Chapter 5

We were lying side by side again. We’d caught our breath but said nothing yet. Finally I couldn’t keep it in any longer.

“Did Janet really tell you Todd fucks her?” I asked.

“She was really drunk,” sighed Hannah.

“And you believed her?”

“Who admits they have sex with their brother if it isn’t true?”

“Did she cry about it?”

“It was the opposite. The way it happened was that we’d been drinking that peach brandy, and she said she wished Todd was there. I asked her what she meant and she said she was horny. Then a little more came out and a little more until she was telling me all the places they snuck away to get together.”

“But I thought you said all they did was play doctor and he put his finger in her.”

“That is all they did until last year.”

I thought about it. I knew Todd, but didn’t hang with him. His sister was kind of cute, but had braces and wore glasses. I thought she was kind of a nerd. I tried to imagine Todd on top of her, rutting away. That led me to thinking about how I felt about my sperm getting inside Hannah.

“What do they do about birth control?” I asked.

“Nothing much.”

“What? That’s crazy!”

“I know. I said the same thing. She said he tries to use condoms but she hates them.”

“At least she should get on the pill,” I said.

“Sure. Just go to your Mom and Dad and say something like, ‘Well, I’m sexually active now and I’m going to stay that way. How’s about getting me a prescription to the pill so I can fuck whenever I feel like it?’ That would go over like a lead balloon.”

“It would go over better than having to tell them you’re pregnant,” I said.

“True.”

“Hannah?”

“Yes?”

“When you were ... while I was jacking off while you were...”

“Fucking myself,” she said. “You can just say it, Bobby. I think we’re past being shy about this.”

“When you were fucking yourself with the dildo and I was jacking off, and I came, some of it got on the dildo.”

She rolled her head and looked at me.

“I know. I saw it.”

“But you pushed it back into you,” I said.

“I know. I wanted to.”

“You wanted to get my sperm inside you?!”

She closed her eyes and for a few seconds I thought she wasn’t going to say anything.

“Janet said the best feeling in the world is your brother’s spunk up inside your pussy.”

“Fuck me,” I groaned.

She opened her eyes again.

“I just wanted to know what it felt like.”

My mind was blown, but somewhere in there was a shred of rational processing capacity. That part caused my vocal cords to respond.

“And?”

She stared into my eyes.

“I loved it,” she whispered. “Knowing it was in me was what made me cum.”

Things had obviously gone off the rails. It was obvious to both of us. What started out as Hannah wanting to look sexy in pictures had somehow morphed into this Godzilla sized monster wading through our lives, crushing our capacity to be normal, and unleashing something within us that was as impossible to tame as Godzilla was.

This transition from siblings who grated on each other, to lovers who embraced a new, clearly taboo kind of relationship, happened in a slow, incomprehensible way. It really was like the proverbial camel, upon which someone keeps placing straw, piling it higher and higher, thinking that everything is under control, until that final straw breaks the beast’s back.

It was also like running from a forest fire.

You can’t go back. At least until the fire is out and you try to rebuild what was consumed.

Even then, it won’t be like it was originally. It can’t be.

The seriousness of the situation was not lost on either of us. We knew we couldn’t just keep running, trying to dodge the monster rampaging through our lives.

To end the analogy, we sought refuge, hiding from the beast, by staying away from each other.

Neither of us was happy, though.

Hannah went out with Steve three more times before he broke up with her. He had to have more than she was willing to give. He just had no idea that what he wanted, she had given to me.

Our segregation lasted a month, until the fourth of July, in fact, when our parents unknowingly made it impossible for us to avoid the issue. Our aunt and uncle came to stay with us for the long holiday, and Mom gave them Hannah’s room, because it had the bigger bed in it.

“Hannah can sleep in your room,” she said to me. “I know you don’t want to, but it’s only for a few days.”

“And where is she supposed to sleep?” I asked.

“Your father is out selecting a camping cot for you to sleep on,” she said, looking at me. “I haven’t seen my sister in three years. Please cooperate with me on this.”

We resisted a little longer, staying up as long as we could, but around ten they started playing bridge and Mom told us to “go on to bed.” We knew that meant the adults wanted to talk without us listening.

Hannah sat on the bed and I stood, looking at the cot.

“I can sleep on the cot,” she said.

“You know you toss and turn,” I said.

“What are we going to do?” she moaned.

“I don’t know.”

“I haven’t been on a date in two weeks,” she said. It was summer and the word about her breakup with Steve hadn’t gotten around yet. Either that or all the guys assumed she already had another boyfriend already. I knew how that worked. I’d wanted to ask Abby Baldwin to the homecoming dance the previous year, but had assumed she already had a date. Everybody else did too. She arrived at the dance by herself. Well, with two other girls, but it’s the same thing.

“I know,” I said.

“So why am I so horny?” she moaned.

“I’m irresistible?” I joked.

She wasn’t amused.

She took her clothes off, right there in front of me, and put on a long T shirt. She left her panties on the floor.

“I’m going to bed,” she said. She climbed on my bed and sat down, Indian style. The shirt did nothing to cover her pussy.

I started getting undressed. She just watched. I wasn’t wearing underwear again and when I stood up from removing my shorts let’s just say it was obvious I found her attractive.

I went to my dresser and got a pair of running shorts out.

“You may as well leave them off,” said Hannah.

“Why?”

“Because if you come to bed with them on, I’m just going to take them off.”

“Hannah.”

“I’m tired of feeling this way,” she said. “I’m tired of fighting it. I just want to be who I am.”

“What if somebody comes in?” I asked.

“Lock the door,” she said.

“And what happens when Mom finds the door locked?”

“It gives us time to get decent before we open it and tell her it was just your habit to lock the door.”

“I don’t have a habit of locking the door,” I said.

“You do, now.” She pulled the shirt up and off, dragging her hair out of the neck hole before reaching to drop the shirt beside the bed.

“You make a lot of noise when you cum,” I reminded her.

In answer, she flopped onto her back and reached for one of the pillows. She covered her face with it and sort of shouted into it. In the process, she was splayed out naked on my bed, unashamed and obviously willing to be that way.

She pulled the pillow up and put it under her head. She pulled her heels up and opened herself to me obscenely. Her right hand went to play with her pussy lips.

“Well?”

“It was still kind of loud,” I said.

“Come to bed,” she said, softly. “I promise I’ll be quiet.”

I’d gotten close to getting her off with my fingers once, so I decided I could maybe do that better and then after she was happy I could jack off and everything would be copasetic.

I had just slid my middle finger deep inside her, feeling with the tip of my finger for a kind of rubbery knob I’d felt in there before, when she covered her face with both hands and said, “Fuuuck.”