Chapter 8

Over the next few weeks, Audra gave blood. It wasn’t much each time, just enough for Zak to work with and no more than her body is able to replace. During this time, Gunnar is never far from her side and the longest he is away for is when he goes on patrol. She has also recovered fully from her time with the Scourge.

During her last session of giving blood, Kate decides to visit, hoping that the doctor is finally making some headway with a cure. They are told that it is too soon to know for certain, but he would keep them in the loop one way or the other. The visit also allows for the two women to do some catching up.

“I decided to get back in the fight,” Audra informs the other. “I want to get on the front lines with the rest of you.”

Kate is unsurprised by the revelation. “I figured you would be, but you don’t have to be out there. There is a lot you can do inside the base.”

“Yeah, but there is so much more I can do out there too,” the young woman insists.

“And you’re worried for Gunnar,” Kate assumes with a sly smile.

“What do you mean?” Audra asks, trying to deny her feelings, even to herself.

“Oh come on now, Audra,” Kate says, not buying it. “Everyone knows how you and Gunnar have been spending a lot of time with each other.

Audra sits back and feigns ignorance. “What!” she exclaims. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“It’s fine,” Kate says, smiling warmly. “It’s obvious how you two feel for each other.”

“Is it that obvious?” she asks.

Kate simply nods.

“And you think he feels the same about me?”

Again, Kate nods.

“Are you sure?” she asks, uncertain that she wants to believe it.

“Of course I’m sure! You’re the first he has ever shown this much attention for,” Kate says, pouring out the evidence.

Audra leaves the lab feeling better than she has in years. She thinks back to Saige and the time they spent together. She is unsure if those feeling were even real. If it were not for the manipulation, would I still have had them? Was Saige just playing along or did she really have them? It all becomes too much. The more she thinks about it, the more she becomes depressed about it. And the last thing she wants is what may or may not have been real to get in the way of what she definitely knows to be real.

She doesn’t head to her assigned room. She knows that if she goes there, she’ll be alone—alone in a room with four walls and a bed, just like she was at the end of Saige’s life. It isn’t a place she wants to be. No. She needs to go to Gunnar and lay everything out in the open. She needs to hear it from him. She needs to feel normal again.

She finds Gunnar’s quarters and tests the door. It is unlocked. She slowly opens the door. She can vaguely see him sleeping on his back in the dim light coming in from the door. She hadn’t realized just how late it was. Hers and Kate’s conversation had lasted for some time. She steps inside, closing and locking the door behind her and waits for her eyes to adjust to the darkness before moving again.

She silently moves to the foot of them bed and gently pulls the blanket off him. He is wearing a plain white shirt and pair of boxers. Now that she has admitted her own feelings to herself, it is like seeing him in a completely different light. Slowly, imperceptibly, she starts to climb onto the foot of the bed. She reaches out a hand and slowly brushes his leg. It is enough to wake him up.

Gunnar instantly springs up, flipping on the light. He pulls a knife from beneath his pillow and catches himself when he recognizes her. “Audra!” he clamors. “I’m sorry.”

Audra shakes her head. “I understand,” she says, meaning it. “You’re prepared for anything.”

“I got used to it,” he explains. “I spent a lot of time sleeping outside in the open before coming here. I had to be on my toes not to get killed or captured.”

“War can do that,” she says, offering a shallow smile.

“What’s the matter?” he asks, genuinely concerned as he slides away the blade.

“Nothing,” she quickly says. “I just want to ... be with you.”

Gunnar is taken aback. “You don’t know what it is you’re saying,” he says, his voice thick with emotion. I can’t let this happen, no matter how I feel about her.