Chapter 1: Responsibility

Marilyn Grant found the Fall of ‘76 a time of responsibility. There was more to being vice president of her sorority chapter than she’d thought, and she had other responsibilities in the chapter as well. The second meeting on rush, Natalie laid some out.

“All right. The first thing you do is meet the girl, introduce yourself and get her name, an impression, and some concrete data. What is her intended major? Where is she from? Anything else she wants to tell you. That’s important, you know. It’s all well and good to have these categories in which to place the rushees: major, where from, and so on: but it’s just as important -- maybe more important -- to know what they want you to know about themselves. And it’s important to answer their questions about Zeta, too. Remember, we’re one of the oldest sororities in the nation.

“Anyway, the next thing you do is to pass them along to some active who has something in common with them. And choose that active with a grain of common sense, too. We’re trying to impress all of them, even the ones we won’t want, with how good it is to be a Zate. Who knows who her roommate is? Well, last year, half the girls who talked to Marilyn and got bids accepted ours. Maybe that’s luck, but if Marilyn’s free and the prospect has a tie to her, take them to her. She’s from Evanston; her majors are English and Education; she has a boyfriend that didn’t rush a fraternity. Anything else? Well, she attends church and was a leader of her church youth group in high school. We might not want anybody who’ll be holier than thou, but we don’t want them to think they’ve rejected us because we aren’t Christian enough.”

The Sunday before rush began, she and Andy returned to First Urbana. They were welcomed back. They’d told enough people that they were leaving for the summer that nobody asked where they’d been. This close to the campus, most people probably knew that they’d been back for a Sunday, at least, but nobody mentioned that. It wasn’t as though the church was full of people who never missed a Sunday.

After church, instead of leaving her on the porch, Andy was a guest of the chapter for Sunday dinner. Merrillie and she escorted him into the dining room when everybody else was seated. Even full professors visiting the house usually got escorted by the president alone, but Merrillie had said that it would be ridiculous to omit her. The sophomores burst into applause when they came in, and the others followed. Andy seated Merrillie and then her. He took his seat last. After dinner, Laura made a pretty speech about how grateful they were. Andy was about to reply when Barbara got up.

“You’ve heard that Nancy went up a grade, and figure that Andy probably helped her. You’ve heard that Hailey went from a D to a B; Andy is certain to have been a big help. I had a C both quarters. You might figure that he wasn’t much help to me. Well, that’s not how it went. I’d taken the course before. The first semester, I got a D. Worse, through that semester, my grades kept falling. My professor warned me to take the course over instead of going on. But I’d been a pledge, and I figured that I would work harder. By the time I got to the final the second semester, I don’t think 100 on the final would have passed me for the course, and I didn’t come anywhere near to finding out. I left a third of the questions blank. Well, when I transferred, the D didn’t. I retook the course, and I did better. I wasn’t pledging, after all. Even so, I was in over my head towards the end of the course. I was totally lost in the second quarter when Andy came along. So, my C is as much to Andy’s credit as the others’ Bs.”

“Well,” Andy said, “I’m complimented. But, really, I didn’t take the tests. These three did. And I didn’t learn the stuff that year. These three did. You’ll hear that you have to work to learn math, and that’s 100% true. On the other hand, when people say to me that they’ll work harder, I ask myself whether they shouldn’t be working smarter, instead. I hope I helped Barbara, Nancy, and Hailey to work smarter. You have to read the book before the lecture; you have to listen to the lecture; you have to read the book after the lecture. If there’s a discussion section, you have to go to that section with concrete questions. You have to solve the homework problems for yourself. That’s the work you have to do to learn any math course.

“And math is a series of stair-steps. If you did really poorly on section 11, it doesn’t do any good to say you’ll study section 12 better, because you usually can’t learn section 12 until you’ve learned section 11. Sometimes, section 12 doesn’t depend on section 11, but section 15 will. Anyway, you’re going to have to learn section 11, or fail the course. It only makes sense to learn it when the professor is teaching it. It is really easier then; you’ll get tested on it then; and the rest of the course will be less confusing if you do.

“Now, I’m really grateful for this good food, great company, and kind words. But I’ve sent word to Laura, and I’m stating publicly now: if there is a group who want tutoring in College Algebra this quarter, I’ll make some time free. I can’t guarantee being free next quarter. You see, I took my book on partial differential equations home with me over the summer, and I got sort of on top of the first half of the book. I don’t know it well enough, but I have a head start on most of the rest of my class. I’ll have some time to spare. On the other hand, I can’t guarantee to have any time free next quarter. And I guarantee that I won’t be willing to tutor anyone winter quarter that I haven’t tutored fall quarter. Basically, falling behind makes both the student’s job harder and the teacher’s job harder. And I won’t have time to help someone who makes my job harder. Now, Marilyn assures me that you have something more important than studying to do fall quarter, but that’s your choice.” He’d warned her, but still she held her breath.

