Chapter 50: Hero Worship?

January 19, 1992, Chicago, Illinois

“That was VERY interesting!” Kara said as we bundled up to walk to the hospital to get Jessica.

“It was,” I agreed. “I was surprised at how many people stayed. And there were some interesting revelations.”

“Jack and Becka?”

“Yes, but also her tattoo and piercings! She had the exact same piercings Abbie had done!”

“I thought you weren’t supposed to stare!” Kara giggled.

“I caught myself. But all things being equal, I’d rather have looked at Michelle!”

Kara giggled, “The forbidden fruit!”

“She’s really pretty. I expect her to get in touch to talk with us. She has a LOT of questions and I think she’s been shown a very different way of thinking.”

“The same way Becka was?” Kara giggled.

“I think this is different. Michelle didn’t get the ‘shock treatment’ which Becka received. And I’m not talking about sex, but about me really taking her to task about her evangelical views. Michelle is Roman Catholic, and she seems sane and rational. Becka was nuts!”

“And now she’s playing with Jack’s nuts!” Kara laughed.

“So it would seem. But that’s her business.”

“You didn’t say much about your dates to me this morning.”

“I figured it was easier to tell you and Jessica together. Did you have fun with your friends?”

“I did. It wasn’t nearly as much fun as we had this afternoon at the Rap Session, but I enjoy hanging out with them. Most of them are either finishing their degrees or are professors, though there is one guy who’s a chemical engineer.”

“What do you guys do?”

“Drink coffee, tea, soda, or beer, and talk and listen to music. We ordered pizza for dinner. At least we don’t have to study at this point. Well, most of us don’t. We also occasionally get together for lunches during the week.”

“I think Jessica needs friends like that. People other than our closed little group.”

“Like you and Gina?”

“Yes, though given she works with Jess, it’s not quite the same. I have other people I hang out with for business reasons, and I hope to meet some people through the Foundation that aren’t complete jerks, though Jeri has implied that’s a difficult prospect.”

“She has really wedged herself right into your life,” Kara observed.

I chuckled, “I know. I think it’s been a plan she’s had from very early on. Her mom has many of the same traits as mine, and while I chose verbal confrontation and sex as my response, Jeri chose withdrawal and silence. Well, and trashy romance novels!”

“I’m still trying to figure out how you turned so submissive when you were so combative with your mom.”

“I was submissive to every other girl on the planet because I wanted their love. Remember, I didn’t have too many guy friends. But girls could easily get me to do whatever they wanted, even if sex wasn’t on the menu.”

“Though it usually was!”

“Yes, and part of it was that submissiveness. I was willing to do what they wanted, make absolutely sure they enjoyed it, and keep my mouth shut. You saw the result.”

“I felt the result!” Kara giggled as we turned onto the sidewalk that led to the ER doors.

Given the weather, we stepped inside to wait. It wasn’t as brutally cold as it had been Saturday morning, but it was still in the low twenties. The temperature was rising, and would reach the upper thirties on Monday. We took off our hats and gloves and sat in the waiting area for Jessica to come out, which she did about five minutes later.

“That shift,” Jessica sighed, “was brutal.”

“Bad?” I asked.

“Just busy. I didn’t get much sleep. Let’s go home! I want a long, hot bath, food, and then bed.”

We kissed, hugged, and then began the walk home.

“We had some real fun today,” Kara said, taking Jessica’s gloved hand.

“Oh?”

“The topic of the Rap Session was social views on nudity. It ended with most people naked at the end!”

Jessica laughed, “Your doing?”

“Mine, Abbie’s, and Cindi’s!” Kara giggled. “Snuggle Bear didn’t know our plan! But it worked. Almost everyone stuck around and we had a great conversation.”

“And I missed it!” Jessica complained.

“You’d strip in front of the Rap Session gang?” I asked. “It’s not the sauna...”

“I’ve been naked in front of so many people at this point, what’s a few more? It sounds as if it was fun. How did things turn out yesterday?”

“My chemistry group got together, as we planned,” Kara said.

“And my lunch with Kajri went as planned. My dinner with Crystal was a disaster, which I should have foreseen.”

“What happened?”

“Let’s take the easy one first. Kajri is a really sweet, really smart girl who was treated like crap by guys who can only be described as assholes who used her and then made her an object of ridicule. Just me dancing with her the other night and being nice got her to show me that all she needs is a bit of confidence building.”

