Chapter 49: Tomorrow is Another Day

March 15, 1993, Chicago, Illinois

“I owe you an apology,” I said to Samantha when she arrived home.

“For?”

“For going out last night without letting anyone know where I was going. I broke a house rule, and I’m sorry.”

Samantha smiled, “You don’t owe me an explanation!”

“Actually, I do. The rules apply to everyone, including me. How can I ask the kids to follow them if I don’t? It’s a matter of respect; of respecting them as I expect them to respect me.”

“Most adults aren’t like you.”

“No, they aren’t. But you’ll find that the ones in this house are, and my closest friends are on the same page.”

“What happened with Jessica last night?”

“What do you mean?”

“She slept downstairs. Something happened.”

“It’s complicated. Will you let me slide on answering that until she comes home tonight?”

Samantha smiled again, “You’ve always been honest and up-front. Yes.”

“Thanks,” I said.

We went to sit down for dinner. I was surprised that I hadn’t heard from Al, and wondered what had happened. I decided I’d call him as soon as I finished eating. It was normal for Jessica not to be at a Monday dinner, so I didn’t have to worry about a bad reaction from the kids. When we finished, Elyse helped Abbie clean up while Kara and I went to my study to call Al.

“I swear, she is more stubborn than I am,” Al growled after Belinda called him to the phone.

“What happened?”

“She said she had nothing to say to me and that everything was fine.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it!”

“I agree,” he said. “But she denied there were any problems of any kind. She said, and I quote, ‘Everything is perfect’.”

“I do not get it,” I sighed.

“I suppose you should try to talk to her when she gets home. Maybe she’s worked through whatever the issue was and she’ll be fine.”

“I wouldn’t count on that,” I said.

“She needs you, Steve. Please, please hang in there.”

“It gets old eventually, Al. It really does.”

“Please don’t give up on her. I know it’s tough.”

“As a father, I understand your concern for your daughter, but if she refuses my help, there is nothing I can do about it.”

“Promise me that you’ll try.”

“I’ll try,” I said.

There wasn’t really anything else to say, so we hung up.

“She didn’t talk to him?” Kara asked.

“No. She claimed everything was fine. Actually, she told Al things were perfect. We all know that’s a load of crap. Let’s go to karate. It’ll give me something to do for an hour.”

Karate didn’t take my mind of the situation, but it had, indeed, given me something to do besides sit around and wait for Jessica to come home. After our showers, Kara and I debated if we should walk to the hospital or not. In the end, we decided to do it. We donned light jackets as the temperature had been rising all day and it was in the low 40s. We arrived at the hospital about ten minutes early, and sat on the bench outside.

Jessica came out, and as I expected, simply walked right past us. Kara and I quickly caught up with her.

“Jessica, are you going to talk to us?” I asked.

“About what? You made your decision.”

“This? Again?” I said, showing my exasperation.

“You decided.”

“Bullshit! YOU decided. You created an impossible situation and then declared it was no longer your issue. You’re acting like a toddler!”

She said nothing and simply kept walking.

“Jessica,” Kara pleaded, “what about me?”

“You enabled this behavior. I can’t trust you.”

“What?!” Kara gasped.

“Forget it, Kara,” I said angrily. “The selfish bitch is determined to wreck our marriage and nothing you say is going to dissuade her. Fine. I’m done.”

I turned to the right when we were supposed to turn left, and I wasn’t surprised when Kara followed me instead of Jessica.

“Steve, please,” Kara begged.

“Please what? You heard her! She thinks you’re just as evil as I am. And Elyse. And Bethany. And Jennifer. And Melanie. And everyone else. If this had happened four years ago, I’d say the response was legitimate. Now? No. She was looking for a reason to destroy our relationship. You know what will happen if I cut my sister off completely the way Jessica is demanding! It’ll destroy everything! Jessica knows that. And yet she’s persisting. She wants it to be over. That’s the only logical explanation.”

“Then what do we do?”

“Wait for her to make the next move. That’s all we can do.”

“Where are you going now?”

“Al’s house. He’ll still be up. Come along if you wish.”

“I do. We have to find a solution to this!”

“I’m open to any ideas,” I said.

“Could you talk to your sister?”

“And say what? Pretend to be cut off? Forget about being part of my life forever? Forget about being CEO of NIKA? All to satisfy Jessica who will only find some OTHER pretext to break it off?”

