Chapter 23: Outline First, Particulars Later

September 25, 1992, Chicago, Illinois

“Ready?” I asked Jessica on Friday morning.

“I have my bag, my notes, and my slides for the overhead. I’m ready.”

We walked out to the car and got in for the drive to O’Hare.

“Have you been to Minneapolis?” I asked.

“No. Have you?”

“I’ve driven through it a few times, but that’s it. What are you going to do besides present your paper?”

“Attend five sessions on various aspects of emergency medicine, avoid getting seduced by slick pharma and equipment reps, and relax. I’ll go to the dinners, but duck out right after the speakers so I can spend some ‘me time’. That is part of what this is about.”

“What will you do with your ‘me time’?” I asked with a grin.

“I figured I’d go to a bar, get drunk, pick up some random guy, and have crazy, wild sex all night. Either that or get a massage and relax and read. I’m not sure yet.”

I chuckled, “As long as he has a valid STD test, no problem. Though I’d advise skipping the booze.”

“You really would be OK with that?” she asked.

“Jess, we’ve talked about this repeatedly. I can’t have my freedom if you don’t have yours. That is how it works. The same is true for Kara. And you know damned well I’d have Kathy in bed in no time flat if Kara were to be with Kurt. But I think that would ultimately end in disaster. For Kara and for Kurt. Kathy and I could handle it.”

“And you and Jennifer? Could you both handle that?”

“Yes. But it’s not happening. Josie came to me and told me she’d be OK with it. We talked for a bit and I sent her back to Jennifer. Being ‘OK with it’ is not the kind of consent I needed. I flat out told her that unless she could say that she encouraged us to make love, then I couldn’t do it.”

“Acquiescence isn’t consent,” Jessica said.

“Exactly.”

“And what are you going to do about our houseguest?”

“Jess, I think you need to stop thinking that way. She’s not a guest. She’s part of the family. She just hasn’t decided how she wants to be part of the family.”

“Sorry. Both Kara and I are a bit messed up about that. Twice now, once with Michelle and once with Samantha, you pulled back from what looked like a point of no return for creating a new relationship. For us, I guess, once you have sex with a girl, or even seriously consider it, then that’s who she is to you - a sex partner. Well, unless she puts herself off limits by getting into a committed relationship.”

“Things are a bit weird right now,” I said. “Because of those two girls, I’ve pretty much put everyone off limits, though I made an exception for Crystal on Saturday. She asked for a repeat, but I’m not sure if or when that might happen. And Bethany is going to San Francisco. But I have a sneaking suspicion that’s very short-lived.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Because both of us know the risks of a long-term sexual relationship. It wouldn’t be good for either of us, or for my relationship with you and Kara.”

“How is that different from Elyse?”

“Elyse and I were never like Bethany and I were. Well, maybe we were, but it was different. It still is. And I’m not quite sure how to explain it, other than to say Bethany is ‘Sweetheart’ and I never came up with a pet name for Elyse. Well, not quite true, I’ve jokingly called her ‘Belgium’ a few times because I spend Tuesday nights with her.”

“Kara told me you got on her case at the Rap Session.”

“I did. Part of it was because Samantha was there, but part of it was because right now I don’t want any new girls.”

“Permanently?” Jessica asked.

I chuckled, “I seriously doubt that. But I’m just taking things one day at a time, and right now, that’s where I need to be.”

“Samantha was pretty upset about her dad and Denise.”

“Yes, she was. Upset enough to make one last, half-hearted attempt to get me to intervene, so to speak. But I honestly think, subconsciously, Samantha was testing me. And I passed. Again.”

“How her dad behaved with her friends really hurt her.”

“Yes, and that obviously gives me pause now, and I have to consider how that kind of thing might affect our kids. What if they don’t bring their female friends around because they’re afraid I’ll try to bed them?”

“But you have your rule about underage girls which should prevent most of the issues you’re talking about.”

“Most. But we have to consider the kids and maybe the rules change in the future. I do keep adding to them, slowly, as I find things that could hurt someone or affect our work.”

“Not to mention your newfound ability to be friends with girls, and to take a sexual relationship and make it simply intimate.”

When we arrived at O’Hare, I walked Jess to the ticket desk to get her boarding pass, and then walked her to security. We hugged and kissed.

“Just remember, no booze, and that an STD test is a requirement,” said with a grin.

“I remember. I also think you’ll remember that I want nobody but you, Tiger. Ever.”

