Chapter 25: A Partnership

October 5, 1992, Chicago, Illinois

“Hi, Tiger! I missed you!”

“Hi, Babe!”

We hugged and kissed more than we normally did when we met at the ER after her shift, then she hugged and kissed Kara, and the three of us started our walk home.

“How was San Francisco?” Jessica asked.

“Good. The User Group meeting went very well, I saw my old boss and professor, Scott Bannerman, and Bethany and I had a lot of time to talk.”

“If all you did with her is talk, I’m not sure I want to go back to the house!”

“We did that, too. But the talking was far more important. We needed to figure out what we were doing and what it meant before we did it.”

“You would think after fifteen years of knowing the girl, you could dispense with talking her to death before having sex!”

“That’s more or less what Abbie said a year ago, and what Bethany asked for. But I was right. Bethany did get upset with me, but she calmed down and we talked it out. This won’t be a regular thing between us. It can’t be, for Nicholas’ sake, Bethany’s sake, and our sake. It’ll happen occasionally, from time to time, but eventually, she has to find someone to live her life together with. I think she will. She’s too young to stay single for the rest of her life. It’s just doesn’t fit her personality. And I can’t be the man she would need, even if I was available full-time.”

“I think that’s wise. What about Samantha?”

“She and I will talk, probably tomorrow night, and we’ll figure out where we are.”

“I had a very long talk with her on Friday after she got home from school. I’m amazed at what a different person she is. Her environment at home was toxic beyond anything I could imagine.”

“Yes. And that’s why I think there’s a very good chance she’ll decide she needs a dad more than a lover.”

“I don’t know,” Jessica said. “I couldn’t tell from the conversation. It’s like what you said after your long talk last week. With Michelle, it was blindingly obvious what was going to happen. With Samantha, it’s not.”

“She’s not going to a monastery!” Kara declared. “That much I am sure of! She did ask if she could have a party for some friends at Halloween. I didn’t think it was wise to invite them to ours, so I suggested Friday night instead. She was thinking about ten or twelve kids from school.”

“I don’t have a problem with that,” I said. “Did you reiterate the rules?”

“Yes. No drugs. No alcohol. And nobody from any society family.”

“That wasn’t a specific rule I made,” I said.

“No, but Jess and I decided it had to be. Samantha didn’t object. Other than her friend Denise, I don’t think she’s talked to anyone involved with the Foundation.”

“Did she call her parents yesterday as we agreed?”

“Yes. I gently reminded her, and she did. She talked to her dad for less than a minute, but talked to her mom for about five.”

“I know she doesn’t really want to talk to them, but I think it’s important for her to talk to them every few weeks just to let them know she’s fine. I don’t know how much her dad cares, but I think her mom does, at least a bit.”

“She had some interesting things to say about her dad.”

“I have no doubt,” I said. “And that conversation she and I had led to a conversation with Bethany about not doing anything with our kids’ friends that would upset them, though Bethany pointed out that Birgit will more than likely encourage her friends, rather than be offended.”

Kara laughed, “Your daughter will discover what you like and move heaven and earth to make you happy!”

“Even so, the entire conversation with Samantha, plus the ones I had with Michelle, have given me a lot to think about.”

“Are you just talking High School girls, or girls in general?”

“I’m not sure what I’m thinking at the moment, though I did decide to tell Crystal to find a boyfriend in no uncertain terms.”

“You’re done with her?” Kara asked.

“I think I have to be. I don’t want her to develop an unhealthy attachment. Or give her further reason to believe it’s possible, because I think it’s at least started.”

“It’s a fine line, isn’t it?” Jessica asked. “Between caring for the girl and having her care too much?”

“Absolutely. How’s this for a description of the crux of the problem - I cared too much about Michelle to refuse to go to bed with her, but I might care too much about Samantha to agree to go to bed with her.”

“That really does distill it down,” Jessica said. “Or, from the girl’s perspective, Michelle cares so much for you that she left, and Samantha cares so much for you that she’s staying in a potentially non-sexual relationship.”

“What’s totally crazy about this is that Samantha’s father is sure I’m sleeping with her, and he’s OK with that.”

“I think he has to be, to justify his own behavior,” Jessica said. “If it’s wrong for you, who has the same general taste in girls, then it has to be wrong for him. And he can’t admit THAT without taking a long hard look in the mirror.”

“And if he’s honest, he has to give up his desire for virgin teenage pussy,” Kara said. “He has to face EXACTLY the same choice you did, and he doesn’t want to.”

“I didn’t want to face it, either, but between Hope and Jill, and now Samantha and Michelle, I have to.”