“Well, Andy,” said Merrillie, “we’re grateful for what you did. I don’t think we’ll be asking you to do any more.” After all, those who wouldn’t be helped were future pledges, both not anyone they knew yet and people totally unaware that the help had ever been available.

When they left the dining room, they went towards the front door. Andy’s three former students were right behind them, but most of the room was heading for the chapter room. She would have to be there soon, too. When they got a little past the narrowest part of the hall, where the banister from the stairs curved out at its fanciest, the three all said “‘bye” in unison. They turned around, facing the opposite direction, and linked arms.

“Then use the back stairs,” she heard Nancy tell someone. They soon were all alone on the front porch.

“You have a fan club,” she said.

“Who expect us to smooch,” Andy said. “Be a shame to disappoint them.” And so, on the porch, with the whole world -- if not the sisters -- to see, they had a great kiss. His hands were all over her back and ass while their tongues made love to each other.

“Goodbye,” he said. “I love you.”

“Love you, too. It’s not that long.”

“Practically forever.”

She ended up spending almost the entire rush period talking to girls that had been brought to her. That included three girls who had kept boyfriends from high school who were attending the U of I but not going to pledge. When bid time came around and Antonia mentioned one, she spoke up to say that there had been three.

“Four,” said Sandra. “You were busy, and Anne remembered about Clark.”

“Look,” Jessica asked, “do we want to be the house without Greek boyfriends? Andy’s a great guy; I’m not denying that. But are the fraternities going to invite us to house parties if we snub them?”

“I think you’re crossing that bridge long before you come to it,” Natalie said. “In the first place, we’re talking about four girls, and some of those I wouldn’t want anyway. I’m not saying who; that’s not the pledge chair’s job. Most of the freshmen don’t have boyfriends on campus. Of course, that will change, but we can’t control who they fall for in October. Maybe part of my responsibility is managing where they look, but I can’t control who they meet in class. And we haven’t met the other boyfriends, either. Maybe they plan to pledge but no frat will have them, and with good reason.

“Having said that, a non-pledging boyfriend is a negative in my book. They won’t all be like Andy, by any means. Still, it would be a minor negative. If we really want the girl otherwise, let’s bid for her. In the first place, we don’t know the boy; we’ve seen a lot of guys with worse problems than being non-Greek. In the second place, coming to college is a big change; how many high-school romances survive that change? In the third place, I don’t mind being known as a house that welcomes, or will at least look at, a girl with a non-Greek boyfriend. I can’t imagine that the other girls care, but probably the girls in that sort of relationship do. And the more girls that want to look at us, the better. But, if you have some other opinion, you can vote that opinion.”

However many sisters agreed or disagreed with her, they bid on two of the girls with non-rushing boyfriends, Debby and Paula.

Marilyn spoke on another issue. “Look, Kathy wants to major in Chemical Engineering. I wouldn’t speak for a girl who was unsuitable otherwise. After all, the University doesn’t even allow them to declare a major yet. But I think that in a girl whom we’d bid on otherwise, like Kathy, this is a strong positive in two ways. First, a lot more women are going into engineering than used to, and anyone who wants to break into a new field like that has to be a strong woman. We want more strong women. Second, notice that, to talk with a woman who wanted to go into engineering, we had a woman whose boyfriend is majoring in engineering. We need more diversity. We don’t want everything; we don’t want our share of ugly girls. But when some trait isn’t something we reject, then getting more diversity is a big plus.” Whether it was her speech or not, Kathy got a bid.

Although it felt a lot more selective to Marilyn this year than it had felt the year before, they ended up bidding on 40 girls. Maybe it felt more selective because they’d spoken with more girls this year; while they bid on only two fewer than the previous year, they decided not to bid on twelve more than the previous year. Sixteen accepted their bids, the same as the previous year. It turned out that Debby, Paula, and Kathy all accepted their bids.

“Great rush,” Natalie told her as the executive committee was gathering for a more formal evaluation. “We’re not only getting a better acceptance rate than we got your year, we’re getting a better class of girls looking. Bids and acceptances don’t mean anything if the freshmen don’t think you’re worth considering. You wouldn’t have given us a look if it weren’t for your mother.” Marilyn didn’t really think that was so. Zeta was top rate. On the other hand, she’d thought that before she’d ever seen the house, and that had been Mom’s influence.

The new pledges would move in Saturday. Friday, right after his last class, Andy picked her up. They stopped on the way to buy groceries. She had another shopping bag she left in the car while she shopped. He ceremoniously handed her “her keys,” and she preceded him up the stairs while he carried both bags. He’d left her “her drawer” in his dresser, and she filled it. They made love before she cooked the spaghetti.

