Chapter 9

John came to consciousness late in the morning, awoken by the ringing of his doorbell. He struggled into his dressing gown and went downstairs, switching off the alarm as he did so. He opened the door.

There on the doorstep stood a frightened Carol. She looked at him and burst into tears, covering her face with her hands.

“Come in, Carol,” he invited, sounding and feeling resigned. “Come and sit down in the kitchen. I’ll make some tea. Have you had breakfast?”

She nodded, and followed him to the kitchen. It was a large room, and had a table in the centre. He gestured to Carol to sit at it, which she did. Her weeping abated into occasional sobs and sniffs, while he busied himself with kettle and teapot. Neither of them spoke.

At length, he placed a mug of tea in front of her and sat across the table from her. He gazed at her. She was staring at the table, taking sobbing breaths. He saw again how beautiful she was. But.

But what? he asked himself, and he had his answer. Again he rehearsed it. She had condemned him without a trial; she had divorced him; she had him beaten up; she had deprived him of a happy marriage; she had deprived him of many friendships, she had been fucking that toe-rag Liam. He was angry at that; he resented her arrogance and bitterness, her righteousness so stupidly misplaced.

Now she was sorry. Now she was experiencing the regrets he had experienced. Now she felt the guilt and the shame. Now she understood something of what he had suffered. Good!

So what was she here for? To tell him she loved Liam and to leave her alone? To apologise for deceiving him and making him suffer? He caught himself in those thoughts, he would find out soon enough.

“So?” he asked.

She looked at him and once again there were those beautiful blue eyes, even though the whites were now bloodshot with her weeping.

“I’m so sorry,” she said. “I feel so embarrassed. I had so much and I threw it all away. What a fool! I’m sorry I hurt you so badly John.”

“Well,” he retorted. “At long last you’re getting something right. You do realise that I can’t trust you any more? I don’t know if you’re honest or lying to me.”

“Sorry?” she looked puzzled. “I don’t understand.”

“Shame you didn’t say that when your neanderthal brother gave you the photo’s.”

“Yes,” she said quietly, “I deserve that. I was so wrong. I know there’s no hope for us any more. You’re with your girlfriend now.”

“Girlfriend?” John was puzzled.

“Vicky wasn’t it?” she suggested. “In the pub that night?”

“Oh!” he smiled. “She’s my cousin from Canada. She’s gone back there now.”

“Oh,” Carol suddenly looked up with what John could only interpret as interest in her eyes. “I thought–”

“I’m with no one at the moment.”

“I’ve broken off with Liam,” she stated, and waited, saying no more.

“I’m surprised,” said John. “You divorced me to get him.”

“What?” she asked looking appalled. “No!”

“Let me outline how I see it,” said John forcefully.

“Let’s see. You’ve been living with your husband for four years, two as married. You are getting bored with your husband. You do know most early divorces initiated by women occur after about four years? Liam is better looking and more attractive. You start seeing him behind my back and tell him you want him not me, but you can’t see how to get out of the marriage.

“Either you both hatch out this plan to frame me, or he decides to do it to get me out of your way. Once you have the photo’s you act distraught and incensed with anger and throw your rings at me in public, escaping with your brothers and Liam.

“You all decided that I should not know the details in case I had an answer, or Liam and your brothers made that decision and you agreed. You turn all our friends against me by showing them the photo’s.

“Your brothers warn me off and eventually beat me up, that’s your work or Liam’s. You’ve consistently lied about that, saying they were with you at a family party. You knew that I’d know there’d be no point in contesting the divorce, and then you’d get free of me.

“I go to London, and you with a sense of relief shack up with Liam and get engaged. When I get back you keep clear of me, but I get under your skin at the pub and you give me enough evidence to allow me to refute your accusations. You learn that I’m now MD here and suddenly I’m more attractive than Liam who is still trudging along without much ambition. You can see a big house, lots of money and holidays round the world. So Liam gets the boot and you come running back full of apologies for your dreadful ‘mistake’. How’s that for a start?”

