Chapter 79: Josie’s Situation

May 16, 1992, Chicago, Illinois

“Seriously?” Jessica asked as we headed for the dojo.

“Yes. Seriously.”

I’d arrived home with just enough time to dress for karate, so we hadn’t been able to talk before we started our walk.

“But why? Did she change her mind?”

“No. I discovered a very little girl hiding behind that ‘pretentious bitch’ exterior. Kara, I apologize in advance for saying this, but everything I learned from messing things up with Becky, I’m going to use to help Samantha. All of you spent the last fifteen years helping me become the man I wanted to be. Now my task is to help her become the woman she wants to be. That’s what she needs from me. Ultimately, I think that’s what she was looking for, she just didn’t know how to ask for it.”

“But you said she wasn’t LIKE Becky,” Kara protested nervously.

“I think it’s better to say that I’m nothing like my fourteen-year-old self.”

“What have you gotten us into?” Kara asked, almost in tears.

I stopped and pulled her into my arms, and looked into her eyes.

“Kara, it’s not like that,” I said softly, trying to reassure her. “Samantha isn’t Becky. But I can use the lessons I learned from Becky to help Samantha. Yes, there are similarities in that their fathers spoiled them and didn’t say ‘no’ to them. But there are serious differences. I didn’t start the relationship by trying to manipulate Samantha into sex the way I did with Becky. I never told Samantha that I was in love with her, which I did with Becky.”

“Kara?” Jessica asked quietly, putting her hand on Kara’s shoulder. “What are you worried about?”

“That she’ll try to steal him away,” Kara said, a tear running down her face.

“She’ll fail miserably if she tries,” I said, wiping the tear away with my finger. “I’m the first person to ever say ‘no’ to her in her life. In fact, that was the point of not having sex with her. She has in her mind that sex is a way to control me, even though she said she thinks men should take charge in the bedroom. She didn’t count on me being able to say ‘no’ and stick to it. That was her miscalculation.

“The other thing I’ll point out is that I can’t give her children, no how, now way. Yes, vasectomies can be reversed, though the success rate is extremely low, and I had the most effective and permanent one possible - relatively large pieces snipped out and both ends cauterized. I’ll also point out that she bought a box of rubbers for last Saturday before she even asked me about it. The parallels just aren’t there.”

“I think he has a point,” Jessica soothed. “And we’ll see tomorrow night if she’s decided to give up because she can’t control him with her body. My gut feeling is that she won’t, and that, in fact, she NEEDED someone who could, and would, say ‘no’ to her in her life.”

“I don’t think she’ll give up,” I said. “I’m pretty sure she realizes that she needs me. And not just for sex. Yes, that’s a big reason, but not the primary one. I don’t think she completely realizes that yet, and until she does, I won’t have sex with her.”

“Tiger, will you tell her about your theory?”

“I’d really like her to come to the conclusion herself, but if she doesn’t, then, yes, I’ll tell her. Kara, are you OK?”

“I’m worried about this girl,” Kara said softly. “A lot.”

“Will you do something for me? Please?”

“I’ll try.”

“Pass your third black belt test today, and tomorrow you talk to Samantha and decide if you’re OK with this or not. If not, then I’ll find a way to end it.”

“I can do that,” she said.

I smiled, kissed her, and then the three of us continued walking to the dojo.

May 17, 1992, Chicago, Illinois

“I’m not sure that was a particularly useful Rap Session”, Michelle said as we sat in the sauna late on Sunday afternoon.

“Because we talked in circles about philosophy?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“About half the people were lost right away, because they never really studied even the ancient Greek philosophers, and having to explain even simple concepts detracted from what, as we agreed, turned into a circular conversation. I think we discovered, though, who believes in absolute truth and who doesn’t.”

“You don’t,” Michelle declared.

“It’s not quite that simple,” I said. “It depends on what you mean by ‘true’. Are you talking math or philosophy?”

“That’s the same point you made upstairs,” Michelle said.

“Yes, and I maintain, at least for me, that which is true can be proved to be true. If I can’t prove it, all I can do is tentatively accept it as possibly or probably true.”

