that if you both go down the serious relationship route that you offer to sign a pre-nuptial or any other kind of agreement that ensures you will keep your hands off his money and his businesses. You have enough to live on, and I’ve told you I’d step in and help in any kind of emergency or shortfall, so you don’t need anything he could offer. I’ve even thought about buying you a new car; I’m worried about the longevity and safety of the one you’re driving now.”

“My car is fine. As for Myron, this is risky, isn’t it?” Lisa said with a shaky voice.

“It is. Love is risky, and sometimes painful and unrequited and lots of other bad things, but in the end, once you find it, it’s the most fabulous thing in the world. I wish I could be all that you want me to be, but I’ve got a few other people I also feel strongly about as you know.”

Lisa sighed, “If only I hadn’t tried to get you to fuck me by slipping into your bed two years ago. I think it’d all be different now. You didn’t like me at all after that little trick.”

I went and pulled Lisa into a hug, “I didn’t like THAT Lisa and it wasn’t only that you tried to slip into my bed uninvited. That person no longer exists; you’re a different person ... but I was wary for a long time, even after we rescued you. I was afraid you’d revert. Now, I’m afraid I might lose you, but I also want you to find a better life for yourself. Myron sure looks like something good for you.”

Lisa squeezed me, “I feel as though that whole prior life was some kind of dream that this conservative little accountant had. You know, nice girl dreams of being a slut and fucking any male that strikes her fancy, and then wakes up to discover she’s not that person.”

I laughed and then kissed her. If someone happened to look in my office door, tough! We were consenting adults, and besides it might help deflect attention from my relationship with Ash and Chris.

I wasn’t laughing four nights later. Lisa arrived on our doorstep just after our dinner hour sobbing uncontrollably. I hadn’t seen her this bad since I’d flown to Erie, Pennsylvania, to rescue her after she’d been in hiding for several months worried that she was being hunted.

She’d driven her car and made it to the house. I worried after the fact about how she’d made the trip given her condition. She wasn’t drunk – hadn’t even had a glass of wine. She was devastated and couldn’t even manage to get out of the car. I was leaning into the car trying to comfort her with the girls around me. We were all trying to ask her what had happened.

She got control of herself enough to say, “I told Myron about me – my past. He wasn’t happy. He walked out of the restaurant where we’d met. I followed him and tried to explain, but he was gone.” The wracking sobs returned.

I wrapped Lisa in my arms and picked her up from the driver’s seat of her car. I carried her inside and to my bedroom. The construction project was going on right outside one wall of the room, but Ron Fried, my contractor, hadn’t broken into the existing house yet. Lisa’s tears flowed like water from a broken dam.

I held Lisa as she sobbed uncontrollably. Ash got behind her and also held her. We both whispered soothing words about our love to her. Lisa eventually fell asleep from emotional exhaustion. Ash and I joined her, but I continued to hold her all night. Marcia and Chris eventually went to sleep on the other bed in the room.

Ashley stayed home with Lisa the next morning, promising to take a taxi to the train station and come to her afternoon classes. Lisa was still an emotional mess, and just babbling about how she’d never get rid of her slutty past or having been a whore.

I had a huge surprise when I came back from the senior-level networks class I taught until noon. Myron Millard was pacing back and forth like a hungry lion outside my office door. When he saw me, he rolled forward at a rapid pace. I gritted my teeth in case he was bent on using physical force.

“We need to talk,” he said in a highly confrontational tone as he stopped just inside my personal space.

“Come in, then,” I said with uncertainty as I unlocked my office door. I did make sure to leave the door open just in case I needed to make a run for it. I purposely didn’t go behind my desk, and gestured to one of chairs as I took another. I didn’t want the perceived distance between us. I had a pretty good idea about what this was going to be about.

“Lisa talked to me last night,” he said in an angry tone.

I broke in with my own tinge of anger, “I know. You walked out on her. She’s devastated and cried an ocean of tears at our house last night. She stayed home from work today. It’s the first day of work she’s missed since she started here. I can’t say I’m very happy with you. That was a rotten thing to do. She’s madly in love with you and what you did hurt her deeply. You left with no explanation. You’d said you loved her. I guess maybe you didn’t.”

He softened, “I’m sorry for that. Her past. It hit me really hard. She was ... a whore.”

“I know, and I still love her,” I replied sharply.

His voice told of his surprise, “She told you and you’re OK with that?”

“Did she tell you WHY she had to resort to that oldest profession? Did you give her time to explain?”

“No,” Myron admitted cautiously.”

I quickly told the story about Lisa witnessing the shooting murder of her date and then also being targeted with the same handgun and when the shot failed, the killer telling her he’d come and finish the job on her real soon – even chasing her as she left the tavern. She’d run, leaving the state and going out west with what little money she had in hand. She tried to do odd jobs, but even those became hard to find because she had to move on so frequently – or she thought she did to avoid being murdered, leaving her with only one other way to make money. She finally gave up on life – her life, and that’s when we finally heard from her and rescued her. She’d turned the corner and another woman emerged from the cocoon that she’d lived in for forty years.”

