Chapter 4: Getting To Know You, Part II

June 22, 1992, Iron Mountain, Michigan

I bent my head slightly so my lips briefly touched Jodie’s. I lifted my head, dropped one of her hands, and continued our walk. I didn’t know exactly how far Jodie was going to take this, and I didn’t want to put any pressure on her at all. If that brief brush of our lips was all that ever happened, that was fine by me. I was being cautious, and perhaps even overly so, because of what had happened with Samantha.

That obviously still bothered me and was weighing on my mind. But that was my problem, not Jodie’s, and I couldn’t allow it to affect how this relationship developed, except from the standpoint of ensuring that I didn’t repeat a past mistake. That said, there was a serious limit to how far this could go unless Jodie’d had an STD test, and we talked about birth control. I had to be careful about how I raised those issues, because I didn’t want to imply something Which led Jodie to make a bad choice.

“You’re thinking again,” she said.

“Yes.”

“About me?”

“Yes.”

“What are you thinking?”

“About the fact that you’re a sweet young woman and that I don’t want to do anything that would hurt you.”

“And that’s why that kiss was just kind of like a sixth grader with his first kiss?”

I chuckled, “Yes.”

“If I asked you to give me a real kiss, would you?”

“Yes,” I nodded. “Are you asking?”

“Yes.”

I stopped, drew Jodie into my arms and lowered my lips to hers for a ‘real’ kiss. Her soft lips parted and her tongue sought mine. It was sweet and sexy, but not at all urgent. We kissed for about thirty seconds, then I broke the kiss, released my embrace, and took Jodie’s hand. We started walking again.

“That was really nice,” she said.

“I thought so, too. I should have asked this before, but do you have a boyfriend?”

“No. There are a few guys I hang out with, you know, but nobody I’m sweet on the way Billy and Ellen are. I go on dates, like to the movies and stuff, and I go to dances. But no steady guy. And now that I’ve decided to leave Iron Mountain, I probably won’t go steady with anyone my Senior year. It’ll be the way it’s always been with my guy friends. You were worried about that?”

“Yes. And I should have asked even before that first kiss. It’s not right to interfere in someone’s relationship.”

“But what about you and those girls?”

“What did they tell you?” I asked.

“Well, they teased me and said if I was interested in you the way it looked like I was, I could have fun with you and they wouldn’t be upset. I got the idea you have other girls, at least sometimes. Elyse was pretty direct and made me blush.”

“That sounds like Elyse,” I nodded.

“She said she could tell by looking in your eyes that you wanted me. You know what I mean, I’m sure. And that if I wanted that, I could have it, as long as I followed some rules. But as I said, she was really direct.”

“And now you’re confused.”

“Very. You fool around with all three of those girls?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“And they let you fool around with other girls, too? Including going all the way?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Why do they allow it? Because they love me and want me to be happy. It’s all part of that really long story that would take all night to tell.”

Jodie smiled, “I have all night if you want to talk!”

“If you want me to tell the story, I will.”

“Maybe. So they let you go all the way with any girl you want?”

“It’s not quite that simple,” I replied with a soft smile. “I’m guessing Elyse, as blunt as she was, didn’t explain all the limits. For example, I would never be with anyone who was in a relationship. And I’d never be with anyone I couldn’t tell my wives about. And there are many groups of people who are off limits, such as people who work for me, or work with Jessica or Kara. And the girls have to follow the rules Elyse told you about. That rule she gave you is extremely important, and I can’t ever ignore it. You understand that, right?”

From the corner of my eye, I saw Jodie nod, then bite her lip. She stopped once again, and as she had before, took my other hand in hers and looked me in the eyes. We stood there for a moment in silence before she spoke.

“So we could make out? I mean, if you wanted to?”

This was the moment of truth, the point where I could turn back without risking upsetting her. If I gently pushed back here, we could get on the horses and ride on. If I answered her affirmatively, it would start down a path from which we couldn’t return. That one serious kiss could be written off. Telling her I was willing to make out with her, couldn’t. That didn’t mean we’d end up having sex, but it put it clearly on the table, and once THAT happened, the relationship would be changed forever.

I had to quickly ask myself once again what I wanted to do, and what I should do. Prior to Samantha, I had certainly been interested in Jodie, as my wives and Elyse had pointed out. But then I’d made the arrangement with Samantha, and taken it, and pretty much everything else, off the table. Now, it seemed, Samantha had terminated our arrangement. I believed Jeri because there was no possible reason for her to lie about it at this point which I could discern. The same was true for Lisa. If they wanted John back with Lisa, the ONLY way that I might even consider helping was if Samantha talked to me.