“But you also denied being a pure scientist!”

“I never said I wasn’t going in circles! I think, in the end, what I assert as true, and expect everyone to agree with, are the things which can be proved. Everything else is open to examination. I’ll go back to the shared vision which Bethany and I had. I believe there was truth revealed to us in those visions. But I can’t prove to you that I had that vision, nor could Bethany prove she had hers. It’s like your discussion with Elizabeth a few weeks ago about proof of existence of a god.”

“I’m curious, what proof will YOU accept?” Michelle asked with a smile.

“I don’t think it’s possible to prove, so I don’t try to prove it one way or the other.”

“But you’re searching. How will you know if you find what you’re looking for?”

“I’m not sure I will in this life. And I don’t know what the next life is like, if there even is one. All I know is that there is something greater than all of us, but I know that from experience, not through scientific examination.”

“And that’s your struggle, isn’t it?”

“Aristotle versus Plato,” I replied. “Plato’s winning in most areas of my life, but not all. The scientific method is useful; it just can’t be applied to everything in our lives.”

“Elizabeth contends it can and should.”

“Yes, and I think it leaves her unsatisfied. I can’t just write off our feelings and our consciousness to biochemical processes. Maybe they are, but I don’t think so. There is more to it.”

“A soul.”

“Or life force. Or shared consciousness. Or something. And I’ll continue seeking an answer until I draw my last breath. But forget all of that. How did your coffee date go?”

“OK, I suppose,” Michelle said. “We talked, drank coffee, and then I went to class. It turns out he’s in the same dorm as me, though I’ve never seen him there. I saw him in church this morning and he asked me to have lunch with him. I said yes.”

“Baby steps,” I said. “Take your time.”

“We only have four more weeks of school, three really; the last week is exams. Then I’ll go home for the summer. I think I’ll have lunch with him, and then tell him I’ll see him in the fall. I can’t lose focus on my classes.”

“No, you can’t! If you need a quiet place to study, you’re always welcome here. Though I’m not sure how quiet it would be during the day with all the kids around!”

“The library is probably a better choice!” she said with a soft laugh.

When we finished our sauna, we showered and dressed separately, and Michelle headed back to campus.

The evening was going to be a bit tricky because we’d invited Gina and Bo, and because my wives wanted to talk to Samantha. We’d agreed to keep the discussion with Samantha until after dinner. Everyone arrived between 5:30pm and 6:00pm, and to my delight, Gina and Bo seemed to hit things off well from the start. They chatted during dinner, mostly oblivious to everyone else at the table.

When my sister and Ed said ‘good night’ just before 8:00pm, and we put some of the kids to bed, Gina and Bo exchanged phone numbers and also said ‘good night’. I was certain I’d hear from Gina in the morning, and I was sure it would be a good report. He seemed like a really nice guy, just as Samantha had said.

“Steve, would you help me with Jesse and Nicholas?” Jennifer asked.

She and Josie had joined us for the Sunday family dinner which they did most, but not every, week. I was a bit surprised, but I also knew there was a big question hanging over our heads. I wondered, though, if this was actually a way to separate Samantha and me so that my wives could talk to her. Either way, I agreed, and after Nicholas kissed his mom, I picked him up and carried him to the coach house.

“What’s up?” I asked Jennifer once we were inside.

“It was Kara’s idea, but I also thought we could talk for a few minutes once we get the kids in bed.”

I nodded and we took them upstairs. After their usual bathroom routine, including brushing their teeth, we got the boys to bed, and I read to them. Jesse was never thrilled with an early bedtime, but it was a ‘school night’ and his moms insisted. He was a kid who went 100% at all times, and if he didn’t get enough sleep, he was even more of a handful than usual.

“Dad?” Jesse asked.

“Yes?”

“Can Nicholas go on our vacation with us?”

“I think so, yes. I’ll need to talk to Aunt Kara and Aunt Bethany about it. Ask me about it tomorrow night, OK?”

“Yes!”

