Chapter 17

One week later ... exactly two weeks after the birthday wish that changed everything.

“And in other news, His Grace, God-King-Emperor Nicholas I, has decreed a full jubilee to celebrate his accession. Prisons, of course, are already empty thanks to Judgment Day resolving any crimes and punishments, but now all personal, private, and public debts that remained after Judgment Day have been absorbed by the Crown and forgiven by it in the interest of ‘restarting the economy anew.’

“The mark, of course, is now the global standard currency, and as noted since the Edict of Wages, the minimum wage is now twenty marks per hour, the maximum salary at sixty-nine thousand marks per annum for the present, even for the King. Health care, postal services, mass transit, public transportation, railways, munitions, the Internet itself, electricity, coal, oil, natural gas, water, and nuclear power are all now state-run industries or utilities. Most of the economy, however, remains very much under private rather than public ownership.

“Trade union membership is now mandatory worldwide, a single federation operated out of Jerusalem under the auspices of Histadrut. Histadrut, of course, has had to turn over or sell off its various businesses so as to preserve its independence from management and the Crown. As it retains the freedom to strike, Histadrut, soon to be renamed according to its website, will have enormous collective bargaining power in a world where right-to-work laws have been abolished.

“The most important public policy news, however, is the implementation of a universal basic income for all citizens, permanently and without any means testing. The initial amount is set at two thousand marks per month, according to the Commissar of Social Services, Princess Tasneem Durant of House Durant.

“In other news, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have publicly added the Duchess’s sister, Pippa Middleton to their marriage in a three-way civil ceremony personally officiated by the Duke’s own brother, Prince Harry, the Duke of Sussex. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are reportedly looking into adding a third spouse as well, though the sex of said spouse has not yet been determined. Also, the Earl and Countess of Wessex, Prince Edward and Princess Sophie, have formally added another husband to their marriage, none other than Hollywood actor Richard Gere. Gere is apparently married now to both the Earl and the Countess, not merely one or the other.

“That concludes your most recent news update for the top of this hour. I’m Deborah Norville with the Royal News Service, pleased to actually get to do the real news again for a change. Full disclosure, I am now pregnant with the King’s spawn myself, thanks to sexual congress with him during the Judgment Day orgy,” the newswoman told the world while we watched from my palatial new home.

“You know, you’re doing quite well for only making sixty-nine thousand marks a year,” Dana Delany told me while rubbing my back on the massage table.

“Yes, well, it helps that I was able to requisition the Apostolic Palace for my own use. Being a nice guy, though, as you noticed, I didn’t kick poor Pope Francis out. He gets to stay and hang around the rest of us as we do what we do. It also helps that I stipulated that I never have to pay income taxes or power bills or any other kind of bills ever again. My contributions to humanity are such that I should be absolved from any tax liabilities and utilities, right? So are yours, in fact, which is why you are absolved from taxes as well.

“Now that much of the excess wealth has been widely redistributed, there’s not as much need for higher taxes on the considerable wealth that I let the worthy celebrities, heirs, heiresses, princes, and moguls keep, is there? Of course, just to be safe, I removed any further envy, resentment, jealousy, etc. that already existed, though I haven’t prevented any new feelings of that type. Rich people still exist, but not as many of them and they’re not so obscenely rich that they excite so much hostility. They don’t get to run the show, anyway. Not anymore,” I observed as I pulled Dana in for a kiss.

“Speaking of Pope Francis, I just got done fucking him, per your instructions. He might put up a pious front and all, but not even the Pope can say no to this body when it’s naked in front of him. Especially not with you removing his and every other person’s sexual hang-ups, taboos, and inhibitions on Earth. That was pretty cool, too.

“Sure, some might miss the feeling of ‘guilty pleasures,’ but on balance, you did us all a favor by extinguishing the flames of Hell in our minds, the subconscious fears, terror, remorse, and scruples over sexual promiscuity, adultery, incest, sodomy, etc.,” Sammie Jo announced her presence as she stuck her tits in my face.

“It was clever of our King not to dissolve the churches, mosques, synagogues, etc. outright, but to require them to pay taxes and butt out of people’s sex lives. Telling them to stop declaring adultery, divorce, and remarriage mortal sins was a stroke of genius! That new mandatory global curriculum for all schools and even for home-scholing, that really puts the kybosh on people learning the ‘traditional family values’ of the outdated past. Especially since you can alter people’s genes as to remove any negative consequences of incest, for instance,” Aunt Tessa spoke up now, kissing the back of my knees that Dana just massaged.

“Yeah, he’s a great guy, no doubt of that! He even made the Vatican approve of gay priests, married priests, female priests, even polygamous priests! Lesbian priests, lesbian nuns, though those last existed in secret in the past, crossdessing and transgender nuns, non-binary monks, even naked or nudist nuns, very clever indeed!

“I love that even even Christian high schools are doing ‘hands-on’ sex education and there’s not even a mention of abstinence! Mind you, the new age of consent being fourteen worldwide tends to help as well. Orgies in the teachers’ lounge, all kinds of great fun, and with the universal basic income and universal paid parental leave, there’s less of a worry, right?” Mom added for her part.

“Yeah, that was pretty sweet. Plus, there’s only what, a billion or so adults left, three billion people max, total if you count the underage ... that’s a lot less strain on natural and public resources nowadays. It also leaves room for a baby boom, which is good, because I’m pretty damn sure that we’re getting one now. I think that Dana’s already pregnant to you, are you, Dana?” Aunt Eliza noted as she sucked my toes.

“Yep. And I’m tickled pink about it! I never wanted to be a mommy in the past ... but now I so do! Sixty plus and pregnant for the first time ever! I want to get knocked every year for the next decade at least. A baby by you, another by your old man, one by each of your cousins and your Uncle Jethro ... it could be loads of fun. I also love that you turned half of the remaining men on the planet into futanari. You basically created a third sex where only two existed in the past,” Dana licked her lips before flipping me over and riding me on the massage table.

“Someone’s got the King Nick jones, don’t they?” Katie teased Dana now.

“Oh, like we don’t?” Mara pointed out to our sister.

“Oh, I never said THAT! I just love how little self-control Dana has lately. She has to fuck or get fucked at least ten times a day, I think,” Katie laughed, “it’s a beautiful thing, I think!”

“Hey, I’m just getting in touch with my inner slut, that’s all,” Dana laughed as she waved her glorious tits in my face and bounced lustfully on my pole.

“This must be one helluva sturdy massage table to withstand my weight!” I joked, well aware that I had altered the table to make it withstand a lot of impact and motion.

“Oh, you’re not that fat, studmuffin! Well, other than this little fella, who ain’t so little, either,” Dana winked at me and kissed me fiercely as she rode me harder.

“Well, his dick before wasn’t anything to sneeze at, but since he enhanced it, dear God, it’s the greatest cock on Earth, bar none!” Aunt Tessa bragged on my prick, of course, being very proud of it.

“Yeah, Mama, it would make Joe Caputo the ‘beer can’ warden guy from Orange Is The New Black green with envy!” my cousin-wife Sabrina commented now.