Chapter 11: Mexico

“I have great news, Linda,”

“What’s that, Fred?” She asked as she moved her scrambled eggs around on her plate. Linda was trying to decide the best way to tell Fred they needed to move to San Diego.

Just tell him for God’s sake, whispered Mouse.

“You’re getting noticed. I’ve been contacted by several major sponsors wanting information about you.”

Tell him about the autographs, Ret whispered.

Mouse giggled, That one fan with the short blonde hair was really hot.

Mouse, you perv. I’ve seen you watching porn channels at night, whispered Tink.

It’s research. Besides, I only read the articles, laughed Mouse.

“Oh? Who’s contacted you?”

“Ping is interested in making a set of clubs, called Spencers and Titleist is offering free golf balls.”

“But I’m not even on the tour yet.”

“Linda, no one hits the ball three hundred yards. None of the female pros. The men occasionally can hit it that far, but not consistently, and they need a lot of help from the wind. ESPN contacted me about doing a special on you. Golf digest wants an interview. You even showed up in an article in some national gossip rag. The story says Tiger Woods is really your father.”

Tiger Woods. Ewww. I think it should be Brad Pitt, whispered shy little Tink.

Brad doesn’t play golf, Ret said.

And? What’s your point? asked Mouse.

True. You got me this time, whispered Ret.

Girls stop day-dreaming. If Brad was our father, that would be incest. Boyfriend okay, father no. Besides, I’m trying to listen to Fred here, whispered an exasperated Linda.

“Linda? Linda? Are you listening to me?”

“Yes. Sorry, Fred. I was just thinking about playing golf with Brad Pitt.”

“Brad Pitt huh? Get your mind back on business, girl. Just because you’re looking sexy now doesn’t mean we can change our focus. We have an amateur tournament this weekend down in San Diego. Several potential sponsors will be there. Callaway has heard about Ping’s interest so they’re sending a rep and Adidas is sending someone about a shoe deal.”

Fred thinks we look sexy! Mouse exclaimed.

Damn! Too bad Mouse heard that one. There’ll be no stopping her now, whispered Tink.

Mmmm, pool boys, whispered Mouse.

“While we’re in San Diego I need you to find us a new place to live. The sponsor wants me to move further south for a month.”

“Another mission?”

“Could be. It’s just recon right now. Might turn into something more serious. It’ll be a lot easier on me if I don’t have to drive down there all the time.”

“I’ll look into it.”

See? That wasn’t so difficult now, was it? Ret asked.

I think she slipped San Diego in there like a pro, whispered Mouse, and Tink nodded.

“Almost forgot. You have an appointment this afternoon with a photographer to take some still shots. The lady from Ping suggested it would be a good idea to have pics to show potential sponsors. Nothing racy. Just golf poses, smiling head shots, stuff like that. We’re going for the All-American clean-cut girl next door look here.”

The girls started striking poses and showing off. Mentally.

“What about the rest of the day?”

“Except for the photographer you have the day off. You’ve earned it. Here’s her business card with the phone and address. She said anytime this afternoon works.”

“What do you have planned for today?”

“I’ve got appointments set up all day with potential sponsors.”

He also has a hot date with the ESPN lady, whispered Ret.

Can we go surfing? Mouse asked. I always wanted to try surfing.

I want to go to Disney Land, whispered Tink.

“Okay then, Linda, I’ll see you tomorrow morning. Don’t wait up for me.”

We’re going on a tourist trip to Tijuana, answered Linda.

Mouse said, Officially, or incognito?

We’ll use the passport to cross the border, but once we get in Mexico I want you to camo the Rogue. Make it look like some old pickup truck, Linda answered. Ret, this is a recon mission. I need more information than the TV show had.

Too right! Ret answered.

What does that mean? Tink asked.

I don’t know. It’s some kind of Australian slang. I’ve been waiting for the chance to use it, Ret whispered.

Australian slang? Mouse whispered.

Yep. We’re moving there in a month or so and I checked things out on the internet. They talk different than we do. All the girls are called ‘Sheila’ and you call the men ‘mate.’ They have other words that don’t make sense too, like billabong and didgeridoo, wallaby, and fair dinkum, Ret added.

All the men are mates? whispered Mouse.

Not that kind of mate, Mouse! said Linda.

Too bad. Australia was starting to sound like a lot of fun! Mouse whispered.

Four girls sighed. In harmony. For different reasons.

Later that afternoon, Linda crossed the border into Mexico.

Linda whispered, Ret, I’m just going to drive around while you collect info on what’s going on here. Ret just nodded.

An hour later Ret whispered, We have a situation going down.

I knew it! We always end up with a situation when Ret recons, whispered Tink.

I put my Kevlar vest on soon as Linda said ‘recon’ and ‘Ret’ in the same sentence, whispered Mouse.

Tell me, whispered Linda to Ret as she drove.

