Chapter 57: Inflection Points

February 4, 1992, Natick, Massachusetts

It took me a moment to clear my head after that last comment Cèlia had made, because ‘a’, I HAD thought about that; and ‘b’, I WAS thinking about that. I quickly thought back to that first trip. I hadn’t noticed Cèlia looking at me ‘hungrily’. It had been Cindi who said that. And what Cindi said had set the stage for me to read something into the situation. My reaction had, at first, been the ‘rock star’ or ‘hero worship’ notion. And everything she had done in that regard made sense. Even the desire in her eyes. It wasn’t sex, it was her looking at someone who could help her escape.

Or was I trying to justify her actions? Cindi’s comments had so colored my perception of what was GOING to happen that it obscured what HAD happened! And because of that, I couldn’t trust my memory or my judgment. It was entirely possible that it had been completely innocent, and even if it wasn’t, I had gone into the conversation with a particular viewpoint. The hug was, as she said, just a hug. I’d met people like that. But then she’d asked me to dinner. That seemed to confirm what Cindi had been saying. Or did it?

“And the dinner invitation?” I asked.

“I just wanted to thank you for the job offer. I knew you were married, because I saw the ring. Buying you dinner at Bennigan’s or Friendly’s would be a way to say thank you, not an invitation to sex. You opened that door tonight.”

And so I had. I didn’t blame Cindi. I could easily have ignored her comment or doubted what she’d said. But I hadn’t. I’d internalized it and let it color my entire perception of the events that had occurred. Well, either that or Cèlia was feeding me a VERY good line.

“I owe you an apology,” I said. “I completely misread your intentions and your attitude. I’m sorry.”

“And yet, despite that, you interviewed and hired me, didn’t you?”

I had to laugh, “I did.”

“So you misread me then. Big deal. You didn’t let it interfere. Why let it interfere now?”

“Are you going to meet every single objection I have with a neat, clear, logical answer?”

“Well, except for that ‘naked, under you, squirming in ecstasy’ comment, yes. Got any more? You set them up. I’ll knock them down.”

“But isn’t there more to it? I could just say ‘no’, you know?”

“You could. But you won’t. Because you want me. You know you do. I know you do. I dare you to deny it.”

“I can’t deny it. Not honestly. But what we want isn’t always relevant! My kids want lots of things they don’t get and shouldn’t have.”

That wasn’t really true because they asked for very little but my love, but it sounded good!

“We aren’t kids! We’re adults who want each other. Nobody is going to get hurt.”

“You’re working awfully hard for what could turn out to be very disappointing sex.”

“I don’t believe that for one second and neither do you!” Cèlia laughed.

“So I get why you want to do it, and why you think it makes sense. But why does it make sense for me?”

“Because it’s fun. Because nobody gets hurt. Because there are no strings attached. None! And, because if you don’t, you’ll spend the next twenty years of me working for you wondering what it would have been like and not being able to do a thing about it!”

Something was bugging me. It wasn’t the ‘rules lawyering’ or the persistent argument. It was that she was taking MY position. A logical, straightforward analysis of a situation; meeting every objection with a clear, logical answer. This nineteen-year-old girl from Gloucester was arguing me into a corner! I thought back to the discussions in the Rap Sessions, and with Michelle the previous night. And my arguments with myself in my journal. I’d told people over and over that when you were backed into a corner and couldn’t argue your way out, you had to at least yield the point and move on.

She’d won the argument. I was out of ammunition, and now, as CEO, I had to make a decision. There was no running to Jessica and Kara to ask permission. I’d be told to consider it and decide what to do. At work, if I’d had a plan that someone had defeated as neatly as Cèlia had just defeated me, I’d go back to the drawing board, OR, if that person had a plan that made logical sense, adopt it.

There was only one thing left to do. Laugh. Which I did. And shook my head. Cèlia didn’t say anything, but just waited. Another smart move on her part. She knew, at least in a general way, what was going on in my mind. She had to, otherwise she would have given up.

“So, let’s assume for a moment you’ve won the argument,” I said.

“I have,” she said with a soft laugh.

“ASSUMING that’s the case, do you really think it’s worth me putting you through the wringer?”

“Well, let’s just say I have NEVER, EVER had to work this hard to get a guy to have sex with me! Usually, they’re putty in my hands. Not you. In fact, you STILL haven’t decided to say ‘yes’. Which, by the way, only makes me even MORE sure that the effort will be worth it, if you do say ‘yes’.”

I was certain that before me, she’d had ZERO problems convincing guys to go to bed with her. In fact, it wouldn’t take much convincing. Slim, cute, sexy, a nice body, firm breasts, and a great personality. Convincing? More like fighting them off!