“I sense a new rule forming,” Jessica said.

I nodded, “We’ve already basically limited it to High School Seniors and above, but now it has to be nobody who is friends with my kids. And even High School seniors are a big question mark.”

“You should be able to find college girls who are eighteen or nineteen,” Jessica teased. “And some of them might even be virgins! Wasn’t that your original intent with the Rap Sessions?”

“Yes, but that seems so wrong now, too,” I said with a deep sigh.

“But you aren’t picking out who comes, the students are. It’s become self-perpetuating.”

“And that’s the best approach, because the current students invite others who are mature enough to handle it.”

We arrived home and headed up to our room. We got ready for bed and climbed in, and the conversation died out naturally. We cuddled together and fell asleep.

October 6, 1992, Chicago, Illinois

“Why?” Crystal whined.

“Because I’m married. Because you need someone who can be dedicated to you. The ‘James Bond’ fantasy has to end.”

“But I don’t want it to! I’m OK with this! I like it!”

“And that’s part of the problem. You can’t live a fantasy. And that’s what this is. A fantasy. And it needs to end.”

“No! I don’t want it to end! Please! I’ll do anything you want! Anything!”

I shook my head, “No. I’m sorry if I hurt you, but it needs to end. Now.”

“I gave you my virginity!” she growled angrily. “I let you put your thing in my mouth even though I didn’t really want to! I sucked on it and let you shoot! I even swallowed it! And this is how you treat me? You BASTARD!”

As I had on three previous occasions, I simply stayed still when Crystal slapped me across the face and then stormed out of the coffee shop. I didn’t think I deserved to be slapped, but if that made her feel better, or got out her anger, or whatever, that was fine. I also knew that I’d need to find a new place to have lunch on Tuesdays until we moved to the West Loop, when I’d have to change anyway. Going to the diner where Crystal worked would cause her even more consternation, and I couldn’t do that. I dropped money for the coffee and a tip on the table and left the diner and returned to work.

“You broke it off?” Kara asked later in the day when I arrived home from work.

“And got slapped in the process,” I sighed. “But it had to end. And her reaction showed me that what we talked about last night was right on target. She begged and offered to do anything I wanted if I didn’t break it off.”

“Sorry, Snuggle Bear. Are you OK?”

I nodded, “I did the right thing. Let’s help Abbie get dinner finished.”

After dinner Kara and I went to karate. When we arrived home, Samantha and I went to the sauna to talk as I’d promised her I’d do before she’d left for school. We put up the ‘Privacy Please’ sign, but wore towels as we had the time before.

“Bethany?” she asked once the steam was flowing.

“Very occasionally until she finds someone she wants to be with.”

“She’s moving out in about three weeks?”

“Yes. And you’re welcome to that room. I cleared that with Jessica and Kara. I heard you had a long talk with Jessica.”

She nodded, “And one with Kara, too. I also talked to Abbie, but you know I do that. And I talked with Elyse Sunday evening.”

“None of that surprises me.”

“I also had a very interesting talk with Jennifer.”

I chuckled, “If anyone can tell you stories about me, it’s Jennifer. She knows the real dirt from High School!”

“And that girl Crystal?”

“I broke it off with her today, permanently.”

“Because of me?”

“Actually, no. Because of her. She was living in a fantasy world that had to disappear. She was starting to see the fantasy as something real and obtainable, and that made it very dangerous.”

“Do you think that’s what I’m doing?” she asked quietly.

“I don’t think so. Maybe that first day we went horseback riding, but not since your trip to Monaco.”

“I forgot to ask, is it OK to ride my horse?”

“Of course! I’m happy to ride with you whenever it fits our schedule. In a sense, it’s like the Corvette.”

“Cool. Did Kara tell you I wanted to have a party?”

“Yes, and she said the two of you agreed on the Friday before Halloween and she went over the rules with you.”

Samantha smiled, “You and your rules!”

“You didn’t have any before. Now you have some, though I daresay you have more freedom than most seventeen-year-olds.”

“Is this how you’ll treat your kids?”

“Minus the expensive sports car? Yes.”

“I heard you had a sports car in High School.”

“Which I paid for. I had to borrow a bit of money, but I paid the loan. And I paid for my own insurance. I had a job that let me do that.”

“So about the party, I was thinking five girls and six guys so it kind of balances out properly.”

“That’s fine. Let me know what you need and we’ll make sure you have it. Within reason, of course. The attic room is available and Abbie can show you how to run the stereo and where we keep our CDs, albums, and mix tapes.”

