Chapter 31

“Mr. Clarke, I presume? I’m Theodore Lansing, Mayor of Charlottesville. This is Sarah Whitman, President of the City Council. These are Councilors Warren Buckner, Agnes Culver, Godwin Marx, Bubba Joe Mackenzie, and Ira Sanchez. On behalf of the Free City of Charlottesville, welcome to our fair city. These are your companions, then?” the most prominent of the city fathers of the depopulated Virginia community, greeted us formally now.

“I am Reverend Adam Clarke, a Prophet of Heaven, and this is my party. These are my wives: Autumn, Hannah, Xia Delan, Stacy, Eve, Charity, Kylie Anne, Kelly Rae, Tara, Leah, Bonnie, Diana, Sarai, Sardha, Becca, Raquel, Cassandra, Miranda, Debbie, Emma, Hailey, Alexis, Monica, Jenna, Jennifer, Jessica, Natalie, Marina, Marie, Annie, Nancy, Lynne, Julie, Crissy, Janet, Lizzie, and Melody. These are my co-husbands: Ryan, Till, Yitzhak, Barry, Jerry, Louie, Tolliver, Peter, Trevor, Jimmy, Danny, Guy, Herman, Roger, Raymond, Ralph, Fergus, Angus, Merrill, Chad, Robbie, Bobby, Josh, Dick, Dougie, Ernie, and Sonny.

“We are in a group marriage, as you see, but it has been prophesied that thirty of my party will stay behind with you when spring arrives, dissolving our union with them. I already know this fact and I have made my peace with it. We have come to winter with you, to spend the next couple of months here in Charlottesville, to live among you in peace and prosperity. I know that you have suffered, but may we benefit together from this our stay here in your fair city.

“We ask only that you keep an open mind and do not harass us while we stay among you. I must warn you, however, that we have a condition that will cause any who engage in sexual congress with us to develop a form of hypersexuality or nymphomania in effect. People who do so will also be immune to STIs and extremely fertile as well, just as we are. They will also tend to age slower than most folks.

“From time to time, you may see angels among us, and perhaps, if you’re very lucky, the Almighty Himself. I am a Prophet, as I said, and I will hold worship services where I will preach and teach doctrines as given to me by God. We are a church, at least for now, so bear that in mind. Some of our doctrines and dogmas might shock people, in fact. Also, our women like to go naked a lot, just a fair warning as well.

“Are you still prepared to host us, then?” I confronted the Mayor with the reality of hosting me and my party.

Mayor Lansing coughed, looked at his colleagues, and then nodded, “Beggars can’t be choosers, and we need all of the help we can get. I’m sure that you’ve heard that our own population has dropped roughly ninety percent. Many folks have simply fled, perhaps because we’re too close to Lynchburg for comfort. If you’ll recall, Lynchburg was completely destroyed on Fireball Day with fire and brimstone. You can still smell the sulphur and smoke if you get close enough to the place.

“That’s not the worst news, either. Roanoke, not surprisingly, has lost two-thirds of its people. Those still there are under siege by some kind of white supremacist militia called the Aryan Southland Front that controls much of the surrounding territory. They appear to be a very ruthless and vicious combination of Neo-Nazis, Klansmen, skinheads, Aryan Brotherhood thugs, and Neo-Confederates. Their leader is a man calling himself Forrest Turner Eckart, for reasons that aren’t entirely clear to me.

“They are reported to number some six thousand or so troops, which already outnumbers the population of our city itself. We hope to be able to assist the good, free citizens of Roanoke in defending themselves, but it won’t be easy under the circumstances, you know. Eckart is based in the Salem area, but he has expanded his influence and control through many operations of late. He’s reportedly emulating that crowd in Frederick, Maryland by trying to purge all people of color or minorities from his own little fief.