Chapter 21: Guilt

I let Greta into the room in the morning.

I wasn’t really surprised to find Honey gone when I got up in the morning. Greta sat me on the bed and informed me that Bea and Cora helped her pack. Honey had appeared in their room hysterical.

She explained that she had behaved very badly. My reactions and look of horror had snapped her out of whatever spell she had been under. She couldn’t believe that she had done what she had.

She told them she couldn’t face me. So they helped her pack and Vaughn said she could stay with him until her team went on the road, after the festival. He hoped I understood and that he wasn’t condoning what she had done, but he couldn’t leave her on the street either.

I told Greta that I did understand and I owed Honey an apology. Greta disagreed with me. She said that Honey knew how I felt about getting pregnant. If she thought that being near me was going to be a problem she should have removed herself from temptation.

I said that I shouldn’t have put her in that position either. I shouldn’t have come back until I was no longer in season. Greta wanted to argue with me, but I kissed her and then said that Honey and I were both in the wrong. I felt a guilty comfort in Greta’s support of me.

I explained that I knew that Honey had a thing for me. I’d failed Honey by not talking to her and asking her to leave if she felt it was a problem. So I was as responsible as she was for what happened. I’d not fully appreciated the effect I had on others and especially Honey.

Greta didn’t agree with me totally, but she didn’t keep arguing with me. She did inform me that I was no longer in season. She got a very big kiss from me. I believe that when I rejected Honey’s seed, I had forced myself out of season. The abrupt change to male had killed the egg I had released.

I was still in two minds whether I had done the right thing. The fact I really didn’t wish to carry a child and my belief that one of my spouses should be the father, tipped me more to believe that I had done the right thing.

I may not have handled the situation as well as I could have. I also felt a lot of guilt. I’d had fantasies about doing Honey. I’m as human as the next person is when we find someone desirable to us and know that they felt similar desire.

Honey and I had been dancing around our attraction for weeks, but neither had addressed it in the open. You must remember that for me the only people I’d desired so far in my life I had married. This fact hadn’t escaped me in respect of Honey.

I’d seriously thought about pursuing her, just not right now. I had too much on my plate to concentrate on romance. So I had to some degree just pretend it wasn’t a problem. When I got time, I’d do something about it.

My guilt was embedded in my behaving like a silly woman who found her fantasy becoming a reality, and the reality becomes a nightmare. I’d enjoyed the reality of the fantasy more than I should have. Honey had fucked me twice to orgasm. I had enjoyed her being in me far more than I felt I should have.

It wasn’t all to do with me being in season. My nightmare had to do with my fear of becoming pregnant and the breaking of promises. I’d promised my girls I’d talk to them before I got involved with another potential spouse. Yet I had let Honey screw me, I had participated. I’d loved the feelings she had made me feel as she rammed her cock into me.

That too was part of my guilt. I’d wanted Honey, and she hadn’t disappointed me with her love making. It didn’t help that I had only recently accepted this side of my nature and Honey had made it enjoyable to experience those feelings again.

Greta hugged me hard, and I kissed her. We ended falling back on the bed, and the kissing got serious. I changed and looked at Greta, so she saw my more vulnerable female side. Greta must have understood me more than even I realised. She rolled off the bed and stripped. She kept her eyes on mine as she removed her clothes.

She changed, and I ran my eyes down her body in male form. She was solid and powerful in this form. She also supported a very nice cock that waved at me. I felt myself become wet, and my legs parted. Greta smiled in a predatory way, and I shivered in my desire for my loved one. She crawled between my parted legs, and they spread wider in anticipation.

Her first lick damn near had me orgasming. She had been my lover for more than a year, and she’d never gotten to lick my cunnie. I knew she had wanted to, but I had shied away from this intimacy in my fear. If anyone deserved to lick my cunnie, it was she and lick she did.

She sucked, licked and played, and she drove me wild. When her fingers slipped into me, I humped her hand, and she soon had me quivering and shaking on her talented fingers and wicked tongue. I think I screamed when I came for her. It was wonderful. When she moved up and sucked on my udders, she had me come again for her.

Her sliding her cock in me was bliss. She kissed me as she humped the last of it into me and filled me. She held still and waited until I settled a little. When she felt that I was ready for more she started pumping in and out of me slowly as she told me she loved me and rained kisses on my face. I started rocking my hips faster, and she sped up.

She rose up on her arms and watched my face as she filled me again and again. I couldn’t take my eyes off her as she claimed me. Her loved washed over me. Greta was my first love, and I did this more for her than for myself. It was something I had denied her, and I wanted to tell her how sorry I was that others had been in me before she had.

She smiled gently at me as if she understood. She leant down, kissed me softly and then fucked into me hard. A switch flipped in my head, and I came for her. By the gods, it was so powerful that I lost control of my body and shuddered so hard on her, she came for me. Her grunts of satisfaction as she pumped her seed into me were as primitive as any of the times that I had come in her in the past.

This time I revelled in my partner coming in me. It was my Greta, and I had given myself to her with all my love. I hadn’t held anything of myself back from her, and the reward was more than I deserved. She shuddered with me as the intensity of coming hit us both.

I woke some time later with Greta curled in my arms. I must have changed without thought as I woke to her hand rubbing across my now male nipple. “Spoil-sport,” she grumbled.

I chuckled and rolled her over, so she was under me. I looked into her beautiful face and the love I felt for her welled up inside of me. She smiled back and pulled me down for a kiss.

I’d like to say we behaved but we didn’t.

It was much later that we joined the others.