There are three main Cartels operating in the Tijuana area. Dos Tigres, El Mercado, and El Nino. El Mercado currently has top billing. They’re holding eleven hostages of local politicians and the Chief of Police. Wives and kids. Dos Tigres and El Nino both want to get control of those hostages. They’re each planning separate operations in the next few days to slip in and take them. I think there is a good chance the hostages will get killed in the process, Ret whispered. This wasn’t easy to figure out, most of it is in Spanish, but enough emotions and English slipped through that I think it’s accurate.

Do you have a location for the hostages? asked Linda.

They’re on a farm outside of Tijuana, Ret said.

Direct me. We need to get closer, Linda whispered.

Linda drove past an old farmhouse with the hostages inside and managed to get within half a mile. What have we got? Linda asked.

There are seven guards. The hostages are in that old barn. It’s mostly Spanish, but I think they have no surveillance. They haven’t been here very long. The electricity isn’t turned on yet, Ret whispered. That’s not hard intel, just emotions and feelings, again.

Where are we going? Mouse asked.

Back to town! I need some heavy technical equipment for this, whispered Linda.

Linda drove back to a sporting goods store, went inside and bought a baseball bat, and then got some plastic zip ties from a grocery store. She got back in the old pickup truck and drove back within a mile of the farm. The sun was just sinking into the western horizon.

A bat? Really? That’s our high tech equipment? Tink whispered.

I don’t want anyone to connect us or the Angel being in San Diego with all the Hell coming for these gangs. So we can’t do everything like we have in the past, Linda told them.

What are we going to do then? Just walk up and hit them on the head? asked Mouse.

That’s exactly what we’re going to do, replied Linda. Ghost lady please, Mouse.

An invisible Linda floated up to the old farmhouse. She found the guard walking around outside the farmhouse, walked up and hit him in the head. Maybe a bit too hard. Dead? Linda whispered.

Yep, dead. The bloody mess in the back of his head is a good indication, Ret answered.

Well I can’t help it if he had a soft head. Not my fault. Besides, I don’t have much practice hitting guys in the head with baseball bats, whispered Linda.

Too bad we left our golf clubs at home then, giggled Mouse.

Linda prefers to hit them in the head with brick walls, Tink laughed.

Where are the others? Linda asked.

Two in the barn with the hostages. One in the living room trying to cook something in the fireplace. Two are asleep upstairs. The last one is in the toilet jerking off, whispered Ret.

Okay, let’s take the cook first, then the toilet perv, Linda decided.

She entered through the back door of the house, and walked up behind the erstwhile cook. Hitting him on the head, Linda caught him so he wouldn’t make a racket when he fell. She zip-tied his hands and feet and left him there. In the toilet she opened the door and hit the perv in the head with her bloody bat. Unfortunately for him his face was in the way and he died sitting there with his hand wrapped around his dick. The two Cartel thugs asleep upstairs were easy to knock out and truss with zip-ties.

Two more in the barn, whispered Mouse.

Right then, let’s finish this, Linda said.

The barn door wasn’t even closed all the way, hanging half off it’s hinges. Linda just walked in and tapped out the two guards. Make us look like a Ninja, Mouse. Black pajamas and stuff. I want a nasty ass sword too, whispered Linda. Now let’s see about the hostages.

“Anyone here speak English?” Linda asked

One of the ladies said, “Si Senora. We all speak some Ingles.”

There were four adults and seven kids huddled in a corner of the barn. All of them were still clothed.

They haven’t been sexually abused, not yet anyways, whispered Ret.

What are we going to do now? Tink asked.

I don’t know. This is as far as my plan took me, answered Linda.

Ask them, whispered Mouse. It’s their country.

“The Cartel gangsters are all tied up. You’re free to go. I’m from Los Estados Unidos and I don’t have any clue where you want to go now.”

Los Estados Unidos? Ret asked.

The United States. We did take Spanish in High School. I just don’t remember very much, Linda whispered.

“Senora, there is a big van parked behind this old barn. That is what they used to get us here. We can take that. I can drive.”

“It’s better if you don’t return home. The Cartels will just try and capture you again. It works better if none of them know who has taken you now. Is there a safe place you can go to hide for a couple weeks?”

The whole group started talking at once. A few minutes later they came to a decision. “Si, we have a safe place to hide for two weeks. It is twenty miles away from here. Juanita’s mother has a small farm where we can hide.”

“Good. Everyone in the van and let’s get going. I’ll follow you to make sure you arrive safely. Meet me down at the end of the farm road. I’ll be sitting in an old pickup truck.”

“Ninja? Not the Angel de Los Angeles?”

“Don’t ask. I was never here.”

Ten minutes later the battered blue van came rolling down the bumpy farm road and onto the highway. Linda followed them in the pickup.

She got back to Los Angeles in the early morning hours. Linda was dog-tired and fell asleep on top of her bed without taking her clothes off.