We hugged and kissed again, and after Jessica was through security, I headed for my car.

September 26, 1992, Chicago, Illinois

“Good morning, Sensei,” I said bowing.

“Good morning, Steve,” Sensei Ichirou said. “Thank you for agreeing to help while my black belt is recovering from his appendectomy!”

“I heard two others went away to school.”

“Yes. One to UC Berkeley, and the other to Oregon State. Jim is lucky that all his black belts are adults.”

“Will is going to test soon,” I said. “And he’s younger. But he’s talked about going to school in Chicago. Perhaps if he goes to school on the north side, he’ll come to your dojo.”

“He’s a fine young man, and I would be pleased. So, today we’ll have a normal class. I know Jim has you work with lower belts, so we’ll do that here as well. Once class is done, you’ll join me at my home for a traditional Japanese meal and some culture and language lessons. I’m sorry that you most likely will only learn a few dozen phrases, but Japanese is difficult, and you do not have sufficient time to study, nor time to learn the characters we use.”

“I’ll do my best, Sensei!”

He nodded and we left his office to begin class. It wasn’t all that different from my home dojo, except that I didn’t know the students’ strengths and weaknesses. That meant I had to pay extra close attention to things I normally didn’t have to worry about. I also had to be very careful of the three twelve-year-old girls who spent the entire class batting their eyelashes, ‘accidentally’ touching my arm, and flipping their hair. I’d seen the warning signs before, so I made sure I kept everything businesslike, even with the older students who didn’t exhibit those pre-teen behaviors. When class ended, I showered at the dojo, then followed Sensei Ichirou out of the dojo for the walk to his house.

“My daughter and granddaughter are here today to help,” he said. “They usually don’t behave in a traditional Japanese way, being thoroughly American, but they know the proper rituals that you will see in a conservative, rural province like Yamagata. According to Jim, Sensei Hiro is very traditional, and very, very conservative. You must treat him as a new recruit would treat a senior officer with many years of service.”

I chuckled, “I’ve met a lot of new recruits. I’d say more like a seaman who had finished his A-school. It takes time to teach the recruits proper respect.”

“Ah, yes, you are familiar with the Navy, not the Marines or Army. I think you would find things different with fresh recruits at Parris Island. Or, in the Japanese Marines, where my father served.”

“During World War II?”

“Just before. He finished his service and moved to Hawaii with his wife. I was born there. Fortunately, a friend of his understood what was coming, and offered him a job in Chicago. We avoided Manzanar because of that friend.”

“A thoroughly disgraceful act by our government. No Japanese Americans ever worked against the United States, but hundreds of, if not more, German Americans did! And they were not rounded up en masse.”

“It would have been difficult to intern the entire population of Milwaukee or Cincinnati or other strongly German cities. Not to mention that we don’t look like Germans, if you understand my meaning.”

“I do,” I said. “But you aren’t making excuses, are you?”

He shook his head, “No. Simply acknowledging reality. My father made one thing clear to me, and that was that our family was Republican. It was Roosevelt and the Democrats who controlled the Congress who rounded up the Japanese and put them in camps. None of us have voted for a Democrat since, and no Japanese-American ever should.”

He had an interesting point. There were all kinds of severe civil rights violations in the past history of the Democratic Party, including Robert Byrd, a Senator from West Virginia, having been a KKK leader. Not to mention that it was the Democrats who had seceded from the Union over the slavery issue, and who had imposed ‘Jim Crow’ laws. Not that the Republicans were much better. There were plenty of reasons to vote Libertarian!

I had briefly considered voting for Ross Perot, but he’d dropped out of the race, and at this point, it looked very much like a horse race between Bill Clinton and George Bush. Given the choices, I’d most likely vote for Andre Marrou, though I thought Bill Clinton had some interesting ideas, and appeared to be center-right, which made him far more acceptable than someone like Ted Kennedy or Jerry Brown. I shook my head to clear the political thoughts.

“When you enter a traditional Japanese home, you remove your shoes, and put on slippers that will be provided by your host.”

I nodded, “Swedes remove their shoes when they enter a house, but usually walk around in their socks.”

“This is acceptable if there are no slippers, but bare feet are not. You should only be barefoot in the baths, or when training. And baths are not as they are here. You will bathe in a small tub or shower. I do not know which your Japanese sensei will have. Regular Japanese baths are for soaking and relaxing. For washing, it is not uncommon for members of the family to bathe together, but this depends on the family. Simply follow what you see.

