Chapter 47: Conflagration

March 14, 1993, Chicago, Illinois

“Thank you,” Stephanie said, and kissed my cheek.

“That was a huge step,” I said.

“You need to tell Doctor Mercer that you saw me do it, please.”

“I will. Are you OK?”

“Yes. Ed doesn’t know what this was about. I’ll tell him when I get home, but I needed this to be between me and you.”

“I understand. I’ll call Doctor Mercer first thing tomorrow.”

“She’ll be in her office at 8:00am her time waiting on your call.”

“OK. Go home to Ed.”

“Does this mean we can be brother and sister now?”

“Yes,” I said. “It does. We’ll have to figure it out step by step, but we can. I love you, Squirt. I really do.”

“I know,” she sighed, resting her head on my chest. “I love you too, Steve.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you so badly,” I said.

“And I’m sorry I led you down that path. It was a mistake.”

“It was. And now, it’s behind us; well, as much as it can ever be. We move forward.”

She lifted her head and looked intently into my eyes, smiled, kissed my cheek again, and then stepped away. She walked to the foyer without a word, put on her winter gear, and silently left the house. I simply stood and watched the fire as the last bits of the blood-stained towel were consumed.

“Snuggle Bear?” Kara called. “Is it safe to come in?”

“Yes,” I said. “Very.”

“What happened?” she asked.

“It’s over. She did the one thing I thought she’d never do. She burned the towel.”

“Wow!” Kara gasped. “Are you sure?”

I nodded, “I didn’t see the blood stain because it was wrapped in butcher paper, but I know in my heart that it was what she said it was. I’m as sure of that as I am of Birgit’s love for me.”

“Then it is over, isn’t it?”

“As much as it ever can be, yes. Now we can get on with our lives. She can marry and have children. She can be CEO of NIKA. Most importantly, she can be my sister.”

“How do you feel?”

“Good. Very good. I need to call Doctor Mercer in the morning. Stephanie arranged that with her.”

“To confirm she did it?”

“Yes.”

“So are you going to step aside as CEO of NIKA?”

“Not yet. It’ll probably be at least two more years before my dad will contemplate it. She’ll get married, and unless I miss my guess, have a kid first; maybe two. She and I will map that out in the coming months. The job, I mean, not the kids! That’s Ed’s issue.”

“What do you plan to do for the rest of the afternoon?”

“Just relax,” I said.

“What about Jessica?”

“I’ll talk to her after we get home. We’re taking the car. I figure the three of us should go to the sauna.”

“That makes sense. Are Gina and Bo coming for dinner tonight?”

“Yes. Kathy and Kurt should be here soon as well.”

“I’m glad we invited them. We were kind of falling out of the habit of getting together.”

“It’s just a bummer that Jessica won’t be here. But I think that will change in a little over two months.”

“You know, with just Kathy and Kurt here...” Kara smirked.

“Don’t tease me like that!” I said with a grin. “You know that both you and Kurt would eventually regret it.”

“I know. I like to tease you about Kathy, but it just doesn’t have the same effect that it used to!”

“Just keep teasing Kurt! That makes Kathy VERY happy!”

“May I tell you a secret?”

“Of course.”

“I’ve had fantasies about him. About what it would be like.”

“I’d have been surprised if that weren’t the case,” I said with a smile.

“Is that wrong?”

“No way! We’ve talked about fantasies. They’re fine to have, and some of them can be realized. Others, you lock away in that part of your mind reserved for things you would never do. And this is one of them. You know why.”

“Yes, because I would regret letting another man touch me that way. And you’ve given up Kathy because of that.”

“I actually gave up Kathy because of Kurt. But what you just said is one more reason to keep that fantasy safely locked away.”

“Do you have fantasies that you DON’T want to lock away?”

“I think I’ve fulfilled just about every single one that could be fulfilled without causing someone serious heartache.”

“And a few that did,” Kara said softly.

“Becky wasn’t a fantasy; she was a weakness. There’s a big difference.”

“Fawn was your favorite one before. Do you have one now?”

“Not really.”

“What about Mitsuko?”

I smiled, “I don’t think of her that way now, but that day in the coffee shop? Absolutely!”

“Cindi?” Kara teased.

“You have that one backwards!” I said with a laugh. “That’s HER fantasy, not mine!”