John had been watching her as he spoke. He saw confusion, and fear, and upset, and amazement, but no guilt. Now he knew the scenario he painted was not the true one. He expected her to become angry and attack him for his misunderstanding. The attack did not come.

Instead, she sagged.

“Yes,” she said. “I can see how it could look like that. No one but myself to blame.”

She sighed. “I don’t really expect you to believe me. You’ve no reason to after what I’ve done to you, but you’re giving me a chance I denied you. If I’d been as good as you, we’d still be married.

“Please believe me, what you’ve outlined is not true John. You know Gary and Lee hate you. Gary gave me the photo’s. He said Liam employed a Private Eye to get the dirty on your cheating because he was worried about you.

He said you did some woman or other every time you went away, and the photo’s were very incriminating you have to admit. He even had a report, which I now realise was written by Liam himself saying you’d got the girl drunk and had sex with her in her bed.

“You know my temper,” she sniffed. “I felt so betrayed. You seemed so loving, so faithful and you were fucking me around. My brothers egged me on and got me really mad, and I decided you were a lowlife that deserved nothing from me. So I waited until you were with your mates in the pub and ... well ... you know the rest.

“I hated you so much, I wanted nothing more to do with you. That’s why I cut you off. And yes I did show the photo’s to everyone I could. I wanted you to suffer. And yes when you kept pestering me I did ask Lee to warn you off.

“Honestly, John, I didn’t know what they’d done until I heard you were in hospital. I weakened then; I know now I loved you even then, which is why I hated you so much for what I thought you’d done, but when you were beaten up my impulse was to run to you.

“That’s when Liam came on the scene. He warned me off. He said you would get round me and just carry on your cheating ways if you got away with it this time.

“I didn’t know then he’d taken the photo’s, or made up the so called report. As far as I was concerned he was just a good friend giving me support. After the divorce I had to sell the house and he helped me move. What you need to know is that he tried to get closer to me for two of the last three years. I was off men and kept him at arm’s length.

“Then he mentioned that there were rumours that you had had a girlfriend called Tracy and were going steady with her. That’s when I let him date me and got engaged.

“Looking back I think I was hoping you would come back, but knowing you’d moved on dashed my hopes. He was very loving and I thought I could make a life with him, now you were not coming back.

“Then when I saw you in the pub it shook me. I knew at that moment I still loved you, but now I was with Liam and you were with this gorgeous blonde. I thought it was your girlfriend from London, and it threw me just now when you told me she was your cousin, but at the time in the pub I knew I couldn’t compete with her even if you had any feelings left for me.

“Then you launched in about not knowing why I divorced you. I wondered how you could do that when it was so obvious? You were a serial cheater. Well, now I know. I’ve been totally taken in by Liam. All you were doing was helping a girl in trouble, and Liam had set you up on purpose and lied his way to get to me.

“I feel sick now every time I think of him and me...”

She stopped. John knew exactly what she hesitated to say.

“I would like to believe that,” John said at length. “What you have to do is prove it. Can you prove it?”

“I ... I don’t know how,” she said. “Some of the girls know all about it.”

“Oh, yeah,” he mocked. “Your friends will lie for you, won’t they!”

“No!” she expostulated. “They’ll...”

That was then she remembered that she had said the same about him to Tom in the pub.

She half smiled. “Yes, I said as much to Tom after you left the pub.”

“He told me. Mind you,” John said, “you could always concoct a report for me.”

“John.”

“Yes.”

“That’s not funny.”

“No it’s not,” he said, “and it wasn’t funny in the pub either. You couldn’t trust me.”

“I know!” she said, clearly having an idea. “If I can prove it, will you forgive me?”

“I already have,” he said, “but I need closure. I need to be certain of the truth. It’ll help me get on with my life.”