Later that morning Linda was at breakfast when Fred dragged himself home. He looked like a zombie. A very happy, worn out zombie.

Somebody got laid, whispered Ret.

Fred got a cup of coffee and sat down, holding it with both hands so it couldn’t escape. He moaned something about his age.

“Hey Fred, what time do we leave for San Diego?”

“San Diego?” Fred mumbled. “Oh right, San Diego. I’ll take a nap this morning and get right on finding us a place to live. Three professional caddies have contacted me wanting to work for us. We’re going to check them all during the tournaments your scheduled to play the next four weeks. Then we can decide which one we want to hire and take him with us to Australia. I want to choose a personal assistant for you after we get to Oz.”

“Oz?”

“Sorry, slang for Australia, the land down under.”

“Oh. Okay. I knew that.”

Did not, whispered Ret.

Liar, liar pants on fire, sang Tink.

Okay girls. Enough, ordered Linda.

Silence. Then giggles. Lots of giggles.

“What’s up for me then?”

“The Ping lady wants to talk to you about creating some signature clubs. Her name is Diane. She has some interesting ideas. Other than that I’ve got nothing on tap for the next couple days.”

She has some interesting boobs too, according to Fred’s libido, whispered Ret.

What’s a libido? asked Tink.

Silence.

Libido is Mouse. She has too much, whispered Linda.

I get it. Sex stuff, Tink blushed.

Fred finished his coffee and headed upstairs to nap.

Now I know what ‘dragging ass’ means, giggled Mouse.

What’s next for us then? Tink asked.

I think we should talk with this Ping lady then spend some more time south of the border. I want to stir up the Cartels, Linda said.

Linda went up to her room and called Ms. Ping Lady. “Hello, my name is Linda Spencer. Fred Jackson asked me to call you.”

“Oh! Hello, Linda. Please call me Diane. Yes, I do want to talk with you and discuss how Ping can help with your career. When are you free for a sit down with me?”

“Lunch sound good? You pick the place and I’ll be there.”

“Can you meet me at La Cocina in the Boulevard Park Mall for lunch? I love their burrito platter.”

That must be how she got the big boobs. They must be full of gas, whispered Mouse.

Meow, whispered Ret.

Hissss, said Tink.

No more cat jokes please, ladies, Linda said.

“Noon good for you?” asked Linda.

“Perfect. I’m looking forward to meeting you.”

We have a few hours. What shall we do? Linda asked.

Sleep. Fake snoring sounds...

Out-voted, Linda went upstairs and took a nap.

Linda had to admit Diane was a good looking woman. She could see why Fred was interested.

“The burrito plate does look good. I’ll order that too.”

“It’s delicious. Too many calories. I can only eat one a year,” Diane laughed.

You know, tits are almost entirely fat. I can dissolve fat, mused Tink.

Don’t worry, when she gets older they’re going to hang down to her belly button, whispered Ret.

Until then though... , Linda added.

Meow, hiss hiss!

“Look at these posters I’ve had drawn up. See what you think. We want to call them Spencers, for obvious reasons. We want to help sponsor your career right from the beginning. Starting with a full line of state-of-the-art Ping clubs.”

“They look great. I have just one request.”

“What’s your request, Linda?”

“You know how a Marine dress uniform has that stripe down the outside of the pants? I want a reflective purple stripe down both sides of the clubs.”

“That’s a great idea. I love it. Would you be willing to wear a line of purple clothes at tournaments? We could make purple your color and promote the golf clubs at the same time. We can probably work up a reciprocal agreement with a clothing manufacturer to design your purple outfits.”

“Write up a contract and present it to my manager, Fred. I’m in if he agrees.”

“Sounds like a deal then. I’ll get the lawyers to draw up a contract this afternoon. Is Fred in town?”

“He’s in town, but he might be indisposed until tomorrow.”

“I’ll set up a meeting with him tomorrow, then. It was so good to finally meet you. I’m hearing some incredible things about you.”

“Tiger Woods is not my Daddy.”

Diane laughed, and said, “Those gossip rags will print anything.” Diane shook Linda’s hand and left.

That went well, I think, whispered Mouse.

Purple? Tink asked. I like pink better.

Should have gone pink on one side and purple on the other, Ret suggested.

No way, Linda said. My clubs are purple.

What’s next for us? Ret asked.

Tijuana, Linda answered.

Once again Linda crossed over into Tijuana. After parking the Rogue she rode a Mexican tour bus, a wispy ghost.

Linda stole a car and drove around all three Cartel zones. Mouse providing security camo.

Tink, I want you to dissolve any security devices you see around the compounds, Linda requested.

You got it boss, Tink said. What about the dust?

There’s enough breeze tonight it should blow away, Linda answered.

That caused some excitement, Ret whispered.

What are they saying? Linda asked.

How the hell do I know? You’re the one who studied Spanish, Ret retorted.