I kissed both boys on their foreheads, and then followed Jennifer downstairs to the kitchen. Josie stayed in their living room, and turned on music, which would ensure some amount of privacy for Jennifer and me. I didn’t think Josie was an issue, but I wouldn’t put it past Jesse to try to spy on us if he knew we were talking.

“I don’t know that we can make another attempt. Without going into details, Larry isn’t particularly comfortable with the process.”

“Knowing what I know about you, and remembering what happened with Lauren, I’m not surprised by that revelation. So now what?”

“I have no idea. Josie is super disappointed, but she also knew there was no guarantee it would work. Not everyone hits the bull’s-eye as you did!”

“Sadly, one time too many,” I sighed.

“It’s been thirteen years and it still bothers you?”

“Yes. If I hadn’t had those visions, if Bethany hadn’t had the vision, maybe it would bother me less. Who knows? It’s perhaps my greatest failure in life.”

“The abortion?”

“More than that. Everything from that day we started teasing Becky until the last time I was with her. I made a mess of her life, my life, Kara’s life, and your life.”

“There were some ugly points, but I think things have worked out OK in the end. She’s married, I’m with Josie, you’re with Kara, and Becky is having a baby of her own, according to you.”

“According to Alyson. I haven’t spoken with Ben van Hoek, but I’m sure Alyson’s information is correct. And yes, it does seem to have turned out OK in the end, but what a mess. The only good thing that came out of it was all the hard lessons I learned.”

“All of us. So what’s with our new dinner guest?”

“Bo?” I grinned.

“THAT was ridiculously obvious!” Jennifer said with a laugh. “Don’t be an idiot! Samantha!”

“My new, exclusive, long-term mistress.”

“She’s like she’s fourteen or fifteen! I thought we talked about this!”

“She LOOKS younger, but she’s seventeen. She has a driver’s license AND a pilot’s license. And that one you can’t get until you’re seventeen by federal law.”

“Exclusive? What about Elyse?”

“Exclusive beyond the women I live with. And yes, Jennifer, if it becomes possible, you are one of the women I live with.”

“You gave up all outside girls for Samantha? But why?”

“Because of Doctor Mercer and Michelle, and at the request, but not insistence, of my wives. And because I want to. It’s time to rein in some of the craziness.”

“Some?” Jennifer asked with an arched eyebrow.

“As I said to Doctor Mercer, an alcoholic vows to stay sober for one day at a time. I’m not saying I’m addicted, but I am saying that each day I plan to get up and stay within the new boundaries. I can’t promise what will happen tomorrow or next week or next month, let alone next year. But today, for today, that’s where I am. I plan to be there tomorrow, but I’ll worry about what I do tomorrow, tomorrow.”

“I have no idea what to say to that other than I’m astonished. This is truly what you want? You aren’t trying to be someone you aren’t?”

“This is who I am, Jen. Honestly. I think I need this. The craziness, the drama, and the ill-considered actions have worn me out mentally and emotionally.”

Jennifer laughed hard, “But not physically. All that running and karate has given you plenty of reserve stamina! And you were no slouch before!”

“It’s been nearly seven years,” I smirked. “Perhaps I’ve lost my touch!”

“Not according to your wives and Elyse! Girls DO talk. Even lesbians! And not according to our last really good kiss.”

I smiled, “That was nice. And?”

“She said I could do it if I wanted to.”

I shook my head, “And you know my feelings about that.”

“I do. That’s why I haven’t talked to you about it. What did you tell me? Acquiescence isn’t consent?”

“That’s what Bethany taught me, and I have to agree with her. If Josie isn’t fully in agreement, it’ll eventually wreck your relationship. YOU can deal with not being with me if it comes to that. Right now, and maybe forever, she can’t deal with you being with me. The half-hearted approval makes that clear.”

“I wonder if I should just drop the whole idea.”

“Jen, of the things I want in this world that I don’t have, a night, or weekend, or whatever, with you, is probably right at the top of the list. But if this is causing problems between you and Josie, then I think you should drop it. At least for now; maybe forever.”

“Since when did YOU start advising ME?” Jennifer smiled.

“It’s an interesting role reversal, isn’t it?”