Their first meal in his room, he’d put water in the saucepan, put the open can of spaghetti in it and heated everything that way. He’d served it on plates with a hunk of lettuce beside each serving. She showed him that real spaghetti was cooked from scratch -- okay, she used bottled sauce, but she boiled her own spaghetti. The salad was on separate plates, and the spaghetti, sauce, and broccoli were in separate serving dishes.

Cooking took a while, and it was a little late when they were done. Still, they had only so many nights when they could make love.

“Leave the dishes,” Andy said. “I’ve lots of time to wash them.”

“Do you have the dish soap?”

“Sure. I got it after the first time you were here.” Which suggested that he didn’t wash dishes when she hadn’t used them. Really, though, why should he? Catching his own germs couldn’t be dangerous.

While she was thinking this, he started taking off her apron and her borrowed shirt. He picked her up and laid her on the bed before removing her panties. He stripped off his own underpants and lay beside her.

“Oh love,” he said. He kissed her face and stroked her body. Then he kissed her body and stroked the special parts between her legs. “Oh love,” he repeated when lightning struck. He kissed her forehead while she relaxed. “Sweet, sweet, sweet.” When her breathing had eased, he kissed down her temple to her ear, down her neck to her chest, and down her chest to her tit. When he got there, he began to fondle her again.

She was ready to tell him that it was too soon when she decided that it wasn’t. When she thought it wasn’t enough, she reached for him. Instead of moving over her, he abandoned her nipple and flopped down on his back.

“Want to be on top?” Well, did she? It sounded sexy, and she needed him in her. She was spoiled; the fingers which had satisfied her for nearly a year no longer sufficed.

“Yeah!”

“Well, come on, then.” She had the idea, more or less, of what to do, and he helped. When she had her knees on both sides of his chest and was right above him, he spread her. She grasped him and put him in the right place. “Slowly.” And, slowly according to directions and -- for that matter -- common sense, she eased herself down on him. She had to shuffle her knees a tiny bit when he didn’t seem to be going in straight enough. Then he was filling her. Then she relaxed a little more, and he was pressing into her for more than full.

She leaned forward and put her hands on his shoulders with her arms straight. One of Andy’s hands cupped her right breast, and one of his fingers parted her pussy lips.

She moved up and down. Soon, she learned what motion aroused her most. One glance at his face persuaded her that she didn’t have to worry about arousing him; he looked to be in absolute bliss. As she moved on his cock so it and his finger aroused her higher and higher, she closed her eyes to keep her attention all on the inward sensation.

When lightning struck, she pressed down and felt fire spread throughout her body. She shook, and she felt herself contract around him deep inside her.

“Marilyn!” Andy shouted. She felt herself lifted off the bed by his hips once. Then he was throbbing in the midst of her contractions.

When she fell forward, he came out. Then his arms were around her, hugging her to keep her on top of him. His breath was gasping somewhere near the top of her head, and she felt herself raised and lowered by the motions of his chest.

“Should I move?” she asked some time later.

“Never.” After a little, though, she did move. When she straightened up so she was sitting on him, she felt some little Andys running back to where they had come from.

“I love you,” he said.

“Love you, too, but I should get cleaned up.” She went into the tiny bathroom and closed the door. She used a douche and showered in his shower. When he joined her, the idea felt sexy. The reality was a little crowded, but they both got clean. They dried each other off and got dressed. He drove her back and kissed her on the porch.

Lying in bed, she thought about the coming weeks, then she thought about the last evening. She’d sometimes worried that Andy wasn’t taking enough initiative. Well, he was taking initiative now. That was good. It meant a little awkwardness, sometimes. Well, they hadn’t escaped awkwardness all the many times when she was taking the initiative, and they were lucky about those times. Really, they were learning together. That business of being on top, whatever the initial problems of fitting themselves together, had been sexy as hell -- not only the idea but the feeling when she got into it. She’d been able to go for just what made her feel best, but he’d initiated the position. Indeed, starting with the motel, he’d been initiating all kinds of things. He’d actually asked her to live with him, and she’d said no. That, she felt, was the proper relation between the sexes.

Marilyn was a managing type person. She’d run for MYF president not to look good on her college apps but to change the MYF -- to change the relationship between older adults and young adults in the entire church. She’d recently announced that the sorority needed strong women and more diversity. That wasn’t something that the chapter had voted on or something which had come down from national. That was Marilyn’s opinion.