“And a good dose of sex?”

“I’m not so sure that she needs it, so much as she needs the confidence to do it. As she put it, I’m ‘safe as houses’. Whoever these jerks were in the UK did a real number on her mentally and emotionally.”

“She sounds like Jacqui, at least a bit,” Jessica said.

“I think so. And with some of the same self-image problems. Both of them are very smart, and that part of their psyche is OK. It’s the other stuff that’s a mess. Kajri could use a bit of exercise, but she does not need to lose weight like Jacqui did. I think in Kajri’s case, five pounds would be enough to break the idea the assholes gave her that she’s ‘fat’.”

“Fat?!” Kara exclaimed. “She’s curvy like Cindi! Well, nobody is curvy like Cindi, but you know what I mean.”

“I do,” I chuckled. “That’s what I told her. But it’s about perception. She exercises a bit, loses a couple of pounds, and that mental block goes away.”

“And Steve Adams takes away the mental block about sex!” Kara giggled.

“Actually, I honestly don’t think it’s about sex, specifically. I think, honestly, she KNOWS it can be good, but her two experiences were so bad that she thought it had to be her. That’s all that needs fixing, so to speak.”

“And Crystal?” Jessica asked.

“An unmitigated disaster. You know my feelings there. That given her views on sex, and mine, she and I are simply not compatible. If she were a sixteen-year-old virgin, I’d say, OK, she just has no clue. But at eighteen, or maybe nineteen - I don’t know when her birthday is - and with some experience, no. I mean, she thinks oral sex, either way, is gross.”

“I could see thinking that about letting a guy ejaculate in your mouth,” Jessica said. “I know plenty of women who think that’s gross. But I sure don’t know many who would turn down cunnilingus! Sure, there are people with germ fetishes and stuff, but those are few and far between.”

“Exactly. Once I told her about not being compatible, she kind of offered to try those things, you know, in the whole ‘what if I said I would?’ vein. I think that’s risky for obvious reasons. And remember, she said for her sex is kissing, then the guy gets on top and does it. And that’s sort of the limit of her understanding.”

“So what happened?”

“Well, I started out by calling her ‘Miss Moneypenny’ which bothered her because, as I’m sure you both know, Moneypenny and Bond tease and flirt but never consummate their relationship. I felt it was fitting. I guess she took it as an insult or a challenge. She was quiet for most of the ride to Benihana. At the restaurant, she had fun and enjoyed the table show and the other couples at the table. I thought things were going better, until we left to go for ice cream.

“When we got to the car, she kissed me a couple of times. I was surprised, and kissed back, but the third kiss was pretty good. She demanded I take her to that hotel that is just down the street from Benihana, but I repeated what I’d said about it being a bad idea. She persisted, so I reminded her about the STD test. She accused me of calling her a slut and of not telling her about the requirement. But I HAD told her about it. Explicitly. I had even compared having sex with someone who wasn’t tested to playing Russian Roulette with my semi-auto as opposed to a revolver.”

“That’s a pretty fair analogy,” Jessica said. “Seriously. You are, in effect, having sex with every single person your partner has ever been with. Or, put another way, the unluckiest person they have had sex with. Taking chances is dangerous. I made that point forcefully to Abbie.”

“You know about that?”

“She asked my advice the morning after. I gave her a real dressing down, told her if she ever did that again, she’d be off limits permanently. It’s not something to mess with. I like Jason. I would have bet a million dollars on him testing clean. But not my life. Or yours and Kara’s.”

“Exactly. Anyway, she became REALLY upset at that point and called me a jerk. I took her home. She didn’t say a single word from that point on. Not even ‘good night’.”

“She’s immature, Tiger. She’s either not listening or doesn’t understand. And she’s not able to plan out her actions very well. If she really wanted you, then she’d have had the STD test. Again, either lack of maturity or lack of concern. And maybe both. Where is she from?”

“Rural Kansas. I don’t think she had many sophisticated relationships back home. It sure sounds as if some of the stuff we heard from Charlie about there not being much to do so you drink and screw. Charlie had a very different reaction to her situation than Crystal had to hers. It could be the guys, or some other thing, too. But I agree. It’s an issue of maturity.”

“So now what?”

“I won’t see her this week because I’m leaving for Boston in the morning and won’t be back until Wednesday night. I want to make the job offers face-to-face for the Boston-based people. I’ll call the one in Texas. I don’t have any reason to fly down there, and I don’t want to spend the money for what would be a ten-minute meeting. In Boston, I’ll give Art a list of people he can let go whenever he wishes. We just have to keep things going there for about six weeks to complete the transition.”