“Kara said it was OK if I came to the party on Saturday, but I couldn’t invite anyone who wasn’t eighteen.”

“That’s right,” I said. “We’ve made some exceptions in the past, but for now, I’d rather you didn’t have your friends with the adults.”

“But you’re going to let me be there.”

“Yes. You’re part of the family. We let our kids come, at least until the costume contest is over. Jesse loves to dance.”

“Do I have to leave then?” she asked with a coy smile.

“No. You’re being treated as an adult because you are one. Well, so long as you act like one. If you don’t, then we’d have to impose more rules until you learned to control your own behavior.”

“Which is how you deal with Jesse. You let him make decisions, but rein him in when he behaves in ways that aren’t appropriate.”

“Yes, exactly.”

“So, rules.”

“Rules?”

“First, you may not hit on any of my friends. You may not even flirt with them. IF I think it’s OK, I’ll let you know, but don’t count on it. Second, I want a veto, though it wouldn’t apply to any girl you’ve been with before. The veto will be the norm. I’ll use the girls at the Rap Session as examples. Paula, no. Wanda, yes. Elizabeth, hell no. Carissa, maybe. Joan, no.”

“You’ll have to explain,” I said.

“Don’t interrupt! Let me finish, please. Third, I get to decide if I live in the dorms or not. Fourth, within whatever limits I work out with your wives, and within your schedule, I can have you whenever I want. Fifth, you have to sleep with me at least one night a week, preferably Friday. In exchange for agreeing to those rules, you get complete, total, and unlimited access to this. No restrictions.”

She stood and dropped the towel, displaying her beautiful young body.

“Nice negotiating tactic,” I chuckled.

“I use all the tools at hand appropriate to the negotiations,” she said without a trace of humor. “I know I’m asking you to give up a lot, but it’s not as much as you were willing to give up that day we were in the barn. What is it you said? It’s not a zero-sum game?”

“I did.”

“So now the ball’s in your court. Daughter or lover. You know the rules for each. Which do you want?”

“Before I answer, will you explain the veto?”

“The default answer is ‘no’. It has to be. I think Wanda could handle the situation. I’m not sure about Carissa. Joan and Paula can’t. Elizabeth is simply far too crass for my tastes, not to mention she’s a left wing b...”

“Brat,” I finished with a smile. “I disagree with her on most things, but she’s extremely smart, even if she’s a bit brash.”

“I don’t like her one bit. And it’s not just politics; it’s her worldview I can’t handle. I mean, sure for an hour or two on Sundays, but there are so many people who I disagree with where it’s not so bad. Jorge, Abbie, Henry, Trish, and others who I don’t agree with, but are very, very smart. And they’re nice about it.”

“I think Elizabeth had a bad experience in High School and she’s letting it color her view of the world. I also think she’s learning things. Elizabeth is the one reason I wish Michelle was still here.”

“Only that reason?” Samantha smirked.

“Yes,” I said, nodding.

“So, what’s your decision? Do I put my towel back on or not?”

I realized just then that taking off the towel wasn’t what I had thought at first - a negotiating tactic. No, it was a way to prove to herself that my decision was real. If I could elect ‘dad’ with her standing naked in front of me, she could safely be in the sauna with us like the rest of the family. And that led me to question what she REALLY wanted.

“Samantha, is this what YOU want, or what you think I want?” I asked.

“You haven’t told me what you want,” she said.

“And you haven’t told me, either. Standing there naked is a way to prove to yourself that I’m sincere if I decide ‘daughter’.”

She laughed, “You’re good. Very good. You’re right. It wasn’t a negotiating tactic. I know what I want, but I want to hear you say what it is you want.”

“I’m struggling with the age difference, and the idea that I’m too much like your dad.”

“You are NOTHING like my dad. Do you know what HE would do in this situation?”

“Not be negotiating, that’s for sure!”

“Oh, he negotiates,” Samantha sighed. “It’s all a matter of what enticements he has to give the girl to get her to give it up. But he’d never, ever agree to any restrictions.”

“Here’s my take on this. You could find another lover. I don’t think you could find another dad.”

“You sound like you’d rather be my dad than my lover.”

“It’s not about what I want or need, or about what you want, but about what you need. I want to be what you need, Samantha.”

“I think there’s a middle ground,” she said. “You know, that middle ground you want to find in any negotiation.”

“And what’s that?”

“I think what I need from you, long-term, is a partner. I don’t mean like husband and wife partners, but a partner in life’s adventures, both business and personal. And as my partner, you can still advise me, provide support, and help me grow and learn. It’s not really equal, because I’m not sure how I can help you right now.”