“We should probably let everyone know it’s safe to come out! I’ll help with dinner tonight, if that’s OK.”

“It is.”

That evening, after our friends had left, Kara and I drove to the hospital to get Jessica. She immediately asked about my sister but I asked her to wait until we arrived home. I’d turned on the sauna before Kara and I left, so it was ready and waiting for us when we arrived home. I poured water on the rocks and sat down between my wives.

“She burned the towel,” I said.

“She did?” Jessica asked, sounding more suspicious than happy.

“Yes. She put it on the flames in the fireplace. I watched it burn. It was wrapped in butcher paper so nobody else would know what it was, but it burned completely.”

“You’re sure it was THE towel?” Jessica asked.

“Yes. I’m as sure of that as I’m sure of anything. I trust her.”

“You CAN’T trust her! EVER!”

“Jess, she’s getting better,” I said gently. “She talked to Doctor Mercer about it. I’m going to call Doctor Mercer in the morning.”

Jessica shook her head, “Nothing has changed.”

“Yes, it has,” I said. “That was my sister acknowledging that it’s over. She and Ed set a wedding date, and he’d only do that if Doctor Mercer was comfortable with it.”

“And what happened when she burned it?” Jessica asked, eyeing me carefully.

“We hugged and she kissed me on the cheek, twice.”

Jessica shook her head firmly, “You violated the agreement! I KNEW she couldn’t be trusted! And neither can you!”

“What the fuck?!” I exclaimed. “What is your problem? Does she have to kill herself for this to be over? Is THAT what you want?”

Jessica didn’t respond, but I could tell by her look that I might not be far off the mark.

“You can NEVER have a normal relationship with her. Never!”

“Jess,” Kara said softly, “You’re overreacting.”

“Am I? She offered to have sex with him after her supposed confession!”

“And she’s had treatment from Doctor Mercer for eighteen months,” Kara said. “And she took a huge step today.”

“But HE broke the rules! No physical contact!”

“I made a judgment call,” I said. “And I believe it was a correct one.”

“Not if you want to touch me!” Jessica spat.

“Steve, would you leave us alone?” Kara asked.

“At this point, I think I’ll just leave,” I replied flatly.

I got up and walked out of the sauna without bothering to cover up. I walked up the stairs, then up the second flight to our room. I showered, dried off, dressed, then went back downstairs. I went to the foyer and put on my coat, scarf, hat, and gloves.

“Steve?” Elyse asked. “What’s going on?”

“I’m going for a walk,” I said. “Alone.”

“Shit. What happened?”

“Nothing!” I spat.

I opened the front door, walked out onto the porch, closed the door behind me, and walked north on Woodlawn. The cold winter air stung my face. It was no more than about 15°F, and with the light wind, the wind-chill was probably hovering just above 0°F. Jessica’s reaction had stung, even more than the wind. And I totally didn’t understand it.

My sister was recovering from a terrible trauma suffered at my hands. Yes, she had pursued me relentlessly, but that didn’t absolve me. And I was happy she was finally moving past what had happened. Why couldn’t Jessica be happy about that? My sister and I were NOT going to become physically involved, of that I was certain. I had NO feelings of that kind, and at this point the very idea was revolting. I didn’t know for sure what Stephanie’s feelings were, but I couldn’t believe Doctor Mercer would have sanctioned what happened today if there was any concern.

I did find it interesting that both Kara and Jessica had questioned as to whether it was truly the correct towel. Ultimately, short of DNA testing, which I didn’t know would be possible after twelve years, there was no way to prove it. When the package had burned, it was clear that there was a white towel that LOOKED to be the same one. And as I’d told both my wives, I was positive it was. And even with those questions, I still had no doubts it was the real towel.

Jessica’s reaction created a severe problem in numerous ways. My sister’s recovery could be terribly impacted if I refused to treat her as a sister. I also wondered if Jessica would countenance Stephanie being CEO, as I’d have to work closely together with her for the next thirty or forty years. Stephanie was expecting that role, and refusing to give it to her would permanently shatter the relationship and would create potentially insurmountable problems with my dad when I couldn’t tell him why.