Myron looked displeased at himself. He admitted, “I never let her tell me. I walked out.” He cussed and murmured, “I’m such a shit!”

I didn’t argue.

“What did she tell you?” I inquired, curious about how much of her past Lisa had revealed to Myron.

“That she’d been an ‘easy’ woman growing up. Had a kid out of wedlock – Ashley, and then been a shitty mother to her, had three short marriages mostly based on sex, drifted in and out of an alcoholic haze and tried a lot of drugs before stopping those bad habits. She said she’d had to and I quote ‘sell her body in a bad situation,’ too; but that she’d finally straightened out, but that was the last I heard. I was already walking away from our table.”

I shook my head. “Myron, she hadn’t been eating much when we rescued her. She’d lost a lot of weight – a lot. She was emaciated when we found her. Her ribs showed and she was gaunt, and she’s not that body type; and her hair was falling out. She didn’t have money for food. She was sleeping on the streets, literally in alleys and behind dumpsters. She was sober and drug free, but panicked out of her mind about someone coming to kill her. The killer was arrested; he’s in jail for a long time thanks to Lisa revealing his name to the police. She didn’t have to testify, so the murderer doesn’t even know who she is. The police assured Lisa that she wasn’t a target any longer.”

Myron was thinking. “Damn,” he said almost silently. I felt he was as mad at the world as he was at himself.

I asked, “Do you know why she told you what she did?”

He frowned and shook his head. “Not really. We had just ordered a glass of wine after I got out of work late. She said she had some things she had to tell me before we went any further in our relationship, and she launched into telling me about losing her virginity when she was thirteen and liking sex so much that she ... well, ‘kept at it with vigor’. She briefly talked about going to college, being a slut as she called it, and then taking jobs as a bar maid so she could pick up guys. The next thing she told me was that she reached a low point when she had to sell her pussy in a couple of cities out west – she’d admitted to prostitution. I’m sorry, but I got up and walked out without another word. Our drinks hadn’t even arrived; we still had our menus. She tried to explain but I walked.”

“And why are you here?” I had a feeling I knew the answer, but I wanted Myron to admit more to himself than to me what he felt.

He swore, “Damn. Because I love her and I don’t know what to do.” Myron’s eyes got glassy. “I wish she hadn’t told me.”

“There’s an old adage about getting your head into something if you like it, but if you really like it you involve you hands and you do something about it, and if you really love whatever it is you commit your heart to it. Head. Hands. Heart. What does your heart tell you to do?”

Myron studied me never dropping eye contact. I could see how he could be a tough negotiator. After thirty seconds he muttered, “I guess I should forgive her, huh?”

I said, “That’s up to you. There’s more she has to tell you, and she’s telling you because she loves you more than anybody else in the universe. She wants you to know what you’re getting so there are no surprises later, and she’s hoping more than anything that you can accept who she’s been, who she’s become, and help her be someone that you love. She’s told us how crazy in love with you she is. She doesn’t need to reveal things to you and have you walk on her again. It’ll kill her.”

“Can you tell me what else she wanted to tell me? It seems that she unburdened herself to you last night.” He seemed a little pissed at me because of that, but I knew most of the things about Lisa even before she’d talked to all of us.

I thought about how much I could say without stealing Lisa’s thunder. I decided it was better to tell Myron and let him think about it instead of getting her hopes up and then having him walk out on her again based on some other piece of information about herself. I explained that thinking in my preface to Myron. I also told him I’d know all of what I was about to say long before the previous evening. I was blunt, in part because it seemed to fit Myron’s style.

“Myron, she loves you a great deal; she told us. I’m not certain but I think you’re the only man who ever really captured her heart, and in record time I might add. She also loves Marcia, Ash, Chris, and me; and yes, we’ve been physical with each other. Lisa discovered she has a bisexual bent to her preferences. She’s enjoyed my partners as well as one other couple, and finds that what we’ve all done together has been loving, fun, exhilarating, and a desirable experience she’d like to continue.

“She’s been worried about reverting to her old wanton ways, but at the same time she wants to explore her sexuality with men and now women. She’s struggling with creating balance in her life about her sexuality. She worried about interacting with her daughter, but even that has some attraction to her, although for the past couple of months she’s avoided those interactions. She was exceptionally afraid that the hint of incest might be the straw that broke the camel’s back in her relationship with you. Ashley would very much like to engage Lisa that way, but is content to give her time to come to her.

“Lisa also struggles with what society has taught us about the only valid relationship being between one woman and one man. I describe my lifestyle as polyamorous, and so do Marcia, Ash, and Chris. We like living together and loving together. I included Lisa in that until recently when she met you, and I think that since then she misses the idea of an intentional family since she’s pulled away from us, at least physically. To tell the truth, I’ve missed her too, but I have no desire to do anything that interferes with her relationship with you in any way. None of us do. Her happiness is very important to all of us – very!