Her parents had an old fashioned relationship, more typical of the early ‘50s than the late ‘70s. Her father’s career determined where they lived, give or take a commute. His success in it determined the family’s level of consumption. Within these broad limits, her mother managed the family, and not just kirche, kuchen, und kinder. The furnishings of the house and the entertainment they offered were her decisions. She was a manager, not a dictator. Her husband’s -- even her children’s -- tastes and distastes in food influenced her menu choices. The friends she had whose husbands Rick Grant couldn’t stand were mostly guests at lunches instead of dinners. Still, when she decided to keep her daughter’s sexual activity from her husband, Marilyn had been grateful rather than thinking that this was a strange secret for one parent to keep from another.

Marilyn fully expected to manage as much as her mother did. More, if she were to marry Andy, she expected to buy his clothes. Rick Grant -- Father’s Day presents aside -- bought his own. On the other hand, she fully expected to have her own career in her own profession, and she expected it to be just as important as her husband’s. She would have resisted Andy telling her how to study, even though she acknowledged that he had more success in studying than she did.

In the most basic relationship of male and female, though, she expected the boy to take the initiative. The place of the girl was to say yes or no. More accurately, the place of the girl was to refuse him or let him. And Andy hadn’t taken enough initiative for something like their first year and a half. Now, however, he was taking initiative just fine. She didn’t mind saying no, though she had to be careful to distinguish ‘not now’ from ‘never.’

About how seldom she’d said no in the past, she was conflicted. A good girl denied her boyfriend any access below the belt. A good girl in love, however, could be enticed much further by repeated appeals from the man she loved. A modern, free woman decided how far she would go and stuck to that decision until she redecided -- however much her lover might importune. She, however contradictory these were, both wanted to be a modern, free woman and wanted to be a good girl. Well, she’d told April that everybody both wanted and didn’t want some thing or another, and that you had to choose. She’d chosen. Andy, all unconsciously, had forced her to choose. She was a modern, free woman but a modern, free woman in love.

The next week they put the new pledges through their paces. She also made it a point to get to know each new pledge, starting with the ones she hadn’t spoken with during rush. A lot that she learned was still superficial; after each meal-time interview she wrote down on a card the pledge’s name, hometown, enough physical description to distinguish her from the others, planned major, and -- if she could -- one other thing she’d learned.

Natalie had warned her that she would be in charge of teaching them the Zate songs again, and she marked a guess at the quality of the girl’s singing from her speaking voice.

Among the other duties which took her from Andy were general all-Greek meetings. The presidents and vice presidents of both fraternities and sororities met. So did the presidents and vice presidents of sororities. Sorority vice presidents met often enough so that she got to know the other women. The houses were rivals, but they also had things in common.

All-university dances were on Saturdays. Before the first one, she stood in the house doorway watching the new pledges file out with their dates, the pledges from Gamma Nu. For the last few minutes, Andy stood across from her. Then they went to the dance themselves. They didn’t have any passengers, since Gamma Nu had provided enough rides. She had several dresses suitable for dances, and several suitable for church. She was wearing the only one she had suitable for both.

They were sitting out one of the fast dances when Judy, a pledge, came up to her looking shaken. She looked like she had something important to say, but she looked scared or embarrassed by Andy’s presence.

“Three Cokes?” asked Andy getting up. She nodded.

“Marilyn,” Judy said, “my date groped me!”

“On the dance floor?”

“Just off.”

“Where? What part of you did he touch?” The ass wasn’t so bad -- gross, maybe, but you had to expect gross from some frat pledges.

“My crotch.”

“Well, we’ll have to deal with him, but that can be later. What do you want to do right now?”

“Could I go back to the house?”

“Sure ... Know the crud’s name?”

“Bill Gregory.”

“Well, remember it.” She looked up at where Andy was standing with the cokes. Reading her expression, he came over. “Judy needs to get back to the house now. Think we could take her?”

“Sure.” He drained his Coke and started for the door.

“Drink up,” she told Judy. “It’ll be a few minutes.” They were waiting in the doorway when Andy drove up. He walked back to get them, but she noticed that Judy stayed a yard behind them in their walk to the car. Andy opened her door and helped her in. Judy walked around and got in the left-hand back seat. Andy made no comment, but he walked around the front of the car to get to his place.

“You don’t have to worry about Andy,” she told Judy while he was out of earshot. When they got to the house and Andy went to open Judy’s door, however, she scooted over in the seat right behind Marilyn. “I’ll walk Judy to the house,” she said. “You’re really over-reacting,” she told Judy while she did. “Andy’s a nice guy who gave you a ride.”

“I know he wouldn’t do anything. I’m just scared.”

“Well, we’ll talk more about this tomorrow afternoon. Sorry. I have things to do between now and then. You can talk to Natalie between now and then, too, but not until everybody’s back from the dance. She needs to be there.”