“You have been taught to bow during karate training, or in the dojo, but in Japan this is the common form of greeting. Shaking hands is almost never done, and when it is, it is seen as a kindness, as towards children, for backwards gaijin. That word means ‘foreigner’ and, often, is meant in a derogatory way. The better you adhere to Japanese custom and tradition, the less you will be looked down upon.”

“That makes sense,” I said. “I had to learn entirely new customs in Sweden, though I suppose being Western, it wasn’t nearly so different as Japan would be.”

“True. Back to bowing, you will, in nearly every case, be the person of lower standing. This means you must bow first, and lower. Judging how far to bow is learned as a toddler. You do not have this experience, so I will show you some suggested bows for certain situations. In the traditional household, the women will always bow lower than you, with the exception of a grandmother or some elderly person. I know it sounds complicated, but we’ll teach you so as to not have you make a fool of yourself.”

We arrived at his house and we went inside. I took off my sneakers and slipped my feet into the offered slippers, and followed him into the house. We were met by his daughter, Yukio, and granddaughter Ailea, both wearing what I thought were traditional Japanese dresses, but given my experience was television, I put no stock in my perception. After a quick greeting, Sensei Ichirou explained how I should bow, and I followed his instructions. We were led to a low table, much like the one I had in my ‘Indian’ room and sat on pillows on opposite sides.

“Do you know how to use chopsticks?” Sensei Ichirou asked.

I nodded, “I do. And I know a few other things from talking to Sensei Jim. Never put the chopsticks standing in the rice, as that’s done for the dead. Pour soy sauce into the small bowl provided for that purpose. Always pour the other person’s drink and when finished, leave the glass full.”

He nodded, “Very good basic etiquette. When my daughter brings our food, I will say «いただきます» (Itadakimasu). This is the normal Japanese word of thanks for the preparation of the food, but also to honor the life that was given so that we may eat. This is an important word for you to learn, similar to perhaps saying a prayer before your meals at home.”

We were served fish, vegetables, and rice and I ate with my chopsticks, getting small words of either correction or encouragement from Sensei Ichirou. When we finished, tea was served in traditional Japanese fashion, and we drank.

“You’ve done well for your first time. I’m going to teach you a few phrases. Ailea has note cards for you with the words written out in Roman characters. The Japanese characters will be there as well, but please don’t worry about them.”

He taught me «ohayō gozaimasu» (“good morning”), «konnichiwa» (“good day”), and «konbanwa» (“good evening”). I already knew «dōmo arigatou» (“thank you”), and «Dō itashimashite» (“you’re welcome”).

“Very good, Steve-kun,” he said, repeating what he’d said to me about three years previously when we’d been at the Karate Association meeting.

“«Arigatou gozaimasu», Ichirou-san,” I said, giving my previous response as well.

“I think that’s sufficient for today,” he said, then called out “Ailea!”

“Yes, grandfather?” she replied.

“The note cards, please.”

“Yes, grandfather!” she said.

She went over to a writing desk and came back with note cards that had each of the phrases, as well as the Japanese characters, the translation and pronunciation marks. She handed them to me and I accepted them with both hands, as I’d been taught.

“Thank you, Ailea,” I said.

“You’re welcome!” she said with a smile.

That’s when I realized just how beautiful she was. I’d been paying so close attention to Sensei Ichirou, that I hadn’t even noticed the very pretty girl of about sixteen. The very pretty, OFF LIMITS girl of about sixteen. Not just underage, but also the granddaughter of a Sensei I was studying under. I put the cards into my pocket, and after the appropriate bows, I left the house and headed back to Hyde Park.

September 27, 1992, Chicago, Illinois

“How was your short weekend away?” I asked Jessica when she came through the security doors at O’Hare on Sunday evening.

“Too short! But I did get two massages, had a very nice whirlpool bath, and heard some very interesting presentations.”

We kissed, hugged, I took her bag, and we started walking to the car.

“How did the presentations go?”

“Great. More importantly, I’ve started making contacts in the trauma community. How was your weekend?”

“Pretty much like normal, though I was at Sensei Ichirou’s dojo and had lunch with him. Samantha had her friends over again on Saturday. It was the same two, but they stayed for dinner as well. Today was quiet. Today’s race was rained out, so we just ended up playing with the kids. Nothing out of the ordinary. Wait, that’s not quite true. On Friday, the judge finally signed the order expunging my sister’s arrest and misdemeanor conviction.”

“That’s great news! No change with Samantha?”