“Cèlia, the problem is, all joking and logic and arguments aside, that it’s very difficult to separate all of the events from each other. My very FIRST argument, the one you washed away with a technicality, isn’t in the employee handbook as some kind of literal statement to be worked around. Think about what it would mean if it was.”

She nodded, “It would be like having no rule at all. You could just find a way around it every time.”

“Exactly. And that’s what I’m struggling with. All that other stuff was an attempt to find a clear, unambiguous hurdle that you couldn’t clear. Why? Because of your literal reading of the rules.”

“May I make a counter-argument?”

“NOW you ask if you can argue with me?” I chuckled, pulling up to a traffic light.

“I don’t want you upset with me.”

“Won’t happen. Go on.”

“The goal of the rule is twofold. To keep staff from attempting to using sex to gain an advantage, and to keep managers from attempting to take advantage of staff.”

“Sure. It’s a bit more complicated, but what you just said is certainly true.”

“So what advantage do I gain? I already have the job. You aren’t going to fire me because we have sex! That wouldn’t make sense! I already have the job, and you’ve made it explicit that pay and advancement are clearly defined and based purely on merit. So I’m not going to gain anything. Add in the fact that I do not work for you, not just technically, but legally. How does following that rule, or not following it, change anything or affect anything?”

The light changed and I made a left turn into the BLS parking lot. I put the car in park, but left the engine running.

“A reasonable point,” I said. “I’ll counter with perception. Not other people, because I don’t believe you would tell anyone and I wouldn’t tell anyone beyond my required report to my wives as the price of freedom, so to speak. But your perception and mine. How would YOU view me afterwards and how would I view you?”

“Isn’t it already too late?” Cèlia asked. “Once I asked you, it changed our perception of each other. I can’t go back and un-ask, so here we are. We can either let the sexual tension build until one of us snaps - one, two, five, ten years in the future - and either it creates a scandal or I leave to avoid one. Or, we can defuse it right now, tonight.”

I was, frankly, amazed at her rhetorical skill. I hadn’t been surprised by Michelle, who was actually a year younger, because she was in college, and had a top-notch education. But I’d certainly underestimated Cèlia. She was extremely bright. Too bright to be a receptionist. I quickly reproved myself, because I would never have said that Abbie was too bright to be a nanny. People had to do what made them happy or met their needs.

“Why didn’t you go to college?” I asked, changing the subject.

“No money. Even a State school was out of my price range. Dad’s credit isn’t great, so no way to borrow money. Fishing is a dying industry.”

“Do you want to go to college?” I asked.

“Maybe. I suppose with the job I could go at night.”

“Yes, to maybe one of the City Colleges, at least to start. You’re a very bright girl. This has been a very enlightening conversation.”

“You changed the subject.”

“You noticed?” I grinned.

“You’re thinking again,” she said.

“Yes,” I said, nodding slowly.

I was. I’d just learned a very, very important lesson. A serious one that impacted many of my relationships. And that was reaching a point of no return. A place from where you couldn’t go backwards or undo the effects. As I thought back, even with just recent events, I saw several that I didn’t recognize for what they were because I was careless. Points where perception had changed, creating a new reality. Points where I could, and perhaps should, have made different decisions. It was, as they say, a moment of clarity.

“The inflection point,” I said slowly, “the point of no return isn’t right here, with me making a decision. It was, depending on perspective, when I thought about sex with you a few weeks ago, or thirty minutes ago when you asked me if I wanted company. That’s when reality changed.”

“Yes.”

It was as if the clouds broke and the sun shone down brightly. I saw where I’d gone wrong with Crystal. Where I’d committed to the course I was on with Jeri and the Foundation. Where I’d made my mistake with Carla. Where I’d made my mistake with Becky. Where I’d committed to a course of action with Jennifer while lying to myself about having a choice. Where I’d done the same with Bethany.

All of that would have to wait for my journal. In the here and now, I had, unintentionally, made a choice which had changed the flow of events in the thread of the multiverse I was in. That thought, even though it was put into my mind by Cindi, and my feelings, which I was sure Cèlia had detected, had led, inexorably and relentlessly, here. I’d even thought about it in the diner when my mind had been wandering. I had brought us here. Well, at least partially, given that it took two to tango.

But I believed in Free Will. I could say ‘no’ and accept the results. I could say ‘yes’ and accept the results. But I had to answer a question for myself. Which would, as I’d discussed with Michelle, cause the least harm? Was a technical violation of the rules more harmful than the tension that Cèlia had, in my estimation rightly, predicted? And, I realized, I’d be in violation of one of MY rules by having the fling with Cindi. If I was going to say ‘yes’ to Cindi, and based on ANOTHER inflection point I’d have to write about, I knew I would, then what did THAT imply about this situation?