I was surprised to find Ian, Mike, Dale and their spouses had joined the party. I happily greeted my friends and the sly grins and chuckles only made me feel very pleased with myself.

I loved Bea, Cora and my baby girls. However, I knew Greta and Sable had special places in my heart that no one would ever shift them from. I had room for others I was sure, but they were entrenched.

Knowing Greta had forgiven me for my indiscretion was worth every remark. However, I did still feel a little guilty about Honey. I had also come to realise that while I found her desirable and that while she could give me pleasure, I didn’t love her as I did my spouses.

I excused myself from my guests and nicked downstairs to Vaughn’s apartment. Honey opened the door. She explained hesitantly that Vaughn had already headed off to work. I had just caught her heading out. I smiled at her and taking her hand, I walked her to Vaughn’s dining table and had her sit down. I kept hold of her hand and then claimed then other. I waited until she looked up at me.

“I’m sorry for putting you in the situation I did Honey. It wasn’t your fault entirely. I own my share. I knew you had feelings for me, but I had ignored them, and that wasn’t fair to you either. We probably should have has this chat weeks ago, but I have been avoiding it.”

“I do find you desirable. I don’t respond physically too many women for some reason, and I wasn’t sure how to handle my feelings for you. While I find you exciting and sexy, I don’t love you. Maybe if I had met you first, I could have fallen in love with you. I just don’t know.”

“I’m sorry, but Greta, Bea and Cora fulfil all my needs. I don’t wish to collect any more spouses at this time in my life. I don’t feel that I could appreciate you as you deserve just because I find you a stimulating and a beautiful person to be with.”

“I’d hate to lose your friendship, because that I can give you. I have enjoyed spending time with you as a friend. We have worked well together in the last couple of months, and I value you and your opinions. I just can’t give you more than that, and you do deserve so much more.”

“I hold myself responsible for letting the situation get out of hand by not letting you know how I feel. I’ve learnt several lessons from how I had dealt with our attraction. I hope that I deal with anything similar occurring a lot better than I did with you.”

“Can you accept my apology and still be my friend?” I asked her. I had watched her face as I had explained how I felt about what had happened between us. Her blank expression hadn’t reassured me.

Honey squeezed my hands and surprised me by chuckling. “Greta said that you would take full responsibility. You are an amazing person Bron, and Greta, and the girls are bloody lucky to have you. It is no wonder that I wanted what they have. Bron, it wasn’t your fault at all.”

“I knew you liked me as a friend. I knew from your body language and by the words that you never said, that you didn’t love me. I know that if you hadn’t been at the strongest part of your season, you would have stopped me sooner than you did. I as good as raped you, Bron. I’m not very proud of myself. I knew what I was doing.”

“I knew I should have left the residence when you said you were in season. However, I ignored my good sense and let my desires and stupidity perform an act I’m now deeply sorry for committing. I tried to force you to love me. It was no better than what Fred tried to do to me, and I’m deeply ashamed.”

I went to say something, but she pulled a hand from mine and pressed it against my lips. “Yes, your scent, when you’re in heat, is intoxicating. But people have to be in charge of their own actions. You made it perfectly clear to us all that you had no desire to become pregnant despite your body’s natural function telling you that you could if you wished too.”

“I was the one who failed to comply with your wishes. I would like to remain your friend, but I think I need a bit more time to come to understand why I behaved as I did. I think I need to hit the road and put some distance between us.”

“Perhaps in time, knowing that you don’t hate me or blame me even though you should, I can behave more like a friend than I have been. Please accept my apology for placing my desires before your own.”

“I can’t accept an apology for taking you as I did. I have to come to terms with what I did before I can ever ask that of you. It was wrong in so many ways, and I shall feel shame that I was even capable of acting that way for a long to come.”

I took her hand back in mine, “Please don’t feel too bad, Honey. I knew it was you when you first touched me. I was still capable of rejecting you at that point, but I didn’t. I let my desires override good sense as well. I did know that once you had slipped into me, I could no longer stop you. But I didn’t care that much by then.”

“You didn’t hurt me, and I’ll confess that I found you a very satisfying lover. You weren’t to know that my girls had only recently awoken the feminine side of my nature. She was being very naughty, and I must confess she only pushed you away because of painful memories of being pregnant the first time.”

“If I’d not had those memories I think I would have let you continue and we would probably still be in bed. I’m not sure if you would have changed my feelings as to me loving you. I know now that love is not the feeling I have for you.”

“I also think I would be feeling a hell of lot guiltier this morning if we had continued. I’d promised the girls I wouldn’t get involved with anyone without discussing it with them, and I’ve broken that promise. The fact I was in season doesn’t make my actions any easier to accept or excuse.”

Several tears rolled down her cheeks, and I felt bad that I had hurt her with my rejection, but I couldn’t help how I felt.

“Thank you, Bron, I think you had better go. Hopefully, our next meeting can be as friends. Not that I deserve that or your forgiveness,” she said softly.

I guessed I’d said all I could say and I squeezed Honey’s hands before letting them go and then got up to let myself out.

Greta greeted me when I came back into the residence.

She didn’t say anything to me. She just wrapped me in her arms and hugged me gently. I wrapped my arms around her, and the tears fell. I wasn’t even sure why I was crying. I then felt Bea and Cora hug me from the sides, and they swamped me with their love and concern. It only made me cry harder.

Greta then cracked me up by saying, “Next time we are going bush and not coming home until you are pregnant.”

Bea added, “Not if I get to him first. I’ll kidnap him.”

Cora said, “Huh, you’ll have to beat me to him.”

“Maybe I should just take all three of you and who gets lucky, gets lucky,” I suggested with a big grin.