“You believe that?”

“I do. It’s a pretext. Even if I do what she says, something else will come up and she’ll use THAT.”

“So what happens now?”

“I have no idea what she’s thinking. Let’s go talk to Al.”

We arrived at his house less than ten minutes later. I knocked, rather than ringing the bell, and he came to the door. When he saw us, his look became grim, and he invited us into his study.

“Everything is NOT ‘perfect’,” I said. “She has the same exact attitude she had this morning. She’s bound and determined to wreck our marriage. I’m starting to believe I’ve been used for seven years. She has what she wants and I’m no longer necessary. But she can’t accept responsibility for ending it, so she’s trying to push it onto me and make it my fault. And Kara’s fault.”

“I don’t believe this,” Al sighed. “Everything was going so well!”

“So it seemed, but it was a front. She used me, Al. She used all of us.”

“You’re giving up?”

“SHE’s giving up,” I said. “There is literally nothing I can do to fix this. She’ll simply come up with some other pretext to achieve her desired result. That said, I’m going to let her make the next move. I won’t kick her out, and I won’t divorce her.”

“Then there’s a glimmer of hope.”

“I suppose,” I replied. “But she’s going to have to make the move. I’ve run out of things to say or do.”

“Did you talk with Doctor Swanson or Doctor Lewis?”

“I’ll see Doctor Swanson tomorrow. I’ll tell her. I don’t usually talk to Doctor Lewis.”

“I think I’ll have a talk with Doctor Sinha, as well,” Al said.

“Give it a try, but to be blunt, the Fellowship is the only thing she cares about at this point.”

“If you’re thinking about trying to mess with that, please don’t.”

I shook my head, “I won’t. The thought crossed my mind, but I care too much about her to do that to her.”

Al smiled, “As I said, a glimmer of hope.”

We shook hands, Kara gave him a hug, and then Kara and I walked home. Elyse was in the great room watching TV.

“She went upstairs, then went to the basement,” Elyse said quietly. “I was surprised when she came home alone.”

“We went to Al’s house,” I said. “Jessica called Kara an enabler and said she couldn’t be trusted.”

“What a load of shit!” Elyse said. “You’re right. She’s looking for reasons to destroy all her relationships. What are you going to do?”

“Now? Go to bed. Tomorrow is another day.”

March 16, 1993, Chicago, Illinois

“She what?!” Gina asked as we stretched.

“I’m not kidding. She made it abundantly clear that our marriage is over.”

“But why?”

“She no longer needs me. She has her Fellowship and everything is ‘perfect’, or so she told Doctor Barton yesterday.”

“That makes no sense!”

“You’re telling me? She won’t talk to me. She won’t talk to Kara. She won’t talk to Al.”

“I am going to go down to the ER this afternoon and beat some sense into that stupid girl!”

“Just watch out,” I said. “The claws and fangs are out. For everyone. I guess she still needs Al Barton until she actually starts the Fellowship.”

Gina nodded, “He has to sign her final evaluation and if he doesn’t, she’ll lose the position and it would go to an alternate.”

“I won’t hold my breath, but give it a try. At this point, none of us have anything to lose.”

“Let’s run,” Gina sighed.

We did, and when we finished, we hugged, and I headed home. I didn’t bother going to the basement at all. I showered, ate breakfast with Kara, made sure I spent a few minutes with the kids, and then Elyse and I walked out to my car to head to the office.

“I need to thank Dave and Julia for bringing you home,” I said.

“It’s not like it’s out of their way, really. They’re only five blocks from here.”

“I know, but even so.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Nothing. I did talk to Gina this morning and she said she was going to go down to the ER and beat some sense into Jessica, but I’m not sure that’s possible.”

“How can anyone be that cold and calculating?”

“We’ve run into several people like that in the last year,” I said.

“But why have kids? That part makes zero sense!”

“Cover. Refusing to have kids would have blown her cover completely.”

“Come on!” Elyse said, clearly disbelieving me. “Nobody is THAT cold and calculating!”

“Tell me a different story, then,” I said.

“I don’t think I can,” she said after a moment’s silence.

“No, I don’t think you can, either.”

“You’ll never take her back at this point, will you?”

“Never is a long time. But our relationship will certainly change. She’s gone on about how she can’t trust me or Kara, but after this, how can we trust her? Nothing she says will carry any weight.”