“Do as little harm as possible,” I said, just loud enough to be heard.

“Huh?” Cèlia asked.

“Sorry, my brain is going a mile a minute. It would take too long to explain, but my very core principle is to do as little harm as possible, and when faced with two options, select the one that does the least harm.”

“Not the most good?”

I chuckled, “That doesn’t help if you ever have to decide between two bad options.”

“Is that what this is?” she asked, sounding a bit miffed.

“No, Two sub-optimal options,” I said, putting the car in reverse and backing out of the spot.

“You won’t regret it,” she said.

“I hope not,” I replied warily.

February 5, 1992, Natick, Massachusetts

I awoke on Wednesday morning with Cèlia’s firm, young body on top of mine, her curly pubic hair tangled with mine, her small, firm breasts pressing into my chest, and her long, dark hair cascading over my shoulders. I moved my hands to her tight butt cheeks and gave a gentle squeeze. She stirred, yawned, and lifted her head.

“Already?” she sighed.

I looked over at the clock, “I have a little over two-and-a-half hours to catch my flight. A quick shower, something from the breakfast buffet, a cup of coffee, and then I’m off to the airport.”

“Bummer,” she sighed, rolling off of me. “Want some help in the shower?”

“As long as it’s just a shower! I can’t miss my flight!”

“Four times last night will tide me over until I find a boyfriend in Chicago,” she giggled. “My God!”

I got out of bed and she followed me to the bathroom where I turned on the shower and adjusted the spray. We got in together and she grabbed the soap and started washing me.

“I could say the same thing,” I chuckled. “You have amazing muscle control!”

“Makes it fit like a tight glove, doesn’t it?” she giggled. “Guys seem to like that!”

“Seem to?”

I turned so she could wash my front and she reached up to give me a quick kiss.

“Your tongue is VERY talented!” she said, running soapy hands gently over my balls.

“You remember the ground rules I set for Chicago?”

“Yes. No flirting. No references to this night, not even oblique ones. A completely professional relationship. I can do that now that we’ve done this. If we hadn’t, I’m not sure that I could have.”

I immediately got the picture. THAT was why she had tried so hard! And I’d totally missed it. She’d even explained it in clear terms and I’d missed it.

“You would have changed your mind if we hadn’t done this, wouldn’t you?”

“Probably. The tension would have been impossible. For you AND for me. And it wouldn’t have been a technical rules violation at that point.”

“You know, there are days when I am clueless,” I sighed.

“Don’t blame yourself. I would NEVER have linked the two in any form of ultimatum. But it would have bothered me coming into a situation like that, and I might have decided it was too risky. To you. To me. To NIKA.”

“One day, one day, I am going to have all the information I need to make a rational decision!” I groused as I accepted the soap from her.

“But if I had told you that, it would have forced your hand. I didn’t want to force your hand!”

“And the hour-long debate?”

“Didn’t force you to do anything. You decided, of your own free will.”

I chuckled, as I soaped her sexy butt, “I did. And now I get to fly home and tell my wives. That will be an interesting conversation to be sure.”

“Because of your ‘nobody who works for NIKA’ rule?”

“Yes. I’m not quite sure how they’ll react, but there is one mitigating thing which, unfortunately, I can’t explain to you for other reasons. Sorry.”

She turned and I began soaping her shoulders, and then her lovely chest.

“You’re the boss. Some things have to be kept secret. Just as I’m sure your wives know things nobody else does.”

“I have to say, I’m impressed,” I said as I soaped her shapely legs.

“By the body? The sex?”

“Yes! But more importantly, your intellect. You outmaneuvered me in a philosophical debate and that usually doesn’t happen these days. And you gave me a VERY important clue that I needed about inflection points.”

“So besides the great sex, and it was GREAT, I also helped you. I hope I can do that in the future, too.”

“Keep it up and you have a long and successful career ahead of you!”

“I kept it up last night!” she giggled, sticking out her tongue and wiggling the end.

“Stop!” I chuckled. “Rinse off! We need to get going.”

We got out of the shower and dried off and started dressing. And suddenly, I discovered something VERY important that I’d forgotten.

“Cèlia, if you go into work in the same clothes, at least Ally and K will know.”

“Silly! I always keep a change of clothes in my car! That way, if I get lucky, I can wear something fresh the next day! And we’re early enough that nobody will be at the office. I’m always the first one in, anyway. Don’t worry about it! If I hadn’t had that, I’d have just called in sick today. I promised nobody would know and I meant it. The Mafia wishes people were as silent as I’ll be!”