Then there was the question of the one, long-term relationship, but that was back in the ‘discussion’ stage based on my conversations with my wives and Elyse. All three of them clearly thought not only that this was OK, but that it was a good idea. Something to take my mind off Samantha, as it were. But that made me wonder if I was using Jodie. If she was just a ‘pick me up’ to keep me from being depressed, I couldn’t do it. A lot would depend on her state of mind as well.

That meant a conversation. A conversation I wasn’t sure she was ready to have. And if she couldn’t have that conversation, did I have any business thinking about making out with her, let alone having sex with her? I had strong suspicions that she was a virgin, though I could be mistaken and she was just being cautious and was nervous because of the situation, or because she had very little experience. I’d answer her question, but then we’d have to talk.

“Yes, we could.”

“And if that’s all I wanted to do?”

That made me more comfortable. A make-out session was very different from sex, and could, also be regarded as a bit of fun without too much meaning. Make-out sessions were a regular part of dating, and while they might hold the promise of more, especially to a teenage boy, they usually didn’t lead to anything more than just making out. Well, and the guy needing relief by his own hand afterwards. And that limit was clearly something which was under her complete control.

“That’s totally up to you,” I said. “I understand limits.”

“Will you answer a question for me? Truthfully?”

“Sure.”

“Do you want to do that with me?”

It was an interesting question. She’d implied she wanted to, but wasn’t sure I wanted to. That told me that I’d behave properly and hadn’t said or done anything that was too forward.

“Yes.”

“And more?” she asked softly. “Like third base? Honest now.”

I should have expected that question would follow. I had another chance to gracefully exit by suggesting that we not go beyond making out. But she’d asked me to be honest, and I’d truly had enough lies in the past few days to last me a lifetime. That meant telling the truth.

“Yes,” I said, “if that’s what you wanted.”

“And you would go all the way?”

Not ‘would you’ but ‘you would’. To me, that was a clear statement that she wanted to ‘go all the way’ with me, but was unsure I’d want to. She was looking for honesty, and I’d give it to her, but it also wasn’t that simple.

“Yes, if that’s what we both want, and we decide together to do it.”

“Decide together?” she asked.

“Yes, because I don’t want to hurt you or mislead you or give you the wrong idea. And that means talking about it and about what it means.”

She had a confused look on her face, which only confirmed my caution.

“Can we go sit? There’s a big rock with a flat top by the brook I like to sit on sometimes.”

“Sure,” I agreed.

She took my hand and led me back to the brook and across a few flat stones. Just past the edge of the clearing was a rock about three-and-a-half feet tall with a flat top as she’d described. One person could sit cross-legged on it, but it was easily big enough for both of us to sit on, if we dangled our legs over the side. She hopped up and patted the spot next to her. I had to sit at a bit of an angle, so our shoulders and hips touched but our knees were a couple of inches apart.

“What did you mean?” she asked. “About what it means?”

“You know I’m only here until Saturday, and then I’m going back to Chicago. Depending on what you decide to do about school, I probably won’t see you for another year, at least. Next summer, I’m going to Japan for a month, and that means I probably can’t take another week off work to come here.”

“Japan? Why?”

“To study karate with my karate master’s master. They wanted me to go for six months, but there’s no way I can do that because of family and work.”

“That makes sense.”

“And beyond that, if you do decide to come to Chicago for school, I can’t promise what my situation will be when you arrive. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

“That it might only be this week? Or even just today?”

“Yes. I can’t promise anything in the future, and you know I’m married and have kids, so it couldn’t ever be anything permanent, or even very long term.”

“You sound as if you’re trying to convince me it would be a bad idea.”

“No, I’m trying to make sure you have the right understanding.”

“So it would just be to have some fun with me?”

The answer to that was both ‘yes’ and ‘no’. But she didn’t understand me well enough to tell her that, and we surely didn’t have enough time for me to try to explain. But I thought I knew what she was asking.

“If you mean that I’m not in love with you, then you’re correct. And if you need to be in love with someone and have them in love with you to go all the way, then we shouldn’t.”

She was quiet for a minute, then put her hand on my leg, just above the knee.

“You’re trying to protect me!” she said.

“Yes. Exactly.”

“Maybe we could just make out some and I could decide what I want later.”