“It is. Now, run back to your new, cute little plaything before your wives turn her against you!”

“That’s just it, Jen. She’s NOT a plaything. There’s more to it than that. In fact, right now, we’re not having sex.”

“Wait! You have a mistress with whom you aren’t having sex?”

“It’s complicated. You remember when we took a break from sex to work on our relationship?”

“I almost KILLED you!” Jennifer laughed. “Both times!”

“Yes, I know. Well, that’s what’s happening here. If it’s going to work long-term, there has to be a basis for it other than sex.”

“So four is the magic number?”

“Maybe. I think everyone involved except Elyse hopes the magic number is two, eventually. And maybe it will be. But that’s a long ways down the road. Elyse isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.”

“We should talk more, but go back to your women!”

Jennifer and I hugged, and I went back to the house. I found Jessica, Kara, and Samantha in the ‘Indian’ room. I asked if it was OK to join them and they laughed and invited me in.

“Everything is OK, Snuggle Bear,” Kara said with a smile.

“Snuggle Bear?” Samantha asked.

“Did you sleep in his arms Friday night?”

“Yes.”

“And?” Kara smirked.

“Oh! Yes. It was out of this world!”

Jessica smirked, “But you didn’t get the ‘Tiger’ experience.”

“No. He was mean!” Samantha complained.

“I wasn’t being mean, young lady; I was prioritizing our relationship over sex.”

“Forget it, Samantha,” Jessica laughed. “You won’t win this argument with him. Ever!”

“He made me wait six months!” Kara said. “And he made Jess wait nearly a year AND until our wedding night! And the last month before we got married, he wouldn’t have sex with me!”

“I thought guys always wanted to have sex,” Samantha protested.

“It’s not about what we want,” I said gently. “It’s about doing the right thing. Remember what I said about not getting everything we want?”

“Yes, but if you CAN have it, why not?”

“Because sometimes denying yourself something you want is the best thing you can do,” Jessica said.

“This is something your dad didn’t teach you,” I said. “But it’s a lesson you need to learn.”

“But WHY? It’s silly to deny yourself things you want and can get!”

“So if Steve decides he wants another girl, and he can get her, then it’s OK for him to do that?” Jessica asked, pointedly.

“Uh, well, no,” Samantha said.

“So you get what YOU want, but he has to deny himself what HE wants? Because you say so?”

“But he doesn’t want that!” Samantha said confidently.

“You have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into,” Jessica said, turning Kara’s words on Samantha.

“What do you mean?”

“She means that you have to give as much as you take,” Kara said gently. “In fact, to be honest, you have to give without any regard to what you take. That’s how a true relationship works. But even in business, you can’t just take. I bet your dad and his friends do business deals all the time. Are they one-sided? Or do both sides benefit.”

“Both, of course! Or they wouldn’t make a deal!”

“So does that mean your dad gets everything he wants? Or does he have to give up some things to get what’s important?”

“I suppose he gives up little things. The important things would prevent a deal if he had to give them up.”

“If you understand that, then you understand that you can’t simply have everything you want!” Jessica said firmly.

“I guess,” Samantha said, not sounding entirely convinced.

“What’s most important to you about Steve?” Jessica asked. “Fucking him or being with him long term?”

Samantha recoiled a bit.

“Jess, would you keep the language PG-13 rated, please,” I asked.

She arched an eyebrow, “Sorry. Having sex or being with him?”

“Being with him long-term.”

“He would agree,” Jessica said. “And he made a sacrifice to do that. What did YOU sacrifice?”

“I don’t know. My virginity?”

Kara smiled, “And you think that’s enough for him to give up all his other girls? Girls he wants and girls who want him? And trust me, there are girls coming out of the woodwork who want to f ... have sex with him. I don’t mean to be rude, but Samantha, your virginity wasn’t worth THAT much. He gave up a lot, and it wasn’t for that. What are YOU giving up?”

She was quiet for a bit. I hoped she’d figure out the answer for herself. She was very smart, but she was encountering things she’d never encountered before. People who stood up to her and refused to see the world her way and do things her way. She was going to hear ‘no’ in ways she never had before.