“You’ll go out there again?” Jessica asked.

“Maybe once more, in a couple of weeks. Then that will be it. They’ll close down and we’ll have three of their people on board. And that’s just the BLS stuff. Dave and Charlie are both hiring. We have more business than we know what to do with right now. That’s why I have to step back from programming.”

We reached the house and went inside. We took off our winter outerwear and Jessica went to find the kids to say ‘hello’ while I went upstairs and drew her a very warm bubble bath. Kara and I hadn’t eaten, because we were waiting for Jessica, and Abbie would have our dinner ready when we came back down.

“Get in, Tiger!” Jessica ordered.

I stripped off my clothes and got into the large, claw-foot tub. Jessica got in, reclined back against me, and I wrapped my arms around her.

“Whatever possessed you to take a 36-hour shift from a rookie?” I asked.

“Her taking both my Christmas Eve and Christmas Morning shifts. I had to sweet talk her into it, too. I came close to offering YOU as part of the bargain!”

“You know better than that, Babe!” I protested.

“Cute, single, blonde, small breasts, great eyes, very sweet, athletic figure. Are you SURE about that?”

“Yes, I am! I have enough troubles at the moment!”

“I wouldn’t worry about Crystal. Just don’t take her out again.”

“It’s not just that. It’s how busy I am. My time is seriously limited! And I have had some, well, variety, lately.”

“Jill, Keisha, and Grace?”

“Yes. And unless she changes her mind, Kajri. Not to mention the OTHER major issues which have my thoughts roiled.”

“Jennifer and Bethany?”

“Right the first time,” I sighed. “Although, based on something Jen said to me yesterday about that situation, I’d say the chances are down to maybe 2% from 10%.”

“Oh?”

“Complications with Josie’s plans. Will you let me leave it at that?”

“As long as it doesn’t affect our relationship, yes,” Jessica said.

“It doesn’t. Our question comes if those long odds play out in the right way.”

“And Bethany?”

“Don’t even ask. I do NOT know. I don’t know that I’ve ever been of two minds the way I am right now. She’ll be here in a couple of weeks to meet with the hospital facilities people about an office, phones, that kind of thing. Most of her work will be done in the ER or on the Medicine ward, if I understand it correctly.”

“Yes, that’s right,” Jessica said. “Her office will be set up to do counseling, but most of her work will be bedside. She’ll use the office if women come back to talk to her, instead of seeing an outside counselor. But given that it’s only Bethany, and she has to be on call for the ER, she can’t really take too many patients like that because she can’t be sure of her schedule. She’s supposed to refer them to others.”

“How does your next rotation work, Jess?” Kara asked from her perch on the sink.

“It’s trauma surgery. Mostly I’ll be assigned to the ER and work without direct supervision, but the ER Attending and Surgical Attending will be available if I need them, or if they need to observe. Depending on what’s going on, I’ll do all the surgical procedures in the ER. Then, if there isn’t another case for which I’m needed, I can take them up to the OR and complete the surgery under the supervision of a senior surgeon. If it’s busy in the ER, I hand the patient off to another Resident to take them up.”

“Twelve hour shifts the same as now?”

“Mostly, but some shorter, and some longer. And occasionally I’ll be scheduled to cover in the OR for routine surgeries if people are on vacation or call in sick, or whatever. Trading will be more difficult because I won’t be able to trade with anybody junior to me. And I’ll be lowest in seniority. That might mess up Thanksgiving and Christmas. We can be flexible with our Vermont and Iron Mountain trips, so those shouldn’t be a problem.”

“You do what you need to do, Babe,” I reassured her. “We’ll work around it.”

“A year of that, and then I have to find a Fellowship. I told you I’m already researching as many in Chicago as I can, figuring out the requirements, and making sure I know when application deadlines are.”

“Did you see either Sofia or Alejandra when they came to the hospital for their interviews?”

“No. And because I know them, I’d be excluded anyway. It’s against the rules.”

And Al Barton continued to take a huge risk in that regard. He loved her so much that he was willing to take the risk. My concern was, should it ever come out, SHE would suffer, possibly more than he would. There wasn’t anything that could be done about it now. All we could do was move forward, and hope.

January 20, 1992, Natick, Massachusetts