I was suffering for being honest with Jessica and Kara about my sister’s reaction after our initial ‘Abel and Delilah’ talk. Had I simply told Doctor Mercer about it and left it at that, this situation wouldn’t have occurred. But hiding things from my wives simply wasn’t reasonable. Well, with the exception of my Outfit connections and my justification for not telling them about THAT was for their, and my, safety. And I continued to feel that way. The day might come when I had to explain it to them, but it wasn’t affecting our relationship in any way at this point.

The question I had to ask myself now, was what I could do? If Jessica adamantly refused to budge, I’d have a terrible choice to make, one that could send my sister into a self-destructive rage that could bring down everything. At that point, with nothing to lose, I couldn’t even begin to predict what she might do. It appeared I was being presented with an impossible choice - sister or wife. One I shouldn’t have to make.

I looked up and saw that I’d come to Hyde Park Boulevard without even realizing it. If we hadn’t moved to the West Loop, I’d have simply walked to the office and stayed there for a few hours, but that wasn’t possible. On the other hand, there was an option. I continued across Hyde Park Boulevard and turned right; walking down the street to the building where the apartment NIKA still leased was located. Fortunately, I carried the key on my keychain, which allowed me to enter the building. I went upstairs and unlocked the studio apartment. I took off my winter gear, stripped off my clothes, and climbed into bed. It took some time, but eventually I fell asleep.

March 15, 1993, Chicago, Illinois

I awoke before dawn, made the bed, dressed, and walked home. Once again, cold air, with a wind chill near 0°F stung my face. When I arrived home, I let myself in, disarmed the alarm, and quietly went to the basement. I kept a spare set of running clothes on the shelf downstairs for when I used the treadmill. I put them on, and quietly went back upstairs, where I was met by the ‘Neighborhood Watch’.

“Daddy! Where were you?”

“Downstairs, Pumpkin. I’m going to go run with Gina!”

“No cuddles?” she asked, disappointed.

“Not right now. When I come home, OK?”

I really wanted to get out of the house and run.

“Kiss?” she asked.

I picked her up and kissed her forehead. She kissed my cheek, and I headed out the back door, resetting the alarm before I left. I was going to be early, but I could run some before Gina arrived. I dreaded going home and confronting Jessica, and this allowed me more time to think, not that I thought that was going to help. I stretched then jogged for about twenty minutes before Gina arrived.

“You’re early!” she said.

“I woke up and decided to come over and get some extra running in. Go ahead and stretch. I’ll do a couple of laps while you do.”

I actually did three laps waiting for her to finish stretching and then as usual, I let her set the pace. We ran our usual distance, but didn’t talk nearly as much as we normally did.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Nothing you can help with,” I said tersely.

“Then what am I doing here? I thought we were friends!”

I took a deep breath and let it out.

“Sorry. Jess and I had a disagreement last night. I can’t really talk about it, though. Even to my close friend.”

“Again, what am I doing here?”

“Staying fit,” I said. “Look, I know I’m your girlfriend. I do. But this is one of those things I simply cannot talk about because it would violate a confidence. One I can never break.”

“I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.”

“I know. I actually need to go home so I can make a phone call. I’m going to be a few minutes late for that as is.”

“Go on. But call me. We’ll have lunch. You obviously need to talk.”

“I’ll call. And thanks.”

I headed home, and wasn’t surprised to find my wives, Elyse, and Abbie all waiting for me. I simply walked past them without a word, despite pleas from Kara to talk to her. I went to my study and locked the door. I turned on some instrumental music and then dialed Doctor Mercer’s office.

“I was getting worried,” she said. “It’s 8:12am and you’re usually very prompt.”

“Sorry. I was delayed because I was running with Gina.”

“How did things go yesterday?”

“With my sister? Perfectly, I think. After that? An unmitigated disaster.”

“What happened?”

“When Stephanie made her request to see me, Jessica was antsy about it and more or less said she didn’t trust either of us.”

There was a knock on the door, and I heard Kara call out my name. I covered the mouthpiece.

“I’m on the phone with Doctor Mercer. You’ll have to wait!”

I uncovered the mouthpiece, “When I pushed her on it, she reluctantly said she trusted me. Anyway, she was at work when Stephanie came over. I didn’t know what Stephanie had planned, but it made perfect sense once she pulled the package out of her gym bag. I knew the date, and so I knew what she had brought with her. She put it in the fire, and we held each other while it burned. She kissed me on the cheek, twice. We both apologized to each other, and then I sent her back to Ed. It felt right.”