“What about the kids?”

“Hell if I know. Everything depends on what she decides to do.”

“I want to ask you a question, but I have NOTHING to base this on. It’s just a question.”

“Go on,” I said.

“What if there’s another guy?”

“You mean a dalliance? Or something else?”

“Either way?”

“We’ve talked about her having the same freedoms I do. If that’s what she wants to do, all she has to do is tell me about it.”

“Are you sure about that? Are you sure you can handle it?”

“You and Eduardo? Bethany’s various lovers? Abbie and Henry? Samantha’s thing in Monaco?”

“None of us is your wife. Two things would explain what she’s doing without her being a coldhearted bitch. That she had an affair and didn’t tell you, or that she’s fallen in love with someone.”

“The first one, we could work through. It’s not as if I’ve been a saint, you know!”

Elyse smiled knowingly, “I wonder, though. She might feel as if the betrayal was unforgivable.”

“What do you know?” I demanded.

“Nothing! I promise. This is merely idle speculation. I’m trying to figure out what has her behaving so irrationally!”

“Irrational to you, but perfectly rational in her mind. If I’m right, that is.”

“I know I went off on her on Sunday night, but I still don’t see what you think you see.”

“And I don’t see her having an affair. It doesn’t fit. Back when I was going totally crazy? Maybe. But now? She’s getting what she always wanted! It’s taking time, but things are slowly moving her direction.”

“OK, then how about another silly idea? What if THAT is the problem? That she doesn’t want as much attention as you’re giving her? That you and Kara are smothering her?”

I almost denied that outright, but then something told me that there might be something to that.

“Maybe,” I allowed. “Maybe.”

I exited the Dan Ryan at 22nd Street.

“What are you doing?” Elyse asked.

“We’re going home to test your theory.”

“What?!”

“I think you may be onto something and if that’s what it is, then I want to fix it, now, before it gets worse.”

“That was just wild speculation!” Elyse protested.

“And yet, I suspect there might be some truth to it. My relationship with Al. Kara and me insisting we walk her to and from work. More or less planning her off-hours schedule. The kids and the responsibilities of being a mom. All of that might be interfering with her unitary goal of being the best trauma surgeon in the history of the world.”

“But don’t we all have to compromise?”

“You and I think so. Jessica does not. She’s never, ever had any goal in life except to be a trauma surgeon and every other thing has taken a back seat to that or been done in support of that. Everything. I think the error we’ve all made is assuming she believed in compromise. She doesn’t. I failed to realize that; or rather, failed to understand what it truly meant.”

“So why not just tell you?”

“Because she’s afraid that I’d push back and tell her she had to compromise. And she doesn’t want to.”

“How far are you willing to go?” Elyse asked.

“As far as necessary,” I said.

“Don’t compromise your values,” Elyse said.

“It’s not about that,” I said. “It’s about understanding what she needs from me. Not what I think she needs.”

We arrived back at the house and found Jessica in the sunroom with the kids.

“We need to talk,” I said.

“You’ve changed your decision?” Jessica asked.

“No, but that’s not the issue, and you know it. Come to my study, please.”

“You’re wasting your time.”

“No, I don’t think so. Hear me out, then I’ll go to work.”

“Fine,” she sighed.

We went to my study and I shut the door.

“You don’t have to wreck our relationship, Babe. You just need to tell me what you need, or rather, what you don’t need.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I think Kara and I might be smothering you. This goes back to our ‘lovey-dovey’ conversation. And back to what you told me about what you wanted in a husband when we were driving back from Maine. You said you got what you needed - a man who would let you do what you wanted to do in your career, provide orgasms on demand, and let you explore your fantasies. You even pointed out that I came complete with another girl who would keep me more or less occupied while you were gone, and who could let you play around with some strange desires you had.

“You confirmed that to Samantha last May. You told her you wanted someone who would escort you, look good on your arm, and curl your toes. You told her you assumed, given your crazy schedule, that I’d have a mistress, and so long as you approved of her, that would be fine. You even told Samantha I came complete with a mistress already included!

“Well, Kara and I failed you. Not because we didn’t do enough, but perhaps because we did too much. We defined the relationship with you on OUR terms, not yours. I knew your single-minded focus and I didn’t take it into proper consideration. I pushed you to be what I wanted you to be, not what you had told me you wanted to be. I know you tried to be what I wanted and it isn’t working for you.