A SUPREMELY bad idea, but she didn’t realize it. If she was like most girls I knew, she’d get into it and not want to stop. Visions of Annie Martinsen flashed through my head. A girl who wanted to make out, but then got so excited that she didn’t stop me from making love to her. And I was NOT going to have a repeat of that disaster. No how. No way. But, I also couldn’t ask her to commit blindly to doing it. But even then, telling her she had the right to stop at any point didn’t mean she would stop, even if she had second thoughts.

I suppressed a smile. I was overanalyzing the situation, much like Vizzini in The Princess Bride. The question was, which cup had the poison in it. And in this situation, as in the movie, BOTH did. And I had the built-up immunity to Iocane powder. She didn’t. I could stop if I felt something was wrong. I wasn’t sure that she could. But that idea was at least a little, if not a lot, patronizing. She was a person with an independent will and the freedom to decide for herself. To a point, I corrected myself. We all were products of events and circumstances, and couldn’t necessarily escape them.

And here I was, having a philosophical debate with myself. ‘New Steve’ debating his behavior, and trying to consider all angles. Trying to consider inflection points and points of no return. All the while a confused beautiful young girl sat next to me. Confused partly because I wasn’t behaving as she’d expected; and partly because she herself wasn’t sure. I really wanted to come right out and ask her if she was a virgin or not, but it just didn’t seem to be the right thing to do.

Did that matter? I put no stock in such things, beyond enjoying teaching and getting a thrill out of what Claire had called the ‘Star Trek experience’ - to boldly go where no man has gone before. The problem was, it might matter to HER. And I didn’t want her making a bad decision. But, I reminded myself, it would be her decision. And I could, with my experience, lead her right to whatever decision I wanted her to make. I was, as the old Colossal Cave Adventure game said, ‘IN A MAZE OF TWISTY LITTLE PASSAGES, ALL ALIKE’. Or, ‘So I clearly cannot choose the wine in front of you!’. I shook my head.

“No, that’s not the right approach,” I said gently. “It’s kind of like playing with fire. We could easily get to a point where your body demanded something your heart didn’t want. I’m not saying you would need to agree to ‘go all the way’ before we started kissing, but I know from experience that it’s possible it will happen.”

“Do you always think about it so much? And talk about it so much?”

“Not always, but often. Especially in situations like this one.”

“Why?”

“For exactly the reasons I told you at the start of the conversation. So I don’t do something foolish or dumb, and so I don’t hurt you emotionally.”

“And you think it would be foolish or dumb or hurt me?”

“I don’t know. I guess that’s a question for you. But I do need to ask one question that might take the decision out of our hands. The thing Elyse told you about, did you do it?”

She nodded, “Yes. The paper is in my back pocket. And I borrowed some rubbers from Billy’s desk.”

“Borrowed?” I chuckled. “I don’t think he’d want them back!”

She laughed. “OK, I stole them! I was afraid to go to the drug store or the grocery store because they all know me.”

“He might miss them.”

“Nah, he has a big box. I bet he doesn’t count them!”

“Well, you can return them either way. I had a vasectomy. Do you know what that is?”

She laughed hard, and shook her head in amusement, “Steve, I live on a farm! I know all about neutering animals! I’ve probably seen more sex than you have! It’s just horses, cows, sheep, pigs, dogs, cats, and bunnies.”

“Sorry. I should have realized.”

“It’s OK. The first time I saw two horses I was four and I ran away crying! I bet you were WAY older.”

“Yes, quite a bit, depending on what you mean, either fifteen or twenty-two. I’m talking about seeing people, not animals.”

“I haven’t seen people do it except at the movies, and then it’s not like when you see the animals.”

She obviously hadn’t seen a pornographic movie. And she certainly hadn’t seen John Holmes who I thought might make one of her horses cry in a relative measuring contest! It struck me as funny how cavalier she instantly became talking about the animals mating, but then again, that was part of her everyday life.

“Could I sit in your lap?” Jodie asked.

“Aren’t you afraid the horses will run away crying?” I teased.

She laughed hard, “I think they might have seen Billy and Ellen in the hayloft, so probably not!”

I helped her move so that she was sitting sideways in my lap. I wrapped my arms around her and she put hers around my neck. She looked me deeply in the eyes, then kissed my nose, and giggled. I did the same to her. It seemed like she was feeling her way forward, wanting something; something she was nervous about. She kissed me on the cheek and I did the same to her.